To Save a Briar
by anhanninen
Summary: When her daughter's life is in danger, Esme Platt will go where ever she needs to get her the help she deserves. AU human Esme vampire Carlisle.
1. Chapter ONE

**This story needs a major edit. I'm so sorry for the terrible grammar and punctuation issues, but if you can put up with that, thanks so much for reading! I'm hoping to edit some day.**

To Save a Briar now has an awesome beta! **IamTheAlleyCat** is so flipping awesome! She's making this little story of mine pretty, and teaching me all kinds of things. You should check out her profile and read her stories. I highly recommend When The Twilight Never Comes. It's one of my all-time favorites. She also has this amazing Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2-shot. It's mighty good.

**A/N: **So, this is my new story! Like in She is Love, I'm changing the twilight backstory. First off Esme is human. She's thirty-three with a fifteen year old daughter. I'll explain that eventually. Let's just say many women have children at a young age. She still looks like Elizabeth Reaser though. As for Carlisle I've changed the age he was changed – yes he's a vampire – to thirty-six because let's face, it twenty-three is too young if he looks like Peter Facinelli, which to me Carlisle will always look like.

As for the Cullen family, well you'll have to keep reading until I get to Carlisle's POV!

**I don't own Twilight. **

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**Esme's POV**

When your child is sick, you are willing to do anything for them. Anything. That was why I moved my fifteen-year-old daughter, Briar-Rose Platt – yes, I named her after a version of Sleeping Beauty – to Seattle.

When Briar was twelve, she started to get sick; her symptoms were so vague that the doctors had trouble diagnosing her. It started off with lung infections, and we saw a pulmonologist who couldn't find an underlying cause. Next, we checked the constant soreness of her tummy and her primary doctor found Briar's liver to be enlarged, so she sent us to a gastroenterologist, who – once again – couldn't find a reason for it.

It wasn't until Briar was almost fourteen that the doctor sent us to a cardiologist, because during one of her check-ups Briar had an arrhythmia. The cardiologist did an echocardiogram - an ultrasound of her heart. He said that her heart wasn't enlarged, but the blood flow didn't seem right. He did a cardiac-catheterization - a procedure where a catheter was threaded into her heart so the doctor could look at it and take tissue samples - and was finally able to make a diagnosis; Briar was suffering from Restrictive Cardiomyopathy – not only the rarest from of cardiomyopathy in the general population, but especially in children. In fact, it was very rarely seen in kids and the cause was almost always unknown. Briar's case was no different. With no known cause, the doctors referred to it as idiopathic myocardial fibrosis, which, when translated to plain English, meant that they have no Goddamn idea why she was ill.

Thankfully, Briar wasn't in heart failure yet, and didn't show any signs that she was about to go into one, so they began treating her with medication. Diuretics for fluid buildup, Beta-blockers to help relax her heart so the blood could flow better, and Anticoagulation medicines to prevent clots since her heart, even with the Beta-blockers, didn't relax well during each beat, and she was at a risk of having a life-threatening clot form and reach her heart, causing it to fail. Another problem was she didn't tolerate illness very well – even a cold could end in hospitalization for her. While some kids with RCM could, she couldn't, so she had to be careful around other people.

Since getting that life-changing diagnosis, Briar and I commuted to a city hospital in Columbus, Ohio where we lived, on a regular basis. But as time passed by, Briar had only gotten sicker and sicker. I refused to let my child die, so I continued to search until I found the very best cardiothoracic doctor in the country, and then I planned our lives around the appointments with him. His practice was in Seattle; obviously too far for regular commute, so we had to move.

I'm an interior designer with my own company. It's actually quite successful; with branches in six major cities, including Seattle, so money and location were not an issue. Briar, on the other hand, was an issue. She didn't want to leave Ohio, and we had several fights about it until one time I broke down and screamed that I wouldn't let her die. She was my baby and I was not going to lose her when there was something I could do about it. She held me while I cried myself to sleep that night, and in the morning, she agreed to move.

"I think you'll like the new house, sweetie. The area seems really nice," I said as we entered Seattle city limits.

We drove the entire way from Columbus because I didn't want to risk Briar getting ill from being on a plane – recycled air wasn't good for her health. It was a long trip, almost twenty-five hundred miles, which took us seven days by car. She was tired of being in the confide space of the vehicle, I was exhausted from the driving, and both of us were more than a bit cranky. Briar sat next to me, her dark red hair in a messy bun on top of her head. She wore a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that hung loosely around her tiny form. As sick as she was, Briar had trouble with keeping her weight on. She would easily lose ten pounds after a simple cold left her without her appetite for days. Losing ten pounds when you weighed one-hundred at the most, wasn't healthy.

Briar stood just over five-feet tall, and small statured like me. She lacked the curved I had, since hers were just developing, but god help me if I mentioned it – she would flip.

"I thought you said it was a condo?" she asked, noting I had said house. It was a habit.

"Well yes it is. The condo is right down town, and the building is very highly maintained. One of the safest places we could live in, and the realtor said the view was breathtaking."

"Did you pick it because it was close to a hospital?"

"It's a few blocks from Harborview, where your new doctor is."

"So if I keel over, help is close by?" she scoffed.

"Baby."

"I know. I'm sorry, mom. I'm just tired of being stuck in the car," she said. "Are we almost there?"

"Yep, this is it," I said gesturing towards the large modern building to the left of us. I found the underground parking garage, and then the spot assigned to our unit number with easy, following the instructions I got from the realtor.

"This place must have cost a fortune!" she shrieked.

"Your father's estate helped some, but really it wasn't too bad," I lied.

It was expensive, but with my late husband's – Briar's father's – estate, we had plenty of money even after purchasing this condo. Briar never knew her father. She was two when he was killed in a car accident – he died on impact. What Briar will never know is that he was intoxicated. He spent most of his time in that condition. I would rather have Briar think her father was a good man, rather than the truth; that he was an angry, abusive alcoholic.

"Holy shit!" she screamed when something caught her attention in the parking lot.

"Briar!" I warned.

"Mom, this car, it's worth like two-hundred grand. Mercedes S65 AMG. You have to be loaded to own such a beauty. There are like only a handful made each year! God, I wanna meet the owner of this baby."

Briar went off to admire the car. She had a thing for cars, a huge thing. You could ask her anything and she would have the answer in a heartbeat.

Suddenly the car alarm went off, and Briar jumped back. "Holy," she mumbled. I grabbed one of our bags from the trunk then stood back and noticed her looking towards something in front of us.

"What?" I asked and she nodded her head to point out a man walking towards the car.

He had his head bowed down, reading something on a cell phone he held in his left hand. In his right hand, he carried a leather bag that appeared to be just as expensive as the car. He was dressed in a professional manner; dark slacks, a blue dress shirt, a dark colored tie and a pea-coat – businessman, I assumed. But it wasn't his wardrobe that caught Briar's attention. No, this man was gorgeous, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous with the softest looking blond hair that was swept perfectly back, the most beautiful facial features, a strong, but not overly masculine jaw, a perfect nose, and with just the right size, kissable lips. Oh God, did I just say kissable? Well I'm not ashamed, they were very kissable; perfectly plumb in a way that made me just want to…

"Mom," Briar whispered, interrupting my lustful thoughts.

"Hm?" I asked and she smirked.

"My bag's on your foot."

I suddenly felt the weight of said bag on my toes.

"Oh, ouch," I said pulling it off and standing it up. "We should, um, go, you know…" I mumbled as my eyes watched the man climb in his car. I thought I saw a glimpse of a smirk on his face, just before the door shut, and the tinted windows blocked my view. He noticed me gawking! Oh wonderful, I hope I don't have to see him often – that would be mortifying.

"Upstairs?" Briar asked finishing my previous jumble of words.

"Yeah, upstairs. You need to take your medication. Here's that bag. I'll get the rest," I said. "Oh, here, take the key!" I dug through my purse for the second set of keys and handed them to her.

With her heart condition, Briar couldn't exert herself much, so that left the four suitcases and three other bags to me, and it took close to thirty minutes to get them all inside. While I went from the car to the elevator, up to our floor, into our condo, and then back again, my mind kept wondering to the man with the nice car. He was just inhumanly beautiful and something about him made me want to know more. Was he a jerk? What did he do for a living? Was he married? Did he have kids? Was he gay? He was just so perfectly put together that I couldn't help my own thoughts from running away on me. Okay, that last one was wrong of me. Just because he knew how to dress didn't make him gay. God, I hoped he wasn't gay.

After the bags were all put away and the condo looked as good as it would get until I had the chance to decorate, Briar and I opened my laptop and found a take-out place. Chinese – Briar's favorite. Thankfully, it wasn't far and they delivered. I ordered some orange chicken with chicken fried rice and Briar ordered her favorite sweet and sour chicken with Chicken Lo Mein. We were both big fans of chicken.

"This is actually pretty cool, mom. I can see the space needle from our window," she said as I put our food out on the kitchen bar.

"Are you going to miss a backyard?"

She laughed. "No. It's not like I actually went out there. I think the only person that was ever out there was the gardener."

"True. So, you're appointment with Dr. Cullen is at ten tomorrow morning. He's supposed to be the best cardio doctor in the country, he will help you."

"I know mom, but if he can't… we might have to accept it."

"I'm not accepting anything until all of our options are exhausted," I said as tears blurred my vision. She took my hand and rubbed the top of it. "Thank you."

"It's going to be okay, no matter what."

"This should really be the other way around," I scoffed.

"You'll have your chance."

"You're so strong sweetie," I said and pulled her in for a hug. "I love you so much," I whispered as I squeezed her once before letting her go.

"I love you too, mom. This will work out," she said. "It has too," she added softly, almost so I couldn't hear her. I didn't think she meant me to.

"So, how hot was our neighbor?" she laughed.


	2. Chapter TWO

**Big thank you! **To IamTheAlleyCat, who beta's this for me. She's super awesome and spectacular.

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**Esme's POV**

I was woken by the annoying buzz of my alarm clock at seven-thirty in the morning. Today was Briar's first appointment with Dr. Cullen, the man that will, hopefully save my daughter's life. When I stood up my back ached and my muscles were sore from driving. I got dressed and went to continue unpacking our bags. I got all of our photos out last night — so the condo looked more like ours — as well as the coffee maker, which was now calling my name. When I poured the grounds into the filter, I got an amazing whiff of hazelnut, it was rich and mouth watering. It was the best way I could think of to start the morning. While that was starting, I went into Briar's room, and found her in a tangled mess of blankets. That child couldn't stay still for anything when she was sleeping.

"Wake up, baby," I said, nudging her shoulder.

"Go away," she groaned.

"You need to get in the shower and eat, we're leaving at nine-thirty," I told her.

Briar moved her head and opened her eyes to glance at the alarm clock.

"I need like twenty minutes, not two hours. Wake me up when you get back from jogging," she said and flipped back over.

"Fine, but you better get up," I warned her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she mumbled as I walked out, shutting the door behind me.

I went back to my room to change into some shorts and a tank top, and then pulled on my running shoes. The coffee was done just as I was, and I poured a small cup to get me going. When I stepped out of the condo, I realized my iPod was still in the car, so I grabbed my keys and headed down to the garage.

While I fumbled with unplugging the damn thing from the radio contraption Briar just had to have, I heard a car alarm beep — the same as the one from last night. When I shut the car door, the gorgeous neighbor was walking towards his car. He was looking up this time, still dressed very professionally, with that leather bag in his hand. He smiled and my heart sped up.

"Good morning," he said in the most amazing voice. _Oh dear god, it is like angels singing, but so much better._

"G-good m-morning," I stuttered. _Way to make a fool of yourself, Esme._

"Have a great run," he said as he was getting in his car. I was pretty positive my face was brighter than a ripe tomato as I watched him drive off.

The entire jog, my mind was on that God of a man. Briar was very right, he was hot. _Jesus, I sound like my fifteen year old daughter!_ But dear lord if she wasn't right. Maybe I could bake muffins and introduce myself? Better yet, I could send Briar over with the muffins in a tin that needs to be returned. Then he'll have to come over to return it and I could invite him in. _No, bad Esme!_ _You did not come to Seattle to fawn over a man. You came here to save your daughter. But what if I could do both? Bad, bad, bad! Stop it and clean your thoughts up woman! You have a doctor to meet and a daughter to wake up._

"Briar, wake up," I said, once again in my daughter's room nudging her shoulder. She groaned and whined utill I pulled her covers off.

"Fine! I'm up," she mumbled pulling herself into a sitting position.

"Get a shower, oatmeal's in the cupboard and bowls are on the counter." I started to walk out before hearing the distinct sound of her plopping back down on her bed. "Don't make me get the water," I warned and she shot back up and got off the bed. "That's what I thought." I chuckled and left her room.

After I got dressed and applied a small amount of makeup, I walked back out to the kitchen. Briar had the small TV on while eating her oatmeal. She was dressed in jeans and a camisole for the summer heat, which, compared to the boiling heat in Ohio, was a nice change. Even in the middle of the season, it was cooler here.

"Did you take your medications?" I asked as I poured a bowl of the same oatmeal and put it in the microwave.

"Yep, the entire handful, the blue ones, the pink ones, the round ones, oh, and of course, the off-white ones — those are my favorite."

She hated the off-white ones because they made her pee a billion times a day, diuretics for you.

"Good, what are we watching?" I pulled my bowl out and sat down next to her.

She yawned. "Dunno, don't really care, it's summer and I'm up at the ungodly hour of nine in the morning."

"I saw him this morning, he spoke to me." I smirked.

"Oh my God! What's his name? What did he sound like? Was it heaven coming from his lips?" She giggled.

"He just said good morning and wished me a _great_ run. His voice was better than angels singing!" I sounded like a little school girl.

"We should bake muffins. He lives right next door!"

"How do you know that?"

"His spot number, so what kind of muffins do you think he'd like?"

"Which side?" I asked, my mind still on the fact he lived right next door to us.

"Your bedroom." She smirked. "So keep the 'little friend' —" she used air quotes "—on low." She laughed.

"Briar-Rose!"

She grinned. "Just helping my mother out." She shrugged.

"Finish eating. We have to go." I rolled my eyes and dived back into my own bowl.

The ride to the hospital was short, just like I had hoped it would be when I bought the condo. If something were to happen, I could get Briar there in ten minutes, five with less traffic and breaking a few laws.

The hospital was very large and it took longer to find the cardio wing than to get there. Once we got to the right wing, I began filling out the new patient forms and Briar stole my iPod since she forgot hers at home. After my hand was just about to fall off from writing, I was finally finished and returned the paperwork to the receptionist and sat down next to my daughter.

"You've researched this guy right?" Briar asked.

"Yes. He's the best, Ivy league schools, multiple awards and more recommendations than anyone else."

"What does he look like? I mean is some old guy going to get to know my chest very well?" she asked and I gave her an incredulous look. "What? I don't like old guys touching me. It's a perfectly normal thing to ask."

"I don't know what he looks like. There were no pictures"

"Is he old?"

"No, mid thirties — that I do know. He graduated from medical school before he was twenty-four. Many people called him a genius."

She rolled her eyes. "Great." She rolled her eyes. "Nerdy weirdo."

"He can help you, that's the important thing. What he looks like doesn't matter as long as he can do that," I said before a nurse called Briar's name and gestured us to follow her back to an exam room.

"You'll need to undress from the waist up and change into a gown, it opens in the front. Dr. Cullen will be in shortly to see you," the nurse said after taking Briar's vitals and writing them down on the chart.

Briar changed quickly and gave me her shirt and bra to fold up in my bag before hopping up on the exam table. She began twitching, and then reached her hand up to mess with the large light above the exam table.

"Nervous?" I asked.

She nodded with a frown.

I stood up and took her other hand. "It'll be okay. He'll have a plan to get you better."

"My only option to get better is a heart transplant. We both know that."

"Yes, but he might be able to help you stay healthier to put that off, and when the time comes, he's a great surgeon."

Her eyes started to fill with tears. "I don't want a heart transplant. I want mine to work right." She lowered her head and leaned on my shoulder.

"It'll be okay, sweetie," I said wiping the tear that fell as someone knocked on the door then opened it.

I turned my head and was met by our 'hot' neighbor. Oh my God, _he's_ Briar's doctor! I suddenly felt horrible for my earlier thoughts. This man was going to save my daughter and I've been objectifying him as though he was a male model on the cover of GQ.

He smiled brilliantly. "Hello ladies. What a coincidence!" My face heated up and I heard a soft chuckle from Briar who squeezed my hand. "I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he said extending his hand to Briar first. "You must be Briar, what a beautiful name," he said before taking my hand. "And I assume you are her mother, Mrs. Platt?"

"_Ms._ Platt," Briar corrected.

"Esme, just call me Esme," I said shaking his hand briefly.

"Well than, since we're neighbors, I'd like you both to call me Carlisle, as long as you're comfortable with it, that is."

He placed the laptop he was carrying in his left hand on the counter next to Briar's chart. He picked up the chart and began reading, flipping through the pages.

"You were diagnosed last year with Restrictive Cardiomyopathy. Unknown cause, so it was deemed idiopathic. You're on a few medications which I do agree with, and so far you're not in heart failure. That's good," he noted as he was reading. "When did the symptoms start?" he asked, looking up from the chart.

"When she was twelve. No one could figure it out since all of her early symptoms pointed away from her heart. It wasn't enlarged on an x-ray, so they didn't even consider it until she developed an arrhythmia," I answered, shifting my focus to the matter that brought us here.

"How was she diagnosed?"

"An echocardiogram. The blood wasn't flowing properly, so her doctor did a heart catheterization."

"Okay, well I'd like to start off by listening to your heart, Briar, then we'll do another EKG and an echo today, and in a few days I would like to do a heart cath." He pulled the black stethoscope from around his neck and the movement drew my attention to his face, for the first time, I noticed his eyes, they were golden, like rich honey, warm, comforting… _Down girl_.

"Oh," Briar gasp brought my focus back to her.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't have the best circulation, and my hands tend to stay quite chilly. I do apologize," Dr. Cullen said as he placed the stethoscope on her chest.

He asked her to breath deep a few times as he moved the bell piece around to her back, and then he placed it over her heart again, listening intently. After a few moments of silence, he placed the stethoscope back around his neck.

"Why do I need another heart cath? Can't you just look at the old results?" Briar asked.

"They're over three months old and this test needs to be repeated once every twelve weeks or so. Besides, I'd like to get a firsthand look."

"How does her heart sound?" I asked

"She definitely has an arrhythmia, as I expected, but right now it's not dangerous," he said. "We'll also do a CT, X-Ray and MRI of her chest, and run several blood analyses," he told us writing on her chart. "For some of the blood tests I want to do you'll have to be in fast for about twelve hours, so I'd prefer it if you could do that tonight and have the blood drawn tomorrow morning. The sooner I have all the information before me, the sooner we can put a plan into action."

"Sounds good. Is that okay with you, sweetie?" I asked Briar.

"Yep, sounds so fun I can hardly wait," she scoffed as I rubbed her hand.

"Okay, we're going across the hall to do the EKG and echo, and then we'll talk more in my office. Esme, you can come with us, if you'd like," he said opening the door.

Briar slid off the table, and Dr. Cullen led us to another room where Briar got situated on a table. I stood beside her with my hand in hers.

"I love you," I said to her quietly.

"Love you too, mom," she said as a nurse came in and began setting up. The nurse did the EKG quickly and handed the print out for Dr. Cullen to read.

"Okay, it's… what I expected. From what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be significant difference from your previous EKG, but I'll compare them closer later," he said as the nurse removed the sticky pads from Briar's chest and stepped aside with the machine. "Okay, this will be a little cold," he cautioned her as he raised the drape over her chest and squirted the goo – as Briar liked to call it – on her chest.

"Ugh." She shivered as he put the bottle back and reached for the Doppler. He was very careful to keep her covered as he began the echo.

"Alright let's take a look," he murmured pressing a few buttons with his right hand on the machine.

"I've never had a doctor do this," Briar said as he smiled.

"I normally like to see myself. Although, sometimes I do have a technician perform the text, I prefer to have firsthand knowledge." Suddenly his brow furrowed while he was still watching the monitor.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"You're aware of what an EF — ejection fraction — is, correct?"

"Yes."

An EF was basically how much blood Briar's heart pumps out during each beat. Fifty-five percent was average, I knew, thirty-five percent was low and very bad. The lower the percentage got the worse she would become. Last time Briar's EF was measured around forty percent. She was still doing well, all things considered.

"I'd estimate her EF below thirty percent," he said as Briar squeezed my hand.

"She was at forty a few months ago."

"The EF fluctuates daily, but dropping over ten percent so quickly isn't a good sign. I really didn't want to see what I'm seeing. Her heart is working quite hard, and it's doing nowhere near what I expected."

"She's gotten worse in a few months?"

"Much," he told me regretfully.

"Am I in heart failure?" Briar asked.

"In the beginning stages, yes. I am very sorry Briar. I didn't want to have to tell you this today, but the good news is that you're already my patient and we will figure this out." He flashed her a reassuring smile. "Let me get a few more measurements and we'll be done."

"It's okay, baby," I murmured, caressing her cheek as she watched the monitor.

Dr. Cullen finished taking the measurements he needed, and after Briar was dressed, we met him in his office. I held my arm around her as she wiped the tears that would fall every so often. I would have my cry later, right now I needed to be strong for her. We hadn't expected this today. It threw us into a situation that we didn't want to be in.

"The next step is another heart-cath. I'd like to get it done soon because once I have the results I can talk with the transplant committee about when and how to list you," Dr. Cullen said.

"I need one now! I thought I had time," Briar said as her lower lip quivered. More tears were coming, so I rubbed her shoulder.

"There's not really a time line. Your heart is weak and will only get worse. The way things work is that hearts go to the sickest patients first. Right now you're not, so even if I can list you now you'll be low on that list. It's a double edge sword, one I wish my patients didn't have to walk on, where patients are either not sick enough to be considered eligible, or almost too sick when a heart comes available. We need to get you one between those times."

"When can you do the heart-cath?" I asked.

"Let's see," he said looking to his computer. "How does Monday sound?"

"It's Thursday," Briar said. "That soon?"

"Like I said, the sooner the better."

"Monday sounds perfect," I told him, continuing to rub Briar's back.

"Alright, I'd like to know about any symptoms you've had and possibly find a way to reduce them."

We talked for over an hour. He spent a lot of time listening to everything Briar and I said, then he gave us many pointers on how to help her. He was very attentive to her needs and fears, and even to mine — which was unnecessary, but did serve to make me feel better. By the time we walked out of there, I was one-hundred percent positive I made the right decision in bringing Briar to Dr. Cullen. If anyone could save Briar it was him.

"So our hot neighbor is my very hot doctor. Awkward," Briar teased as we got in the car. " I have to say, I wasn't sure about this move mom, but… great idea."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes and felt myself blush a little.

"His voice is like angels singing," she mocked me.

"Don't,"

She started giggling. "At least now we have two reasons to bake him muffins."

"We are not baking him muffins."

"You like him," she sang.

"No, I don't."

She laughed. "Aww, you're blushing."

"Shut up," I said and she laughed harder. _I really am blushing, damn it._


	3. Chapter THREE

**Serious thanks to IamTheAlleyCat! **She beta'd this so fast! She's amazing. Read her stories!

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**Carlisle's POV**

Three-hundred and seventy-seven years I have existed. Three-hundred and forty-one of them as an immortal being — a vampire. For the better part of them, I was alone. I had friends, of course, some of them I even considered as family — or as much of a family as I could have, while not having a heartbeat for over three centuries.

Alice and Jasper were change a century and a half after me and were in their early twenties at the time of their change — much younger than I was when I was bitten. Jasper was a major in the Texas Calvary back in the late nineteenth century when he was changed and Alice was, unfortunately a patient in an asylum. She wasn't insane; she had visions of the future, but people considered her to be out of her mind and she was placed in a mental facility. Jasper was changed by a leader of a newborn army who wanted him as her second-in-command. After many years of fighting and training newborns, he left, tired of both the constant violence and of who he had become. Alice was changed much later, in the middle of the twentieth century, by a vampire who worked in the asylum. He did it to prevent her from being killed by another, viscous, vampire.

Both of them were gifted, while Alice had visions, Jasper could sense and manipulate emotions. They met in a diner — a meeting that was arranged by Alice, following a vision she had — and almost instantly mated. Not too long after that, Alice's visions had led them to find me...

I had never keep what most of our kind considered a "normal" diet. I drank animal blood, not human. It was a way to retain some dignity and a trace of my lost humanity in this new existence of mine. I never have — and never will — take the life of a human being. Instead of taking lives, I devote my existence to saving them — as a medical doctor. Quite the oxymoron — a vampire doctor. Even stranger was the type of medicine I chose to practice; cardiothoracic surgery. I was a heart surgeon. While my heart lay still as stone in my chest, I spend my days working on keeping human hearts beating. You might call me a sentimental, but a beating heart is the best sound in the world to me. I missed mine dearly, and for that reason, I had devoted countless years to perfecting my practice. I chose to live in large cities, surrounded by humans, because it was where my skills were most useful.

While I did have friends, I was still alone. I never mated. In the past few years, I had been living alone in a condo in Seattle, Washington. The condo was really not much more than a place to store my possessions and get away from the hospital. Until a few days ago, my condo was on one end with an empty one between the others. The empty one was now filled with two humans. A mother and her daughter. The mother, Esme Platt, was just… I had never met someone so magnificent in all my years. She was utterly breathtaking and her scent … it was the sweetest thing in the world. So sweet that at first, it distracted and confused me almost to a stupor. Human blood didn't register in my mind much anymore because I was around it so often, but hers was so unique I couldn't help but take notice.

I was on my way to perform a much needed heart transplant when I first caught her scent in the parking garage. I kept my head down, afraid of confirming with my eyes what the scent had already told me — that she would be complete and utter perfection. Her caramel shoulder-length locks sat perfectly on her, flowing like silk and framing a delicate face. Her eyes were the loveliest shade of hazel, a perfect mix of brown, green, and golden flecks shone brightly to my superior eyesight. Her body was just as perfect, as if God had sculpted her himself. She was curvy where she needed it and thin where she didn't. Petite, at only five–six, I knew she'd fit perfectly next to my body, and even looking exhausted from moving, she was breathtakingly beautiful.

It was her daughter that caught my attention, though. I could hear the distinct sound of a severe arrhythmia pound in my ears. The small girl's heart was working hard to get blood to her body. It didn't relax properly between each pulse. The girl, just over five feet tall, was obviously ill. She was thin, and looked even more exhausted than her mother, who seemed to have spent many hours behind the wheel, driving. The girl had crystal-clear blue eyes and dark red hair with the same fair complexion as her mother. I was worried about her, it was clear that her heart was failing.

I was somewhat surprised when — as I read through the file of my newest patient while walking to an exam room— I caught the wonderful scent of the woman who now lived next door to me. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been. I knew I was getting a new patient, nine doctors had written to me — begging me to take her since she was just a child and there was nothing they could do for her. They had all treated her at some point, most where primary physicians, a pediatrician, a few pulmonologists, a gastroenterologist, a cardiologist, and a cardiothoracic surgeon. None of them had the skills she needed, so I gladly took her. I would have done so even without the letter; I knew that as soon as I had read her file. I should have pieced together the sound of her heart from one of her echocardiograms to the sound in the garage— no two hearts ever beat exactly the same— but I didn't. I'm sad to admit I was too consumed with the mother.

It took all of my willpower to sit in that exam room, trying to care for my patient, when my focus was constantly shifting to her mother. These feelings were not familiar to me. I had never once been so enamored with a human and I vowed to resist the sudden rush of unfamiliar desires. I was a vampire, she was a human, and I was her daughter's last chance. I had to stop and focus on my patient.

Unfortunately, I did focus on her the moment young Briar's heart was displayed on my monitor. Like I had suspected the first time I heard her heart, she was in heart failure. Since neither one was aware of the severity of Briar's condition, I had to be the bearer of bad news. My mind shifted from a charmed fool to the serious doctor I knew myself to be, in milliseconds. I had to tell these people that the girl needed a heart transplant sooner than they had imagined. While Briar cried, Esme held strong, but I could see her strength wavering and later that night, after I had returned home from the hospital and Briar was sound asleep in bed, I heard Esme sobbing into a pillow.

I wanted nothing more than to comfort her. It was only eleven o'clock at night, still early to some humans, so I stooped to a sad level and went into my never used kitchen. To keep up with my human façade I would buy groceries, non-perishable boxed goods, so I could carry bags up in case someone saw me from time to time and was observant enough to notice if ever carried grocery bags or not. I just so happened to have purchased a box of brownie mix not too long ago. Human's loved chocolate, and for some, unknown to me, reason, called it comfort food — the perfect dish for the situation. Unbelievably, I also had all the necessary ingredients as well. You might ask why as a vampire I purchased milk, butter and eggs, but I had to give credit when it's due — it was Alice who told me to do so. She said the grocery store I frequented found it odd I only bought boxed goods, so the last trip I made the adjustment and bought perishables as well. As I took the box of brownie mix on the counter, I had a feeling that the pixie knew something I didn't.

After putting the ingredients together and following the directions to the tee, I examine the end result as they came out of the oven. They smelled not the least bit appetizing to me, but their appearance resembled the picture on the box close enough to make me feel confident they would — at the very least — be edible. After cooling them off by, well, holding the pan in my hands for a little bit, I cut them into small squares and put them in a clear container. Now all I needed was to come up with a story. I couldn't exactly say I heard her cry, I didn't want to scare her off, but I could say I felt utterly terrible for the news I had to give them today and thought she might want some comfort food. Yes, I was willing to consume human food and pay the consequences in the bathroom later for this woman. So I stood, just before midnight, outside of her door and knocked gently. I heard her heart rate spike and immediately felt my doubts rise, _it was too late, this wasn't normal!_

The door opened slowly, cautiously and I stood there with what probably seemed like a dumb smile on my face.

"Dr. Cullen!" she said. Her tone was confused, but happy.

"Carlisle, please."

"Carlisle." She tested my name out. "Um, what can I do for you?"

"I feel so utterly terrible for what I had to tell you today. You seemed very strong in my office, but I figured you might need someone to talk to, so I baked. Which I don't do often." I laughed. "Brownies?" I asked, holding the container out.

She smiled and there was a twinkle of something in her eyes when she glanced at it, I could have sworn it was something akin to amusement.

"Come in, please," she said, opening the door and taking a step back to allow me to come in.

I stepped through and looked around. The condo was already very well decorated for a place that someone that moved in just two days ago. I noticed many photos hanging on the walls and sitting in frames on several flat surfaces around the room. Pictures of her and her daughter.

"Sorry, I haven't had the chance to finish unpacking, still a work in progress." She giggled lightly.

"I wouldn't have guessed you had just moved in. The place looks wonderful," I said as I followed her to the kitchen. I set the container on the counter while she opened the fridge and grabbed two glasses from the cupboard. She poured some milk in each and offered me one of them.

"You really didn't have to bake." She chuckled quietly. "But I do love brownies, you'll have at least one with me right?"

"Of course."

"Good, because if you don't, Briar and I will eat way too many and then we'll both be complaining about our tummies." She smiled. "She loves chocolate."

"How is she?"

"Oh, not so good right now," she sighed. "She just needs some time to process."

"And how are you?"

"I'm fine," she said hastily, trying to blink away the tears that I could smell forming in her eyes.

"Please tell me if I'm out of line, but… you don't seem fine," I said watching her as she sat down next to me at the kitchen bar and broke a piece of the brownie off.

"I'm scared," she whispered. "More like terrified."

"That's understandable."

"She's my baby, my life. I can't lose her, Carlisle."

Tears began falling on her soft porcelain cheeks. I wanted so badly to reach over and wipe them away, but I held my hand firm on my glass. I wasn't going to scare her away, or, even for a second, make her think I was anything other than a good neighbor who just happened to be her daughter's doctor.

"You won't," I said confidently.

"She is sick enough that she needs a new heart. I _could_ lose her."

"I don't want to sound… egotistical, which I'm sure saying this will make me seem, but you brought her to the best place you could have. She's in good hands with me. I am a very good doctor."

I sounded horribly narcissistic, even to my own ears, but I knew it was the absolute truth.

"I know you are. That's why I planned our lives around you." She blushed. "We didn't move to Seattle for the weather," she tried to joke

"You don't like the rain?" I asked, playing along.

She smiled. "I haven't exactly seen it yet."

"Ah, yes, today was one of the four sunny days in the year." I laughed. In the background, I heard Briar's breathing pick up and her bed move.

I didn't know what I should do. Would this be awkward, seeing her doctor enjoying brownies with her mother? This wasn't one of my most thought out ideas, in fact, it was barely thought out at all.

"Mom," Briar called, sleepily, as her footsteps lead her straight to us. "I want a snack. It's not like they'll know," she said as she rounded the corner. "Oh shit." Was her reaction as she saw me.

"Briar," Esme said. "Dr. Cullen wanted to see how you were doing. He brought brownies."

"You're a cruel person." Briar scowled, looking at the brownies. "Screw the blood work I want brownies." She snatched a brownie from the container, moving as fast as she could before someone could try to stop her. I had to hide a chuckle.

Esme gaped. "Briar, you're supposed to be fasting!"

"She really only has to fast for twelve hours. You can have the blood work done in the afternoon instead of in the morning."

"Him," Briar said with a mouthful as she pointed to me. "He rocks," she added, taking her mother's glass of milk. "And he bakes good brownies, you baked these, right?"

"A box helped."

"Still amazing, so freaking amazing." She stuffed another piece in her mouth as she sat down by Esme and pulled the container closer.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, not knowing what else I could bring up. What do fifteen year-olds like?

"Fan-fucking-tastic."

Okay, I shouldn't have asked that.

"Briar, language," Esme warned.

"My hearts failing. I feel wonderful." Sarcasm dripped off every word.

Esme bend in and whispered, "Sorry, like I said, not good."

"I understand. I should probably go. It's getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow morning."

"Thank you for coming over, and for the brownies."

"Thanks for the brownies," Briar echoed.

"You're both welcome. I'll see you on Monday," I said. "Oh, I wanted to give you my cell phone number, just in case you two need anything." Esme went to a drawer and pulled out a piece of paper and pen. I quickly jotted down my number and handed it to her. "If you need anything, or just to talk, I'm here for you."

"Thank you." Esme said.

She smiled as she walked me out. "I'll return your container tomorrow," she said as she opened the front door for me.

"No rush." I smiled and I walked from the condo.

I missed her intoxicating aroma as soon as the door shut behind me. When I entered my apartment, I passed and looked around. I had paintings, priceless décor and expensive furniture, but I didn't have any pictures of family or even of Jasper and Alice, the friends who were the closest thing I had to a family of my own. Esme was very lucky to have her daughter, and I vowed to do everything within my power to keep it that way.


	4. Chapter FOUR

Thank IamTheAlleyCat for beta'ing this mess. She's making it look so pretty!

* * *

**Esme's POV**

Briar was in a bad mood. I couldn't blame her, but I hated it when she got like this. She turned the music playing on her iPod up as loud as it would go on its dock, and listened to some of the most depressing music, all while she was curled up on her bed reading a book, or simply crying her heart out. It was better when she had a book – today she did not.

"Baby, it's Sunday, let's go out. How about the Space Needle or a park?" I asked as I sat down on her bed.

"I'd rather not."

"How about I go rent some movies and we sit in the living room. I'll get popcorn." Popcorn was one thing Briar wasn't allowed much of – too much sodium – but she liked it, so maybe I could coax her out of this room with it.

"Enough butter for every piece?"

"Yep." I smiled as she turned over.

There was a ghost of a smile on her face, it wasn't the real things yet, but it was certainly a major improvement. "Okay."

"Do you want to come with me to the video store?"

"Not really, I could really use a shower right now. I'll hope in while you're gone."

"Okay, I'll be quick." I kissing her crown and stood up.

Carlisle's visit, a few weeks ago, had really helped me. I had been crying – a mess, to be honest – when then he knocked. I have never met a sweeter man. Baking brownies and asking if I needed to talk, he was like an angel. We didn't get to talk long, but the short while we did, made all the difference. I completely trusted him with my Briar's life. When he assured me I had come to the right place, he wasn't arrogant about it – it was the truth – he was a very good doctor. If he wasn't then we wouldn't be here, but he was also a good man, and it was so sweet of him to listen to me cry. I felt horrible for how Briar treated him, cursing at him. She knew better than to curse, and she was lucky that her grandparents weren't there to hear her. Her mouth would have been washed with soap if they had. However, I couldn't blame her for not taking the news well; it was devastating.

Speaking of her grandparents, I suddenly remembered that I needed to call them. Charles' parents weren't happy with me taking their only grandchild away. She's all they had after he died, and they were very good to both her and me. They had given me all of his trust fund after he passed so I could raise Briar and start my business. They didn't have to, the way they set it up, he wasn't even going to get it until he was twenty-five. He died when he was twenty-two. I was left alone at nineteen to raise a child. Thank God for his parents and mine. They always made sure that if Briar needed anything, she got it. She really was a spoiled child. Both Charles and I were only children, so she was their pride and joy. She had a horse at my parents farm-house - a horse she doesn't even like, but they wanted her to have it so she got it.

When she first started getting sick, I was working full-time, getting my company started in other cities. Bob and Marie, Charles' parents, would keep her at their house while I was out of town – even taking her to doctors' appointments. If it weren't for them, I don't know what I would have done, so they deserved a call.

I called them after her heart-cath a few weeks ago and told them what was going on. They, along with my parents, wanted to come, but I told them to wait. Right now Briar was stable. Carlisle couldn't even get her on the transplant list yet, because she was still too healthy. She was slowly dying of heart failure, yet they considered her too healthy. That was just ridiculous.

As I locked the door and turned around, I saw that Carlisle was just leaving his condo. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, a complete opposite of his professional attire. His arms were perfectly muscular, bulging just slightly from the sleeves and his chest. _Oh God, his chest!_ I could see his pecks as the shirt molded to him. As he finished locking his door, his eyes met mine.

He smiled. "Good afternoon."

"Hi, how are you?"

"Great, I was just heading out to get something to eat. How are you? How's Briar?" he asked as he walked closer.

"I think I'm finally getting her out of her room, but the music hasn't stopped." I could still hear the rock music all the way out in the hallway.

He laughed. "Ah, yes, that has been quite the fixture."

"I'm so sorry. I'll make her shut it off – we're not used to having neighbors. I'm so sorry if it's bothered you," I said as we walked to the elevator.

"It hasn't bothered me at all. Don't worry. Is she… nervous or scared?"

"I don't know if it's that or the fact she's starting to realize what's going to happen, but she's been crying non-stop. Sometimes she just gets really depressed and there's not much I can do to get her out of it. I'm actually going to find a video store and rent some movies. Amazingly, she's agreed to come out to the living room."

"That's good. Make sure you get her popcorn. Doctor's orders." He laughed as the elevator came to a stop in the parking garage.

"On my list," I said as my cell phone began ringing. I pulled it from my pocket. It was Briar and my heart leaped from my chest as I answered it.

"Baby?" I said.

She was gasping and crying. "M…mo…mom!"

"Baby what's wrong?" I asked running back to the elevator.

"Ch…est… hurts."

I pounded the damn button to get the doors to open.

I screamed, "Come on damn it!" as it opened and I rushed in hitting our floor button. Carlisle was right with me.

"Let me talk to her," he said.

"Baby, Carlisle's here, he needs to talk to you." I handed him the phone as I slammed the button to close the door and watched the elevator ding as it went up.

"Briar, what are you feeling?" he asked calmly as I paced the metal box. "You have to calm down. We're almost there," he told her as the door opened and I ran out in front of him.

I fiddled with the keys, dropping them. He bent down picked them up and quickly got the door open as I ran in, searching for Briar. Her gasps and cries came from her bathroom. She was leaning on the counter, supporting all of her weight, about to fall.

"I got her," Carlisle said, picking her up and running into her bedroom. He laid her down and put his fingers to her neck as her eyes closed.

"I'll call an ambulance," I said as I picked my phone up off the bed.

"She's in V-Fib. Do you have an AED?" he asked pulling her off the bed and to the floor. He pinched her nose and breathed into her mouth.

I ran to the kitchen while talking to a 911 operator. I had bought an automatic external defibrillator after we learned of Briar's illness – her doctor said it might be best to have one just in case. I grabbed it from under the counter and ran back to the room where Carlisle was now starting compressions. I set the bag down and he ripped it open, pulling the main part out. Then he ripped her shirt open as if it were paper. He put the pads against her chest as I hung up with the operator.

"They'll be here in a few minutes. Oh God, what's going on?" I begged as he did something with the machine.

"Her heart went into a dangerous, abnormal rhythm. We have to get it back to normal or it will stop. A quick shock should do it," he said. "Stop touching her."

I pulled my hand off of her head and her body convulsed just a little. I expected a huge convulsion like you see on TV, but it wasn't. She just moved slightly as the machine beeped and he pressed his fingers back to her neck and bent down so his head was against her chest.

"She's not breathing. No change."

I was crying harder. "Oh, God."

"Esme, I need you to go into my condo. Just inside the door there is a table, a black leather bag is sitting on it. Get it, now!"

He tossed me his keys before bending back down to give her another breath. I ran out of my condo to his, opened the door, and plucked the bag from his table. I ran back. I don't think I shut his door, let alone locked it, as I ran through my condo back to Briar's room. He was still breathing for her.

"Here," I said giving him the bag as I went back to my baby's head. "Come on baby, breath!" I begged as the machine next to me beeped again. He pulled something out of the bag – a small vile – filling a syringe with it, he injected it into her.

"Hands off," he ordered, pressing the button again. Her body convulsed once more and he pressed his fingers to her neck and bent down. "She's back," he said pulling something else from the bag. Something you would see in hospitals, what they use to give the patient oxygen – to breathe for them. He placed it over her face and pumped the bag.

"Baby," I whispered, running my hand through her hair.

"She's back, Esme. Her heart is betting in an acceptable rhythm. Look at the monitor," he said, pointing to the small screen that went up and down quickly, but regularly. "I'm just giving her extra oxygen. She is breathing on her own."

I cried. "Did her heart stop?"

"No, it was just beating in a dangerous rhythm. It would have, if you didn't have the AED."

Minutes passed in a blur before suddenly a group of people appeared in my daughter's room with a stretcher.

"Fifteen-year-old with Restrictive Cardiomyopathy, she's in heart failure. Went into ventricular fibrillation, I shocked her, no change. Gave her three-hundred mgs of Amiodarone IV then shocked again. Back in sinus rhythm and breathing. I am her doctor and you need to start two large bore IV's for fluid access," Carlisle told them.

"Yes, doctor," one of the men said as I was pulled away by Carlisle.

He spoke softly to me, "We have to let them work. She's going to the hospital. Come on, I'll drive you."

"I need to be with her!"

"There won't be any room. They need the space, Esme. I will drive you, if we leave now, we'll get there before they do," he told me as I threw myself into his chest and sobbed.

"Let's move her," a man said as they picked my daughter up and put her on the stretcher before rolling her out.

We followed them out the door. Carlisle left my side long enough to lock his door and mine before guiding me to the other elevator. When we got down to street level I was able to kiss my baby goodbye. Carlisle left and quickly pulled his car around behind one of the fire trucks as they loaded her in the back of an ambulance. He opened the passenger door and guided me in. He pulled away – speeding – before they did.

"This shouldn't have happened so soon," I murmured.

"Esme, there is no timeline. She's in heart failure. These things can happen."

"If I had left…"

"We got to her just in time."

"Doesn't matter. I left her alone, and I shouldn't have."

"You had no way of knowing. This wasn't expected and it means her that heart is getting worse, we knew this might happen. When we get to the hospital, I'll do a more thorough examination. I'll and do another heart-cath as an emergency procedure and we'll figure out where to go from here. I'll convene a transplant committee right away and get her on that list," he said, suddenly taking my hand in his and rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. "In the meantime, we probably should consider implanting a defibrillator. After one episode like this, it could happen again."

"If that's what she needs then do it," I said as he pulled into a garage under the hospital.

He parked in a spot with his name on it, grabbed an ID badge that hung from his rear-view mirror, and got out. He opened my door before I had the chance.

"Thank you," I said as he shut it. We quickly walked into the hospital and up to the ER where Briar was just now being brought in.

Carlisle quickly took control and began ordering tests and blood work. He told a nurse to call up to a cath lab and get Briar in immediately. I went to my daughter's side and took her hand as her eyes slowly opened.

"Baby girl," I said, caressing her cheek.

She started groaning, "Ugh."

"Honey, we're at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?"

She shook her head no.

Carlisle appeared silently on the other side of her. His face was concerning to me. He seemed worried.

"Briar, can you understand me?" he asked.

She nodded yes.

"You had a severe arrhythmia that sent you into what we call a ventricular fibrillation. Electrical pulses sent you into an erratic rhythm which meant your heart couldn't pump the blood out. I had to shock you and give you some medication to get it back into a normal rhythm," he explained. "You're as stable as expected now, but I want to do another heart-cath right away before convening the transplant committee. I'm going to get you on that list, sweetheart, but in the meantime, I think we should implant a defibrillator directly into your chest. It's a minimally invasive procedure that you'll be awake for most of, or if you'd rather I can have you put to sleep."

"My mom be there?" she asked, groggily.

"No, it'll be like having a heart-cath done, she won't be allowed in."

"When?"

"We're taking you up to the cath-lab right now for a new cath. I need these results so I can prove to the committee there is no more waiting. You need to be on that list so you can get a heart in the next few months, a year at most. We'll do the procedure in the morning."

She gripped my hand a little tighter. "Okay."

"Alright, mom's coming with us for now. We have to do some pre-op things then we'll go to the cath-lab." He smiled, squeezing her other hand gently before we both stepped back so the nurses and orderlies could get Briar ready to be transported.

As we made it upstairs, Carlisle left for a short time while Briar was being prepped. Thankfully, she hadn't eaten today. Normally, I wouldn't be happy with that fact, but it saved her from having another very uncomfortable procedure. Just like last time, she was scrubbed from head to toe – including shaved which she thoroughly disliked, not that I blamed her – for the heart-cath. I got to stay with her and hold her hand the whole time. After the nurse left, someone knocked on the door – it was Carlisle. He was dressed in green scrubs with a baseball themed cap on his head. A mask hung from his neck along with a stethoscope.

"How are you doing, Briar?" he asked as he put the stethoscope in his ears and listened to her heart.

"I'm really tried and I haven't even gotten juiced," she said, making us both smile. She called the mild sedative her favorite vein juice because it made her feel so good. To be honest, right now I wouldn't have minded a little bit of it myself. I was so scared, still terrified from what just happened.

He chuckled. "You're going to be quite tired for a bit. You still want the juice, right?"

She glared. "Don't even think about not giving it to me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said as his hands gripped the metal rail. "We're going to take you now," he told her as I stood up and hugged her.

"You be good. I don't want to hear about you sassing anyone." I smiled sadly. "I love you so much, baby girl. I'll see you when you get out." I kissed her forehead then both cheeks before the nurse and orderly came back in.

"I love you too, mom, but I'm so gonna sass everyone." She smiled weakly. "But not Carlisle, he's safe from the sass."

"Oh, thank God, you had me trembling in my rubber shoes for a second there." He chuckled as she was wheeled out of the small room.

"Take care of her," I said.

"I will, I'll come out as soon as I'm done and take you to see her. She's going to be fine. I will take great care of her," he told me. He took my hand gently and gave it a little squeeze before he walked away.

I left the pre-op room for the waiting room just like I did a few weeks ago. If it had been anyone else standing over the table where my daughter lay, I don't think I could have stood it, but with Carlisle, I knew she was in good hands. He had just saved her life and would do it again. He'd get her on that list. He was amazing — he was… the perfect man.

_Wonderful, I'm falling head over heels for Carlisle Cullen, this isn't right._


	5. Chapter FIVE

**Carlisle's POV**

After spending a few hours going over every test and procedure Briar has had with the transplant committee they finally saw my point. Without a heart, and soon Briar would die. A fifteen year old child would die if they didn't put her on that list. Unfortunately I didn't get my way with how to list her – they considered her status two meaning both status 1A and 1B would be ahead of her for a heart. Most status two patients won't get a heart until they become so sick they have to be hospitalized and then moved up the list. It's very rare a status two gets a heart, but it does happen. I had gotten her on the list and right now that's all that matters.

As I walked to Briar's room that evening I heard Esme's amazing voice, she was humming and it was beautiful. I watched through the door that was slightly ajar. Briar was asleep and Esme was lying next to her caressing her cheek, playing with her hair and humming. She was amazing, an angel, and today I saw that angel almost lose her daughter.

There was no more doubt in my mind. Somehow I loved Esme Platt. What killed me was knowing I could never have her. I don't know how this happened, from the second I first saw her I felt something I had never felt before. I could only conclude that I loved her. It was the only possibility, but that confused the hell out of me. How could I love her? She's human and more importantly my patient's mother. I can never have her, but I want her so much. I just want to hold her in my arms.

"Hey," I said from the doorway as she stopped humming and looked up smiling.

"Hi." She smiled as I walked in and pushed the door to.

"How is she? How long has she been asleep?"

"About a half an hour. She ate a little bit, but she was really tired," she told me. "How did the transplant committee go?"

I noticed all her hope well up in her eyes. As I smiled she threw her head back and cried before kissing Briar's head over and over.

"She's on the list, but Esme…" I said as she looked up with her eyebrows furrowed.

"What happened?"

"She's not where I wanted her on the list. She's a status two which is still active but –"

"Less likely to get a heart before she gets even worse," she finished my sentence as she climbed off the bed, walked close to me and wrapped her arms around me as she stood on her tippy toes.

"You still got her on the list. Thank you so much Carlisle."

She cried as I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in that enticing aroma that I loved. This felt right. She belonged in my arms – she fit perfectly.

I whispered softly. "You're welcome." As I held her, not wanting to let her go quite yet.

"You've done so much for us, for Briar," she murmured into my chest – her warm breath felt amazing.

"I love you," I whispered so low she couldn't make out the words.

"Did you say something?" she asked feeling my chest vibrate.

"No," I lied as she pulled back and I reluctantly let her go.

She looked up to me and smiled. "We should probably tell her huh?"

"I think she'd like to know." I grinned as she went back to Briar and nudged her shoulder.

"Baby wake up," she said. Briar slowly opened her eyes.

"Hm?" she asked.

"You're on it!" Esme smiled

"What?" Briar asked she wasn't quite alert yet. Suddenly Esme's words sunk in and her face fell into a relieved expression as she smiled. "I'm gonna get a heart?"

"Yeah." Esme was grinning. She was thrilled.

"Really?" Briar asked looking to me.

"You're a status two but you are on the list, we're going to get you that heart," I told her as tears welt up in her eyes.

"Thank you." She raised her arms as I stepped forward and embraced her gently – minding the monitor wires and intravenous lines. I let her go and Esme hugged her.

"You should get back to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow," Esme told her.

"I kinda… well I need my… you know," Briar told Esme.

"You're pillow. Of course, I'll run home and get it as well as some of your things." She then looked to me. "How long will she be here?"

"A few days. It all depends on how she does after the procedure."

"Shoot I don't have a car," Esme said. "I'll have to get a cab."

"I can take you. I was getting ready to head out anyway," I lied.

I planned on staying at the hospital tonight to watch over Esme and Briar. I did actually need to leave for a little while anyway though. I never had the chance to hunt like I had planned.

"Are you sure?"

"Completely."

"Ok. Is it ok if I go for a little bit honey?" she asked Briar.

"Yeah and could you get my IPod and sweats?"

"Of course. I'll be back soon," she told her kissing her head. "Are you ready now?"

"Yep."

"Wait a second, you got to ride in his car?" Briar asked.

"I wasn't allowed in the ambulance."

"You suck."

Esme laughed. "It's just a car."

"When you're released if you want, I could always give you a ride," I said as her face lit up.

"You don't know what you just agreed to." Esme smirked.

"Can I drive?" Briar asked.

"No," Esme said.

"That's your mom's call."

"You don't know how to drive so absolutely not."

"Fine," Briar huffed as Esme kissed her goodbye once more before we left.

I walked Esme back out to the parking garage and to my car. She told me how Briar was a car fanatic and I just made her the happiest girl in the world. That made me happy. I wanted to make Briar happy because, though, this might sound wrong it made Esme happy and her happiness meant the world to me. If she was happy the world could be ending and I wouldn't care.

"Really you don't know what you just got yourself into. You really don't have to give her a ride," she said as we pulled out of the parking garage.

I smiled. "I want too – really I don't mind at all. It would be nice to get to share my love of cars with someone who would appreciate it."

"I've never asked you but… you don't have kids do you?"

"No."

"You're just so great with her. I wondered"

"I don't have many pediatric patients. I wasn't sure if I was doing well with her, but knowing I am really makes me happy."

"Oh you don't have to worry about that. You're amazing with her. She loves you," she said. "I mean she really likes you as her doctor."

"I'm glad she's comfortable with me."

"She's not the only one… I'm so glad I found you and utterly blessed you live next door. Talk about a fluke of great luck – if you hadn't been there earlier…" She shuttered.

"You had the AED. If I hadn't been there you still would have gotten her back."

"I'm just glad you were there."

"Me too," I said as I crossed the line once more and took her hand – gently caressing it. What amazed me is she's never pulled away from my cold touch like most people would. Maybe she could accept what I am… what am I saying? I could never tell her, ever. But I can't let her go either.

When we arrived at the condo Esme invited me in to her place while she gathered Briar's things.

"Will she be able to wear her own clothes soon?" she asked.

"Bottoms yes, the top though she'll need to stay in a gown so we have access to her chest for the monitors. Once we take her off those, though, she can wear anything she'd like, but loose fitting shirts might be best while the incision heals."

"You're not going to actually open her chest right?"

"No, no I'll make a small incision and create a pocket under her skin for the ICD to rest in. It'll be right below her collar bone so we can access it easily."

"Good and you said she'll be awake?"

"That's how it's usually done, but we can put her to sleep since she's so young."

"She might prefer to be asleep," she told me as she closed the small bag.

"You might want to pack a bag as well. I mean I doubt you'll want to leave Briar for long."

"Good idea, thank you for reminding me. Oh her pillow!" she said grabbing a small pillow off of Briar's bed. "She's had this thing since she was a baby. My mom made it for her," she said holding the pillow to her chest. "I used to lay her on it on the floor while I did homework. She was quite as a mouse." She giggled.

"How old were you when you had her? If you don't mind me asking."

"I was seventeen. I know I was young, but I thought I was in love. I hadn't planned her, not even close." She laughed. "But she was the best surprise in the world and I could never ever regret having her so young."

"What about her father?"

"He died when she was two – car accident."

"You must miss him especially now."

The scent of salt began filling the air. "Oh um well… Charles is the only thing I regret in regards to Briar. I'll always love him for giving me her but I don't miss him. Not with how he was."

She was starting to cry. Oh how I didn't want to see her cry, she was too beautiful for that.

"How was he?" I asked worried about what this man put my Esme through.

"He was a drunk. An… angry drunk let's just say."

"Did he hurt you?" I asked. "I'm sorry that's none of my business."

"No um Charles was a good man when he was sober, but it wasn't often. He did love Briar though the night that he died I doubted that," she said as she sat down on the bed, I sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Talk to me." She obviously needed to talk to someone.

"We were fighting like usual. He said I ruined his life – that I got pregnant on purpose." She shuttered. "Briar had a cold that night and she was very fussy. She couldn't be quiet, of course it wasn't her fault she didn't feel well," she said. "Before I could get her he did. He picked her up and… shook her, I got her away from him before he could hurt her but he was so mad. He struck me"

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. I've never told anyone this before."

"I think you needed to. It's not good to hold things like that in."

"After he hit me I told him to get the hell out – which he did screaming he'd be back. I got the call early in the morning. He had crashed head on going well over one-hundred miles an hour into a concrete median. He died on impact," she said wiping her eyes. "Part of me was so glad he wouldn't have the chance to come back. That's horrible I know. He was the father of my daughter but I didn't want him to hurt her. He could hurt me all he wanted but not her."

"He didn't have the right to hurt you either."

"I know that's why that night after he left I counted all of our savings – in the morning we would have left."

I lifted my hand, unconsciously, and wiped her tears letting my hand linger longer than necessary on her soft cheek. It was so much softer than I had imagined, so warm. She looked into my eyes and my head started going forward and down. My lips just barely touched hers before she pulled away. "We can't," she said.

"I know, I'm sorry, that was entirely out of line."

"It's not that I don't want to," she whispered.

"I want to."

"Me too," she told me as I once again took her lips as mine.

She kissed back giving me all she had. She was so sweet – her lips soft and delectable, so warm to mine. I placed my hand on her cheek again pulling her further to my mouth. I had never felt this way before. It was the best feeling in the world having her as mine. We finally pulled away and she panted, catching her breath.

"I've wanted to do that since I saw you that first day."

"Me too, but it's wrong you're my daughter's doctor. You have to be her doctor, this can't interfere with that. She needs you."

"I know and I would never do anything that could jeopardize her health, but Esme there's no law saying this is wrong," I whispered. Actually there was it's called the only rule vampires have, oh and it's ethically irresponsible to get involved with a patient or their family like this – frowned upon, not illegal.

"I need to get back to her."

"I'll come with. I'll drive that way once Briar is released you'll need a ride with me."

She smiled. "You've got quite the plan."

"I like to have a plan." I smirked taking the bag for her as we walked out to the living area.

She went to her room, which I didn't follow her and packed her small bag as I held Briar's bag and pillow. She suddenly came out with nothing in hand.

"Do you mind if I get a quick shower. It'll only take me a few minutes."

"Not at all."

"Great I'll be quick." She smiled that perfect smile before turning back around.

I sat down on the couch a picked up a picture from the coffee table. Briar couldn't have been more than ten. She and her mom were at a theme park smiling, completely happy. As I sat it down I received a text – it was Alice.

_You'll be in one someday with the family you deserve.-AW_

_Not possible.-CC_

_DON'T bet against me old man.-AW_

_How could I not?-CC_

_She'll accept you.-AW_

_Just listen to her!-JW_

That one was from Jasper…

_How can she be right?-CC_

_Has she ever been wrong?-JW_

_Have I ever been wrong?-AW_

_No-CC_

_The let nature take its course; you'll tell her when the time is right, you'll know when the time is right.-AW_

_Keep a close eye on Briar's blood pressure tonight and tomorrow. It drops really low during surgery but you'll get it back up.-AW_

_Thank you for warning me, goodnight.-CC_

_Night!-AW_

After Esme was out of the shower we left again for the hospital. Briar was very happy to get her IPod and pillow. She fell asleep before eleven. I had the nurse get Esme a cot and blankets so she would be as comfortable as possible. After shutting the door I sat down in the recliner beside Esme's cot. The nurses knew I was in here so I told them there wasn't any need to come in unless I called for them. They of course had a knowing look, but I just told them I wanted to be here for my neighbor and patient, they didn't believe me at all.

"What did that mean?" Esme asked quietly.

"What, asking the nurses to stay out? It's just so Briar can get some good sleep," I lied.

"No, what we did."

"Oh, I don't know, but I do know I like you, a lot Esme and I can promise you this won't interfere with Briar's care, not at all."

"It can't she needs you."

"And I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," I said taking her hand again.

"I'm scared."

"There are risks to the procedure which we've been over but I'll take care of her."

"I'm scared about what we did."

"Do I scare you?" I asked. Please, please no.

"Of course not!" she gasped. "I haven't even been on a date in years let alone… kiss someone. What are we?"

"Whatever you want to be. If you want to be with me we'll take it slow. If you don't I understand and I swear it won't change Briar's care."

"You're perfect," she said.

"Far from it." I chuckled.

"Would it be wrong of me to want to try?"

"If you're wrong so am I," I said. "But what about Briar? How would she feel?"

"I don't know, but we can't tell her, not yet at least. Maybe once we figure it out and she's stronger we can. I don't know how she'll react. I mean she likes you and she's always said she wants me to be happy."

"I'll make you happy."

She smiled. "You always say the perfect thing."

"You should get some sleep, so should I." I laughed.

"Yes, yes you should. You sleep on the cot," she said standing up.

"No believe me I can sleep anywhere." I lied. I haven't been able to sleep in almost four centuries.

The night passed quickly. I kept my eye on Briar's blood pressure. It hasn't dropped yet so if Alice is right the surgery will likely exacerbate her and cause the drop, but since I know about it I'll be expecting it and get it back up quickly. I just pray it won't be my fault. I have perfectly steady hands. I've never punctured an artery by accident before. I don't make mistakes so hopefully it'll be something I can fix with fluids or medication and not something I'll have to repair which would mean possibly having to open her chest. No I don't make mistakes. Her body will do it not me.

I had Briar scheduled early so I woke Esme up and said goodbye so I could change while the nurse's prepared Briar and took her down to pre-op. Esme would be with her like always. If I could I'd let Esme come in with us, but hospital policy strictly forbad it. Besides I'd rather her not be in there when Briar's BP drops, it would be frightening for her. I'm dreading having to tell her about it after. After showering and changing into the green hospital scrubs I went to my locker and pulled out the scrub cap Alice and Jasper bought me before tossing my stethoscope back around my neck and walking back to the pre-op area. I found Esme holing Briar's hand that was clutched tightly to her pillow – she was scared.

"Good morning," I said as I smiled quickly flipping through her chart to her recent blood work to be sure everything was in order.

"Morning," Briar said taking calming deep breathes.

"Everything looks great," I said. "How are you doing? Nervous? Any questions? We've gone over the risks and possible complications but if you have any more questions ask away."

"Is this gonna hurt?" Briar asked as Esme caressed her cheek.

"The only thing that might hurt is when I give you the anesthetic in your skin. It'll be just like when I do during a heart-cath only in your chest. You'll be awake during most of the procedure. If you'd like, we can still put you to sleep though. When the time comes to test the ICD I'll have the nurse give you more sedation to actually put you to sleep so you won't feel the shock."

"I wanna know what's going on."

"It's up to you."

"What's this thing like? Is it big?"

"I think we have an example one around here. Let me go find it," I said patting her leg lightly before going to find an ICD. I found one. It wasn't exactly like what Briar's would be like since hers is a biventricular ICD, but the main component was the same – hers was just better.

"Ok I found one!" I said walking back to Briar and Esme. I held the cassette sized box in my hand and let the wire hang down. "Yours will look a little different and will have more wires but it will be this size about. I'll show you yours before I put it in. Take it," I said as her hand reached up and took it from mine. She turned it around, examining it, testing the weight.

"It's smaller than I thought," she said. "Thinner."

"Most people say that."

"How long will this take to do?"

"It's going to take some time, are you sure you don't want to be put to sleep?" I asked. I'd actually prefer her to be asleep but it was up to her.

"No I wanna know what you're doing."

"Baby you're already nervous. Maybe you should let them put you under," Esme suggested.

"I'd be more nervous with not knowing. What if I don't wake up?"

"That doesn't happen often," I said.

"But it has happened before," she said.

"There's always a risk with anesthesia."

"Then I'm going to stay awake for as long as I can."

"Alright let me know if you change your mind, you can at any time," I told her as one of the nurses came in to tell me it was time. "We need to go, any more questions?"

"No."

"Exactly how long?" Esme asked.

"With biventricular I would say close to three hours sometimes longer depending on the difficulty of getting the wires in place."

"Ok," she told me then bent down to kiss Briar's cheek over and over. "I love you so very much baby girl" she said as Briar raised an arm to place on her back.

**Briar's POV**

"I love you too mom," I said hugging her as tight as I could. She kept kissing my cheek and I saw Carlisle smirking as he watched her.

"Be good, I'll see you when you're done." She let me go. I really wish she hadn't. I was scared and I wanted her to hold me just a little longer, but it was time and I needed to be brave.

"Ok I'll be good no sassing this time," I joked making her laugh as a tear slid down her cheek I wiped it away, but didn't miss Carlisle's hand twitching – he wanted to. I think he really liked my mom. Either that or he was just really bored because he stayed in my room last night.

"I love you," mom said one last time before the nurse and techs began rolling me away.

I handed mom my pillow before we left the room. She pulled it to her chest while Carlisle said something then gently touched her arm and moved his hand down to hers. He squeezed it before letting go. As the bed turned the corner I lost visual. I heard shoes squeaking on the floor and Carlisle jogged up beside the bed.

"I'll see you in there alright?" he asked.

"You'll be the one in the mask and gown. Well that kinda describes everyone. You'll be the really tall one in the mask and gown." I smirked.

"That I will, keep up that attitude. I expect cute little quips from you young lady," he said as we arrived at the door and he put his hand over mine and squeezed before walking away.

I was moved to the oh so comfortable table with the large machines all around me as the cath-lab people moved the blankets and pulled the gown down off of my chest. I wanted to hit them when they did that. I really wanted to hit them when they strapped me down. They made up for it by covering me in warm blankets though. I was painted in orange smelly stuff from my neck to below my rib cage and more monitors were attached to me. When the nurse put two pads on my chest I about freaked. She said it was just in case they needed to shock me externally. Oh yeah that made me feel so much better. After all the drapes were placed and people started slowing down I heard the door open. Carlisle asked some questions in code words and the nurse by my head answered him with different numbers.

"Alright Briar once again I am going to ask you if you want to go to sleep," he said hovering above me in the mask and gown. I could still see tiny pieces of his blonde hair come from the cap over his head.

"No." I wanted to know what he was doing to me.

"Ok, if you change your mind say something dear. I'm serious scream it."

I nodded. "Got it."

"Alright patients name is Briar-Rose Platt. Fifteen with restrictive cardiomyopathy. We're placing a biventricular internal cardioverter defibrillator after VF episode," he said loudly. "Briar confirm your birthday for us."

"December 24th."

Yes I was a Christmas baby and damn proud of it. Christmas at my grandparents' house meant everyone had to give me double because it was my birthday too. It was all about me which I both loved and hated – I've started hating it more now that I'm sick. Everyone knows so it's no longer fun. They ask all sincere how I'm doing; a few say they're praying for me which pisses me off some. Honestly you don't tell a kid you're praying for them. It just scares them into thinking they're gonna die.

"Ok I think we have the right patient." He chuckled and gently touched my cheek with his gloved hand – still freezing mind you. I'm kinda curious about that. I mean he just doesn't seem normal, he's great, don't get me wrong, but there is something about him that's just not quite… normal.

I watched as he came closer with a syringe and used his other hand to touch the exposed area made by a hole in the drape. I felt the tiny sting as the needle went in but it wasn't all that bad, I've noticed he's very good at shots. Throughout the procedure he kept asking if I was ok – which I was. I watched the monitor as he began threading the wires through until they were just where he wanted them. On the third one I started to feel weird, really faint and a monitor went off.

"Something's wrong," I mumbled, slurring the words.

"BP's dropping, push fluids now!" Carlisle ordered. "Hang in there sweetheart. Talk to me."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Make… stop," I slurred as things started to get dark and more alarms went off. Now I was scared. Scared for my mom, if I die she's all alone. "… care… of… her," I mumbled as I was thrust into darkness.


	6. Chapter SIX

**Esme's POV**

As I sat, coffee in hand in the waiting room for the second time in less than twenty-four hours I was scared to death. Briar's surgery started at eight, it's now a little before noon – almost four hours. It had been much longer than Carlisle had thought. I kept thinking something must have gone wrong. Why else would it take four hours?

I set the coffee on a table and buried my head in my baby's pillow to cry. I heard the door open and my head shot up. Carlisle was walking in as he pulled his mask from around his neck. I stood from my seat in anticipation of his news.

"She's stable, but she's critical," he said taking my hand and leading me back to the sofa. "We lost her blood pressure when I was placing the third lead. We got it back with fluids and medication, but we need to keep a close eye on her."

I cried. "Why?"

"We don't know yet. We're doing blood tests now, but sometimes this happens. It was one of the possible complications, but the good news is the ICD is in place and working properly," he said as I rested my forehead against his chest and cried. I knew something went wrong, I felt it.

"Can I see her?"

"Yes, she's in the cardiac intensive care unit resting. As long as she remains stable we'll be able to move her out tomorrow."

"But she's stable now right? Her blood pressure? Her pulse? She's breathing?"

"Yes it all looks good now. We got it back up very quickly, but she did lose consciousness from how low it was. After that I went ahead and ordered sedation for the remainder of the procedure."

"I wanna see her," I said as he helped me up and pulled me close to his side as he guided me out of the waiting room and up the elevator to the Cardiac ICU.

He led me to a small glass room where my baby was laying on a bed with an oxygen mask on her face and tubes and wires coming out of everywhere. The gown was pulled down off of her shoulders and the white bandage puffed up quite a bit.

"This is it?" I asked lightly fingering her shoulder above the dressing.

"Yes," he said as he pulled a chair over and coxed me into sitting. He kept his hand on my shoulder caressing it softly as I tucked her pillow under her arm then laid my head down on it, holding her hand to my lips as I cried.

"Oh baby," I sobbed as his other hand moved to my back and gently rubbed it.

"Would you like to be alone?"

I shook my head no. "Please stay," I whispered as he pulled another chair over and sat next to me.

"She should wake up soon – really any time," he said as I moved my hands to Briar's head and caressed her cheek while running my other hand through her hair. I watched as he moved his left hand into hers, keeping his right on my shoulder.

Today he had rescheduled all of his normal appointments, but he did have to leave to make his hospital rounds, he came back though.

Briar woke up about twenty minutes after I got there. She was very confused and so tired she fell back asleep. Carlisle said that was normal – she had every right to be exhausted. As the day went on Briar slept waking every once in a while for a short time. Around seven she had been awake for a good hour and was hungry.

"You might want to try something liquid based to begin with, maybe soup?" Carlisle suggested.

"I don't care just please get me something. I'm starving," Briar said.

"I think there is a deli down the street. They should have soup are you sure you don't care?" I asked.

"Chicken noodle." She smiled groggily.

"Ok I'll be back soon," I said standing up and getting my wallet from my purse.

"We'll be here," Carlisle said.

"Are you sure you don't mind staying?" I asked.

"Positive."

"Do you want anything?"

"I ate before I came up after rounding. I'm fine, but thank you," he said as I kissed Briar's forehead and left.

The walk to the deli was further than I had thought so I was gone longer than planned. I got Briar's soup and a sandwich for me before heading back. When I got back on Briar's floor Carlisle was standing outside of the door and the curtains were closed. I began running.

"What happened? Is she ok?" I asked.

"She's fine. She wanted a certain catheter out so the nurse is removing it. I figured she wouldn't want me watching." He chuckled.

"Oh thank god," I said as I heard a little yelp and the curtain was pulled back open by a not so happy looking nurse. It wasn't Briar that yelped.

"Next time you want a catheter out, do it yourself," the woman told Carlisle as she stalked away. When we went in Briar didn't look happy.

"She's not very gentle," she told us.

"What did you do to her?" I asked.

"I might have kicked her."

"Briar-Rose, that is," I couldn't finish because I started giggling as did Carlisle. "Horrible."

"She's not the kindest woman. I wouldn't be concerned," Carlisle said as he pulled a tray over Briar's bed. I put the soup out and gave her a spoon then sat down with my sandwich.

"I'm going to kick you if I don't get a bite," Briar told me.

"Small bite," I said handing her the half.

She didn't give it back so I ate the other half and then took a few spoonfuls of her discarded soup.

"I should get going. If anyone says anything about you being in here past visiting hours refer them to me. I'll have someone bring you a cot," Carlisle said.

"Ok, I'll walk you out. Is that ok Briar?"

"Yeah I'm getting tired again." She yawned as I moved the tray away then kissed her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow Briar. We'll see about getting you moved out of the ICU, sound good?"

"Yes, very good."

"Alright if you need anything your mom has my cell phone number. Call me no matter what," he told her.

The walk down to his car didn't take very long. I may have been wishing for just a few more minutes with him, which was wrong considering my daughter was upstairs and she needed me.

"Thank you," I said as he gently grasped my cheek.

"She'll be fine, it won't be easy and it will get worse before it gets better, but she will get better," he said as my back touched his car. I lifted my head up and looked him in the eyes. "May I kiss you goodnight?"

Butterflies suddenly erupted in my tummy.

"Please," I whispered as he brought his cool lips to mine.

He tasted amazing, so sweet. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty doing this while my daughter was upstairs but he was so amazing. His lips were so cold, they felt so good and when he breathed out I could smell his breath – even sweeter than his lips. I don't think it's possible for this man to have bad breath but I could and I suddenly felt self-conscious as he pulled away slowly.

"I want to take you on a date. It doesn't have to be anytime soon, I understand you have greater responsibilities, but I want to. If you'd feel better about it I could make dinner at my place so we'll be right next door to Briar."

"What if she's hurt by this?"

"You know her best but Esme before she lost consciousness in the lab she said something."

"What?"

"She said quote 'care of her' I think she meant take care of her, meaning you. She's not blind Esme it's obvious I have feelings for you and you me."

"It's too soon to tell her. We haven't even figured this out yet. Carlisle I haven't dated in years. I don't know how she'd feel – especially right now – she needs me so much. Let me slowly talk to her. I don't want her to be upset with me."

"You do whatever you need. Just think about that date." He smiled kissing me once more. I was lost in his sweetness as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Would this work? God I hoped so.


	7. Chapter SEVEN

**Esme's POV**

After another few days sleeping on a cot beside Briar's hospital bed Carlisle was finally releasing her. She's remained completely stable, her blood pressure as good as we could hoped for. It was close to three in the afternoon when the nurse began removing Briar's IV and taking her vitals one last time. The only thing that stayed in place was the central venous catheter in her chest. Carlisle was using that for a few different medications he started her on. I was shown how to administer them and care for it by the nurse as Carlisle walked in. He had taken the afternoon off to take us home.

"Looks great," he said as I taped the lines back down.

"There all done," I told Briar. "Good afternoon," I said to him.

"Good afternoon ladies. Are you ready to get out of here?" he asked Briar.

"Oh my god yes please," she said as I zipped up her little jacket.

"Alright then let me do a quick exam and we'll get going. Mara, could you get a wheelchair?" he asked the nurse.

"Of course here's her chart and discharge paperwork." The woman smiled handing him the folder.

He flipped through it then set it down on the end of the bed with his leather bag that he opened. He pulled his stethoscope out and placed the bell on Briar's chest.

"Go ahead and take a deep breath for me," he said as she did. "Good another," he asked before putting the piece back in his bag.

He wrote on her chart and signed his name on some papers that he gave to me while Mara came back with the wheelchair.

"Ok let's get you up. Right hand on my shoulder, keep the left at your waist. I'll help you," he said putting an arm around Briar's waist as he lifted her up. She scuffled her feet slowly and he guided her to the chair. Her body was still very tired and she doesn't have much strength. Before releasing her though Carlisle had her walk the hall way earlier so she was even more exhausted.

Once we got out front Carlisle left to pull his car around and take the bags. He was such a gentleman like that. After he parked the car in front of us he came around and opened the back door before picking Briar up from the wheelchair and placing her in the backseat. He shut her door and opened mine with a smile. As we drove he and Briar went back and forth about the car. I didn't understand it. A car got you from point A to point B so why did it need to cost over two-hundred thousand dollars?

"At some point I want upfront," Briar said.

"Just tell me when and I'll give you another ride," Carlisle told her.

"Sweet," she said drawing out the 'e'.

When we pulled into the spot under the condos I retrieved the bags and Carlisle got Briar out of the backseat. He carried her bridal style to the elevator and even managed to hit the button since my arms were full.

"I could get used to this, being carried around. I might like it," Briar said as we got off the elevator.

"Don't get used to it. I can't carry you that easy," I said as I unlocked the door.

"Where do you want to be?" Carlisle asked her.

"Bedroom please," she said as I sat the bags down and walked ahead of them. I pulled her bedding down and propped her pillows up so Carlisle could lay her down. "Thanks," she told him as I pulled her blankets up and she got comfortable.

"You're welcome, did you need anything? Water?" he asked.

"Actually yeah."

"I'll get it. Thank you so much Carlisle. I don't know what we'd do without you."

"I'd probably be dead," Briar said.

"Well I'm here. Right next door in the evenings and weekends then just a phone call away any other time." He smiled touching her shoulder as we walked out of her room and to the kitchen.

"Really thank you so much," I said grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

"Anytime Esme, I would do anything for you two."

"I'm sure you want to get home and relax, we've monopolized all your time these past few days."

He smiled. "I can stay, for a while if you want. I mean Briar will probably fall asleep quickly and unless you want to be alone I could keep you company."

"I'd like that, but unfortunately I have some laundry to do so unless you want to watch that you might have more fun at home."

"Highly doubt that."

"Then I'd love it if you stayed. I'm going to take this to her and grab her laundry. Make yourself at home, there's drinks in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard," I told him as we walked to through the living room. I passed him the remote and continued on while he sat. I went to Briar's room and gave her the bottle of water.

"He's still here?" she asked.

"Did you want him to leave?"

"No, I mean mom you should be happy. I want you to be happy and if he makes you happy then go for it. I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone. I have you."

"I might not always be here."

I sat down on her bed. "Don't talk like that."

"I'm just saying I'll feel better if your happy. If this doesn't work out and I don't get a heart I want to know that if I die you'll be ok."

"You are not going to die," I said sternly.

"I might."

"You're not."

"Even so you deserve to be happy with someone – you've been alone to long," she said. "Dad would have wanted you to move on."

"And you wouldn't be upset if it was him that could make me happy?"

"No, I mean he's a little on the odd side, but he's super nice and I know he loves you."

"It's too soon for that."

"I can see it every time he looks at you. Mom if he didn't love you do you really think he'd put up with this," she said motioning to herself. "Most men would run, but he's always known and still stays by your side."

"He is amazing. What do you mean by odd?"

"I don't know he just seems different. It's not bad I think he's just a little weird."

"I don't think he's weird."

"Because you look past it."

"What am I looking past?"

"Don't worry 'bout it. You know me I find weird things about everyone."

"Ok but if you notice something you'll tell me right?"

"If it's worth mentioning. Mom if I thought for a second he would hurt you in any way I'd tell you but he won't." She yawned. "I'm gonna get some sleep."

"Ok, if you need anything just holler. I'm doing laundry and your other set of sheets. I'll change them later if you want."

"I'd like that actually," she said sniffing the blanket as she smirked. "Yeah it's time."

"Oh whatever." I laughed grabbing her laundry basket. "I love you," I said as I walked out the door.

"Love you too," she said as I closed it.

I put her sheets in the wash first then walked back to the living room and sat down beside Carlisle. I reached over and pulled his face closer to kiss him. When we pulled back he looked pleasantly surprised.

"What was that for?"

"She wants me to be happy, with you."

"Really? So she knows?"

I smiled. "She brought it up."

"Then I guess I should work on making you happy," he said taking my lips again. What on earth could Briar mean by odd? This man was perfectly perfect in every way.

"So does this mean you'll agree to that date?"

"I can't leave her alone."

"Diner at my place than. Very conveniently located next door." He chuckled.

"Sounds like a date," I agreed.

**Briar's POV**

Google was just ridiculous. I thought I'd try to find out what's up with Carlisle. Thinking maybe he had some odd disease or something. Really I didn't know what I was looking for, but it definitely wasn't what I found. I found an article on 'The Cold Ones', a legend that belonged to some Native American tribe. It was an excerpt from a book. Apparently Google thinks Carlisle – my doctor – is a freaking vampire! Seriously, cold and pale skin, inhumanly beautiful, weird eyes, and not ever seeing him eat makes him folklore! Crazy right? Then why was I so inclined to research a little more on said Cold Ones?

Something kinda clicked in my mind. Maybe the lack of oxygen in my blood was driving me crazy because I was actually considering this! My mom's boyfriend, my doctor, a vampire? What does he use his contacts at work to get some blood? Or maybe he just prays on the weak and being a doctor gives him the easiest access. Yeah right Carlisle a demon. That's just hilarious. When I get close to dying is he going to feed off of me? Or maybe the reason he's so successful is he changes all of his dying patients into vampires. There had to be something wrong with me to believe this.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok with Carlisle for the day?" mom asked.

She needed to go check in on her company and introduce herself to her employees at the Seattle office so she would be gone most of the day. She didn't want to leave me alone so Carlisle magically had the day off and is staying with me. I'm being baby-sat by a supposed vampire – nice.

"Yeah mom I'll be fine. Carlisle doesn't even have to come over. I have his number. He'll be right next door."

"Baby I am not just leaving you here alone. Last time I did that you almost died."

"That was like a month ago. Are you ever going to let that go?"

"No," she said loudly. "I cannot _let go_ of the fact I almost lost you! And it was only a few weeks ago," she said as she checked her hair in the mirror.

"Fine. You look great, but if you don't stop messing with your hair you're gonna be late," I said as someone knocked on the door – Carlisle. Mom quickly opened the door and kissed him all sweetly. It was always an awe moment when they did that little peck.

"Hello Briar!" he said as he walked in – stupid leather bag in hand.

If I was taking a wild guess I'd say he wanted to flush and change the dressing over my CVC line. He was normally the one to do that, though, mom does it sometimes, but I think she's scared she'll do something wrong so she usually asks him to.

"Hey," I said.

"Oh good are you going to clean her line?" mom asked.

"I was hoping to. Have you done it yet?"

"No it needed to be done either tonight or tomorrow."

"Good then I can do it. Is that alright Briar?" he asked. He always asks.

"Go for it," I said then thought about it. I would be alone, with someone I crazily suspected to be a vampire that was going to be messing with a catheter that went directly into my main source of blood supply. Oh goodie, I am going crazy even considering he'd do something like that.

"I need to get going," mom said.

"You look amazing," he told her and she blushed.

"Thank you," she kissed him – that awe moment little peck. "I shouldn't be too late but there is steamed chicken and vegetables in the fridge if I'm not home by dinner time. You know her medication schedule so she's due soon."

"Mom he kinda ordered the medication schedule I think he knows it."

"I know, I know. I'm just nervous," she said looking for her keys that were conveniently located her in her hand. I laughed when she started to get frazzled and frantic when searching through her purse, mind you with the hand she had them in.

"Hand mom."

"Oh of course. Oh goodness."

"She'll be fine with me Es," Carlisle told her using that little nickname – Es. I wonder if she ever calls him Carlie. That could be funny? Carlie and Es… nah that's a little stupid sounding not to mention it's a girl's name. What vampire would go by a girl's name? That would be one badass vampire right there. Why am I even entertaining these thoughts?

"I know. I love you baby," she said kissing my forehead as I sat on the couch.

"Love you too."

"Call me if you need me," she said kissing me once more.

"I will, you're gonna be late."

"I own the company. I can be late," she said walking over to Carlisle. They had their little goodbye and then she left.

"So are you watching anything good?" he asked putting his bag on the coffee table.

"Nope," I said. "I'm studying." I lifted my GED study guide.

"GED? You can do homeschooling then once you get your new heart return to school."

"Why? I do this, get a heart, go to community college then transfer to an actual one once I have good enough grades. Sounds like a good plan to me."

"Can you even take it yet?" It wasn't a rude question he truly seemed curious.

"Yeah I finished my Freshman year back in Ohio. Mom withdrew me when we moved so all I have to do is pay the money and take the test. If I pass – which seriously this is easy stuff, I was taking all honors and a few AP classes back in Ohio – then I get my degree all by the time I'm sixteen."

"Seems like you have a good plan. Do you mind if I go ahead and change your dressing?"

"Nope," I said as he sat down and moved the coffee table closer. He took the supplies out and pulled on gloves while I moved my tank top strap out of the way like usual.

"Have you had your injections yet?"

"No they're in the fridge," I said as he stood up.

"Let's do that first so we don't have to flush it again," he said with a smile. He came back and gave me the IV medicines then got to work on changing my dressing and cleaning the line.

"Have you had any problems with the CVC?"

"No."

"Good, it looks great," he said applying the translucent dressing before taking his gloves off and cleaning up. He was quick unlike mom. The few times she's done it, it takes her about three times as long as him.

"So I uh read something a while back."

Why was I bringing this up?

"Oh yeah what's that?"

"It's actually pretty stupid. You might think I'm crazy for even considering what I read."

"I doubt that, but if you have a medical question it might be faster to just ask me."

"It's not medical, not about me at all… it's about you."

"So what is it?"

"Have you ever heard the legends of a Native American tribe called the Quileute's?" I asked as he looked up.

"A little."

"You know they believe in these creatures called 'The Cold Ones' you'd never guess what they are." I laughed.

"I've heard the legends, how does this relate to me?"

"You'll think I'm crazy."

He settled down on the couch next to me. "Try me."

"You're pale, really cold, I've never seen you eat, and well your ridiculously beautiful. That's just a fact."

"You think I'm a Cold One?"

"See told you I'm crazy. I don't think there's enough oxygen in my blood and my brain is being deprived."

"You're not crazy," he said. "And your brain is getting just the right amount of oxygen."

"So um…"

"Ask me. I won't lie to you."

"Are you a vampire?" I asked about ready to smack myself.

"Yes," he said as my face went completely blank and I stopped breathing for a second. Was he fucking with me? No I don't think he is – he looks pretty serious.

"Does my mom know?"

"Not yet."

"Are you going to kill us?"

"Never."

"But you drink blood."

"Animal blood – that's why my eyes are gold. I've never hurt a human. I devote my life to saving them."

"You're really a vampire?"

"I am, but I would never hurt you and I truly do love your mother."

"Why haven't you told her?"

"It's not something I can just tell people. Humans are not supposed to know we exist. I've always planned on telling her, but I don't know how. I'm afraid she won't accept me and that she'll pull you from my care. I don't want that. I can help you. You've moved across the country for my skills."

"She would accept you. She loves you."

"I imagine she would. She's my mate, but the fact is she's relying on me for you. A mother's love would outweigh the love of a mate."

"What do you mean she's your mate?"

"She's my soul mate – my other half. I can't love anyone else like that as a vampire. As a human she can, humans feel love differently."

"How do you know?"

He smiled. "Before I met your mother I was just living to save others, but the second I saw her I thought of myself for once. I was happier just being near her. I have never felt this way before and I never will again."

"How long… have you been like this?"

"Three-hundred and forty-one years give or take a few. Time wasn't exactly measured as accurately back then. I'm thirty-six, I always will be physically, but I've been on this earth for around three-hundred and seventy-seven years."

I couldn't help myself, I had to laugh. "You're old!"

"I'm actually quite young compared to other vampires."

"There's others? A lot?"

"Yes, but most live off our natural diet. You wouldn't have met them unless they were going to feed from you."

"Like how many?"

"Hundreds at least maybe thousands."

"You said most feed from humans. You know others that are like you?"

"I do, only a few though. There is a group that live in Alaska and then two that I consider family. They move around a lot and from time to time we live together, but not often because they don't have the strength I do around humans."

"Strength – like being able to resist our blood?"

"Exactly, you catch on quick." He laughed.

"Yeah told you I was smart." I giggled. "So you're the only vampire doctor in the world?"

"Yes, I'm an exception to the rule. Vampires shouldn't be able to resist blood like I can, but I've always done it. It wasn't easy in the beginning, but I refuse to be a monster. I wanted to help people."

"How long have you been a doctor?"

"It took me over a century to perfect my control, but I've studied medicine since shortly after I was changed. It was always an interest of mine, even as a human in its beginning stages science as has always interested me."

"So you are the world's best doctor."

"Definitely the most experienced and trained."

"Why don't you just say it? You're the best," I said as he chuckled softly.

"I'll never claim to be something I'm not. I'm not perfect, but when it comes to medicine I am as close as one can get."

"So mom really did find the best."

"You're trying to make me say it aren't you?" He laughed.

"You're too modest – too humble. If I was the best at something I'd admit it. I think I'm pretty good at dying."

"You're not dying."

I scoffed. "Heart failure. Humans need their heart doctor amazing."

"You'll get a new heart."

"Can you… make people into vampires?"

"No, I have never and I will never doom someone to this life."

"What about mom? If your soul mates, now that you've found each other can you live without her?"

"Briar… when the time comes, I won't live without her."

"You're gonna kill yourself!" I yelled.

"I'll end my life with hers."

"But… you could be with her forever. Why wouldn't you want too?"

"Because it wouldn't be right," he said.

"What if I don't get a heart? Would you let me die? That would just kill her!"

"You will get a heart."

"And something could always go wrong. I might reject it. If I asked you, if she asked you why wouldn't you?"

"Briar being a vampire is not something you would want. Trust me if I had the option I wouldn't be one."

"If you weren't one you never would have met her. She'd be alone!" I cried.

"Briar calm down."

"No she can't be alone! She doesn't deserve it! You ca- ah," I said feeling a flutter in my chest. It wasn't exactly painful, weird and uncomfortable, but not painful. It reminded me of what I used to feel a lot, before I got my ICD

"Calm down. You just received an impulse from you ICD. Let's get you laid down," he said moving me on the couch so I was lying flat as he pressed his fingers to my neck and looked at his watch.

"Why?" I asked still trying to shake the feeling.

"Your heart is very fragile, severe emotional stress can trigger an arrhythmia. Not necessarily a dangerous one, but the ICD corrected it with a few short impulses. You weren't actually shocked."

"That felt… really weird."

"I know it did, was it painful?"

"Not really. It felt like a massive flutter, like when my arrhythmia was really bad."

"That sounds about right, how do you feel now?"

"Ok, a little… whoa but I'm ok. We don't have to go to the hospital right? Or call mom?"

"No, no hospital. During your next appointment I'll check over the results. Luckily your next appointment is in two days otherwise I'd want to move that up. As for mom – well she'd want to know."

"She'll want to know why and if I tell her it's because I'm mad at you she won't ever leave me alone again."

"You're mad at me?"

"Yeah, royally pissed is more like it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

"You're gonna kill yourself."

"No more discussing that."

"But I don't want you to."

"No more."

"She won't let you."

"Briar please you need to take a nap."

"I'm not four I can decided when I take a nap. I'm not tired!" I yelled.

"Please don't get-" He didn't get to finish his sentence because my heart fluttered again.

"Damn it!" I yelled.

"If you don't calm down it will keep happening," he said. "Deep calming breathes."

Part of me felt like he was mocking me.

"I can't keep this from her."

"Let me tell her what I am. Please?" he asked.

"Promise me, if she wants it you'll change her someday and you won't kill yourself."

"I can't make that promise. Besides she might not want me anymore."

"God your stupid for such a genius."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you not see the way she looks at you? Has she ever questioned you about why you're so cold or why you don't eat?"

"No"

"Because she loves you and doesn't care," I said. "But seriously how has she not noticed it! I mean when… you guys… are close does she not realize your different?"

"I don't keep her close for too long and as for that – not having that discussion," he said as I reached up and felt his neck.

"You don't have a pulse. I know a pulse and you don't have one."

"My entire body is frozen. My heart doesn't beat."

"How has she not noticed that? She rests her head against your chest all the time," I said as he took my hand and placed it over his chest. I felt nothing than suddenly little twitches as if his heart was beating, then nothing again.

"I can contract my muscles and make it seem like I do. Sound wise when her ear is pressed against me, her own heart makes the sound she probably thinks is mine."

"Freaky."

"I am a vampire."

"We've established that." I smirked.


	8. Chapter EIGHT

**Esme's POV**

I was a mess. I had finally agreed to have dinner with Carlisle alone. I was going out on my first date in years and I was utterly terrified. What if it turns out we don't have much in common? What if, once we're alone he realizes exactly how messed up I am. What if all I can talk about is Briar? She's all we ever talk about, but tonight, there is no talk about RCM, heart failure, CVC lines, ICD's, arrhythmias, or heart transplants. Tonight is about us getting to know each other better. What if he doesn't like what he finds out?

"Hold still!" Briar ordered as she did my mascara so – as she said my eyes will 'pop'. "I will poke you in the eye!" she threatened.

"I'm not moving."

"You're twitching."

"Fine, sorry," I told her as she put the wand down.

"Perfect, every single lash is defined," she said holding up a mirror. One thing Briar could do better than anyone else was eye make-up. It's like she paints the mascara and shadow on.

"Wonderful," I said. "You did great."

"I know." She shrugged with that smirk. "Now what are you going to wear?" she asked going to my closet.

"I haven't decided. I mean he never told me if this was formal or casual. What if I wear a dress and he's wearing jeans?" I asked truly worried. I didn't want to look like a fool.

"Well I once heard you can't go wrong with your little black dress!" she said pulling out the black cocktail dress I had bought for a client's function a few years ago. It was just above knee-length, A-line in satin – very simple but elegant.

"It's not too…"

"It's perfect. Add a necklace and heels and you'll look gorgeous," she said now digging around for shoes.

When she found the shoes she went looking for a necklace then gave me everything and left shutting the door behind her. As I put the heels on I walked out to find her so she could zip up my dress.

"Are you gonna tell her?" she asked Carlisle who was now standing in my living room in dark slacks, a white dress shirt, and blazer with no tie. He looked amazing as he smiled at me.

"Oh! You're early, Briar I need you," I said backing up through the hall way. She followed me and shut my bedroom door. As she zipped up my dress then clasped the necklace I had to ask.

"What does he need to tell me?"

"I can't tell you. He will, don't worry and just… keep your mind open and remember I know."

"That doesn't exactly make me feel great."

"It'll be fine, there you're done!" she announced as I spun around once in the mirror. I looked… well great if you asked me. Briar really is a very good personal stylist. "Hot momma," she said.

"Thank you baby. Are you sure you're going to be ok tonight?"

"Mom, really I need this more than you do."

"I'll be right next door, with my cell phone."

"Got it, let's go," she said pulling my hand and leading me back out to the living room where Carlisle stood waiting – a hand behind his back. He smiled when he saw me and pulled the hand out. He held a small bouquet of roses.

"You look amazing," he said giving me the flowers and kissing my cheek.

"Thank you, so do you. Let me put these in-" Briar interrupted me.

"Here's a vase!" she said holding it out. I slid the roses inside and she put it on the table.

"They're lovely," I told him.

"Not as lovely as you," he said.

"Ok you two have reservations at Casa De Cullen. You don't want to be late!" Briar said opening the front door. She was really ready to get rid of me tonight.

"Alright, be good call me or come over if something happens."

"Carlisle and I have already discussed this – see this," she said pulling a small, what looked like car alarm button from her pocket. "I press this and he'll run. It's all good mom."

"Ok I love you. Don't stay up to late," I said kissing her forehead.

"We'll be right next door," Carlisle told her.

"Get out." She grinned as we walked out and she shut the door.

We both laughed as he held out his arm. I entwined my arm around his elbow and he walked me to his condo. It was dimly lit with candles and smooth music playing, so very romantic. Dinner smelled great. He lead me to the table and pulled out my chair for me. There was only one plate and glass on the table, on my side.

"Are you not eating?" I asked confused.

"Dinner will be ready shortly but I'd like to talk first, please?" he asked as he took his seat.

"Of course, is something wrong?"

"Esme there's something about me, you don't know," he said taking my hand. "Do you feel me? My body temperature?"

"You have poor circulation."

"I have no circulation," he said taking my hand and pressing it against his wrist. There was no pulse and suddenly something went off in my mind. I've never felt a pulse on him, but that's impossible.

"You're dead," I whispered.

"Technically yes, but Esme I love you and for us to work out you have to know what I am."

"What you are? I don't understand. How do you not have a pulse?"

"My body is frozen. I'm immortal."

"Immortal? What are you talking about Carlisle?"

"Look at me," he asked as I did.

I didn't understand what he was talking about. As I watched him intently everything clicked. Pale, cold, strong, immortal, inhumanly beautiful. It all made sense, but how? They don't exist, late night horror movies are messing with my head.

"You don't have fangs."

"No," he chuckled. "I don't. Ask me what I eat."

"Blood."

"Animal blood. I'm not what you think, I'm not a monster."

"Of course you're not. You could never be a monster."

"I'm a vampire."

"Briar knows?"

"She figured it out about a week ago. She confronted me when you were at work."

"How did she know?"

"Google," he laughed. "And she was open to believing it I guess."

"And she just said… Carlisle I know you're a vampire?"

"No, she asked a few questions and I told her to ask me, I wouldn't lie so she did. Straight forward, are you a vampire."

"And you just told her?"

"I wasn't going to lie to her. She's very astute. Lying to her would have just cost me her trust."

"I love you," I said suddenly, without reason or hesitation. I love him, no matter what.

"I love you too."

"So I'm in love with a vampire." I laughed – it sounds so crazy.

"Yes you are. Talk to me, ask questions."

"You don't drink human blood?"

"Never in my almost four centuries."

"Four centuries? As in four hundred years? You're four hundred years old?"

"From my actual human birthdate I'm about three-hundred and seventy-seven give or take a few years." He smirked.

"Tell me everything."

And he did – we spend hours talking. He was born in the mid seventeenth century to an angelic pastor. His mother died in child birth, another reason he felt the need to be a doctor. As he aged and his father's health declined he took over the duties of the church which included hunting for vampires and other creatures of the night. When he was about thirty-six he lead a hunt into the sewers of London in search of a coven of vampires – he found them. Carlisle was somehow bitten, but because he knew what he was becoming he hid himself away in a cellar for three agonizing days. After awakening he removed himself from human society and many times tried to kill himself for what he had become. He didn't want to be a monster so he starved himself for months. One night a heard of deer passed his hiding spot and he lunged. He was so thirsty and in the end he found he could survive on the blood of animals just as well as humans – he chose animals. For almost four centuries he's been alone. Devoting himself and his skills to saving human lives.

"Like everything else in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given," he said.

"You're a saint."

"Far, far from it love." He laughed. "I very much enjoy saving lives, I do it for myself as well."

"You're amazing."

"So are you. Briar was very right."

"What did she say?"

"Short quote, 'she would accept you, she loves you'."

"She knows me." I smirked as one of the candles burned out. We both looked for the time. It was almost two in the morning.

"Oh my god. Have we really spent six hours just talking?"

"It's doesn't seem like it," he said standing up and helping me from my chair. "May I walk you home my love?"

"I'd very much like that," I said wrapping my arms around his neck. He bent his head down to my neck and kissed it softly. "Easy there, I'm quite fond of my blood." I giggled as he sucked on my skin lightly.

"I could never take a drop from you," he whispered as his lips traveled up to my ear than down beneath my jaw until he finally took my lips as his.

I let my hands roam south just a little, down his muscular back then around his sides. He was so hard but at the same time his skin through his shirt felt soft – it was the strangest thing. When I felt a little too naughty my hands began their ascent back up, but oh how I wished to go lower and lower and lower. He broke the kiss so I could breath, which by the way he didn't need to, and walked me home the few feet. When we walked in the living room the lights were off but the TV on, illuminating the room and Briar who slept on the couch, an arm hanging off the side and her little mouth opened just slightly. She was adorable and Carlisle chuckled as he saw her.

"She stayed up waiting for you," he said.

"Yep, now how on earth am I getting her to bed?" I asked walking forward, he stopped me.

"I'll take her," he said going ahead of me.

He ever so gently rolled her all the way on her back and lifted her effortlessly. Her little head rested on his shoulder and her arms and legs hung limb as he held her just tight enough. What really got me was when he placed his hand on the back of her head so it didn't slump from his shoulder. He looked perfect and she of course looked like my Briar-Rose – my sleeping beauty, as he laid her down gently in the four-post wrought-iron bed and I pulled the white down comforter up over her then kissed her forehead.

"Good night sweetie," I said as I turned and walked away towards Carlisle who stood in the doorway with a smile on his face. He walked out so I could shut the door.

"I guess this is goodnight," he sighed quietly with a small smile.

"Yeah, but that was the best date I've ever had." I giggled.

"One day, we'll really go out."

"I think, maybe that would be nice. She was fine tonight. I think she'll be ok alone for a few hours."

He suddenly smiled brightly. "Tell me when. I'll plan the best evening you've ever had."

"Surprise me," I said as he took my face in his hands and bent his head down to my lips.

"I love you," he whispered as we separated.

"I love you," I said.


	9. Chapter NINE

**Carlisle's POV**

After spending my days at the hospital I don't come home to my condo much anymore. I go straight to Esme's then after normally an hour or two I'll go next door to give her and Briar their time but once Briar's asleep I come in through the balcony in Esme's room. We spend the night until she falls asleep talking about anything and everything but one thing we've not talked about is changing either her or Briar to which I'm very thankful and more thankful Briar hasn't told her of my plans. After she falls asleep I just watch her. She's so perfect as she rests her head on my chest until morning.

Today was one of my favorite days when working. Briar had an appointment which meant she and Esme would be coming in just before lunch. Once we were done I would take them to lunch. I both loved and hated having Briar as my patient. I'd never let anyone else care for her but I hated having to give her and Esme bad news. Briar's heart was getting worse. Since the RCM made her heart very stiff it caused problems with filling and pumping blood out resulting in a 'backup' of blood in the atria. Said simply she wasn't pumping enough blood out at a great enough force. As I picked up her file from one of my nurses I opened the door to the exam room. Esme pulled a chair up next to the exam table and held Briar's hand.

"Hello, how are you two doing today?" I asked flipping through Briar's vitals in the chart.

"Fantastic," Briar said. For once I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or serious. "Really I feel great today."

"That's wonderful!"

"So don't give me bad news got it?"

"Let's hope there is no bad news to give" I said shutting the door since I planned on not using my stethoscope. It was one more way to make Briar a little more comfortable. "Take a deep breath," I said and she did. "Great one more for me," I asked concentrating on the air whooshing in and out of her lungs. They sounded about as good as I expected, as good as they have been.

"So I get pizza still right?" she asked as I checked her CVC.

"We never agreed on pizza," Esme told her.

"In fact I believe there was something said about that vegan restaurant," I said.

"You both suck."

Briar felt well enough so we parked my car at the park and went to a picnic table so they could eat. It was late October now – almost five months since Esme and Briar came into my dull life and made it bright. I loved them both more than anything and would do anything to make them happy. Except the one thing Briar wanted.

"It's so cold already" Briar said as she pulled her coat tighter around her body. Maybe the park wasn't the best of ideas but it wasn't raining and there was no sun so it was perfect to be out in. I pulled my coat off and walked around to her side, placing it over her shoulders before returning to Esme. "Thanks"

"You're welcome. Are you ok love?" I asked Esme.

"I'm fine it's not too bad to me," she said eating the small morsel of food she clearly didn't like. Vegan food wasn't one of Esme's favorites but since she had made Briar eat it, she would too.

"So I got my test date today for my GED," Briar said.

"That's great when is it?"

"It starts on November 16th and lasts two days,"

"Friday night and Saturday."

"That's freaky you know that so quickly," she laughed. "That would take me like ten minutes to count out, and then I'd give up and looked at a calendar."

"One of my many talents," I chuckled.

"One of them," Esme said snuggling closer to my side.

"Eww," Briar said as I kissed Esme. "I'm going for a walk."

Esme and I kept it up like two teenager for a little while than stood up and walked hand in hand to find Briar. We found her near a playground. She was watching the few children play and laugh.

"Sweetie, Carlisle needs to get back to work are you ready to go?" Esme asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Briar said turning around with a forced smile.

As we walked back towards the car I couldn't help but think what we looked like. Esme had an arm around Briar and I had Esme's hand clutched in mine… we looked like a family. It seems as though Alice was right, maybe I can have the family I've always wanted. It would be unconventional but I loved them both so it wouldn't matter.

That night as I laid in Esme's bed with her resting on top of me I couldn't stop my smile. We had a good day today and tonight I spent with Esme. I was the happiest vampire/man on earth. Until I heard soft cries from across the condo. It was Briar. I listened for her heart and breathing, both sounded good a little fast but that's because she was crying. I didn't think she was in any immediate danger so I decided to wake Esme.

"Esme," I rubbing her shoulder. "Love?"

"Hm," she moaned as she slowly woke up.

"Briar's crying," I told her as she shot up and off the bed and grabbed her robe. I heard small footsteps coming out of Briar's room. "She's coming in here. I'll let you guys have some time." I said standing up.

Briar didn't know I spend every night with Esme so I didn't want her to find me in here. I kissed Esme as the footsteps came closer than slipped out the balcony door and jumped over the divider to my condo.

"Baby what's wrong?" I heard Esme ask.

I was listening, I was worried about Briar. I probably shouldn't have been. I mean I could have very easily tuned them out like I did everyone else in the building but I didn't.

"I'm scared," Briar whispered. Why I don't know.

"Oh baby come here." Esme said as I heard the bed move slightly with Briar's weight. She climbed into bed with Esme. "What's wrong sweetie?"

"I don't wanna die."

"You're not going to."

"I'm scared of dying mom. Really scared but I'm also scared I won't and when I get a heart it'll be so hard. What if after all of this I reject it? What if I can't handle it?" she asked.

I understood what she was saying. Having a transplanted heart isn't easy. She'll be taking more medications than she is now. The responsibility in itself is daunting. Someone died so you could have their heart and one tiny mistake could make their sacrifice obsolete – it was scary.

"It'll be ok baby, it will," Esme told her.

"How do you know?" Briar cried.

"I have faith."

"But I don't. I just can't there's too many reasons why it won't work."

"You have to. Honey you are so strong. Everything you've been through, there's a reason for it."

"What if there's no point in all this medicine, this defibrillator; what if in the end none of it does any good and I still die. Why should I fight something that I can't control?"

"You don't want to die. That's why you fight – because your life is so precious and it's not something you give up on."

"I'm just so scared. I wish there was an easier way."

"I know baby, I know."

"Why won't Carlisle just change me?"

Why won't I change her? I won't damn her to this life. I won't take her life away when there is another option. She's just a child. Even if there wasn't another way I don't even know if it would work. Her heart is so weak and the change takes such a toll on it. It would need to be able to take the stress and I don't think it could. I know venom can change the dying. I learned that from Aro, the leader of the Volturi. He's witnessed hundreds of transformations and during my stay with them centuries ago he told me of the miracles he's seen venom do. But I know the heart has to be able to carry the venom through the body. It's thicker than blood and Briar's heart already has a hard time carrying blood. I don't know for sure but I don't think hers would be able to do it.

Esme never responded to Briar and before long Briar had cried herself to sleep then Esme followed suit shortly after. I had a feeling that discussion about changing would be happening soon and Esme won't be happy with what I say. What if me not willing to do that would mean I lose her? Would I change my mind? I've said I'd do anything for them would I be willing to do that to keep her?

Tonight I was taking Esme out. She told me to surprise her so I am with a romantic dinner. I asked for Briar's help, which she agreed to. I bought the dress and Briar assured me she'd have Esme ready and waiting by seven o'clock. It was now six fifty-nine so I stood in front of their condo door and knocked. Briar opened the door with a smile.

"She's almost done but she wants to know where you're going."

"Well that's our little secret." I chuckled as she closed the door behind me.

"I know, I didn't say-" she was cut off by a violent cough. I rubbed her back and led her over to the couch, making her sit as I listened to her lungs. She had a bit more fluid than normal which concerned me. "I'm good," she cleared her throat and wiped her eyes.

"Have you been coughing more than usual?"

"No same as always. Seriously I'm fine," she smiled as Esme's bedroom door clicked open. "Don't tell her," she glared at me as I stood up and turned to Esme who was just walking in. Looking ravishing I might add.

"Gorgeous," I said taking her hand and kissing the top lightly. I could smell the blood rushing to her cheeks as she blushed.

"Thank you," she said. "Ready?"

"Of course" I said "I'll meet you in the hall. I just want to give Briar the name and number of the restaurant once more." I said kissing her cheek.

"Ok, I love you baby. Don't stay up to late," she told Briar.

"Got it, have fun love you mom." Briar said as Esme walked out and shut the door.

"Let me see your feet," I said kneeling down in front of Briar. I slipped her sock off and looked for signs of edema, excess fluid buildup.

"You're weird," she said as I slipped the sock back on and took her hand. Both her hands and feet looked fine, no more swollen than usual.

"You have fluid in your lungs."

"I'm in heart failure, it goes along with it."

"More than normal."

"I'm fine I promise. I'm not lying."

"I didn't say you were but I'm concerned."

"Carlisle stop it and go have fun with my mom. Please just don't tell her tonight. I'm not saying never to tell her but just let her have a good night tonight. She's been… stressed."

"I've noticed."

"Then go and cheer her up." She smiled.

"Ok, you have my number, your moms, the restaurants, but Briar if you start feeling anything other than how you do now please call an ambulance first. Call on the house phone so they can trace it in case you pass out."

"I know but I won't need to." She said standing up and walking me to the door. She opened it a waiting Esme.

"Everything ok?" Esme asked.

"Yep, got the number in my phone."

Esme kissed her cheek once more than we walked to the elevator.

We made small talk as I drove to the restaurant I had rented out for the evening. When I led her inside she looked at me with eyebrows raised since it was empty. No one, not staff or patrons were here. It was ours for the night. I had the staff start her dinner just before they left. It was just now done so I sat her down and pulled it from the oven. I walked back and placed it in front of her.

"Carlisle this looks amazing. Where is everyone?"

I smiled, "this is ours for tonight."

"You're amazing," she said.

As she ate we talked a little but then the conversation took a quick turn – a turn I wished it hadn't.

"Briar said you won't change her."

"Do you want me to?"

"I want my daughter to live."

"She will. She'll get a heart and she'll live a long and happy life."

"But what if she doesn't?"

"Esme if I changed Briar she'd be frozen like I am. She'd be fifteen forever."

"But she'd be healthy and alive."

"She wouldn't be alive."

"She wouldn't have a pulse but she'd be alive."

"Do you want me to change her?" I asked again.

"If worse comes to worst I don't want her to die."

"The second venom enters the blood stream it makes its way to the heart. Venom is much thicker than blood and the heart has to pump it through the body over and over again. Briar's heart can barely pump her blood. I highly doubt it would be able to pump venom."

"Are you saying she can't be changed?"

"I don't think she'd survive it. Besides Esme this isn't a life you should want for her. She has the chance to live, to grow up, get married and have kids. She'd lose that if I changed her."

"What about me?"

"Please Esme, don't ask me that." I begged.

"You'll always be thirty-six but I won't be. I'm going to grow older and one day I will die."

"That's the point of life."

"But you won't."

"I won't grow old."

"And you won't die."

"Esme… I can't live without you now. I won't because after being with you it wouldn't be living."

"What does that mean?" she asked keeping her voice low as her eyes narrowed into slits.

"I love you." I told her, avoiding the question. I had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well. She was going to react worse than Briar.

"Carlisle Cullen… what… does… that… mean?" she asked slowly.

"My life will end with yours," I said quietly as her hand came up quickly across my face. She slapped me and stood up then turned away. I rushed up in front of her. "Esme please listen to me."

"No!" she screamed. "You listen to me! And you listen good!" she yelled, her face red with anger. "You will not end your life because of me!"

"Esme I can't live without you."

"You plan to kill yourself!" she screamed. "How dare you say such a thing! Your life is precious to so many people. You will not end that because of me. If that is the case than I won't die!" she said. "We will live together forever," she yelled once again.

"I won't change you."

"That's not just your choice, it's ours. If you want to be together than you don't get to make that decision."

"I won't take your life away."

"Then we can't be together." She told me as she walked past me. I darted back in front of her before she got to the door.

"Is that really what you want? To be like me?"

"It's a choice that we should make together." She told me as she wiped away a tear.

"Do you know what you're asking me to do? You're asking me to take away your humanity."

"Carlisle what do you think of yourself?"

"I'm eternally damned."

"You couldn't be damned. You are the kindest most compassionate man I've ever met."

"I'm not a man. I'm a vampire."

"And there is no other being, man or vampire better than you." She said lifting her hand to my cheek. "You save lives – lives you could be taking. If you think you're damned by vampire nature than you need to rethink that logic because though you may be a vampire, you don't go by vampire nature," she said. "Did you ever think maybe being what you are was a gift?"

"How?"

"You were given the gift to be able to help people, forever. You believe in god – I know you do I've seen that cross. God gave you this gift of immortality to do good things and you have and you'll continue to do so because I won't let you end your life," she told me. "I would give up my human life to make sure you continue using that gift. If you can't live without me then don't because you don't have to. You've spend too long alone and now you don't have to."

"Why would you give up your life for me?"

"Because you'd give up yours for me," she told me softly kissing my lips.

I pulled her close, placing my hands on either side of her face as her hands went to my shirt and unbuttoned each button slowly while I walked us back to the small sofa by the fireplace in the private dining room. I laid her down gently as she slid my shirt off of my shoulders. One of my hands left her face to the back of her dress and slid the zipper down. She helped me work it off and down to her waist.

"I love you," I whispered as our lips parted briefly.

"I love you," she panted as she unzipped my trousers and I shrugged them off then did away with the rest of her clothing.

We made love on that sofa, in that restaurant. All of our worries fell away as we came together, basking in the love we had created. She was so soft and warm and shivered lightly under my touch as I gave her everything I could and more. As we finished for the third time she lay panting on my chest. Her hair fell everywhere and a light sheen of sweat lay on her body as I wrapped her in my arms. It was then I realized I couldn't let her go. I would do anything for her even the one thing I had forbid myself to. If she wanted, when she was ready I would change her. I would make her mine forever, in every way possible.

"Amazing," she whispered and she was.


	10. Chapter TEN

**Briar's POV**

I probably should have made a little smart ass remark about mom not getting home till four o'clock in the morning… again but to be honest I wasn't up to it. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning so I went from my bed, to the couch in the living room as mom fluttered about the apartment in a great mood. Ever since she and Carlisle had their 'surprise' date last week she been so much happier – less stressed.

"So how would you feel about that?" mom asked. I wasn't listening I was more concerned with how hard it was to really breath.

"About what?"

"If Carlisle were to you know… stay the night every once in a while?"

"Oh um… I don't really care. Fine with me."

"Really? Are you sure because I don't want to upset you."

"Positive. Hey can you feel my forehead? I think I have a fever," I said as she came close and pressed her hand to me and her eyes went wide.

I began a violent coughing bout and when it stopped there was yellowish gunk on my hand.

"Eww," I groaned as she quickly grabbed a paper towel and wiped off my hand before putting her cell phone to her ear and sitting down next to me, rubbing my hand softly.

"Carlisle, I think Briar's sick," she said. "She has a fever and she's coughing more than normal. Yellow mucus came up."

She turned to me, "baby is your chest tight?"

"It hurts to breath."

"Ok we're coming," she said in the phone. "Right to the ER, not your office?" she asked. "What are you thinking?"

She seemed to be growing more and more concerned. "Ok we'll be there soon. I don't need to call an ambulance? Are you positive?"

I decided to voice my opinion, "no."

"Alright I love you. We'll be there soon." she said before hanging up.

"He thinks you have pneumonia. We're going to the emergency room." She told me as she stood up and disappeared towards my room. She came back with my coat and boots. I hadn't changed out of my pajamas and I doubted she'd let me not that I really cared but I was just in a tank top and flannel bottoms. She helped me bundle up in the coat and then went into her room. She brought a scarf and wrapped it around my neck. She helped me up and down to the car where a few more coughing fits ensued with more yellow crap.

She was driving a bit too fast and I was really worried we'd get pulled over but we didn't. She pulled up to the ER entrance where Carlisle was waiting in his lab coat and stethoscope around his neck. He opened my door and picked me up. I voiced the fact that I could walk but he didn't let me. Mom followed us in and straight back to a curtain area where two nurses followed us. The first thing Carlisle did was have one of the nurses put an oxygen mask on my face and get my coat and scarf off. Then he listened to my chest with his prop and tapped around a few times with his hands.

"Let's go ahead and call for a chest x-ray, do some blood work, and start antibiotics. She has pneumonia," he told one of the nurses as she handed him a file to sign.

He wrote for a minute than handed it back so she could leave while the other took my vitals. When she told him the information he didn't look too happy.

"Is she going to be ok?" mom asked rubbing my hand as I concentrated on the oxygen blowing through the mask. It was helping my chest some already. I wasn't feeling so deprived of oxygen.

"Her oxygen levels are a little low but the mask is helping. Briar when did this start?" he asked.

"I woke up really bad this morning."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" mom asked and I shrugged.

I didn't want to tell her because she was finally loosening up on the overprotectiveness and I didn't want her to go back to it. I enjoyed my little bit of freedom when she stayed over at Carlisle's or they went out. More than that I knew she enjoyed it and I didn't want to worry her.

"We caught it before it could get too bad but unfortunately this is serious. Briar I'm going to have to admit you."

"No, please don't." I begged. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in the hospital.

"I don't have a choice. This is very serious, you need intravenous fluids and high dose antibiotics along with oxygen care around the clock."

"Can't you do that at home? I don't wanna be in the hospital Carlisle, I'm gonna have to spend enough time here as my heart gets worse and don't lie and say I won't because I know. Most heart transplant recipients were in the ICU before getting a heart. I have that to look forward to, don't make me spend more time here then I'm already gonna have to." I begged. He and mom shared a look before he took a breath and opened his mouth.

"It's dangerous to treat you at home. If you stop breathing I'll have to intubate then rush you here in an ambulance. That's a distinct possibility with your condition and pneumonia. But I can, I'll take the time off and watch you there. I don't mean every once in a while check in on you. I'll have to keep constant observation over you."

"Please?"

"Baby maybe it's not a good idea," mom said caressing my hand.

Carlisle nodded, "it's really not the best."

"But you can do it. If anyone can it's you." I said then broke into another coughing fit. I had to move the mask so cough up the gunk in my chest.

"I'm not making a decision yet. I'll wait on your blood work then decide. If I feel it's too dangerous I'm admitting you and there's nothing you can say to prevent that. If I take you home and at any time feel you're getting worse, we're coming back."

"Ok"

"I'll go ahead and get the equipment ready and have someone cover my patients for the time being."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. I still haven't said yes."

I laid back and rested for the time it took Carlisle to get everything ready. When the blood work came back he didn't look as worried – in fact he looked relieved.

"You have mycoplasma pneumonia, in healthy patients it's very easily treated. You're going to be a little more difficult but the good news is if you have to have pneumonia this is one of the kinds you'd want. I'm keeping you on the high dose IV amoxicillin and adding another antibiotic, azithromycin which will be a tablet. Along with fluids, oxygen, and lots of rest hopefully we can knock this out at home." He smiled.

"Thank you!"

"But," he said stopping my celebration. "Any signs of this not working and we're coming right back. Lights and sirens if necessary."

"Understood but it won't be necessary."

"Ok if I get any resistance from you I won't be going easy on you again young lady." He said sternly.

"I'll be the most compliant patient you've ever had."

"Alright my car is around front. You're not leaving my side, understood." He said as he helped me off the gurney and changed my mask to another oxygen tank.

"Completely" I told him.

"Esme if you want I can run back and get your car."

"No I'll drive it. She's in good hands with you," mom said kissing my cheek. "Behave, I love you. I'll see you at home."

"Love you too," I said.

She kissed Carlisle's cheek and he rolled me out while she went to find her car that security had to park since she hadn't left my side since we got here.

Carlisle wouldn't let me walk. He carried the huge bag on his left shoulder and me bridal style up to the condo. I asked him to let me stay on the couch and he complied – running back to my bedroom for my pillows and blankets, which he wrapped me up in snuggly before starting to empty the bag. Scary things came out.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the plastic case he set on the table.

"A laryngoscope blade set and endotracheal tube in case intubation is necessary."

"Does it really need to come out of the bag?"

"It's staying as close to your head as possible. I refuse to lose a second of precious time getting it out if I need it."

"Awe, you care," I giggled causing another coughing fit. "Can I get cough syrup?"

"Absolutely not. You need to cough up the sputum in order to get better. Antitussives will keep you from coughing," he said then looked up to me. "Any chance you'd ever want to go into the medical profession?"

"Really?"

"Just curious."

"Hell no."

"What do you want to do someday?"

"I don't know, I don't really think about it. I sometimes doubt I'll have the chance so thinking about it makes me sad." I told him as mom walked in.

"They parked my car as far away as humanly possible, with staying on hospital grounds," she said setting her purse down. "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" she asked kissing my forehead.

"Same as I was thirty minutes ago," I told her. "Tell Carlisle he should put away his scary medical stuff."

"Does he need it?"

"Yes" he said.

"Then no, compliant remember?" she asked lifting my legs and sitting down with them in her lap.

"Oh foot massage." I said as they both giggled and she began rubbing my feet.

"Personal masseuse, personal doctor, I could get used to this." I smiled before coughing again. Carlisle pressed a tissue in my hand and moved the mask so I could spit the goop up once again. This was gonna be a fun few days – not.

**Esme's POV**

After another few coughing fits, an entire bottle of water and a bathroom break Briar finally fell asleep. She was propped up by pillows on one end of the couch, me in the middle with her legs still in my lap, and Carlisle on the other end. I cuddled into Carlisle.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, but I'm serious Esme if she gets even the slightest bit worse we're going back to the hospital."

"I know but at least your giving her the chance to be comfortable. You're so amazing."

He smiled gently, "she deserves to be comfortable. She has a long road ahead of her and she was right. By the time she does get a heart it's most likely she will need to be in the hospital."

"Have you thought any more about the LVAD?" I asked. At her last appointment Carlisle was talking about the possibility of Briar needing another device. This one is called a left ventricular assisted device, LVAD. If her heart gets weak enough and can't pump her blood well enough this device will pump it for her.

"Right now I think she's ok without it. I don't want to do it unless necessary because it is open heart surgery. But I'd rather you both know about the possibility than spring it on you suddenly. Besides she could get a heart before its necessary."

"She can't get a heart right now though."

"Not while she's sick. I had to let the transplant committee know and they deactivated her for the time being. Once she's better she'll be activated again."

"We don't have to tell her that do we?" I asked. "I mean what's the likely hood a heart would come up during this time anyway?"

"The same as it's been but there's always that chance that's why we had to deactivate her so if a heart became available it could go to the next person right away instead of the delay of letting them know she can't have it. With hearts there can't be a delay it's such a short window of time."

"Six hours from the time the heart is removed from the donor. I know."

"Six hours to save a life, but when those six hours are up and someone is getting a new heart it's amazing."

"You love what you do."

"I do, very much. I'm very thankful that I do it especially now. If I didn't I might not have met you. I'll never be happy Briar is sick but she brought you to me. Its right now I'm so grateful I can do what I do. It's saving someone I love."

"You love her?" I smiled

"As if she were my own," he said without hesitation.

"That makes me so happy," I whispered as Briar coughed. We both looked to her. She spit into a tissue then fell back asleep just as quickly.

"Besides you she's the most precious gift I've ever received. So thank you for giving me her. For giving me the chance to love her so dearly."

"She is amazing. Like I've said, best thing I'll ever do in my life was create her." I said. "Carlisle?"

"Yes love."

"She never had a father figure, a real one, she had grandfathers but that's it. We're a package deal, me and her. Are you sure you want that?"

He smiled again, "more than anything."

"I think you two should spend more quality time together."

"Oh we will be, so much she might start to hate me," he chuckled

"I love you," I said with tears in my eyes.

"I love you," he told me.


	11. Chapter ELEVEN

**Briar's POV**

I was finally getting better after my bout with pneumonia. Carlisle was true to his word, he didn't let me leave his side except to go to the bathroom but even then he made mom go with me. After four days on oxygen he took me off of it but still didn't leave me alone. I felt bad because I kept him from work but he told me not to. He hadn't taken a vacation day since he started so the two weeks he did didn't matter. All of his patients were taken care of by one of his colleagues but he lost one during that time. He said he knew it was happening so did the patient, it was just a matter of time. But I could tell he was upset so I asked him if he wanted to talk and he did. He talked to me. He said he felt like he had failed when someone died even if there was nothing he could do. I tried to tell him he shouldn't. He couldn't save everyone, he accepted my words but I don't think I convinced him any different. Carlisle was one of those people that carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. To be honest he had a god complex – not that I'd ever tell him that. He was a good person, truly perfect for my mom.

I took my GED test a few weeks ago. I won't get the results for a while but I feel good about it, it really wasn't too hard. Carlisle and mom both helped me study so I wasn't concerned. Though Carlisle did ask me if I was sure I never wanted to go back to school even if I did get a heart. I really didn't. I hated my Freshman year, maybe it's because I was starting to get sick but honestly I hate people my age. They are so dramatic, so a boy doesn't like you, get over it at least you're not dying! Yeah yell that at someone in the cafeteria and people tend to avoid you like the plague. I never wanted to go back to high school… ever. So I took the test and hopefully I passed and will get my high school diploma.

Carlisle and mom are great. He's helped her a lot. She's not stressed as much or as overprotective. He makes her really happy. I thought for sure after my pneumonia she'd go back to being way to overprotective, but she hasn't. By the way I think Carlisle's sneakily moving in and honestly if my mom thinks I don't know he spends every night here she's kinda losing it. A few of his books are now in moms home office, his clothes in her closet, and the only time he isn't here is when he's at work or he needs to hunt. If he's at his condo, she's with him. I don't mind, not at all I just think it's funny that she's trying to hide it. I swear one day I'll wake up and the wall between the condos will be gone. That might be funny.

It was mid-December. We had gotten a little bit of snow so far but nothing that's stuck. I expected Seattle to get a lot of snow, early but I guess they don't get as much as I thought. Today mom had a meeting with the people she lets run her company so Carlisle was over. We had all agreed babysitting wasn't necessary but on days that she'd be gone for a long time it was nice to still have company.

"Do you mind taking a drive with me?" Carlisle asked out of the blue.

"Why?"

"I want to show you something. It's not far but I want your opinion."

"M'kay gets me out of the house," I said. "Let me change."

I put my coat and shoes on then followed him downstairs to his car. One day I will drive this baby, mark my words.

"So where are we going?"

"I know by human standards this is quick."

"What?"

"How would you feel if I asked your mother to marry me?"

"Marry you? Seriously?" I asked and he nodded his head turning to glance at me. I was shocked. Six months they've known each other, dating for less than five. He's right that is quick but that's by human standards, which he is not. "Are you asking if I'd be upset?"

"Yes"

"I um… no I wouldn't be upset. It's quick but I mean you guys are soul mates. When?"

"Soon, part of me wanted to do it on Christmas but that's your birthday and I don't want to take that away from you so I thought maybe after Christmas."

"Do you have a ring?"

He smirked, "that's where we're going."

"You're letting me come with?"

"Like I said I need your opinion. I would be very thankful if you'd help me. Please?" He asked as we parked in front of Tiffany & Co in downtown Seattle.

"I'd love too" I smiled as he got out and opened my door. We walked into the decent size store and immediately a woman greeted us.

"Welcome to Tiffany's, my name is Sarah. What can I do for you today?" the woman grinned.

"I'm looking for an engagement ring." Carlisle said as she led us over to a counter and walked behind it.

"Lucky woman and who is this?" She asked about me.

"This is our daughter. She's helping me pick out the perfect ring."

I didn't miss that he said 'our' or when he suddenly looked to me when he caught his mistake – if it was a mistake. I didn't say anything. I kinda liked it. Though Carlisle has never acted like a father to me he does tell me he loves me every once in a while. He's never said anything about it and neither have I. I think he knows he can't replace my father and he's not trying to but he is a special person in my life because he is special to my mom.

"Alright, do you have any idea what carat or setting?" Sarah asked pulling out a few ridiculously conspicuous rings. I don't think my mom would like any of those. She's more for understated elegance. I waited to see what Carlisle would say as he looked at them.

"Nothing to extravagant. A solitaire, maybe a two carat," he said looking to me.

"She doesn't like flashy," I agreed as he smiled.

"Well you can't go wrong with a solitaire, what about the band? Diamonds?" she asked.

"No, simple."

"Well in that case I'd recommend our original Tiffany setting. It's a solitaire, a white gold band." She said showing him three rings, each getting progressively larger. "What's your price range?"

"Cost isn't an issue, as long as it's right." he told her simply and she grinned handing him the largest one.

"Two point five carats, my favorite," she said.

"That's too big," I told him.

"I agree, let me see the one point five and two." He asked. He held them in each hand then passed them to me. "What do you think? I'm leaning towards the two, is it too much?"

"No, this… is perfect." I grinned slipping it on my hand to test it out. It was much too loose for me. I pulled it off and gave it back to him after falling in love with it. Mom was so lucky – she deserved this.

"Can I get this now please?" he asked. "It's the perfect size," he told the woman.

"Of course but are you sure?"

"I'm positive," he told her. After paying he tucked the small blue box in his jacket pocket and put the paperwork in the other.

"Did you want to go anywhere while we're out?" he asked as we got in the car.

"We need candles and roses, lots of roses."

"Tonight?"

I laughed, "yeah, you're proposing tonight. I don't think I could keep this a secret!"

"You don't think it's too soon?"

"Nope… do you?"

"I've waited almost four hundred years. I'm ready." He smirked

Carlisle and I set up the condo. From the door there was a trail of rose petals leading to the living room. We had candles on every table with more bouquets of flowers. By the time we were done I was exhausted, and all I had done was light the candles. Around six my phone rang. Mom was on her way home so Carlisle rushed back to his condo and changed into a dress shirt since he had been wearing a sweater all day. I put a little dress that I had on, it wasn't too formal but it looked cute. Perfect for when I take a billion pictures.

"She just got in the elevator!" Carlisle called as I rushed back to the living room.

**Esme's POV**

I was so ready to get home to my baby and Carlisle. I hated having to go in to work and leave her alone all day but it's necessary so I can stay in the loop of what's happening in my company. I actually kind of missed designing but with Briar's health it was better I stay home as much as possible and let my other designers do what I couldn't. Maybe after Briar's transplant I can take a few jobs every now and then.

I was surprised by the fact the door wasn't opening for me. Usually Carlisle would have it open before I walked out the elevator but he didn't today so I unlocked the door and pushed it open. My jaw dropped. From the foyer there were rose petals and candles guiding my way in towards the living room. As I rounded the corner I saw Carlisle – standing in front of a side table that held bouquets of flowers and candles. He wore black slacks, a red dress shirt with the first few buttons undone and a blazer. Briar stood next to him. grinning just like he was – in a little dress.

"Welcome home love," Carlisle said walking towards me and taking my bag from my shoulder. Briar took it from him and set it somewhere as he took my hand and guided me back into the living room.

"Carlisle… what is all this?" I whispered with a smile. It was so beautiful, the white and red roses, the candles, and soft music in the background.

"Briar and I had a busy day," he and Briar chuckled. "Esme Ann Platt, you are simply amazing," he caressed my cheek making me blush. "I love you more than anything and I've waited for you for so long. I don't want to wait any longer," he said taking my left hand as his right reached into his blazer pocket and he dropped down to one knee.

"Oh my god," I whispered as he chuckled and pulled a small blue box from his pocket.

"I know this may seem too fast and if it does tell me. But I love you and your daughter more than anything in the world. Before I met you, I was a walking corpse, no pun intended," they laughed. "You brought me to life Esme and for that I can't thank you enough."

"Carlisle" I whispered as he opened the box to revel the most stunning ring in the world – one diamond sat in the middle. He pulled it from the box and handed the box to Briar.

"Esme Ann Platt, would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife? I promise to love you and take care of you forever."

"Yes," I giggled. "Yes I'll marry you!" I cried in joy as he slipped the ring onto my finger and stood up.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him as passionately as possible – in essence attacking him. He picked me up off the ground and swung me around.

"Thank you," he whispered as we parted. "You just made me-" he stopped and turned his head to Briar. "Briar," he said putting me down. I turned to face her and she was crying then she waved her hand at us.

"I'm happy," she cried as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you" I said.

"I love you too. Congratulations."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled. "You deserve this now let me go and kiss your fiancé," she laughed wiping her tears.

Carlisle kissed her forehead then grabbed and dipped me. His mouth joining mine. We were getting married. I was getting married to the man of my dreams. He was so wonderful to me and Briar that this had to be right. There wasn't a doubt in my mind about speed. He could have asked me months ago and I would have said yes. I loved him and nothing would change that.

"Thank you," he said again as our lips parted and a camera flashed. Briar stood there with the camera, snapping away.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Toast!" Briar said putting a glass in each of our hands. Carlisle's was empty and mine had a sip of champagne.

"I love you Esme. Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world." He said as our glasses touched.

"I love you Carlisle,"

I took the sip and he took the now empty glass, handed them both to Briar and pulled me close again.

"We're getting married," he smirked before entwining our tongues. He pulled us apart after a few moments so I could breathe.

"Yes we are," I smiled looking down at the ring on my hand. It was perfect, so perfect.


	12. Chapter TWELVE

**Carlisle's POV**

After leaving the hospital a little earlier than normal I went for a quick hunt. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, Briar's birthday. Esme and I had spent the last few days getting her gifts. She wanted a new laptop which we got her and a new IPod for her birthday as well as some clothes. For Christmas she asked for an Xbox. I wasn't really sure what that was until Esme and I went shopping. When we went down the list of games she wanted for it I was utterly surprised. The child wanted shooting games, honestly games where she would kill other players. It didn't exactly seem like something a sixteen year old girl would be interested in but then again Briar was far from the norm. She also wanted race car games and a few music ones; she would be able to play guitar apparently, even drums if she wanted. I guess it was something she could do to pass the time. Being cooped up in the condo did seem boring and with this subscription thing she'd be able to play with other people around the world. A form of social interaction you could call it.

I hadn't completely moved in to Esme's. I still kept most of my things at my condo but moved clothes, books, and my father's cross over to theirs. In essence I had moved in – I only went next door for books every once in a while. Esme moved some things around in her office so I could use it as a study but I rarely did. Most of my time was spend in our bedroom doing things I tremendously enjoyed more than reading or working, preferred was more like it in fact. As the elevator door opened I walked to our home and opened the door. Esme and Briar were in the kitchen, Briar was complaining about broiled chicken again as it cooked. She hated this diet I had her on but it helped her. She couldn't have much, if any salt and grease was an absolute not. While she may have hated it she couldn't argue with me. She had promised she wouldn't when it came to her health so instead she argued with Esme.

"Hello love," I snaked my arms around Esme and kissed her neck. She giggled softly and raised her hand to my face.

"Mmm, I missed you. How was your hunt?" she asked. This was average conversation now – she and Briar easily accepted what I was.

"Good but I just wanted to get back to you," I told her as I let her turn around in my arms so I could meet those marvelous lips. After pulling back slowly I caressed her warm cheek which flushed beautifully. Suddenly Briar began a horrid coughing fit. The fluid in her lungs had increased once more – the diuretics not working as well as they had been. It was worrisome because it meant her heart was trying to work harder by increasing her fluid volume, congesting her veins and in the end actually killing her instead of helping which is what her body thought it was doing by retaining fluid.

"Uh," she groaned.

"Are you ok?" I asked and she nodded her head.

She breathed a laugh, "yep good to see you too."

"I'm sorry. How was your day?"

"I got mail," she said standing up from the bar stool. She went to a kitchen drawer and pulled out a manila envelope then handed it to me. "Open it."

I opened the clasp and pulled out a few papers, one being a diploma. I couldn't help but smile, I was so proud.

"You passed!"

"Really high scores," she laughed.

I instinctively wrapped my arm around her shoulder. Words couldn't describe how proud I really was. She rested her head against my chest for a second then pulled back and I handed her the envelope. She took it to her room, leaving Esme and I alone for a moment.

"She's been so excited to tell you all day. She thought about calling but decided to wait to show you in person," she told me.

"I'm very proud of her. She did great."

I pulled her face close and kissed her lips as I sat down on the stool. She sat on my lap as my other hand ran through her hair. Oh how I had missed these lips all day! We were interrupted when unexpectedly I heard the distinct sound of Briar's heart picking up, faster and faster. I leaped from my seat – standing Esme to – her room. She clutched her chest as she sat on the bed then suddenly she yelped and fell backwards while she convulsed.

"Briar!" I yelled taking her face in my hands. She was just shocked by the ICD but her heart hadn't slowed down enough, it was going to happen again. "Hold on sweetheart." I said as I heard the device power up then it shocked her again.

By now Esme was just running into the room and she watched as Briar convulsed beneath my hands. Her feet had been dangling from the bed so they sprung up as she yelped again.

"Baby," Esme said taking Briar's hand. Her heart rate was still dangerously high so the device was going to shock again. I didn't have time to warn Esme as Briar convulsed and Esme jerked her hand away. The shock didn't hurt Esme, it just felt like a static electricity only somewhat stronger.

"Make it stop!" Briar screamed between gasps.

Unfortunately there was nothing I could do to stop it. The ICD was doing what it was designed to but thankfully with that last shock her heart slowed back into a normal rhythm. She had been in ventricular tachycardia, not as severe as the VF episode that warranted the ICD but still a heart rate that could have become extremely dangerous, even fatal.

I soothed her as best I could, "it's over Briar, it's over." Esme took her hand again and I continued to hold her face.

"Let's get you all the way on the bed." I said as Esme moved so I could gently maneuver Briar onto her pillow – she was still shaking in fear.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Esme asked.

"Briar how do you feel?" I asked.

She was crying still, "freaked the hell out. Like I just got kicked in the chest three times. Oh god that hurt."

"Ok Esme to be safe we're taking her to the hospital. We don't need an ambulance I think that might just upset Briar and we need to keep her heart rate normal and steady. My main concern is keeping that rate. We don't want her to be shocked again, so we're going to go slow and stay calm. Alright Briar? Can you do that for me, stay calm?"

"Yeah,"

"Alright I'm going to pick you up." I slid my arms under her legs and back. She placed her far hand on my chest as I held her close. Esme ran ahead and grabbed my keys before we went down to the garage. I slid Briar in the backseat with Esme holding her before getting up front and driving at a slow speed to the hospital.

Honestly the five hours we spent there weren't necessary. I just monitored her heart rate closely. When after five hours there were no signs of another severe arrhythmia I discharged her from the ER and we brought her home just before midnight. She was exhausted, mentally and physically drained so I carried her to her room.

"I need a shower," she said softly.

"If I help her is that alright?" Esme asked.

"Of course. If she needs to sit let her and take your time. I'll be right outside if you need me." I said as Esme walked with Briar to the small bathroom.

I decided to give them a little privacy and at least walk out to the living room. Tonight was frightening for all of us. Briar had yet to be shocked, she had been paced a few times before her heart could get to the point where it needed it but never fully shocked. While it may have frightened me I'm sure Esme was even worse and Briar… I'll have to talk to because she still trembled some in fear. She would probably be anxious now – after having received a shock patients tend to worry and wait for the next one. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't but either way it takes away some of their mental stability and their overall happiness.

Briar tends to act positive about getting a heart. I say act because that's what it was – an act for Esme. Deep down she wasn't sure she'd get a heart. I would sometimes hear her curse or cry at night, she'd mumble how it wasn't fair and I couldn't agree with her more. This wasn't fair to her or Esme. I was now worried the little hope she did manage to not have to fake was gone with this episode. She couldn't give up hope, she just couldn't.

"I can do it myself!" Briar suddenly yelled as the door slammed.

"Briar," Esme said as I walked back to the room. She sat down on Briar's bed with tears in her eyes.

"Love," I whispered pulling her into my arms.

"Oh Carlisle!" she sobbed as I held her tight.

"It's alright Es, she's ok."

"No she's not! She could have died, how can you say she's ok?" she sobbed. "Her heart about killed her again."

"The ICD did its job love. We knew this could happen, that's why we implanted it. I know that was terrifying to watch, I know it was but if she didn't have the ICD who knows what could have happened."

"Carlisle is she going to die?"

"No," I pulled her closer. "No" I repeated. "I won't let her die Esme. You know I won't let her die. She will get a heart." I said as she raised her head to look me in the eyes.

"What about mine?"

"What?" I was dumbfounded, was she saying what I think?

"If she doesn't get a heart before it's too late, I can give her mine."

"No you can't. That would be suicide no committee would approve that. That's not how it works Esme. People can't just donate hearts. The donor has to be brain dead," I said. "You would die."

"She's my daughter. I would die for her."

"I won't let you."

"So you'd rather her die?" she narrowed her eyes.

"She's not going to. She will get a heart, just not yours."

"You don't know that," she said. "She's sixteen, she hasn't even lived."

"Neither have you. I'm not going to let you do that."

"My life is not more important than hers."

"Esme this isn't something we should discuss. She'll get a heart, I promise. In the meantime there are still options to help her."

Before she could respond the shower shut off and Briar called for Esme asking for clothes. I left the room again so Briar could come out then once she was dressed Esme opened the door. I took a glance at my watch, the hand just ticked to midnight.

"Happy Birthday Briar," I said as she situated herself on the bed. She glanced over at the clock.

"Oh… thanks Carlisle. I didn't even realize."

"Happy Birthday baby," Esme kissed her cheek while pulling the blanket up.

"Thanks, sorry mom" she ducked her head. Esme caressed her cheek softly.

"It's ok honey. How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted"

"You will. You need to sleep." I said.

"Ok, I'll see you guys in the morning. Love you."

"Goodnight, love you too." I said.

"Night baby, Happy Birthday. I love you, sweet dreams," Esme kissed her forehead.

I shut off the light as Briar sunk into the bed and Esme closed the door. As we walked across the condo I pulled her close to me and she rested her head against my chest.

"You're still teaching me to wrap right?" I asked – preventing another difficult subject from coming up. She tightened her arms around me and laughed softly.

"Yes," she smiled as we closed the bedroom door.

We spent a little while wrapping all of Briar's birthday gifts. I was a pro and Esme was jealous for a second till she realized she didn't have to do it anymore and piled the gifts in front of me. We had a few good laughs and never returned to the subject of Briar's heart or hers.

In the morning Briar was still tired so she slept in while I ran out because Esme forgot candles for the cake she was baking – it was her tradition. Briar has never once had a store bought cake since Esme was such an amazing person in the kitchen. I just wish I could eat human food because I'm positive hers would be delicious. When I got home Briar was still sound asleep and Esme was in the kitchen decorating the cake.

"Candles," I placed them on the counter. "Ice cream," I placed it down with a smile.

"Ice cream?"

"Apparently you can't have cake without ice cream. Just a little will be fine."

"She's gonna love you," she smirked putting it in the freezer before greeting me with her amazing lips. I put my hands on her waist and lifted her on the counter –keeping our lips locked she wrapped her legs around my waist and ran her hands through my hair.

"This is what I wake up to? On my Birthday?" Briar asked walking in. I hadn't heard her, I was much too distracted by my love and her delicious lips.

"Happy Birthday!" Esme sang as I picked her up off the counter and placed her on her feet. She went to Briar and embraced her. "I can't believe you're sixteen!"

"Happy Birthday" I smiled giving Briar a hug when Esme let go. "How do you feel?"

"Still tired but it is one o'clock so I thought I should probably get up," she said "Almost thirteen hours and I'm still just as exhausted."

"Unfortunately it's normal. You'll regain your strength soon though," I told her as she sat down at the bar.

"What strength? Since when have I not been winded walking a few feet?" she scoffed as Esme set her afternoon medications out with water and handed me her injection. I let her take the pills first before pushing the syringe into her CVC then Esme handed me the saline to flush it.

"There you go," I said dropping the empty syringes into a sharps box Esme set on the counter.

"Cake looks good mom," she said with a half-smile.

"Thank you. Carlisle has a treat for you!" Esme said pulling the ice cream from the freezer and showing it to her.

"I hate vanilla."

"Oh I didn't know. I'll go get something else. What do you like?"

"Don't worry about it. S'not like I'd get much anyway."

"Briar he was just trying to do something nice."

"It's ok Esme."

"No its not. Briar you can drop the attitude."

"Why?" Briar narrowed her eyes. "He's your fiancé. He only did it to please you." She scoffed as she got off the bar stool and walked away. Esme started to go after her but I touched her arm.

"Can I?" I asked hoping I wasn't overstepping my bounds. She nodded silently and I walked towards Briar's room. She was back in bed under the covers.

"Briar, can I talk to you?"

"Just go away," she said – her voice breaking as the salty scent hit the air. I sat down on the foot of her bed.

"I understand your upset and you have every reason to be."

"Then go away."

"But," I started. "You need to talk about it. Are you really mad at me?"

"Yeah"

"Can I ask why?" I knew her anger wasn't really at me. I was just an easy person to put it on. She didn't respond to me so I kept going. "I know what you're going through isn't easy and you're probably quite angry that you have to go through it but doesn't mean you should project it at someone who was just trying to do something nice. I bought you ice cream because I thought you'd enjoy it. It had nothing to do with your mother."

"Bullshit," she said loudly as she sat up. "Everything you do is to make her happy. You deal with me because of her! If it wasn't for her… you wouldn't care!" she yelled. "I'd just be another patient, someone you'd see every few weeks or months and then I'd die like I'm going to! You wouldn't think twice."

"That's not true."

She was starting to cry, "yes it is! I'm not stupid. You tell me you love me to make her happy – you don't. You'd be happier if I wasn't around. You'll be happy when I die so you don't have to pretend. You'll pretend to cry at the funeral, put your arm around her then change her and live happily ever after. I was just the mistake that gave you the excuse to get in her pants in the first place!" she yelled. "If you really cared you wouldn't make me go through this!" she cried. "You'd change me, if you wanted me around you'd change me so I wouldn't have to live in this pain. Do you know what it's like?" she asked. "I take a handful of pills every few hours, an injection once a day, for what? So you can say you did everything you could?"

"Briar none of that is true. I can't change you because you wouldn't survive. I've thought about it. I've tried to think of ways it might work but the fact is your heart wouldn't be able to handle it," I said. "I've thought maybe putting in an LVAD will help pump the venom but the venom would just destroy it so that won't work. I've thought maybe performing CPR the entire time might work but it won't pump the venom because it would be too thick. Briar I've tried to come up with ways but the only way for you to live anyway at all is getting a new heart. I'm sorry, I am," I said. "And I do love you. You and your mother are the best things that have ever happened to me in almost four hundred years."

"I don't wanna die," she cried.

"And you won't. You will get a heart and in a few years if you still want to be changed I will change you."

"It hurt so bad. It was so scary Carlisle. The first shock… I didn't know what was happening, then the second made me wish I didn't have it so I could die, and then it did it again. It hurt," she said talking about the ICD.

"I know it did sweetheart and I wish you hadn't felt it," I said as she flung herself forward into my arms.

"I'm sorry I was mean," she cried as I patted her back, letting her tears soak through my shirt.

"It's alright for now on though – when you have those feelings talk to one of us. Don't get angry just talk and we'll help you."

"I like chocolate." She whispered as I chuckled.

"Then I'll go get chocolate."


	13. Chapter THIRTEEN

**Esme's POV**

Briar was screaming, screaming at Carlisle. I was so sure after a few of those things she said he'd walk out and never look back. But he didn't, he never came out. After the yelling had died down I gave it a few minutes expecting Carlisle to come out but he didn't so I quietly opened the door. What I saw made my heart swell. Carlisle held a sleeping Briar in his arms on the end of her bed. He was rocking gently and lifted his head to me.

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hey, is she… ok?"

"She's just taking a nap. She's fine, she just needed to vent. But I need to go get ice cream. If you lay down I'll put her next to you," he whispered.

I walked over and lay down in the middle of Briar's bed. He stood up then laid her down next to me. The cutest thing happened, her hand fisted in his shirt and didn't want to let go. It was most certainly an awe moment but he gently took her hand, opened it and laid it over my stomach. She took the material of my shirt now but she was still sound asleep.

"She hasn't done this since she was a baby. I'm expecting her to take her thumb in her mouth any second," I smirked as he pulled a blanket over us. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll be back shortly, she wants chocolate," he chuckled kissing me softly.

Carlisle wasn't gone long but Briar just didn't want to wake up so we let her sleep. Around six that night we did cake and presents. She loved them all then called her grandparents to thank them. Christmas morning Briar didn't wake up at the crack of dawn for the first time so gifts were a little late but around noon we all sat in front of the tree and watched her open gifts. She was very pleased with the Xbox and made Carlisle and I promise to play 'Rock Band' with her later. She got me a framed picture of Carlisle and I on our engagement night then a scrapbook with the other photos. I suspected this is one of the things they did on a Saturday they spent together.

I knew what she had gotten Carlisle, mostly because I had to ask him what he wanted for her. It was like pulling teeth because he insisted he had everything he wanted but finally he admitted there were some books he was interested in. She also got him a subscription to a medical journal. One I'm sure he already received but he said he didn't and he loved it. My gift to him would come tonight, when we were alone. It involved lace I'm sure I'd never see again and some toys that let's just say I'm sure he'll enjoy greatly. When I thought we were done I stood up to gather wrapping paper but Carlisle made me sit back down. He pulled two boxes from his pockets.

"I want you to open yours first," he told me handing me a smaller one. I untied the ribbon and pulled the lid off, revealing a red velvet case. "I love you. One day you'll officially be mine but even if right now you don't have my name you're still my family so I had something made. When I was young, still human family crests were common. My father gave me mine in the form of his wedding band which I still have and will one day wear. The day we read our vows I will slip it on and it will never leave my hand. Open it," he encouraged. I lifted the lid and inside sat a bracelet, between two bands sat a crest. He took the box from me and pulled it out. "May I?" he asked and I handed him my right hand. He clasped the bracelet on with a smile.

"It's beautiful," I murmured examining the intricate piece. "Thank you," I smiled reaching over and pulling his lips to mine.

He chuckled as we parted, "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it," I told him as he picked the other box up and turned towards Briar.

"While I would never ask you to change your name I am asking you to be a part of my family. Briar-Rose I want you to accept this and know I love you as if you were my own no matter what. You are my family now just as much as your mother," he told her placing the box in her hand. She pulled the ribbon then opened the box, revealing a pink velvet necklace case. She opened it and grinned.

"Thank you… so much," she said as tears filled her eyes.

"Now I understand if you can't wear it that much but may I put it on you?" he asked. She nodded and handed him the box. He pulled out a small white gold chain which a small pendant hung from – the crest. He stood up and went behind her, clasping it. She held the pendant in her hand.

"I love it," she said as she showed it to me. It was beautiful and fit her perfectly. It wasn't obnoxious, just a small piece that rested on the center of her chest. "You should really wear yours," she told him. "I mean couldn't you wear it on the other hand for now?"

"I could," he said. "Esme would you be ok with that?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed. "Go get it. I want to put it on you," I said as he rose and walked to the counter where his bag was. He pulled a ring from one of the pockets and gave it to me. It was gold, obviously quite old with that crest, our family crest on it. I took his right hand and slid it onto his ring finger.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you," I told him taking his lips again.

"So um… when you guys get married, I could… have your name?" Briar asked.

"Nothing would make me happier but if you want to keep your father's name I understand."

"Platt isn't my father's name."

"Charles and I weren't married when she was born so I gave her my mine. When we did marry I didn't want to change either of our names to Evenson. Platt seemed right."

"Oh, I didn't know."

"Yeah but honestly, Esme Ann Cullen, Briar-Rose Cullen sound so much better," Briar grinned.

"It does," he smirked. "I'd love it if you took my name, in fact I'd be honored."

Shortly after Christmas all of Briar's grandparents came to visit. They had wanted to come for Christmas but I asked them not to so they flew in the second week of January and stayed a week. It was a good visit for Briar. I know she missed them but when they left she was happy because she hated all the attention the four of them gave her and what they did to Carlisle. My parents weren't too bad. They were happy for me but Bob and Marie weren't.

One night after Briar went to sleep they asked to speak to me and Carlisle. They had the audacity to say they wanted to bring her with them when they left. They said they found another doctor for Briar and they thought it would be best if she went with them. They didn't think Carlisle was right for her anymore now that we were engaged. They thought it would be better to have an impartial doctor. Needless to say I ripped into them and defended Carlisle. If they thought for a second I was letting them take my baby they were sadly mistaken. They stayed at Carlisle's condo for the last two days. The last day they actually approached Briar and asked her to come with them to which she kindly replied Carlisle was the only doctor she'd see and she loved Seattle. When they left though she had a few other choice words I was very glad she didn't repeat to them.

Now it was February. Briar had another heart-cath which wasn't good. Carlisle had met with the transplant committee that moved her up the list to a status 1B. If she didn't get a heart soon, within the next three months Carlisle would have no choice but to put in the LVAD – he might even have to do it sooner. The upside of the LVAD was she would automatically be bumped up to a status 1A because they considered it a life-support mechanism unlike her ICD but even then we don't know how long it will take to get a heart. Briar has a rare blood type which narrows the donor hearts down even more. To say the least she has some of the crappiest luck with this and I hate it. We had the same blood type, she got it from me. I know I had no control over that but dear god I hated that fact. I just wanted my baby to get a heart and at every turn there was a road block.

"Mom," Briar said as we sat on the couch watching a movie. Carlisle was gone. One of his other patients did receive a heart which he was putting in now.

"Yes baby?"

"You know what I want?" she smirked. I couldn't help but bite, I'd give her anything.

"What's that?"

"A real pedicure, we should go get them done."

"You know, we should. Go get dressed. We'll have a girl's day. We haven't had one in a while." I smiled as she kissed my cheek and slid off the couch.

I changed while she did then met her in the living room so we could go downstairs to my car. We found a salon that did also did massages which sounded amazing. We made an entire day out of getting pampered and she loved it. Her toes were bright pink and mine were light. By the time we were done she was glowing. She had discovered she loved getting a massage and I promised her she could have another whenever she wanted.

"Oh my god I feel amazing, here give me your hand," she said taking my hand and pressing it to her neck. "I'm nice and relaxed," she said as her heart beat steady under my fingertips. I was grinning now.

"That's amazing." I said.

"I know right it's slow," she said then paused. "But not too slow, just right."

"It is, let's go home," I pulled her close as we left the salon and walked to my car.

"You know I think that's just what I needed we. Don't you feel refreshed?"

"Very"

"Less stressed."

"Yeah"

"Carlisle was right." She grinned.

"Excuse me?"

"Read," she said handing me her phone.

She had gotten a text from Carlisle shortly after he left this morning telling her to convince me to go get pampered – that it would be good for the both of us. That man… was perfect.

"You two have gotten closer."

"He's pretty awesome. You know when he's not Dr. Cullen," she smirked.

"I happen to like Dr. Cullen."

She laughed, "alright then have him shove a catheter in your leg every month or so. Let's see how you feel then."

"Alright I see your point but you do really like him right?"

"Mom I love him. He's amazing. I'm so glad you guys are getting married, he's perfect for you."

"You don't miss it just being us?"

"No offense but mom you're different with him. Even with all of this crap you're still happier than you were this time last year or even when I was younger before I got sick. It's like you've found part of yourself."

"I feel like I have."

"So when are you getting married?"

"Briar we just got engaged."

"So, you're soul mates, you guys need to get married."

"Oh really? When would you suggest we do that?"

"Soon, like in a few weeks."

"Excuse me?"

"Alice says she can put together a small ceremony in as little as a few days. They'll come and we can meet her and Jasper. I can't wait to meet Alice."

"Wait a second! A few weeks, you want me to get married in a few weeks?"

"Why not?"

"Because… it's… um… uh…"

What reason could I come up with? Honestly?

"Exactly, I'll tell Alice to come soon so we can plan it."

"What about Carlisle?"

"Please, if you wanted to get married tonight he would do it. All he wants is to marry you."

"I think this is something he and I should discuss."

She smirked, "he'll be home later."

"There's no reason to rush. We had planned a long engagement I kinda liked the idea of a spring or summer wedding."

"Then wait till then, it's your wedding I'm just saying things should start being discussed."

It was late when Carlisle got home. Two o'clock in the morning late to be exact when he walked through our bedroom door and dropped his bag. He was still in those green scrubs and almost immediately pulled the shirt over his head and crawled into bed with me. He laid his head on my stomach acting exhausted when he huffed.

"Really?" I asked putting my book down.

"Hey, I might not get physically tired but mentally I'm ready to just lay here with you. Close my eyes while I listen to you breathing. I love you Esme."

"Really because I'm completely refreshed thanks to you and our daughter's scheming," I smirked as he raised his head.

"Refreshed huh?" he asked moving his hand to the tie on my pajama pants.

"Very," I giggled as he pushed my shirt up and kissed beside my naval.

"You're not too tired?"

"Not even a little," I wiggled my eye brows.

Within seconds our clothes were on the floor and we were under the blankets. He brought me to my bliss time after time until I was getting exhausted. I lay with my head on his cool chest as he softly rubbed my back.

"When do you want to get married?" I asked looking up to him.

"Whenever you want. I know you'd rather wait till Briar gets her heart and that's fine with me love."

"What if we did it sooner?"

"Whenever you want."

"Like in May?"

"This May?" he asked and I nodded my head. "May sounds wonderful, as long as you're sure."

"I'm ready and I know Briar is. She thinks we should get married right away." I laughed.

He grinned, "good girl."

"So three months wouldn't be too quick for you?"

"Not at all. Esme I've waited close to four hundred years. I'd love to get married as soon as possible but I also have no problem waiting until you're ready. While this wedding should of course include Briar, it shouldn't be up to her. We should do it when we want."

"I want May eleventh."

"Then we'll get married on May eleventh," he said as I smiled. May eleventh sounded perfect, so very perfect.


	14. Chapter FOURTEEN

**A/N: **Oh my god, you guys are amazing! I love your reviews! Warning for this chapter: it involves a lot of medical stuff that I have researched and pray is right. Here are a few definitions for some words you may not know…

**LVAD (Left Ventricular Assisted Device):** The left ventricle is the large, muscular chamber of the heart that pumps blood out to the body. A left ventricular assist device (LVAD) is a battery-operated, mechanical pump-type device that's surgically implanted. It helps maintain the pumping ability of a heart that can't effectively work on its own.

**Cardiogenic Shock: **Cardiogenic shock is a state in which the heart has been damaged so much that it is unable to supply enough blood to the organs of the body. It is a life-threatening emergency. The death rate from cardiogenic shock ranges from 50 - 75%. When cardiogenic shock is not treated, the outlook is poor.

**Bagged or Bagging: **A bag valve mask (also known as a BVM or Ambu bag) is a hand-held device used to provide positive pressure ventilation a patient who is not breathing or who is breathing inadequately. Can be referred to as bagging a patient.

**Hypoxic: **Hypoxia, or hypoxiation, is a pathological condition in which the body as a whole (generalized hypoxia) or a region of the body (tissue hypoxia) is deprived of adequate oxygen supply.

**Hypotensive: **Low blood pressure, or hypotension, occurs when blood pressure during and after each heartbeat is much lower than usual. This means the heart, brain, and other parts of the body do not get enough blood.

**Intubation: **Endotracheal intubation is a medical procedure in which a tube is placed into the windpipe (trachea), through the mouth or the nose. In most emergency situations it is placed through the mouth.

**NG Tube (Nasogastric Tube): **Nasogastric intubation is a medical process involving the insertion of a plastic tube through the nose, past the throat, and down into the stomach.

* * *

**Briar's POV**

Mom and Carlisle were out on a date again, celebrating the fact they set a date. Honestly I hated that the wedding was so far away. Carlisle only gave me three months if I didn't get a heart which meant if their wedding was in three months I'd either be almost dead or have an LVAD. I wanted them to get married now, so I'd be well enough to enjoy it. What if I was dead before May? I only want to see my mom happy. I could be ok with dying if I knew she was taken care of. Alright that's a lie, I'm not ok with dying and I'll never be but it would be easier if I got to see her have her happily ever after.

After getting a shower and even blow-drying my hair it was still early. I knew they wouldn't be home till late so I was bored and restless. I decided to watch a movie around ten so I got my pillow and a blanket and laid on the couch in the living room. The movie was stupid to say the least and I wasn't even paying attention anymore.

I knew Alice would be calling soon. She was actually pretty awesome and I can't wait to meet her. She called me for the first time a few weeks ago and literally, when I answered she said 'Hi I'm Alice. We're going to be the best of friends.' At first I had no idea who the hell Alice was, then I remembered Carlisle talking about his closest friends, the ones he considers family – Alice and Jasper Whitlock. Alice can see the future which at first made me so happy. I thought she'd be able to tell me if I'd get a heart but because I'm well… dying she can't see my future except maybe a few days and that's only the decisions I make so it's not like she could see when I'd keel over. Even though her ability didn't help me much she did. She was awesome when it came to certain things. She would send me the latest hand bags – which I'm obsessed with and when I was bored sometimes she'd magically call. Which I was hoping she'd do tonight but she and Jasper are somewhere in Europe, probably doing exactly what mom and Carlisle are – spending time alone.

It was almost eleven when my chest started to get heavy and my breathing felt worse than ever. Then my heart picked up. I felt the impulses and quickly tried to get to the house phone. Carlisle told me if I ever needed an ambulance call on the house phone so they could trace it in case I passed out. As I reached out for the phone I was shocked.

I screamed, "ah-ow," as I fell to the floor after hitting the table. The phone fell not far from my hand. I reached out but was shocked again. "Shit," I cried reaching further. My hand touched the phone and grasped it quickly, pulling it to me. I hit the buttons and somehow managed to get the phone on speaker. It rang once.

"9-1-1 what's your emergency?" a man asked.

"ICD… is shocking me! Help," I gasped before screaming as it shocked me again.

It hurt so bad. My skin was getting cold, it was harder to breath, and everything was hazy as my heart pounded in my chest – I was terrified.

"Miss can you verify your address for us?"

"Hurry, please," I mumbled, crying as I was shocked again.

All I could think was my mom. If 9-1-1 couldn't find my address she would come home to her dead daughter on the floor. I couldn't do that to her. "1220 4th Avenue, unit 18-B," I managed to say.

"We're on our way sweetheart, how old are you, is there anyone with you?"

"Sixteen, mom… date… Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said as everything just faded away.

I heard the voice from the phone but couldn't make out what it was saying or form words to respond. My chest hurt so bad. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and everything was getting colder by the second. I did feel that last shock though and for the first time I just wanted it to keep going – keep my heart beating, I didn't care if it hurt because it needed to keep going.

**Carlisle's POV**

Esme was perfect. She was so beautiful in that dress. Our evening out was once again amazing and I couldn't wait to do it again. I took her to a restaurant, she ate, I pretended, and then we went to a symphony. We had picked a wedding date and decided it would be small. Just us, Alice and Jasper, and a judge to make it legal not that it mattered – my entire identity was forged, very amazingly I might add. I could have just had papers created but I wanted to give Esme a real wedding. I wanted to give Briar that as well. She deserved to see her mom get married.

"Oh Carlisle, that was amazing!"

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it. We'll have to go to another soon."

"The music was so… alive. Each note was… god I don't even know the words."

"It was nice, but there was something even more enchanting. I'm afraid to say my attention was elsewhere," I chuckled kissing the top of her hand as I turned onto our road.

If my heart was beating it would have leaped from my chest. The street in front of our building was lined with emergency vehicles; lights flashing, sirens still blaring.

"Oh god, Briar," Esme gasped as I drove quickly then came to an abrupt stop behind a police cruiser. The police officer wasn't happy as I rushed out of the car and past him.

"You can't park there!" the cop said.

"What's going on? Is this a sixteen year old girl from unit 18-B?" I asked just as a group of people gathered around a stretcher came quickly out of the building.

"Briar!" Esme screamed as I ran. Briar was laying on the stretcher, being bagged with her shirt open and the monitor in a frenzy.

"She's gonna be shocked again!" One of the men yelled and sure enough Briar's tiny body convulsed.

"I'm her doctor what happened?" I asked placing my hand against her neck. her heart wasn't responding to being shocked, her pulse was weak and tachy. Her skin was pale and clammy with a light layer of sweat. Her lips were almost blue, she wasn't getting enough oxygen.

"She called 9-1-1 after being shocked by her ICD. When we arrived she was passed out barely breathing. She's hypoxic, hypotensive, and I don't think her heart is beating out enough blood," a man said.

"She's in heart failure, waiting for a transplant. Oh god she's in cardiogenic shock," I said. "She needs to get to the hospital now."

"Carlisle!" Esme yelled as we arrived at the ambulance. "Briar!" she screamed at what she saw.

"Esme remember how we discussed if something serious were to happen you had to let me do my job?" I asked and she nodded. "That's now," I said looking to the cop next to her. "Can you please take her to the hospital? I need to go with Briar."

"Of course, ma'am come with me," he asked pulling Esme away as I jumped into the back of the ambulance.

I had them give her a few medications, one she took every day, just more of it to try and get her heart to beat out the blood until I could her into an operating room. I had hoped she could wait for an LVAD – that it wouldn't be necessary but now it was. Right now she was actually dying. Cardiogenic shock was fatal more than fifty percent of the time, and that's with treatment.

"Ah," Briar softly groaned.

"Briar can you hear me?" I asked taking her hand.

"Car…lisle?"

"I'm here sweetie. You did perfect now we're getting you to the hospital. Everything's going to be ok." I lied. I didn't know if anything was going to be ok. I have more patients die than live after going into Cardiogenic shock.

"Can't…breathe," she whispered – barely any sound came out.

"You're heart is not doing its job. You're breathing but it's not getting oxygenated blood to your body. I'm going to fix that though. We're almost there so just hang on for me."

"Mom?"

"Right behind us."

"Can't… drive," she said. "Dangerous"

"She's not. A police officer is driving her." I told her as we arrived in the ambulance bay.

She was back out of consciousness as I ordered tests and medications then had a nurse call for an OR. Right now her heart beat was slowing so she wasn't being shocked but she needed to be intubated. Esme needed to see her before I took her to surgery just in case so I held off on intubation for a few minutes and had someone bring her back.

"Oh god! What's going on?" Esme asked running in, taking Briar's hand. "She's freezing."

"Esme she's in cardiogenic shock. Her hearts not beating enough blood out. We can't wait, I have to operate immediately and put in the LVAD," I said rubbing her back softly.

"Now?" she asked caressing Briar's cheek.

"An OR is being prepped as we speak."

"Baby," she cried as Briar's eyes fluttered open.

"Mom," Briar mumbled through the mask.

"Oh baby I love you. You're going to be ok. Carlisle will take care of you."

"What's… going… on?"

"You need surgery right away. The OR is being prepped and I'm putting an LVAD in tonight," I told her as tears welt up in her eyes.

"It's gonna be ok. Remember what Carlisle said, an LVAD will put you higher on the transplant list and you'll even feel better with it," Esme told her.

"Your body will get the blood it needs, you'll feel better once it's in but we need to go now," I said as Esme wiped her own tears then Briar's and kissed her forehead.

"I love you honey, so much. Just please keep fighting, don't give up," Esme cried "I love you so much baby girl."

"Love… you too. I won't… give up. I won't," Briar said as her eyes grew sluggish again.

"Please baby, don't give up," Esme cried as I held her arms. She turned against me and buried her face in my chest as she sobbed, "don't let her die."

"I'll do everything I can love but I need to intubate and get her upstairs. If you'd rather, there are other surgeons who could do this. I can stay with you," I suggested.

I didn't want her to be alone but I also didn't want someone else operating on Briar. It was up to Esme, if she wanted me to stay I would and check up on Briar often – if not I'd operate.

"No," she said looking to me. "You have too. She trusts you, if anyone can save her it's you. I'll be fine. I'll call my parents or someone but you have to be with her."

"Ok then I need to do this," I said looking around to find a nurse. "Please take my fiancée up to the cardiac surgical waiting room."

"Of course, come with me Ms. Platt," the woman smiled. Esme bent down to kiss Briar once more then me and went with the nurse.

"Alright let's fully sedate her for intubation," I ordered the staff once Esme was gone.

They quickly set up and I checked Briar's pupils to be certain she was under. I wouldn't cause her any more pain than what she would be in after I crack open her chest and attach a pump to her heart. While the LVAD will make her feel better, it's only a temporary solution – a bridge to transplant. If she could have just received a heart already this wouldn't be necessary. I'll be cutting her chest open twice, once for this and once for the new heart. I just wish I'd only have to do this once and it would solve the problem.

After intubating her we brought her upstairs and into the OR. While she was being prepped I changed then went to see Esme so she'd know what to expect. She was sitting in a chair with a cup of coffee – my coat still over her shoulders from when we went for a walk after the symphony before coming home. She didn't notice me. She was staring at the floor with tears on her cheeks. I bent down in front of her and wiped them away.

"Love she's being prepped," I told her as she met my eyes.

"Ok," she whispered.

"The surgery will take a while about three to five hours but someone will come out and give you updates or I can call from the OR. Would you rather me call?"

"Can you?"

"Of course, I'll call as often as I can at least once an hour."

"And after? When can I see her?"

"I'm going to go with her to the ICU. Once she's situated I'll come get you. Maybe a half hour after she's out of surgery you can see her. You have to remember she won't look great. She'll have just gone through major open heart surgery so she'll have many tubes and monitors, more than she had after her ICD. I'll make sure she's put in a private room so you can stay with her. She'll have a breathing tube still so we can't wake her up right away. I'd say we'll keep her sedated for a few days to give her body the chance to recover," I told her wiping the freshly fallen tears.

"Would any of this be different if we had been there tonight?"

"No, she would have still gone into cardiogenic shock. She would have still needed this done immediately. Nothing would have changed. She did great tonight thought. She realized something was wrong and instead of wasting time by calling us she called an ambulance like I had told her too. She saved her own life by doing that," I said looking at my watch. Briar was probably prepped and the team was most likely prepping the LVAD now, I needed to get in there. "I have to go love. I don't want to waste any time."

"Ok, just take care of her. I can't lose her Carlisle, please, I can't."

"She'll be ok," I said praying I wasn't lying. "I love you."

"I love you too." she said as I kissed her.

"I'll let the nurse know I'm calling so she'll bring you a phone when I do." I said standing back up. I gave her hand a final squeeze before walking out of the waiting room and back towards the OR after letting the desk nurse know I would be calling to speak to Esme.

As I scrubbed my hands I watched Briar in the OR. They had just finished draping her, her ICD had been shut off and now she was being closely monitored. It looked like an average scene. There was nothing making this seem so dire, so personal but it was. That was my daughter on that table and it broke my heart to know it. As I ran my hands back through the water another surgeon walked in and began scrubbing so he could assist.

"So she's your fiancée's daughter?" he asked.

"Yes"

"I'm sorry, are you sure you can do this?"

"Positive, she was my patient first. If you're worried about where my head lies, don't. My head is clear. I'll do everything I can to save her, if I can't I can let her go." I lied. I doubted I'd be able to let Briar go but I didn't need any of my assistants questioning that.

"Ok, we should probably get started," he said shutting the water off. I pulled my foot off as well and followed him into the OR.

After I was gowned and gloved I walked over to Briar. I looked over the divider to her face, her eyes were taped shut and she had the endotracheal tube as well as an NG tube so she didn't aspirate. She looked so helpless and fragile – not like the strong Briar I knew.

"You're going to be ok. I love you," I said softly so no one would hear, but I needed to say it. I stood back over her chest and took a breath.

"Sca-" I was cut off by Briar's heart stopping and the monitors blaring.

My hands went to her chest, soft enough not to crack her ribs but hopefully firm enough to get her back. She wasn't coming back though so I ordered the paddles to be charged – without the ICD on I had to manually defibrillate her. The first shock didn't work. I was going to have to internally defibrillate her. "Scalpel, we need to open her up now!" I ordered holding my hand out for the familiar metal piece.

I didn't think twice as I made a quick incision down her chest before sawing open her sternum and spreading it.

"Internal paddles," I requested then placed them on either side of her heart. "Come on sweetheart don't do this," I whispered shocking her.

"No change doctor," a nurse called out.

"Charge again," I ordered looking at the flat line on the monitor.


	15. Chapter FIFTEEN

**Esme's POV**

The time passed so slowly waiting for Carlisle to call. My baby was in there – with her chest open – she could die and here I was sitting, waiting, and praying. I pulled out my cell phone to call my parents and Charles. They needed to be here no matter the outcome. If Briar died… no she couldn't, she just couldn't.

I called my parents first.

"Hello," my dad answered groggily after a few rings. It was three hours later there so almost four in the morning.

"Daddy… it's Briar," I cried not being able to stop the tears.

"Oh god, Esme what happened?" he asked "Diane something happened to Briar, get up," he told my mother.

"She's in surgery. She um went into cardiogenic shock; her heart couldn't pump blood to the rest of her body. Carlisle's operating on her to place an LVAD but… it's serious."

"We'll get a flight, have you called Bob and Marie?"

"No"

"Richard, give me the god damn phone!" my mother yelled. "Honey is she going to be ok?"

"I don't know," I cried. "I feel like something wrong and no one has updated me yet. It's been almost an hour since Carlisle went in."

"A flight leaves at six here. I'll get four tickets we'll be there around nine your time."

"Ok, I'll call Bob and Marie then have them call you for the flight information."

"We love you honey, stay strong. Carlisle's a great surgeon right? He'll take care of her," she said. "Tell Bob and Marie we'll pick them up but to hurry, we need to leave for the airport right away."

"Ok I love you."

"Bye honey, we're praying for her," she said as the line went dead.

I called Bob and Marie next.

"Who is this?" Bob answered. I had woken them up too.

"Esme… Briar is in surgery."

"What? What happened?"

"She got really sick. She needed the LVAD right away – she's in surgery now," I said trying to stifle the gasps and cries. "My parents already bought airline tickets. You guys should come, it's really serious."

"When does the flight leave?"

"Around six, call them for details. They said they'd pick you up."

"Alright Esme, we're coming. Is she going to die?" he asked, his voice breaking.

"I don't… no she won't die. Carlisle is operating, he won't let her. Despite what you think he loves her. He won't let her die," I said not entirely sure. Something felt so wrong, like last time but worse.

"Ok, we need to call Diane. Stay strong Esme, we love you."

"I love you guys."

After hanging up I sat there and cried. My chest felt empty, like something was missing and I could only think the worst. I kept an eye on the clock by the door – it had now been over an hour and a half since Carlisle left.

"Ms. Platt, Dr. Cullen is on the phone," a woman said as I leapt from seat to the desk, she gave me the phone.

"Carlisle"

"Esme we're just starting the procedure. There was a complication that I'll go into more detail about once I'm done. I just wanted to let you know, right now she's stable and I'm about to open her left ventricle for part of the pump."

"Ok, her grandparents are coming. They'll be here sometime in the morning. She's going to be ok right?" I asked, silence. "Right?"

"I'm doing everything I can," he said as I cried. "I need to get back to work but right now she's stable. I love you."

"I love you too, bye."

"Goodbye love," he said. "Ok take the phone away," he asked someone then the line went dead.

"Have you eaten?" the woman asked. "My names Karen by the way, can I get you anything?" she asked as I sobbed. She came around from the desk and wrapped her arms around me.

"Oh god" I cried.

"Let's sit down honey," she said guiding me to the sofa. "You're daughter's Briar-Rose right?" she asked as I nodded. "That's a beautiful name. How did you come up with it?"

"She was crying, screaming when she was born then they sat her in my arms and she instantly went silent and closed her eyes. She fell right asleep. She was so beautiful, like sleeping beauty. The name just fit," I said. "But then her dad held her, she screamed again. After they gave her back to me, it happened again – like magic – she'd fall asleep so content in my arms. She was my Briar-Rose, my sleeping beauty," I smiled sadly.

"That's beautiful, did she still live up to that name as she grew?"

"She was such a good baby… when she was with me." I laughed through my tears. "She slept through the night, ate perfectly. I was so young at the time, still in my senior year and when I'd do my homework I'd lay her next to me on this pillow – that she still has – and she'd be perfectly quiet. As she got older she rarely had nightmares or would wake up through the night. She was still my sleeping beauty. I don't think there will ever be a more perfect baby."

"It sounds like you got a good one," she laughed. "My babies wouldn't shut up."

"I did, she was such an amazing child too, so happy and content. Not a thing brought her mood down. She'd scrape her knee and get right back up."

"She'll be ok dear. It sounds like she's very resilient. Teenager are. We don't see many because we're not a children's hospital but the ones we do see, they come back like no one's business," she said rubbing my arm. "And Dr. Cullen, he is… the best though I'm sure you know that."

I smiled sadly, "he is."

"If you had to pick anyone to operate on your child, it's him."

"I know that's why we came here – all the way from Ohio, for him."

"Tell me about you two."

"We were neighbors believe it or not. Of all the condos I picked the one next to him."

"Sounds like fate."

"It was… it is. He's so amazing. So perfect with her. My god there's not a better man out there."

"True, he's great around here. But I believe it probably happened when he met you – he's been even better. He used to walk around like a ghost," she said. "I don't know what happened but somehow after meeting you he got better. He's friendlier with everyone, not that he wasn't, he was just distant. Like part of him was missing."

"Really?"

"Yes, now have you eaten?"

"We went on a date, celebrating the fact we set a wedding date. I ate."

She smiled, "so that explains the dress and coat."

"It was cold." I

"So you've set a date, when?"

"Soon, May eleventh."

"Wow that is soon but I bet your ready."

"We are. Briar wanted us to get married right away. I think May was too far for her," I said as it hit me. She was upset we were waiting till May, I never figured out why but… I think she knew she wouldn't make it till May.

I started crying again and Karen rubbed my arm, "oh honey."

"She knew May was too far away."

"I don't know about that. Maybe she just wanted to see you happy."

"No, she knew… why didn't she say something? Carlisle could have done another echo, this wouldn't have happened. He would have done this before she went into cardiogenic shock – before it might have been too late."

"It's not too late. Do you want to pray?"

"I've… I don't much, not out loud at least."

"Let me help you," she said taking my hands and bowing her head. "Dear lord, please protect and watch over Briar while she's in surgery. Let her recovery be speedy and help her though it. Give her the strength she needs. Guide Dr. Cullen's hands with yours, we ask this in your holy name… Amen."

"Amen"

"Now how about more coffee? It's going to be a long night."

"Thank you" I cried.

Karen sat with me. She brought me another cup of coffee and a bag of chips. She was so sweet. When the phone rang again I followed her to the desk. It was Carlisle, nothing had changed. They were still in surgery and getting the LVAD placed. He said he'd either call again or come out. My parent's called to say they were all about to board the plane. I told them there was no change – that Briar was still in surgery. When I hung up with them I was hit with that feeling again. I hadn't been wrong yet, when I felt like this something was wrong with Briar so I cried.

The clock ticked on. Carlisle had been gone for close to four hours now and there was no sign he was coming out any time soon. When he called for the third time he sounded horrible but told me she was stable. I was starting to think he was lying.

"How are you doing?" Karen asked.

"Something's wrong. I can feel it."

"What did Dr. Cullen say?"

"He said she was stable but his voice said something else."

"If he said she was stable, then I'm sure she's stable."

I shook my head, "he wouldn't tell me if something was wrong, not over the phone."

"Look at it this way. The longer he's in there the better. It means he's still working on her."

"Do you know anything else?"

"Just what you know. The computer says she's still in the OR, nothing else."

"Ok" I cried as she hugged me again.

"How about some water now?"

We got back to the condo around eleven, Briar went into surgery just before midnight, and now it was going on five-thirty in the morning. Each call from Carlisle said the same thing with a few different words. I just wanted this to be over. I just wanted my daughter to come out of surgery alive. Eventually Karen brought me a breakfast tray – I picked at it as the sun came up. Another woman came into the area, she was taking over for Karen but Karen said she'd stay with me. It was just after six when the door opened again. I had my eyes closed – they were swollen from crying but I opened them when I heard it. Carlisle was walking in. I couldn't read his face but I leapt from my seat into his waiting arms and cried.

"She's in ICU," he told me as he somehow carried my body to the sofa and sat me down next to him. "Esme I wasn't entirely truthful with you on the phone but I didn't want to worry you."

"Oh god," I cried.

"Before I even began the surgery we lost her pulse. I did compressions, shocked her externally, and then when that didn't work I opened her up and shocked her heart directly. I did get her back for a little while. We brought her body temperature down using cardiopulmonary bypass but that took time, time in which blood wasn't flowing through her body. She was completely down for just under three minutes. At around three minutes the body begins to shut down and brain damage occurs. I can't be sure right now but there is a possibility she was down too long. We're going to check for brain function now by doing an EEG but that will just tell us if her brain still has activity. It could have been damaged beyond repair and that we won't know until we wake her up – which we can't do right now."

"Oh god no."

"The LVAD is in and working properly. Her blood is being pumped through her body almost as well as in a normal heart. Her blood pressure looks good and with the ventilator she's breathing perfectly. Right now all of her vitals look good."

"But she could be brain dead." I cried.

"That's a possibility that we will know shortly. Once the EEG is done I'll take you to see her. It'll be about another half hour."

"I need to see her now."

"We have to wait. I'll be paged the second it's done and we'll know the results instantly."

"She's can't be brain dead, she just can't be. She's fought so hard."

"I know she has, and she fought during surgery to but there are something's she can't fight."

"And if she has brain damage? Then what?"

"We'll have to see the extent. She might not though Esme. She might be just fine."

"When will we know?"

"I want to give her at least a day before weaning her off the medications and ventilator. I can't determine brain death by examining her because she is sedated. She can't respond to stimuli or even breath right now that's why we're doing an EEG. If there's brain activity that will tell us."

"This isn't happening," I said. "She cannot have brain damage, she can't. She's already had the worst luck possible. It just can't be that bad. No one has that bad of luck."

"This isn't about luck – it's about medicine."

"I don't care, she has to be ok."

"I know love," he said as I wrapped my arms around him again and cried.

"We have to have faith. Please tell me you have faith that she'll be ok?"

"I do. I have faith that Briar will fight anything she can," he said. I didn't miss the fact that his voice lacked emotion. He was just saying that to make me feel better.

He held me and let me cry for the half hour. When his pager went off he helped me up and guided me back to the ICU. He led me to a small room, not far from the one she had been in a few months ago. He was right, she looked so much worse than last time. She had the IV's, her CVC, another line in her neck; she had monitors attached everywhere and tubes connecting to god knows what from both sides of her chest as well as the tube in her mouth and one in her nose. She didn't have a gown on, just blankets that went up to her neck. Her face was ashen and a patch was on her forehead – I assumed it monitored her temperature. She had black circles around her eyes and her head was held still with a foam pillow. She looked… dead but her chest rising and falling and the monitors beeping let me know she wasn't.

"Dr. Cullen," a man said from the corner.

"Esme this is Dr. Marks – he's a neurologist – he did the EEG," Carlisle told me as the man held his hand out. I shook it gently.

"I'm not giving you the worst news. The EEG showed brain activity," he said as I sighed in relief and attached myself to Carlisle. "But we don't know to what extent."

"I've told her we won't know until she wakes up," Carlisle said.

"If she wakes up," Dr. Marks corrected.

"She will wake up," I said fiercely.

"Just because she has brain activity doesn't mean she's still there."

"That's enough," Carlisle said. His chest vibrated with a low growl. "We'll cross that bridge when it's time. Right now she has brain activity, that's what matters anything else we can deal with as it comes," he told him. "Thank you but we'd like to be alone now."

"Of course, let me know if you need me," Dr. Marks said before ducking out of the room, getting as far away from Carlisle as quickly as he could.

I looked up to Carlisle, his eyes were darker than normal and he had just hunted before our date last night. He looked angry, like a vampire, I've never seen him like that before and it was scary. He took a few deep breathes and his eyes went lighter, back to that honey gold I loved.

"I'm sorry Esme. He had no right, here sit," he told me pulling a chair next to my baby's side.

He sat down next to me in another chair as I smoothed Briar's hair down and caressed her cool cheek. He reached over and took her hand in one of his and mine in the other. "Briar, we're here," he said softly. "And we love you very much."

"Hey baby, I love you," I cried putting my hand over his on hers as we sat there.

"When will your parents and Bob and Marie arrive?"

"There flight gets in at nine-ten."

"I'll go pick them up."

"Thank you" I whispered.

"Of course. She'll wake up Esme, she'll be our Briar."


	16. Chapter SIXTEEN

**Carlisle's POV**

Once Briar's grandparents arrived I convinced Esme to come with me to the condo. She needed to change and shower – get a good meal in her. This would be a hard few days. I hoped I could start to wake Briar up tomorrow – sooner than I'd like after this surgery but we all needed to know what kind of issues we could be faced with. If Briar had severe brain damage it could affect her transplant status. If she can't breathe or eat on her own then she'll more than likely be removed from the list. As long as she doesn't need life-support then hopefully, she'll still get her heart.

When we got back to the hospital, we waited. There was nothing else to do. I checked her incision; made sure the LVAD was working properly, and went over her blood work. Everything looked good. Esme's parents were very kind while Briar's other grandparents blamed me. I couldn't say anything. I blamed myself more than they ever could but right now wasn't the time. If I had paid closer attention to Briar maybe I could have prevented her from going into cardiogenic shock. The surgery wouldn't have been performed when she was so weak and we wouldn't be wondering if Briar was even with us anymore. If I had worked faster than she wouldn't have been down so long. Maybe if I hadn't let Esme see her before intubating and got her into the operating room quicker this wouldn't be happening. There were so many things I could have and should have done differently. Things that may have cost us Briar. Things I'll never forgive myself for if she doesn't wake up.

"You guys should get some sleep. I can take you back to the condo if you'd like," I suggested around ten o'clock at night.

I had a feeling I wouldn't be getting a good response from Bob and Marie but technically visitors are not allowed this late in the ICU. Esme was an exception because of me and I could stay because I was staff.

"We'll stay right here," Bob huffed.

"Just Esme being in here after visiting hours is against the rules. She's an exception but you guys can't stay here," I said.

"And you can?" Marie asked.

"I'm her doctor."

"You shouldn't be. Esme if you had let us take her-" Marie was cut off by Diane, Esme's mother.

"Carlisle did everything he could. This isn't the time for blame. She could be dead. Briar could have died if it wasn't for Carlisle. Maybe you should thank him for saving her life instead of blaming him for the possibility of brain damage, it's a possibility, we don't know for sure. She could be just fine," Diane said.

"We should go get some rest. We've all been up since early this morning and with the time difference it's later than it seems. We get a goodnights rest then come back in the morning when Carlisle will try to wake her. She will wake up and be our Briar," Richard said.

"I can drive you," I suggested.

"Thank you Carlisle," Diane said standing up and kissing Briar's cheek, then Esme's. "Do you want us to bring you anything in the morning?"

Esme didn't even look up from Briar's face, "I brought clothes and her pillow. We're good."

"Hang in there darling," Richard said to Briar before kissing Esme's head.

Bob and Marie were still sitting.

"We'll call if anything happens. Go get some rest. You don't want her to think you're upset when she wakes up," Esme said finally looking up after hearing no one had moved.

"We'll be back Rosie," Marie said to Briar. Bob kissed her cheek then they all filed out into the hallway.

"I'll be back. Do you need anything else love?" I asked.

"No, just for her to wake up," she cried.

"She will," I promised.

I had to have faith like she said. But there was a point where all the faith in the world wouldn't change the fact that medicine may have failed, that I may have failed.

After dropping everyone off at the condo and picking up Briar's IPod – I don't know why but I thought if she could hear anything she might like to hear her music – I made my way back to the hospital. Esme had eaten, her parents made sure of that so now she just needed to sleep. Easier said than done though. She's been up since six o'clock in the morning the day before so you'd think she'd be exhausted but she has so much caffeine running through her she doesn't think she is. She'll crash eventually but I'd rather get her to sleep on her own than putting her body through that. She needed to be strong right now.

As I got back to Briar's room, two nurses in a frenzy and Briar's blood pressure monitor was alerting that it had dropped – not by much but enough to warrant concern.

"When did this happen?" I asked quickly listening to Briar's chest, doing a quick exam to be sure I wasn't missing anything.

"Not but two minutes ago. We were getting ready to page you. What do you want us to do?" one of the nurses asked.

I had them give her another unit of blood to be safe. She had lost a lot during surgery which was normal but her blood pressure dropping now wasn't, either way another unit wouldn't hurt her. The drop wasn't drastic enough to warrant medication yet so I had them run more blood work before calling it a waiting game, her BP would either go up or down. Down I'd treat with medication, up she'd be better.

"Love sit back down. Right now this isn't dangerous," I told Esme as she stood in the corner, crying. Her eyes had to be dry and painful with all the crying she's been doing – they were visibly swollen.

"Make this stop, just wake her up please?" she begged as I came closer.

"It's too soon," I said softly touching her arm.

She flung herself into me as I caught her up before sitting on the cot with her as she sobbed.

"Shhh love, it's going to be ok. She will wake up tomorrow."

"She has too."

"She will, now you need to sleep so you can be there tomorrow when she does," I said caressing her cheek.

I laid her down with me and wrapped my arms around her waist. We were facing Briar so I could keep an eye on the monitors. It took me humming softly before she finally drifted to sleep.

Briar's blood work came back fine but her blood pressure still stayed a little lower than I'd have liked. Every twenty minutes when a nurse would come into check Briar's vitals and fluids I'd close my eyes and pretend to sleep with Esme. It was horrible to have to pretend but I did. Around seven when shifts changed Briar's new nurse left two cups of coffee and a package of muffins from the vending machine for us. It was very kind of her, so I 'woke up' and maneuvered myself from behind Esme – careful not to wake her. I poured half of one cup out and tossed one of muffins so it looked like I ate then went out to the nurses' station to thank her. It turns out it wasn't Briar's new nurse. It had been Karen, an older nurse from the surgical floor that had sat with Esme so I went to thank her.

"How is she?" Karen asked when she saw me.

"Briar is stable enough, Esme is… a wreck but I got her to sleep. I'm sure she'll be just as thankful as I am for the coffee and breakfast. That was very kind of you."

"It was the least I could do. I'm so sorry but I'm sure Briar will be ok. She sounds like a very strong girl."

"She is."

"So you're waking her up today?"

"I'm going to try. She probably won't be able to come off the ventilator but hopefully we'll get a positive response."

"If you two need anything just let me know. Is it alright if I stop by later? To check on Esme?"

"Of course, I'm sure she'd like that. I need to get back, I don't want Esme to wake up alone but I wanted to thank you." I smiled.

"You both are very welcome – stay strong."

I went back to Briar's room and looked over her chart – new blood work came back again. Her CBC looked good, she wasn't anemic and all of her organ function tests looked as good as I could have hoped for. That was a great sign. If none of her organs were damaged by the lack of circulation I prayed her brain would be the same. I went ahead and checked the LVAD again and did an echo – she was pumping out more blood than she had been so I was pleased. Her incision looked great as did her chest tubes and lines so I went ahead and grabbed a gown to place over her then covered her back up so when she did wake up she wouldn't feel bare. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

Esme was still asleep when Briar's grandparents arrived with more coffee at ten but she woke up soon after. I gave them all a report and then we waited. I started to wean Briar off the sedative but not the ventilator. Once she woke up if she felt she could breathe I'd try that then but honestly I doubted she would be able to right now, it was just too soon after surgery. Around one Briar was completely off the sedative so it was up to her now. Bob and Marie sat on one side of Briar, Esme and her parents on the other while I stood next to her head.

"I'm going to check her pupils and see if they respond," I told them pulling my pen light out and raising Briar's left eyelid. It reacted perfectly and I smiled then did her right, same response. "Equal and reactive" I told them and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

Suddenly Esme jumped with a smile, "she tightened her grip!"

"That's great, talk to her."

"Briar, baby wake up for me."

"Briar if you can hear me I want you to know you have a tube in your throat, don't fight it just open your eyes if you can," I said as I focused on her face.

"Come on sweetie," Diane said.

"You can do it Rosie," Marie encouraged.

Suddenly Briar's eyes squeezed tight.

"That's it sweetheart, you can do it," I told her caressing her cheek. She made a gurgle sound then slowly opened her eyes but closed them again just as quickly. I hit the lights above her head. "Try again for me." I told her and she did. She was responding. Once her eyes were fully opened they moved around so I had Esme stand up so she could see her.

"Hey baby girl. I've missed those eyes," Esme grinned wiping her tears of joy.

"Briar since you can't talk this is how you'll respond, I'm going to ask you yes or no questions, blink twice for yes and once for no. Do you understand?" I asked. She blinked twice, slowly and deliberately. "Great," I smiled.

"Do you know where you are?" I asked two blinks. "Is that the hospital?" two blinks. "Are you in pain?" one blink. "Wonderful."

"Her hands moving around, like she wants to write," Bob said watching her left hand.

"Alright I'm going to untie the restraints and get you a dry erase board. Will you promise me you won't try to take the tube out?" I asked.

Two more blinks and a roll of the eyes. She was still Briar that was for sure. I untied the restraints and grabbed a white board and marker from the counter.

"Bob put this in her hand and hold the board for her. She might not have the strength to write and that's understandable but we're going to let her try," I said as I raised the bed slightly, her face pinched in pain from the movement. "Pain?" I asked two quick blinks. "Do you still want to try?" I asked. Two more determined blinks.

She held the pen and messily scribbled, "love you" and with her right hand took the board and turned it towards Esme. She kissed her cheek with a smile.

"I love you too," she told her as Briar's hand went across the board trying to wipe it. She clearly didn't have much strength so Bob erased the rest for her.

She then wrote "C, some go wrong?" for me.

I caressed her cheek and nodded. "There was a complication, we'll talk more about it when the tube comes out but don't worry. Everything looks fine now."

Bob erased the board again. She now wrote, "take out tube" it wasn't a question.

"I don't think you can breathe on your own."

She wrote, "yes can" then narrowed her eyes at me.

"Can't we try?" Richard asked.

"I'll change the setting on the vent if she takes a breath, we'll take the tube out," I said changing the setting.

I waited for a moment, she took a ragged breath and her O2 sats began dropping. She couldn't get enough oxygen on her own. Her eyes filled with tears so I reset the vent to give her full oxygen.

"That's ok Briar, your lungs aren't expected to work properly yet. We're taking this one step at a time. Right now we know your alert, that's why I woke you up. You're only one day post-op. I normally wouldn't even consider trying this till day two or three. We'll try again tomorrow if you're up to it."

She began crying so I caressed her cheek softly as Esme and Bob rubbed her hands and Marie patted her leg. I smiled to try and comfort her but it wasn't working.

"That's ok Rosie. Don't cry honey." Marie said as Briar's hand moved with the pen, Bob set the board up for her.

She wrote "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's ok. We just wanted you to wake up and you did. We couldn't be prouder." I told her.

She wrote again, "thank you" and looked to me.

"You're welcome sweetheart. I think you should get some sleep," I said she blinked once. "Nothing's going to happen, but you need to rest so you can regain your strength."

Once Briar fell asleep, she stayed asleep for the most part – waking up every once in a while. She was confused the first time she woke back up but she quickly remembered what was going on then fell back asleep. Her sleeping gave Esme the chance which I was thankful for. Briar's grandparents were staying until she was discharged so they didn't buy return tickets yet. Around six I went down with them to eat. I decided pretending for them would be best so I ate the dirt with minimal distain.

"Thank you," Bob said out of the blue.

I wasn't sure he was talking to me so I looked up, he repeated himself.

"Oh you're welcome. Briar will be ok, she's very strong."

"While we'll never be happy with you trying to replace our son in Briar's life, we are sorry for blaming you. It's hard for us to know Briar will never know her father and we don't like the idea of him being replaced because if he were alive he would have been a good dad." Marie said.

I had to keep my strong dislike for Charles at bay. They didn't know what he put Esme through or what he did to Briar. They thought their son was a good man, but that was Esme choice whether or not to tell them he wasn't the man they thought he was.

"I would never replace Charles. I love Briar as if she were my own but I know she isn't. That doesn't change the fact that I do love her very much and she loves me."

"And we will respect that. Now what kind of recovery will Briar have? How long will she be here and when will she be able to get a heart?" Bob asked.

"I spoke with the transplant committee today. They know Briar is stable but with the LVAD they know she's nearing the end of what I can do to keep her alive without a new heart. The LVAD is just assisting her heart, as her heart gets worse it can only do so much so she still needs a heart and soon. She was moved to a status 1A today. She is one of the first in line for a heart that matches her size and type in this area." I

"And how long might that take?" Diane asked holding Richard's hand.

"I have no way of knowing. It could be days, weeks, even months still. She has a rare blood type so that makes it a little more complicated but the LVAD should be able to keep her alive long enough, maybe even up to a year or longer. Hopefully she won't have to wait that long but really everything depends on a donor."

"But right now, she's ok?" Richard asked.

"She's doing amazing. Hopefully we can get her off the vent soon and after that I expect she'll be here for about a week. We don't want to keep her here very long because of the chance of infection so the sooner she's off the vent and moving around the better."

Fortunately the next day I was able to get Briar off the vent. She was breathing well on her own and her vitals looked amazing. They held steady over the next few days so I began removing some of the tubes. She was quite happy when the chest and NG tubes came out but I don't think anything could match the joy she had when I let the nurse remove the Foley catheter so she could start to get up. She was thrilled. We slowly got her up and walking once she was out of the ICU – she was doing so amazing. It was a miracle, a true miracle that she's doing so well. She could have died. Honestly she probably should have with how sick she was. She had no brain damage, a perfect memory and she even told me she felt better. She proved it by walking the hall without losing her breath. Her body was getting the blood it needed so she wasn't tiring as quickly. She was still tired of course and she continue to be but at least she would have a better quality of life for now. I only wish I had put the LVAD in sooner. Then we could have avoided this almost catastrophe but we had held out hope for a heart until it almost cost us her life.

I hated having to work while Briar was in the hospital but every chance I got I visited her. She was never alone since Esme and her grandparents were here so that was good. I was worried about Esme though. All of this had taken a toll on her. I decided to get her parents and Briar to convince her to take the night off so we could go home for a few hours – I wanted her to relax some.

"Are you sure this is ok? What if she needs me? What if something happens?" Esme asked as I made her sit on the bed. I began rubbing her shoulders while a good meal was cooking.

"Nothing will happen. I'll probably discharge her tomorrow so you need to relax. Her grandparents are with her, she's stable and right now all she needs from you is to take care of yourself."

"Tomorrow, really?" she said. I didn't miss the smile that caused her cheeks to move. I couldn't see her face but I knew she was smiling.

"Yes, she's been there for almost ten days. Its time."

"Oh that's wonderful! I need to wash her sheets, we need to have the tethered unit for her LVAD set up, and she'll want all of her pajamas washed," she went on and on until I hushed her.

"You're mother and Marie are taking care of the cleaning. I'm bringing the equipment home tomorrow before I discharge her and all of her medications are refilled and ready for when she gets here. You don't need to do anything tonight but relax," I told her as I kneaded her shoulders.

"Oh that feels good," she sighed.

She needed this – the tension in her neck melted away. She needed to relax otherwise she wouldn't have been any good for Briar once she came home.


	17. Chapter SEVENTEEN

**Briar's POV**

"Alright, are you ready to go home?" Carlisle smiled helping me up and over to a wheelchair.

I was finally going home today. Almost two weeks after I 'died' I'm going home. I still can't believe I died – my heart was literally stopped and no blood was circulating through my body for almost three minutes. He hasn't really told me exactly what happened but apparently my heart decided to give out before he could get me on bypass.

"Extremely," I said as mom sat my pillow in my lap.

My chest still hurt but I guess being sawed open tends to do that. I had a long scar from my throat all the way down my chest. A wire for my LVAD came out near my belly button which plugged into the controller and battery unit which were strapped around my abdomen in a Velcro pouch thing. I refused to wear the holster so Carlisle found this. I could wear it under my clothes and if I wore a sweatshirt you could barely tell.

"I bet you are sweetheart. Let's go home," he said rolling me out.

My grandparents left early this morning so it was just us. While I missed them I was ready to be alone, or at least alone with mom and Carlisle. I'm not good with being the center of attention for very long and these past two weeks I have been.

Carlisle helped me into the backseat of his car then mom closed the door. The drive home was quick to which I was thankful for. I wasn't used to wearing the controller and battery so when we got home Carlisle put me in bed and hooked me back up to the tethered unit. It plugged into the wall so I was free of wearing anything because the controller could just sit beside me. He also set a tethered unit up in the living room. While I didn't like being tied down to the bed I didn't mind it as much as carrying around the battery unit – that might take a while to get used too.

"Do you need anything baby?" mom asked as she tucked me in.

"Some water maybe but I think I might take a nap. I'm a little tired from running a marathon in the hall of the hospital," I smirked.

Carlisle made me walk the hall a few times each day but today he made me walk further. I couldn't complain much because I haven't walked that far in months so I was kinda happy. I felt so much better with the LVAD.

"I'll get you that, anything else?"

"No but thank you," I said as she left – leaving Carlisle and I alone.

"How's your pain?"

"Achy but not too bad Dr. Cullen," I rolled my eyes with a smirk.

"Promise?" he asked, getting serious.

"Yes, it's really not too bad. I'm pretty sore but that's expected right?" I

"It is but I want to stay on top of any pain. I'll give you another dose of pain medication here in about an hour but if it gets too bad before then let me know."

"You're really freaked out by this aren't you? I've never seen you so… frazzled," I laughed.

"You really scared me Briar. I thought I lost you in that operating room," he said sitting down on the bed facing me. I took his hand, which kinda seemed odd but he needed to know I was ok.

"But you saved me."

"I was so sure I hadn't. The entire surgery was riddled with complications. First your heart stopped and I couldn't get you back, then I got you back – was starting to put you on bypass and it stopped again. I was still at least five minutes from actually having you on bypass so I started massaging your heart. It didn't work and my assistant was having trouble getting you on bypass so I had to stop and do that. We had to pause to shock you, which still didn't get you back. I rushed to get you on bypass then your heart started but it stopped again. I was almost done with bypass when that happened so I didn't massage your heart and rushed to get you hooked up. It was just three minutes by the time your blood was circulating through the machine. I had no way of knowing what damage had occurred."

"But I'm ok. I can say the alphabet backwards still," I smirked. "My brains fine."

"Thank god."

"Stop worrying and I swear to god if you say you're sorry one more time…"

He smirked, "you'll what?"

"I'll beat you with a pillow," I giggled. "I know it won't hurt but it will be embarrassing – you'll have gotten beat up by a girl."

"You know your amazing right?"

"Yeah," I laughed. "But you are too. If that had been another doctor, would they have given up?"

"My assistants about did but I wasn't going to let them. You are too precious."

"So thank you for not giving up on me or my stupid heart."

"I would have never given up on you," he smiled as mom came back – with water and a snack.

"What are two talking about?" she asked.

"Just how lucky I am to have such a great mom that brought me a snack – when I didn't even ask for it," I said taking the paper towel of grapes and popping one in my mouth.

"I know you," she laughed kissing my forehead. "It's so good to have you home baby."

"It's good to be home. Although I do miss the adjustable bed," I teased.

"Did you need more pillows?"

"Mom I have…" I looked behind me and counted the pillows. "Ten!"

"I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," she told me as Carlisle tried to hide his chuckle.

"I think I'm about as comfortable as I can be right now."

"Pain?" Carlisle asked.

I think if I sighed the wrong way he'd assume I was in an obscene amount of pain. I'm surprised he hasn't come at me with a needle, probably a good thing he hasn't. I'm pretty sure I'm what people would call a light weight when it came to heavy medication.

"Carlisle I swear, it's not that bad. What do you have me on anyway?"

"Morphine, a semi-low dose which is why I'm concerned for your pain."

"Don't be," I laughed.

"Well you get another dose in an hour but if it gets-" I cut him off.

"Bad, call for you. Yeah I know. Please, I love you both very much but get out of my room so I can sleep."

"Ok, call for us if you need anything," mom said kissing my head again.

"Even a whimper, I'll hear it," Carlisle said squeezing my hand as he stood up. "It's really wonderful to have everyone home. I've missed this place and having my girls here," he said pulling mom close. "I will not miss the hospital for the next week."

He had taken the next week off to be home as I adjusted. He worked the entire time I was in the hospital so he'd be able to take more time off again. I felt kinda bad because he just took two weeks in November but I think he needed the time off. Even if he couldn't physically rest, mentally he could.

"Yes, it seems our bed is calling my name," mom smiled sleepily.

She's probably more exhausted than I am – at least I've been sleeping. I don't think she's gotten much since this happened. She barely left my bedside except yesterday when everyone convinced her to go home with Carlisle for a few hours. I don't think she ever left my side when I was sedated which begs a few questions.

After I woke up every morning Carlisle would take me into the hallway of the condo building and walk with me while mom did her thing. It was good for me to get moving and it felt great. I couldn't believe how far I was walking before I needed to rest. Carlisle would stay next to me and when I needed to take a break he'd let me lean on him. I think it was him that kept me standing sometimes.

"Ok, I'm ready," I said on my fourth day home.

Today I wanted to walk the hallway three times each way, six lengths total. I barely did four yesterday before Carlisle had to carry me.

After strapping on my little Velcro pack he helped me up from my bed

"Let's go," he smiled.

As we walked he had one hand hovering an inch from my back and the other around his front so he could catch me either way I fell. He's had to do that a few times so his caution was called for.

"So have you talked to Alice?" I asked.

Mom pushed the wedding up to March, three weeks away. Part of me hoped I didn't get a heart before then so they wouldn't have to postpone but if I did get a heart they both said they'd have no problem waiting until I was able to participate which would be at least six months believe it or not. With a new heart I'd have to stay inside for a while with the antirejection meds that would damage my immune system. Basically I'd be in a bubble in the form of our condo.

"They're flying in next week. Alice is very excited to finally get to meet you."

"She sent me a few photos of dresses she wants mom to wear. She's quite the fashionista."

"Oh you have no idea," he laughed. "I haven't purchased my own clothing since I met her – sixty years ago. She sends me a new wardrobe twice a year. It would be more often if it was up to her."

"You wear dress shirts and slacks almost every day. How can you not shop for yourself?"

"Oh I can, she won't let me."

"She won't let you?"

"She's very scary," he smirked.

"I've seen her picture! She's not even as tall as me is she?"

"Nope but she's fierce."

"God I can't wait to meet her!" I laughed as we reached the condo again and I leaned against him. I was pacing myself, I would get to six so help me god, two down four to go.

"Water?" he asked pulling a small bottle from his cargo pants pocket. I took a sip and gave it back.

"Let's continue," I smiled releasing him.

We made it back again and I took another sip of water. I was getting tired but not as bad as I was yesterday when we stopped at this time.

"Don't push yourself to hard."

"I can do this," I told him as I grabbed his arm – to be safe since there were no rails like in the hospital. As we got to the far end of the hallway my breathing was picking up so I rested against him again.

"You're doing so good," he praised. "If you need to stop that's perfectly understandable."

"No… I just… have to get… back," I panted as he put his arms under my legs and picked me up.

"I'm putting my foot down," he said as I hit his chest.

"Let me do this!" I said. "Just hold me for a minute so I can really rest."

After a few minutes my breathing was back to normal. Since the LVAD only assisted my heart and didn't take over full function my heart was beating a little faster than usual, I waited until it had calmed down all the way before ordering him to put me down. We walked very slow – he hovered closer than he had been. Actually having one hand on my back and the other on my stomach as I kept my eye on the end of the hallway. We were close when he stopped me.

"We're here," he said as I looked up. Sure enough the door said 18-B. I looked to his grinning face.

"I did it?"

"You did it," he laughed.

"Hell yes I did. You're gonna have to carry me in though, I'm pooped," I chuckled softly as he lifted me up. I rested my head against his cool chest and let him do the rest of the work.

"Couch" I mumbled. He stopped and turned around back towards the living room. He set me down then put a pillow behind me and turned my legs so I could curl up. I barely felt him take my Velcro pouch off and hook me up to the wall unit let alone when he draped a blanket over me.

**Alice's POV**

"So will they be surprised?" Jasper asked as we waited for a rental car.

"Yes," I grinned. "Briar just fell asleep. She was amazing today!"

"Please don't kill her with plans. I think that might really piss Carlisle off. I've only seen him pissed once when that nomad tried to kill you and his anger rivaled mine. I don't think we'll survive if you kill Briar," he laughed.

"A wedding on the fly takes great skill and determination. She won't die; she'll have a great time."

"So Carlisle's really getting married tomorrow?"

"Our little boy is growing up," I giggled.

"We done good darlin, and you were worried for a few years there."

"I knew he wasn't gay. You were the one who suggested that. I just knew it would take time for him to find Esme. Patience paid off." I told him.

"Almost four hundred years' worth," he laughed.

"True, man has the patience of a saint. But oh Jasper just wait until you feel how happy he is! I can see it but you get to feel it. I'm a little jealous, promise to project a little?" I smiled.


	18. Chapter EIGHTEEN

**Esme's POV**

As I got out of the shower and dried my face off I couldn't help but thinking how amazing it was to be home with Briar and Carlisle. My baby was alive and now home. There was nothing better than knowing that she was safe and sound – off those machines and those tubes out of her body.

Suddenly cold arms wrapped around my toweled body.

"Oh," I gasped then giggled as Carlisle nuzzled my neck.

"Mmm, did I frighten you love?"

"Surprised me, you could never frighten me," I told him as I wiggled around to face him.

He was so beautiful with his hair in perfect disarray – though he was just as beautiful with it sleeked back but I liked this better because I didn't feel bad when my hands messed it up. It was so soft and thick – the light blonde locks glistened from the light like a halo as I pulled his face to me. The sweetness on his lips would never get old.

"I should ambush you in the bathroom more often."

"You should have ambushed me in the shower," I teased.

"I would have but… Briar took a little longer than usual."

"Why? Was she ok?"

"Very, six," he said raising both hands.

"Six times? Up, down, up, down, up, down?"

"Yes," he nodded with a grin.

"That's amazing!" I giggled pulling him to me again.

Carlisle finally allowed me the chance to dress then he got in the shower. I went out to the living room and found Briar curled up on the sofa. She was sound asleep with a blanket pulled up over her. I checked to make sure she hadn't tangled herself up with the LVAD wire then went to the kitchen. It was noon which meant she needed her injection. She still needed the injection because it kept her heart contracting, the LVAD could only do so much and since she was in right heart failure as well the medication was the only thing preventing her from needing a VAD for her right ventricle. I grabbed the syringe with her medication and filled another with saline to flush her CVC once I was done. Carlisle and I shared doing this, if he was home and available normally I'd let him but since he was in the shower and she couldn't miss it even by a little I did it. I kneeled down beside her and pulled one of her CVC lumens out. She didn't move so I went ahead and injected her then flushed the line. I couldn't believe I didn't wake her – the knock on the door did though.

"Who's there," she mumbled lifting her head.

"I don't know. I have to answer it," I smiled standing up.

The empty syringes were still in my hand as I opened the door. I recognized the two people immediately from a picture of Carlisle's.

"Hi Esme!" Alice squealed hugging me.

"Alice? Jasper? What are you guys doing here?" Carlisle said from behind me as he took the syringes from my hand, Alice let me go and attached herself to him.

"Hello ma'am, I'm Jasper Whitlock," the tall southern man said taking my hand and kissing it with a bowed head. Yep he was a southern boy.

"Mom?" Briar said from the living room.

"Oh my god Briar!" Alice squealed running into the living room, we all followed quickly to find Alice hugging Briar – who was sitting up on the couch, completely shocked.

"Alice!" Briar said hugging back. "You're so pretty," she said as Alice sat down next to her.

"Thank you! Look at you. My visions don't do you justice! I love your hair!"

"We have so much to do!" Briar grinned.

"More than you know. Carlisle, Esme why don't you two go out. Give us a chance to get to know Briar. We'll take care of her," Alice said.

"We need to stay close, she has a medication schedule, physical therapy, we can't leave." I said.

"Oh pish posh. I know her medication schedule and a few little excises are nothing. Let us have some fun." Alice said.

"I'd feel better staying," I said. "Not that I don't trust you both but Briar needs us."

"No I don't. You two haven't been out alone since I had surgery. Go have lunch, take a stroll through the park, have a little fun," Briar said. "Carlisle tell her it's ok."

"You gave her the injection. I can show them how to care for her LVAD in case something happens. Honestly I don't see why we couldn't," Carlisle told me.

"Last time," I whispered.

"Did I not get myself help?" Briar asked. "Mom I'll be fine, it won't happen again besides Alice and Jasper are here."

"Lunch in the park?" Carlisle asked.

"Are you sure you can take care of her?" I asked Alice and Jasper.

"I promise ma'am. She's in good hands," Jasper said.

"Carlisle wear a red shirt and khakis. Esme loves you in red," Alice winked.

"I thought you loved me in blue?" Carlisle asked.

"I love you in both but red is sexy," I smirked.

"Both of you! Go change!" Alice ordered shooing us with her hands.

Once we had changed – Carlisle looking gorgeous in a red silk shirt and gray coat – we went back to the living room. Alice and Briar were going on about hair and make-up as Jasper sat there with a smile, watching Alice.

"Alright, we won't be too long," I said kissing Briar's forehead.

"Take your time," she said.

"You both need to know that Briar can use her battery pack but she doesn't like using it too long so having her in here or her bedroom is best. The line needs to stay unkinked at all times. The controller will alarm if there are any problems, call me right away and an ambulance if something happens," Carlisle started. "She has an ICD, internal cardioverter defibrillator which could pace her actual heart or shock her if it detects a problem. Pacing happens a lot so that's usual but she does feel it and should rest if it happens – if she's shocked call me," he told them. "The line in her chest is a CVC, central venous catheter it's how she gets one medication which she's already received so you shouldn't have to worry about that but there is the possibility of it pulling out or her bleeding from it so keep an eye on it and call me."

"Carlisle, I've heard this speech. I got it promise," Alice said. "I don't see any problems."

"They don't need a full lesson, I think they get it," Briar said. "No need for definitions."

"Let me be the concerned doctor."

"No need to be."

"Alright, any questions or issues call me, don't wait. If something serious happens or even if you don't know if it's serious but your concerned call an ambulance. On the table by the phone is a card which has her ICD and LVAD information on it. Give it the paramedics and make sure they know what type of illness she has and that's she's a transplant candidate. If the hospital calls – which they should call me first if a heart comes available – take her right to the hospital and we'll meet you there."

"You'll be gone like a few hours. Stop worrying," Briar said.

"I can't – you're my daughter," he told her which warmed my heart. Any time he refers to her as his just makes me so happy. "Before we leave I want to change your surgical dressings, so into the bedroom young lady."

He helped her change the LVAD to the battery pack. I followed behind to help like normal. Briar laid down while Carlisle turned around so I could get her shirt off and cover her chest. He was quick and gentle, changing the dressings from the surgery and the chest tubes which he said were all healing nicely. He made sure the LVAD wire and dressing in her stomach looked good then left so I could help her get dressed again.

"Have fun today, please? Don't worry about me, just worry about being happy," Briar told me.

"Briar I haven't stopped worrying about you since the day I found out I was pregnant." I

"You worry more now though but today don't go have fun."

"I guess a little fun won't hurt," I kissed her cheek.

Carlisle and I spend the rest of the day out and about in Seattle. We walked through a park where he put his jacket over me and held me close. Next we sat by the water and watched the ferry boats go back and forth. You might say that sounds boring but not with him holding me. After doing a little window shopping, because honestly neither us or Briar needed anything he made me eat. We found a small café and sat in the corner. I had soup while he pretended to enjoy a sandwich.

"I think Briar will very much enjoy Alice and Jasper's company," he told me.

"I'm sure she will. I'm also sure I don't want to see my credit card bill this month," I laughed.

"Alice wouldn't bother. She'd know you have a limit. I on the other hand do not but with Alice you get used to finding a fat statement in the mail," he smirked.

"I'm sure she's not that bad."

"She is… but she's a fun little pixie so you get used to it quickly," he laughed.

"Pixie?"

"You haven't seen her flutter about. The first thought through your mind will be Tinkerbelle."

"No wonder Briar couldn't wait to meet her – she loved Tinkerbelle when she was little," I giggled. "She would make me sit on our couch for hours, replaying Peter Pan over and over again. God help me if she was home sick. I couldn't get away!"

He smiled as if in thought. "I can imagine that. Her curled up into you while you patiently watched whatever movie she wanted over and over."

"I was a sucker – am a sucker but she never took advantage," I said. "Ok maybe a few times. I had to dress up as Winnie the Pooh one year for Halloween because she wanted to be Tiger. She had the cutest little lip that would jut out, I couldn't say no, no matter how ridiculous I looked."

"I'm sure you looked beautiful," he smirked.

"She showed you the pictures didn't she?"

"Every single album. I stand by my words, you looked beautiful."

"Well… we should probably get back, it's getting late."

"True, Briar needs her medication and with Alice being there I'm sure she's been active so she'll want to get washed up."

"I had a great time," I smiled as he took my hand while he drove.

"Me too. I love you so much Esme."

"I love you too Carlisle."

When we got home that night Briar seemed a little too excited. When I asked her why she said it was nothing. Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper all decided to go hunting together but they said they'd be back by morning. I couldn't help but notice Alice was a little giddy was well, but according to Carlisle she always is. Since it was just Briar and I we got comfortable in the living room and rented a movie on demand. I sat on the end with a pillow in my lap while Briar laid her head down.

"So are you excited to get married?" Briar asked as I ran my hand through her hair during the movie.

"Very, I'm glad we pushed the wedding up."

She grinned, "me too."

"Can I ask you a question, and you'll be honest with me?"

"Of course mom."

"Were you upset we were waiting till May because you knew something was wrong and you didn't think you'd make it?"

"Mom, I had a feeling May was too far away. I didn't know why, I mean I couldn't explain it but I had a feeling I wouldn't be there."

"Why didn't you say something? Carlisle might have been able to realize you needed the LVAD sooner and you wouldn't have about died."

"It wasn't like I knew. I didn't feel any different until right before everything happened. If I had known, mom I would have said something. I swear, if I could have prevented myself and you and Carlisle that pain I would have."

"You must have been terrified that night," I said as tears filled my eyes.

"I really was. The only thing that kept me awake while I was being shocked over and over was you. When the 9-1-1 person asked me to verify my address I didn't think I could talk I was in so much pain but then I thought about you. If they hadn't have been able to find me you would have walked in on me – dead and that thought was more terrifying than the pain or anything else."

"I'm just so glad you called for help," I cried.

"Hey, no crying," she said looking up to me. "I'm alive now, I feel better than ever and I'm going to get a heart soon."

"I know but baby, when Carlisle walked out into the waiting room and he told me what happened – that you… might have been brain dead no thoughts went through my head except, no, no, that can't be possible."

"And it wasn't."

"How are you so strong?"

"I get it from my mother," she smiled.

"I'm pretty sure I gave birth to you."

She laughed, "oh please, you're the strongest woman I know. You raised me!"

"That was a challenge," I giggled. "What with all the weird hair colors."

"I went back to my natural color, just a little more vibrant."

"But that blonde and blue!" I laughed.

"Yeah that blue was a wakeup call. What was I thinking?"

"You were fourteen. I don't think we'll ever know," I laughed.

"Hayley Williams pulled it off pretty well."

"Ah but she's weird," I teased.

"True dat," she laughed. "You let me though."

"Horrible lapse in parenting judgment."

We had fallen asleep on the couch – Briar's head in my lap and the TV still on when Carlisle came home.

"I leave you alone for one night, and you sleep on the couch," he smirked kissing my head.

"Good morning," I yawned.

"It's still early. I'll take her to bed then come get you," he smiled changing Briar's LVAD to the battery.

"I can walk," I said as he picked her up gently. Her little legs dangled down as her head rested on his shoulder.

"But you don't have to," he chuckled carrying her off.

I decided to be cheeky and not move. I very much liked the idea of my fiancé carrying me to our bed. When he came back he grinned and swooped me up bridal style.

"Good hunt?" I asked.

"Yes it was but I missed you," he kissed me before laying me down in our bed. I held onto his arms and he picked up on the fact that I wanted him to come down with me. He rested his weight on his forearms and knees as he hovered above me. I pulled his face closer. "You should really sleep," he whispered as we parted so I could breathe.

"Please doctor?" I asked, with an evilly seductive grin.

"Oh you know I can't resist when you call me that," he nuzzled my neck.

"What? Doctor? Dr. Cullen?"

"You asked for it," he grinned as his hand worked its way down.

When I woke up for real the next morning my eyes landed on a dress hanging from the back of my door. I sat up and found a note on the pillow next to me.

_Love-_

_ They've set us up… I've been forced away and into a tux. It seems we're getting married today. I'll meet you at the alter… I'll be the luckiest man there._

_P.S. Watch out for the pixie about to break into your room…_

_With all my love, Carlisle_

"Esme!" Alice screamed as my door swung open, Briar stood right behind her with her make-up kit.

"Surprise wedding!" Briar said. "Now get up!"


	19. Chapter NINETEEN

**Carlisle's POV**

I stood on the roof of our condo building under a small white wooden alter – a white carpet ran from the stairwell entrance to me with red roses trailing the path. Amazingly there was no rain, just clouds in the sky. It was chilly, just around fifty degrees so I worried Esme and Briar might be cold having the wedding outside. Honestly I don't know why Alice chose our roof top, but she turned the concrete, plain area into a beautiful utopia of rose's and red and white satin. I just hoped Esme would like it.

On my left was Jasper in a matching suit with a red tie, my right was a judge. Suddenly I was nervous and Jasper chuckled. I wasn't apprehensive about marrying Esme, she was the love my life, nothing could make me happier than making her mine in this human tradition. I was nervous because I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say once she arrived. This was so sudden, I hadn't had the chance to prepare. What if nothing came out of my mouth?

"Stop it," Jasper whispered.

"I can't," I told him.

"You're soon-to-be wife is about to walk out of that door. Why the hell are you nervous?"

"Are we reciting our own vows?"

"I dunno."

"That doesn't help," I told him as he chuckled.

"You are one of the last people that needs to worry about what to say. You're Carlisle Cullen, if you don't know the words right now, wait they'll come to you as soon as you see her," he said as the door opened and Alice skipped out.

I caught a glimpse of Briar. She was standing on her toes doing something with her hands but the door shut before I could see what. She did look cute in the red dress that matched my tie and the LVAD controller and battery were hidden well under it near her waist. I hoped she was comfortable wearing something like that right now.

"Judge Wilson, I'm Alice we spoke on the phone," Alice said taking the judges hand. "The bride will be coming out in exactly two minutes. They're both saying their own vows and like I said just do what you do minus the 'sickness and health' or 'death do us part' words."

"Of course, I understand," he said.

"Great, thank you for doing this on such short notice," she grinned as she took her place next to Jasper and pulled a camera from his suit pocket.

"Ali you should probably assure Carlisle he'll be able to talk," Jasper chuckled.

"He'll do great once he picks his jaw up off the floor," she grinned. "She's gorgeous Carlisle."

"She always is."

"By the way, your condo is where the reception will be so don't get mad I had to do a little redecorating."

"Of course, will this be too cold for Briar?" I asked, worried about the mild breeze which brought the temperature down more.

"She's going to put a coat on," she told me. "I planned ahead."

"You always do," I said as the door open and Briar stepped out with Esme behind her.

They entwined their arms once the door shut. Esme was stunning. Her gown was flowing with two small straps – a small sash around her waist held a white flower. Her hair was down in her naturally perfect curls with a thin head band that separated her bangs. Her eyes met mine and I saw nothing else as she smiled brilliantly. Light music began as they walked together. She finally arrived next to me after what seemed like eternity. Briar pulled my hand from my side and put Esme's in it then stepped next to Esme with a bouquet of red roses.

"Shall I begin?" the judge asked. I nodded my head not moving my eyes from Esme's. "We are gathered here today to witness Carlisle Cullen and Esme Platt join together in holy matrimony. I understand you both wish to recite your own vows…" he said. "Carlisle," he offered.

"Wow, I'm afraid I don't have anything planned so I guess I'll have to speak from my heart," I chuckled. "Some people are lucky to find the person they can truly call the better half of themselves quickly. We weren't but I would repeat those lonely years over again if it meant, in the end I still found you. I love you, Esme I know that you are the only one for me, my one true love. After many years of searching I've found you. I am happy and I am grateful that you came into my life along with your daughter whom I see as my own – and now that I have found you both, I shall never let you go. I would offer you my heart but my dear, you already have it. You have since I first laid eyes on you right downstairs. Faithfully, I shall always stand steadfast at your side with your hand in mine, regardless of what life should bring to us. Any troubles we may face, we shall face them together. You will never be alone again. I take you now as my wife, and shall remain so for the rest of my life. I love you more than words can express," I smiled as a tear slid down her porcelain cheek. I quickly wiped it away. "No tears today my love."

"Esme," the judge said.

"Carlisle," she sighed with a smile. "I don't have a way with words like you do so I'm afraid this may be short," she chuckled. "You have given me more than anyone could imagine. I came to Seattle with one goal, to save my daughter. I never planned on falling in love – I didn't even think it was possible for me to. Over the past few months we have shared secrets. We've easily accepted each other's and our love may have grown fast but I know it will last forever. You are my best friend – my shoulder to cry on, my strength when I am weak. You've taken care of my daughter, you've taken care of me. I've said it before and I will say it again, you are the most amazing man in the world. So today, I will take you as my husband, I will cherish you and I will love you more than I ever knew I could. Thank you Carlisle."

"Wonderful… now I believe there is a certain young lady who wishes to speak," he judge said looking to Briar. Esme turned her body to watch our daughter who pulled a paper from her coat pocket.

"Yeah, I can't just come up with words," Briar laughed unfolding the white piece. "I wanted to say something to both of you," she said as tears glistened in her eyes. I reached over and took her free hand while Esme rubbed her arm. "Mom first," she started as she stepped closer so our arms weren't stretched. "I have spent my life watching the most amazing woman in the world. I don't know how I got so lucky. As far as role models go, there isn't a better one. You had me young but you never used that as an excuse. You finished high school, college all while raising me alone. You started a business doing what you love but you were always there for me. You made every day special. I never had to ask you to talk because you knew when I needed too. You're the best mom in the world, period. But you never made yourself happy, you always worried about me. I could tell you where lonely – that a part of you was missing and I always wished you would find that part. Every shooting star, every eyelash that I blew away, every birthday candle my one wish was that you would be happy – that you find that missing piece. That brings me to Carlisle. Thank you," she cried. "Thank you for making my mom happy in a way I couldn't, work couldn't, nothing could. Thank you holding her when she cries, for just being here. These past few months have been hard on her and if it wasn't for you… I don't know what would have happened. So I only ask one thing. I know I don't exactly have this right but I think you'll agree. Love her, just love her and make her happy."

"I will, I promise."

"Good then you both have my blessing," she giggled. "I've never seen two people so in love and so perfect for each other; you both give me hope that one day I might have that," she said wiping her cheeks. "I'm done."

"Very well. Do we have rings?" the judge asked.

"I have them," Jasper said as I held my hand out. He place my crest and a small white gold band in my palm.

"Carlisle repeat after me. I Carlisle Cullen…" he said.

"I Carlisle Cullen,"

"Give you Esme Platt this ring which symbolizes my commitment and love to you for all eternity," he said as I took Esme's hand once more.

"Give you Esme Platt this ring which symbolizes my commitment and love to you for all eternity."

"Place the ring on her left hand," he said and I slid it in place. "With this ring I thee wed."

"With this ring I thee wed."

"Now give Esme your ring," he told me, she held her small hand out and I placed the old gold crest in it.

"Esme repeat after me," he said. "I Esme Platt…"

"I Esme Platt," she smiled.

"Give you Carlisle Cullen this ring which symbolizes my commitment and love to you for all eternity."

"Give you Carlisle Cullen this ring which symbolizes my commitment and love to you for all eternity."

"Place the ring on his left hand," he told her, she gently slid it onto my finger. "With this ring I thee wed."

"With this ring I thee wed," she grinned.

"By the power invested in me by the State of Washington I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I placed both my hands on her soft cheeks and pulled her to me. I took her lips as mine and swore to myself I wouldn't let a day go by where I didn't tell her how much I love her and how lucky I was to have her.

"Whooo!" Briar, Jasper, and Alice all hollered as they clapped and I reluctantly let her go gently.

"I love you," I whispered. "Wife," I grinned.

"I love you… husband," she smiled.

"I just need you both to sign to make it official," the judge said moving behind the table. He handed me a pen and I signed my name quickly then handed it to her. She did the same and we kissed once more.

"Save something for the honeymoon," Briar smirked.

"May I present Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen," the judge said.

Once everything was said and done the judge left and Esme, Briar, and I went downstairs to my condo which was decorated and made into a reception area. Alice and Jasper quickly cleaned the roof so the wind didn't blow away the flowers then met us there. All the furniture was moved except for my couch which Briar sat down on. Alice outdid herself of course with more flowers and even a large cake that sat on my kitchen bar.

"It's time for the bride and groom to cut the cake!" Alice squealed as she shooed us over and Jasper helped Briar up.

"I totally want some icing," Briar grinned as she sat down on a bar stool. She was tired but I think she was doing well. She wasn't exerting herself beyond what she knew she was capable of and sat down every chance she got to keep herself going.

"Shall I cut it?" I asked.

"Yes!" Briar said.

"Please," Esme smiled with a kiss.

I cut two pieces for Esme and Briar. I handed one to Briar, which Alice took away and handed to Esme so I handed the other to Briar which Alice took away and handed to me.

"Have you never been to a wedding?" Alice asked.

"Yours," I said.

"It's customary to feed each other a piece. Actually more or less shove the cake in each other's faces." She grinned.

"I am not shoving a piece into Esme's-" I was cut off by Esme shoving her piece into my face as she giggled. "Really?" I asked as she smirked and I took my piece and rubbed it over her face.

"I cannot believe you did that!"

"You did," I smirked taking a napkin from the counter. I cleaned her mouth then she cleaned mine.

"Awe," Briar said. "Now give me icing!"

"You want icing?" Esme asked.

"Yes," Briar said. I watched as Esme scooped a blob of icing off the cake and smeared it all over Briar's face. "That's not how it goes!" she squealed wiping it off and onto Esme's face, the leftover she wiped on mine as we laughed.

"That tastes horrible," I said.

"To you," she said taking a fork and scooping more icing off the cake and into her mouth. "Actually yeah it does," she said shaking her head as Alice handed her water.

"It's no good?" Alice asked.

"Where did you get that?" Briar asked.

"Some health food store made it for me. It has no sugar, salt, or anything that could be considered unhealthy," she said.

"You mean it has nothing good in it?" Briar asked.

"You know… I think I still have a box of brownie mix," I smirked.

"Eggs and milk are next door!" she said.

"I'll go," Esme smiled kissing me.

We spent the next hour baking brownies – it was reminiscent of that first night when Briar took the plate and started eating.

"So good! Carlisle seriously if you ever get tired of being a doctor, baker," she said as I fed Esme.

"I think I'll stick with my day job."

"Whatever, just saying you and Betty Crocker make a great duo," she grinned taking another brownie. Child would go into a diabetic coma next if she kept going which thankfully she didn't.

As the day went on Alice forced Esme and I into our first dance. I held my bride close as we swayed softly to the music.

_The book of love is long and boring  
No one can lift the damn thing  
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing  
But I  
I love it when you read to me  
And you  
You can read me anything  
The book of love has music in it  
In fact that's where music comes from  
Some of it is just transcendental  
Some of it is just really dumb  
But I  
I love it when you sing to me  
And you  
You can sing me anything  
The book of love is long and boring  
And written very long ago  
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes  
And things we're all too young to know  
But I  
I love it when you give me things  
And you  
You ought to give me wedding rings  
And I  
I love it when you give me things  
And you  
You ought to give me wedding rings  
And I  
I love it when you give me things  
And you  
You ought to give me wedding rings  
You ought to give me wedding ring._

She was perfect in my arms, it couldn't have been a better fit and I wished to never let her go but I noticed Alice and Jasper dancing as the song changed and Briar sat on the couch contently.

"May I dance with our daughter?" I asked my wife. I'd never get tired of thinking or saying that.

"Please do, these heels are killing my feet. I could use a break."

"I love you," I kissed her.

"I love you more… husband," she smiled.

"Wife," I chuckled as I let her go. She sat down next to Briar as I walked over and held my hand out.

"May I have a dance?" I asked.

"As long as I can stand on your feet," she smiled taking my hand. I let her place her small feet on my shoes as Alice changed the song to something slower.

_Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'Cause I've seen the dark side too  
When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothin' you confess, could make me love you less  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
So, if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you  
When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
'Cause even if you're wrong  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you  
And when, when the night falls on you, baby  
You're feelin' all alone  
You won't be on your own  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Yeah  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
No, no, no, no, no  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you_

I held Briar close through the song. I didn't miss the salty air or my wet shirt so I had her look to me. She was smiling so I kissed her forehead and let her rest her head against my chest again while we danced.

"I never had a dad," she whispered.

"You do now and will as long as you want. I'm here for you, always. Let me see you through because I'll stand by you." I smiled.

"I would say that's a little corny but it's really sweet," she giggled softly as the song ended and she stepped off my feet. "Thank you," she said. "Can I dance with mom?"

"Of course," I said as Esme stood up.

"Alice, do you know what song I want?" Briar asked.

"Yep, she'll love it," Alice said as Esme took Briar.

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.  
It must have been cold there in my shadow,  
to never have sunlight on your face.  
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.  
You always walked a step behind.  
So I was the one with all the glory,  
while you were the one with all the strength.  
A beautiful face without a name for so long.  
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.  
Did you ever know that you're my hero,  
and everything I would like to be?  
I can fly higher than an eagle,  
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.  
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,  
but I've got it all here in my heart.  
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.  
I would be nothing without you.  
Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
You're everything I wish I could be.  
I could fly higher than an eagle,  
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.  
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?  
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.  
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,  
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,  
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.  
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.  
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings. Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.  
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.  
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.  
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,  
so high I almost touch the sky.  
Thank you, thank you,  
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings. _

"I know it's a little corny and not all the lyrics match but mom – you're my hero," Briar said as Esme smiled and wiped her years.

"I loved it," Esme said.

"Congratulation, now it's time for your honeymoon!" Briar said.

"Oh yeah?" Esme asked as Alice handed me a piece of paper.

"I kinda know you guys won't go far so you both are staying at the Four Seasons downtown for the next three days while Jasper and I stay here with Briar. You can't say no because we already have everything worked out. I know Briar's medication schedule, all of her health info, what she needs to do and when. I'll help her with what Esme normally does and change her dressings as often as you do. She will be fine and you two will enjoy your miniature honeymoon."

"You're bags are already in Carlisle's car," Briar said. "Have fun and don't worry about a thing," she smiled hugging Esme then me.

"Ok then, do I need to go over anything?" I asked.

"No!" Briar and Alice said in unison.

"Call me with any problems or questions."

"We know!" Alice said as they shooed us out the door and into the hallway.

"I love you, have fun," Briar said.

"We love you too sweetie. Call me if you need to," Esme told her.

"How about I'll call if there's an emergency and you call when you have downtime so I don't interrupted anything."

"Ok, be safe," Esme kissed her forehead.

"I will… love you guys. Buh-bye!" she said.

* * *

By the way I do not own any of the songs I listed and I borrowed the lyrics from websites.


	20. Chapter TWENTY: Rated M

**Esme's POV**

We stood outside of our hotel room door. Carlisle set the bags down then turned to me. He was so gorgeous in that suit with that red tie – he was so gorgeous as he stood under the alter today – so gorgeous as he danced with our daughter. It was such a sight. Briar stood on his feet as he moved them around flawlessly to the perfect song. She rested her head on his chest and he kissed her crown a few times through the song.

"Mrs. Cullen," Carlisle said.

"Yes Dr. Cullen?" I smiled.

"I love you," he said as he quickly swooped me up bridal style.

I was still in my wedding dress and the material rose up my leg. He opened the door with a key card and carried me over the threshold into the immaculate, honeymoon suite. He set me down on the end of the bed then kneeled in front of me. He took my right leg – placed one hand under my calf then slid the heel off with the other, laying a soft kiss on my ankle before moving onto my left and repeating the motion as he smiled softly, lovingly to me. "Beautiful," he murmured closing his lips around mine as I held his face. "The bags are still in the hall. I'll be right back."

He left me for the moment it took to get the bags and place the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door with a devious smirk. I stood up and walked to him –placing my hands on his tie and pulling his face to mine.

"Very smart," I whispered parting for just a moment with a smirk.

I loosened the tie and slid it off, dropping it to the floor before pulling the jacket off his shoulders painfully slow. My lips never left his – just parted so I could breathe.

"There's a Jacuzzi in the bathroom," he grinned.

"Should I put a bathing suit on?" I teased.

"No clothes for the next three days for you. I forbid them," he whispered as he nibbled on my ear and lowered the zipper in the back.

"I agree, but I'd like to add one thing."

"I'll give into any demand," he said huskily.

"If I can't wear clothes," I grinned then put my mouth to his ear. "Neither can you." I unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

"You drive a hard bargain Mrs. Cullen, but I accept," he chuckled sliding my dress off. It dropped to the floor while I went to his buckle.

After our clothes were discarded onto the floor he carried me into the bathroom – sat me on the counter and started the water in the tub. While we waited he came back to me and let his large, cool hands trail the planes of my body. His touch was soft, so gentle but at the same time needy and desperate. Our tongues tangled together forcefully, with a need that couldn't be rivaled.

"So perfect," he murmured as he let me pant.

"I need you," I said. "Dr. Cullen" I smirked.

He loved it when I called him that but tonight is was for a different reason. We were now Dr. and Mrs. Cullen and I highly doubted for this weekend I'd call him Carlisle very often.

"Say it again Mrs. Cullen," his chest rumbled as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His perfect member so close to where I needed it to be. The slight twitch affirmed the fact that he needed it as well.

"Dr. Cullen!" I gasped as he suckled just above my breast. My hands fisted in his hair as his hand trailed my leg to my apex. His cool digit swept across my heat softly. I needed more so I voiced it. "More," I panted as he slid two fingers past my lower lips and into me.

"I'll give you anything," he said kneading my left breast as his lips danced over my neck. His cold tongue trailed over my jaw and back down as he pumped slowly into me with his fingers and his thumb found my bundle of aching nerves.

"Oh god!" I gasped nibbling on his ear, tightening my grip in his blonde locks as he continued his ministrations in my body. He brought me up into moaning bliss then gently helped me down as I panted his name. His touch so adoring and light over my body as I quivered.

"I love you Esme," he smiled as I looked into his eyes.

"I love you," I sighed peacefully as he picked me up and carried me into the waiting tub where we consummated our marriage with cries of passion and bliss.

After drying me off with a fluffy towel he placed me on the bed and let me cover up with a silk robe. It was getting later – my stomach made its presence known so he ordered room service. As I ate he sat behind me, lightly peppering my shoulder with kisses.

"I'm never going to finish if you keep that up," I smirked.

"Are you asking me to stop?" he chuckled.

"Never," I told him as I sat the tray on the floor and turned my body to face him.

"Ah-ah-ah, we need to call Briar and you need to finish eating," he laughed picking the tray back up and handing me his cell phone.

"I eat, you talk first," I told him handing it back as I picked my fork back up. He dialed her number and pressed the phone to his ear after kissing me once more.

"Hey Briar," he said. "Yes, we're having a very good time," he chuckled. "She's eating right now so I thought I'd talk to you first if that's alright," he said. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Good, did you take your medicine?" he asked her. "I know, I know but you can't fault me for being vigilant."

"Did Alice change her dressings?" I asked.

"Are your dressings changed?" he asked her. "Yes," he told me as I took my last bite and held my hand out for the phone. "You're mom's finished eating, she wants to speak to you. I love you and we'll talk in the morning. Don't forget you medication," he told her. "I'm sorry, I know you won't," he said. "Ok sleep well here she is," he passing me the phone.

"Hey baby!"

"Hey mom. Are you having fun?"

"Yes I am, how about you? Are Alice and Jasper keeping you entertained?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "Alice braided my hair after she helped me wash it and now we're playing monopoly. Jasper wants to play Risk next," she said as I heard Alice giggling loudly.

"I thought we told him no!" Alice said.

"Yeah Alice says he's pretty intense so we might not," Briar said. "I'm sorry Jasper, of course we'll play!" she said. "He just projected sadness and gave me the puppy dog eyes," she laughed.

"I'm glad you're having fun."

"Yeah we are. Tomorrow Alice wants to go shopping. Can you ask Carlisle if that's alright?"

"Sure," I said. "She wants to know if it's ok if they go shopping?" I asked him.

"As long as she's up to it that's fine but make sure she tells Alice if she needs to rest. Alice goes a little overboard," he chuckled.

"He said yes as long as you're up to it and tell Alice when you need to rest."

"Great! Tell him thanks for the credit card," she giggled.

"Don't go overboard," I warned.

"Carlisle won't mind!" Alice yelled as I rolled my eyes.

"I don't mind," Carlisle chuckled.

"Told you so!" Alice yelled.

"Well I think I'm gonna continue to kill Jasper in monopoly so I'll let you off here," Briar said.

"Ok baby, sleep well and I love you."

"I will, love you too. Have fun."

"I will goodnight, love you," I said again.

"Love you too… bye," she said as the line went dead and I handed the phone back to Carlisle.

"It sound like she's having a good time."

"It does," I smiled.

"Shall we continue?" he asked moving his head to my neck.

"Yes please," I giggled.

Carlisle and I literally spend the entire honeymoon in our suite. He kept me fed with room service and entertained perfectly. His pager never went off and he only received one phone call – he was able to deal with the problem without leaving thankfully. We talked to Briar twice a day. She kept up with her medicine and dressing changes. She and Alice went shopping and she said she had a good time but did need to rest a few times. She told me how Jasper carried all of their bags and that the scene was comical. He followed behind like a pack mule apparently. As I finished dressing so we could so home Carlisle came up behind me and kissed my neck.

"Mmm… did you have a good time love?"

"Very good time. This was wonderful," I turned in his arms.

"I have a surprise for you before we go home."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I can't tell you, I have to show you," he smirked.

Once all the bags were in the car we headed out of the city to the east. It wasn't a long drive, about a half hour until he pulled onto a small, what looked like service road in the woods. His face held his perfect smile as he came to a stop where the woods cleared some.

"Where are we?" I asked as he shut the car off and got out to open my door. He held his hand out and I took it.

"I wasn't sure when to show you this but now seemed like a good time," he said as he walked me into the middle of the cleared area.

"What is this?"

"It's ours. I bought it after I asked you to marry me."

"It's a clearing in the middle of the woods, what are we going to do with it?" I smiled.

"You're standing in the middle of our home."

"Our home?" I asked as it sunk it. He bought land for us. Land in which we wants to build a house – our house.

"I want you to design it. I know you like architecture so I want you to design your dream home. Once you know what you want I've already spoken with an architect who will draw up formal plans for the contractor – whom I've already hired. This will be our home, designed by you," he smiled.

"Me?"

"Yes, design your dream home and it will come to life."

I looked around. I could already see a woodsy modern home, with large windows on every side for the view of the woods and river just a few hundred yards away. I could already see Carlisle coming home to me after work – driving up the long drive way as I waited in anticipation. I could see Briar coming and going to college classes and one day I could see Carlisle and I, the same as we ran through these woods together. I hadn't realized I was crying until Carlisle wiped my cheek.

"You don't want it?"

"Of course I do!" I said "I love it Carlisle, it's perfect," I told him taking his lips.


	21. Chapter TWENTYONE

**Briar's POV**

Mom and Carlisle had been married for five months now. I still haven't received a heart transplant due to my size and blood type but I'm holding on. It will come, it has to. I've officially been on the transplant list for a year now, it's August. The worst part of waiting is watching Carlisle get a call that another person received a heart – a person who wasn't always as sick as I was. I understood the fact that those people have a different blood type but I couldn't help but find it unfair.

As I've been waiting the right side of my heart is getting worse. While both sides of my heart have always been failing, the left was worse and it was what was going to kill me. The LVAD is helping the left side but it's hurting the right side more. Carlisle's worried that a heart won't come before he has to admit me and put in a right ventricular assist device. It would mean another surgery and an indefinite stay in the hospital. I'm not as worried about the surgery part, because it's Carlisle after all but the hospital part scares me. I don't want to be confined to a hospital bed, just waiting. At least at home I can do things. I can walk around, leave the house with mom and Carlisle and still have a semi-normal life. The hospital would take that away from me. But I'd do it if it was my only option. I'd do it with a forced smile because in the end, if I have to go through all of that I better get a freaking heart. I deserve it.

"When's Carlisle going to be home?" I asked mom as I helped her cook dinner.

It was a little after six and Carlisle normally finishes office hours at four then does hospital rounds and comes home just after five-thirty so he's running a little late.

"Any time, he said he had one thing to check on then he'd be home. I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear us talking now," she said "Can you cut these carrots for me?" she asked passing me the cutting board.

"Sure," I smiled taking the knife. "So any news on the new house?"

"The contractor thinks it should be ready to move in by Christmas."

She had designed the most amazing house. Truly it's beautiful and the land where it's being built is amazing. It has a river nearby and the forest gives amazing views. It's only about a half hour from where we live now so Carlisle's commute won't be too long – just longer than normal.

Once Carlisle got home he sat with us at the table like usual and watched us eat. I would think it'd be boring but he sits with a smile as he watches mom. If he wasn't her husband or you know Carlisle it would be creepy.

"So once I get my heart and I'm able… I found a good community college," I said.

"Wonderful, any idea what you might want to study?"

"Not medicine."

"Darn," he chuckled.

"Actually I was thinking about graphic design – like on a computer. You know how I adore Photoshop," I said. "Or maybe photography itself."

"Sounds like that would be just up your alley," he told me with a smile.

"Oh darn!" mom said suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked.

"I was going to call you before you left work. We're almost out of syringes to flush Briar's CVC. I have one left for tomorrow."

"Do you want to go tonight?"

"Can we? I don't want to risk being me and dropping the syringe and not having a backup."

"Of course, I'd actually feel better knowing we had plenty. I have a few in my bag but those are more for an emergency. We can go and be back quickly," he smiled.

"Great, Briar do you mind?" she asked me.

"Nope, hey while your out would you get me something?" I smiled.

"What?" she asked matching my smirk.

"Ice cream."

"Got it," mom said kissing my forehead as I stood up.

"We'll be back. I love you baby."

"Love you Briar," Carlisle said.

"See ya, love you guys," I told them turning the TV on.

Thankfully one of the only shows I do watch was on – Family Guy. It was a repeat but it was funny so I didn't care. After about ten minutes I noticed Carlisle bag still on the counter, with files sticking out. I shouldn't have, I don't even know why I did but I walked over and looked at the names. Mine was in there and I was curious. It was so horrible of me to do this but it was my file after all so I took it out and opened it.

"Won't be a good candidate much longer," I said out loud as I read one of the newest pages. "Kidney function, decreased exponentially," I said as I kept reading – it was getting pretty bad. He had all the reasons why I shouldn't have a heart transplant written. I couldn't understand the blood work but he had highlighted a few numbers. "Without a heart transplant will die." I said. "But a heart may not save her," I read. "Palliative care?" I said. That meant like… end of life, keep me comfortable while I die care – hospice I think. Was he going to suggest this? He was giving up on me.

"Briar what are you doing?" Carlisle asked as he and mom walked in. He quickly took the file from me and slid it under his arm as I stared blankly.

"Briar were you reading that?" mom asked. "Carlisle what is that?"

"Her medical file."

"Briar that wasn't yours to read," she said.

Tears filled my eyes, "he's… giving up."

"No… no Briar I'm not giving-" I cut him off by walking away quickly to my room.

I slammed and locked my door as their footsteps rushed closer. One of them knocked on my door, and then wiggled the knob.

"Briar listen to me," Carlisle said.

"No!" I screamed. "Go away, I hate you," I cried rushing to my bathroom, locking that door too. I sat down against the door and cried. Carlisle was giving up and he didn't even tell me. He promised he wouldn't but clearly he was.

"Briar!" he yelled.

"I said go away!" I screamed.

Somehow he got in my room and was now knocking franticly on the bathroom door.

"Briar you have to listen to me. I am not giving up on you. What you read were notes, nothing more. Think of it as a pros and cons list of sorts. I have to look at all angles for the transplant committee. I am not, nor will I ever give up on you," he said as I cried. "Will you please open the door? I already have to replace one lock, I'd rather not another. Just open the door and talk to me. Remember how we talked last time? How you felt better? If you talk to me I can explain."

Did I really want to let him explain? He still wrote those things, thought them. But he said he had to, is he just saying that now because I read them? I guess I won't know unless I talk to him.

I stood up and wiped my face off. I unlocked the door then opened it. He was standing alone in my room just a foot from the door. I walked out slowly – scowling – I was still really mad he could even think those things.

"Briar," he said softly raising his hand to wipe my cheek. "Please come here," he said opening his arms.

I stepped into them and he embraced me gently. I didn't hug back and he let me go but led me over to my bed where he made me sit next to him. I scooted back against my pillows and head board as he sat facing me.

"You wrote that… my kidneys are failing," I cried.

"Not yet. Decreased function means just that, decreased – not failing. Almost every heart transplant candidate has decreased organ function because the heart itself is failing. Once you get a heart, your kidneys will go back to working perfectly."

"Won't be a good candidate much longer," I whispered.

"It's just because you're getting sicker. All that means is you need a heart now and we might have to look into other options to keep you alive."

"You're not giving up?"

"Never. Your eyes were not supposed to read that file. I had to write those things –it's part of the process. I could never give up on you. Briar how could you even think I would do that?"

"Because you wrote it."

"They're notes, just notes. Your treatment plan is the same. If we don't find you a heart within the next few weeks, we put in an RVAD. Briar if I have to, I can put in an artificial heart. It's not what I want but I have options."

"So you're not considering palliative care?"

"Palliative care doesn't mean what you think it does. It means medical care or treatment that concentrates on reducing the severity of disease symptoms while you get treatment. It's not hospice, and has nothing to do with end of life care. You've been receiving palliative care since you became my patient. Everything I do is to hopefully in the end save you but at least make you comfortable. The LVAD for example, it improved your quality of life. It didn't cure you; it just reduced your symptoms and gave me a chance to work on a cure, getting a heart."

"I thought it meant hospice, like making me comfortable while I die."

"Sometimes it does, palliative and hospice are used together a lot but they're not the same."

"Oh," I whispered as he wiped my cheek.

"But Briar, you should not have been reading that file."

"It was mine."

"No it was mine. I tell you everything you need to know. Those are my notes, my private notes. Those are for my eyes and any other doctor I let read them – not you."

"I…" I really didn't have anything else to say. I mean technically it was my file so why can't I read it.

"Did you look at any of those other files?"

"No! Of course not!"

"I'm very disappointed that you went through my bag and into my files. I assumed I could trust you not to. That's the only reason I left my bag out."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"I accept your apology."

"That's it?"

"What?"

"You just accept my apology, you're not gonna lecture me or something?"

"You know you did something wrong. Do I need to tell you about HIPAA regulation and patient privacy?" he smirked.

"No"

"Then there's nothing else to say. You won't do it again will you?"

"No"

"Then no lecture," he smiled.

"Thanks… and I am sorry."

"I know you are and if you have-" he was cut off by his cell phone ringing. "It's the hospital. I'll be right back ok?"

"Ok," I said as he hurried out of my room and answered the phone. Mom came in as he went out.

"If it was up to me you'd be in more trouble."

"I probably should be," I said as she sat down.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it was a completely stupid thing for me to do. I know Carlisle would tell me anything I need to know but… I was curious and well for lack of better word stupid by going through his bag."

"You weren't stupid, you were wrong," she said as Carlisle came back in.

"I got the call," he said as his lips turned up into a smile till he was full out grinning.

"What call?" I asked.

"A heart… is available for you," he said as I let his words sink in.

"I'm getting… a heart?" I asked and he nodded with a grin.

"Oh my god! Her bag… she needs her bag, pillows…" mom kept going on as she scurried about my room but I was in a bit of a fog.

"Tonight?" I asked.

"Hopefully, there's a donor in Denver, Colorado. The hospital there notified UNOS and they called our hospital when you came up as the first match. The transplant coordinator there is setting everything up. They'll start testing the heart to be sure it's working perfectly, which I suspect it should. The donor is a nineteen year old who had a brain injury. Young and hopefully healthy. Once they know it's viable for transplant our hospital will send a few people – doctors – the procurement team to harvest the organ. It will take about two and a half hours to get there by plane," he said. "Once they get the heart they'll give me a call, I'll take you to the OR. While they're flying here I'll begin to remove your LVAD and old heart. Once it arrives I'll put it in. You should have a new heart by the time the sun comes up in the morning."

"We need to go!" mom smiled.

"I can't believe this… an hour ago I thought it was over. I thought you were giving up and now… there's a heart?"

"Yes," he said.

"Wow," I whispered. I think I was in shock.

"Don't you want to go?" he chuckled as my head shot back up to meet his eyes. His smile made me smile.

"Yeah, of course… we need to go!" I laughed. "There's a heart for me."


	22. Chapter TWENTYTWO

**Esme's POV**

It was time… after over a year of waiting for this call we got it. Finally after almost four years since Briar started showing symptoms she was getting what she needed so she could live a normal life – a long life.

Carlisle carried the two bags with clothes for all of us down to the car while I carried Briar's laptop bag and she carried her pillow.

"Ok do we have everything?" I asked.

"Yes love, we have everything. I have all of her medicines, clothes for you and me, and pajamas for Briar. Her IPod is in your purse, laptop in its bag, and she has her pillow so we haven't forgotten anything," Carlisle said as he shut the trunk. I kissed him for being so great.

"I love you," I smiled.

"Are you guys coming, because I will leave without you," Briar said from the backseat where she was already buckled in.

"I think you need me," Carlisle chuckled as he opened my door for me then shut both of ours and walked to the driver's side.

He took my hand as we drove the short distance to the hospital. He was going a little slower than he normally would and Briar was getting antsy. "It would be best to get you there in one piece. I'm just being cautious. No one will start without you," he smiled as he looked in the rearview mirror to her.

"So how long until I'm in surgery?"

"Well it'll take a little while to be sure the heart is viable – once we know the procurement team will leave. The flight is about two and a half hours – harvesting the heart could take another few. Once they get back on the plane we'll take you down so it will be a few hours but we have a lot to do to get you ready for surgery," he told her.

"Like what?"

"Blood work and x-rays for starters. You'll be hooked up to an EKG and your ICD will be shut off. I'll put in a pressure monitor through your CVC so we can monitor you closely before, during, and after surgery. You'll have to take a few medicines, some through your line, a few syrups. Basically it's normal pre-op procedure with a little more in-depth monitoring and it all has to be done before the donor heart can be removed so we know you're healthy enough to receive the heart."

"Your taking my ICD out during surgery too right?" she asked as he pulled into his spot.

"Yes, it will come out first then I'll take the LVAD out and remove your old heart," he told her as he shut the car off and we got out.

"No more pacing… or shocking," she smiled as I put my arm around her while Carlisle retrieved Briar's bag from the trunk – leaving ours in so we didn't have to carry it from room to room right now. He handed Briar her pillow and threw the bag over his shoulder.

"No more baby," I kissed her head.

"Oh god this is amazing," she laughed.

"Yes it is," I said. "Yes it is," I repeated softer.

"No more freaking LVAD!" she cheered as we walked. "Can I burn this Velcro pouch and crush the battery?" she laughed patting the controller and battery on her abdomen.

"Alright Esme, is your hand ready because you have a lot of forms to sign," Carlisle chuckled as we took the elevator up to the cardiac floor. I moved my wrist around.

"Yep I think it's good," I said before kissing him.

Once the doors opened Carlisle and I walked out right away. Briar stood in place staring into space.

"Baby?" I asked as Carlisle held the door so it didn't shut on her.

"Briar are you ok?" he asked while I rushed in and put my arm around as she started crying.

"Baby talk to me," I said.

"Oh god… this is happening," She said looking through her tear filled eyes.

"Are you… upset?" I asked. I had no idea why she was suddenly crying, or why she froze in the elevator.

"I've waited so long… I can't believe this is happening. I feel like I should be waiting for something to go wrong."

"Briar," Carlisle said stepping back into the elevator, he took her right hand in one of his then wiped her tears away with the other. "I can't promise nothing will go wrong – your surgery can be cancelled at any time but… we've never gotten this far before. You have to look at it this way, something could go wrong but something could go right. We're at the hospital and there is a heart available for you," he told her as I grabbed the door before it could close. "You can't spend this time waiting for something to go wrong. You need to spend it knowing there is a heart for you and in a matter of hours it will be beating… unassisted in your chest."

"I know… I'm just…" she shook her head.

"Shocked, stunned… ready?" he asked.

"So ready," she smiled.

"Then let's go sweetheart," he guided her from the elevator.

Everything was so rushed when we got there. Briar and Carlisle disappeared to radiology after he gave her a quick physical and her nurse – Kelly – took blood. I stayed in the hospital room to fill out so many forms it honestly was getting hilarious. Once that was done I pulled a zip-up hoodie out of Briar's bag for her. It was chilly here so I also went ahead and pulled her blanket out and sat it on the hospital bed with her pillow. When they came back Kelly and Carlisle hooked her up to a few monitors and changed her LVAD to a tethered unit. I put her little jacket on her then Kelly started another IV in her arm for more access. She hung a bag of fluids to keep her hydrated since she couldn't drink then Briar took the first of her two syrups that were in syringe.

"Oh god that's disgusting," she said putting her tongue out.

"Tingles right?" Kelly laughed handing her the second one.

She took it with a frown, put it in her mouth and pushed the plunger down. I was almost positive she was going to spit it back out when she coughed.

"How can anything be worse than the first?" Briar shrieked handing her the empty syringe back. "I'd rather a shot."

"That's what they all say – until I bring the needle out," Kelly smirked.

"Any news on my heart?" Briar asked.

"The procurement team is one their way to the airport – it looks great. I've reviewed all the tests and your my dear are getting a very strong heart," Carlisle told her with a smile. He was so thrilled, we all were.

"Are my grandparents coming?" Briar asked.

"I called them but no. Nana's sick and they couldn't get here before your surgery anyway. After you'll be isolated so it wouldn't be safe. They'll come once you get out of the hospital," I told her.

"Is Nana ok?"

"It's just the flu. She'll be fine but we can't risk getting you sick."

"No we can't that's why, Esme, I need to examine you and take your temperature," Carlisle said. "You'll want to be near her constantly so we can't take any chances."

"Sounds like fun," I said as Kelly pulled out a thermometer and stuck it in my ear.

"Ninety-eight point five, absolutely perfect," she told him.

"Wonderful," he said walking over and putting his useless stethoscope in his ear with a smirk. "Take a deep breath."

Once he was done feeling my lymph nodes he smiled and concluded I was perfectly healthy – which we both knew. It was for Kelly, a little show. Briar got a kick out of it though. She had a plastered smirk and a few giggles.

"You should really give her the full experience. She'll love the echo goop," Briar laughed.

"I save that for my favorite patient," he smirked.

"I knew I was your favorite."

Time went by slowly. Carlisle had to leave every so often and make a few calls while Briar and I played cards. I was quite thankful she thought to put them in her bag, more thankful every time I got Rummy and she stared me down. She was in such a good mood, so far everything was going according to plan. Carlisle said the procurement team still weren't in the OR by midnight but that didn't get her down. She said she knew it would happen – she's waiting a year she can wait a few more hours.

"Briar maybe you should rest," Carlisle suggested as we sat together beside Briar's bed. She was in the middle of her hundredth yawn.

"I'm…" yawn "fine," she mumbled.

"It could be a few more hours, take a nap. I'll wake you up once the procurement team is about to leave the hospital. We'll have plenty of time before going to the OR," he said.

"Well… I guess a small nap wouldn't hurt," she said. "Wake me up before going to the OR got it?"

"Of course," he smiled as she pulled her covers up and turned on her side.

Briar quickly fell asleep as Carlisle and I sat hand in hand, talking softly so not to bother her. I asked exactly what happens during the surgery and he told me – in detail everything he'd do. I was thankful he did, I wanted to know exactly what would happen to our daughter. Just after one Kelly came in with a devastated look.

"Dr. Cullen, we need to talk," she said.

"What's going on? Is Briar's blood work ok?" I asked.

"Yes, her blood work is fine. Please Dr. Cullen, in private?"

"Ok, I'll be right outside Esme," he kissed me before standing up and following her out. He closed the door behind him but I walked close to it just in time for him to yell.

"Are you kidding me? Give me the phone now," he said with such anger. I couldn't hear all of the conversation, just pieces but those pieces told me what was going on. "She is sixteen! She has been on this list for a year! A year! You could be killing her by giving that heart to someone else!" he said. Oh no. "They are stealing this heart from her," he said loudly. "On paper! They might be sicker on paper but you don't see her. She deserves this heart," he said. "I don't care it's hers! Do not let them take that heart," he said. "My team gets that heart for my patient. Do you understand me?" he asked as I opened the door. Kelly rushed in and shut it behind her as Carlisle walked away quickly. His hand was clutching the phone so tightly I was sure he'd crush it.

"Mrs. Cullen, please sit down," Kelly said.

"What's going on, what is he talking about?" I asked as angry tears filled my eyes.

"Something's come up. I think he should tell you."

"No you tell me right now," I whispered harshly.

"There is a patient that was just moved up the list – above Briar. They have the same blood type, he's as good of a match as she it. UNOS is giving him the heart," she said solemnly.

"No, that's Briar's heart," I cried.

"Not yet it wasn't… I'm so sorry Mrs. Cullen but she's not getting a heart tonight unless Dr. Cullen can figure something else out. The heart is going to him. The other hospital's procurement team is there now, they're fighting about who actually gets the heart," she said.

"No… it's Briar's. She's waited so long," I said as the door opened back up and Carlisle came in. He rushed to me and held me tight. "No," I whispered.

"I'm so sorry."

"No," I said again, with more force as I gripped his back.

"Mom?" Briar said as she sat up. "What's… going on?" she asked as I cried into Carlisle's chest.

"Baby," I whispered as I pulled away and went to her side. I clutched her to me.

"Something went wrong," she said softly. "Was it me?"

"No," Carlisle said sitting down on her other side and taking her hand. "This has nothing to do with you or anything you did."

"What happened?" she asked as tears fell down her cheeks. I wiped them away and kissed her cheek.

"There was a last minute change to the transplant list. Another patient, within the area was moved above you. UNOS is giving him the heart. I'm so sorry Briar. I tried to talk to them but on paper he is sicker. He only has hour's maybe days to live without a heart where you have longer. I requested his file so I could see if it really was true but they denied me – he's not my patient."

"So I'm not getting a heart."

"Not tonight but you will get a heart."

"These things happen," she said blinking away her tears. "I've waited a year, another heart will come up."

I was shocked. How was she taking this so well? I'm pissed, so angry I could just…

"Another heart will come. This does happen sometimes and people get another heart," he said as his phone rang again.

He stepped out once more. I'm sure he didn't want Briar to witness him getting angry like he did before. I've never seen him so angry. It was a side I didn't want to see. Compassionate, calm, collected Carlisle was amazing but angry Carlisle was downright frightening.

"So are we going home?" Briar asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm sure we will," I said as Carlisle came back in.

His entire demeanor changed. He was smiling.

"It is hers," he said. "UNOS went over both charts and there are options for the other patient. He doesn't have days to live, he's nowhere near as sick as she is. The other hospital screwed up royally by placing him above her – UNOS will be looking into it."

"Did they do something wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know all of the details but he has time where she doesn't. Our procurement team is beginning the surgery now. Briar you're getting that heart tonight."

"Oh thank god!" she said as I hugged her.

**Carlisle's POV**

Briar didn't want to go back to sleep after everything so we pulled the tray up over her again and Esme shuffled cards. I was still trying to calm down. I was so furious that Briar almost lost that heart because of an error. It was clear she was probably the sickest patient with her blood type and size on the list. If Esme and I weren't married and Briar wasn't my daughter – just another patient she would have been in the hospital since getting the LVAD. The only reason I didn't keep her was because I could care for her at home but in all honesty, she was that sick.

The right side of her heart is about to give up. If she didn't get a heart within the next few weeks I would have operated again to place a VAD on her right side. This heart came just in time and the thought of losing that floored me. I'm sure the few hospital staff that heard me won't look at me the same and I'm certain I scared Esme with my actions. I'm a calm man but tonight I wasn't. I will fight for something I believe in and I believe – I know that heart was Briar's.

"What did you want to play?" I asked Briar as Esme shuffled through the cards again.

"Uh… let's play Rummy again," she smiled.

Esme dealt the cards and we began. Esme was beating both of us but according to Briar, she always does.

"So isolation… you guys will be able to stay with me like normal right?" Briar asked.

"I'm afraid not. We'll have to wear masks, gowns, and gloves until you're moved out. We'll be there most of the time but we can't spend the night in there," I said.

"I've never spent the night alone in the hospital… I understand why mom can't stay but can't you? I mean even as my doctor?"

"Couldn't you stay and pretend to sleep in the on-call room? You would be able to check on her throughout the night, you would hear if she needed you," Esme said.

"You would have to go home though," I said.

"Oh Carlisle… I will be fine alone. I'd feel better if you were with Briar," she said.

"Then of course I'll stay."

As time went on I received a few updates from the procurement team. The donor heart was about to be removed so I went ahead and left to change into scrubs then had Kelly page the anesthesiologist. He would need to talk to Briar and begin a sedative to keep her calm before we took her to the OR. It didn't take him long to arrive, my entire surgical team was close by and waiting so we could begin once the heart was in route.

"Hey Briar. I'm sure you have no idea who I am but I know you. There's a certain cardiac surgeon that won't shut up about you and his lovely wife. I'm Dr. Sands, your anesthesiologist," Greg, the anesthesiologist said holding his hand out for Briar to shake.

"Hi," Briar said as she let his hand go and he pulled her chart from under his arm.

He had to be sure all of her blood work looked good and there were no issues that could hinder the anesthesia. I knew there weren't so I wasn't worried.

"Long time in the making huh?" he asked.

"Yeah… over a year," she said.

"Well then let me just say congratulations and everything on your chart looks great. Once Dr. Cullen gets the go ahead I'll give you a mild sedative before we take you to the OR – the same stuff you get during a heart cath," he told her. "Once we get down to the OR I'll give you another medication through your CVC then place a mask over your face and have you breathe in. You'll get sleepy, you'll close your eyes and before you know it you'll open them again with a new heart."

She smiled, "sounds like a plan."

"If you have any questions now is the best time to ask. If it's something I can't answer I'm sure Dr. Cullen can."

"No," she looked to me. "We talk about this a lot. I don't have any unanswered questions. I'm just ready."

"What about you mom?" he asked Esme.

"Carlisle's great. He tells us everything," she smiled squeezing my hand.

"Alright then… do we know when we're taking her down?" he asked me.

"The donor heart was about to be removed when I paged you so I wouldn't think more than a few minutes before we should start going to the OR. You might want to give the sedative now," I suggested.

"Great, I'll be right back," he said exiting the room quickly.

"You talk about me," Briar smirked.

"Of course I do. Every person who has ever been in the OR with me knows I have the most amazing family. When you have something that wonderful to share, you do," I chuckled.

"Yeah I'm amazing," she giggled as Greg came back in.

He gave her the sedative then left once more for the OR. About ten minutes after he left I got the call from the procurement team – they were in an ambulance on their way to the airport with Briar's new heart. I had Kelly prep Briar while Esme and I stepped out.

"I can't help but be thrilled Briar is getting a heart. I feel bad for the young man's family though. They just lost a son but he's saving our daughter," she said.

"It's both a sad and exciting time, but this man was an organ donor, he wanted to save someone's life if it ever came down to it. He's a hero," I told her as I held her close.

"There's no issue with the donor heart coming from a male right?"

"No love. Its fine."

Statistically there have been studies that say it's more likely for a female recipient to reject a male donor heart but it's never really been proven so I chose not to worry her with it. Honestly it was more likely for Briar to reject the heart for other reasons – things that we'll be on the lookout for.

"You take care of our daughter," she said resting her head against my chest. Her hand held tightly onto the back of my scrub top.

"I always do and will. I'll be extremely vigilant my love."

"Will you be able to call me with updates?"

"Of course, I'll call once an hour if you'd like."

"How many hours exactly?"

"The heart should arrive in about two, the transplant itself could take anywhere from three to eight so we'll play it by ear. I'll update you and let you know how long I think we'll be in there."

"She's going to the operating room right after Kelly's done… right?"

"We'll all walk down into the pre-op area where you'll have as long as you need."

"I'm just… scared but at the same time excited than I go back to being literally terrified you'll come out and she won't," she whispered as her tears hit the air. I raised her face and kissed each eyelid.

"I am not coming out of that OR without our daughter – alive and recovering."

"I know. I'm just worried," she said as the door opened.

"Ok she's all set. Transport is on their way," Kelly said as we walked back in.

Briar had a blue cap over her head as she lay against the bed with sleepy eyes – the sedative was taking effect.

"Helloooo," Briar giggled as we came back in.

"Hey baby. Don't you look so cute?" Esme laughed kissing Briar's head.

"I'm getting a heart," she smiled.

"Yes you are," I said rubbing her arm as the transport team arrived.

I picked Briar up and placed her on the gurney while the orderlies and nurses moved her equipment.

"Mom's coming down right?" she asked.

"Yes, you two will have plenty of time once we get outside of the OR before we have to take you in," I told her as we began wheeling her out.

Esme kept a hold of her hand as I pushed the gurney from behind. With all of her equipment we took up the entire hall but it was late so there wasn't much activity any way. Once we arrived downstairs, outside of the operating unit doors it was time for Esme and Briar to say goodbye. Esme pressed her forehead to Briar's as they spoke softly.

"You are going to do amazing," Esme told her.

"I know."

"When you wake up I will be there. I'll have my hand in yours."

"I'll squeeze," Briar smiled.

"You better," Esme laughed sadly as both of their tears hit the air. "I love you more than anything in the world baby. This is it, no more being sick. You'll have a good heart and all of these struggles will have been worth it."

"I know. I love you mom. If it wasn't for you I don't think I could have done this. Thank you for staying strong."

"You give me strength."

"I love you."

"I love you. I'm not saying goodbye because I will see you in a few hours," she smiled.

"Ok, I'll see you soon. I love you," Briar cried.

"No more crying, I love you too." Esme kissed both of her cheeks, then forehead before pulling back and wiping her cheeks with a smile. "You'll do so amazing."

"Yes I will," Briar told her.

"Ok then, I love you," she said once more as she stepped away.

"Alright Briar, you're going to go into the OR now. I'll be in shortly and stay with you while you go to sleep," I said.

"M'kay," she smiled as I nodded my head to the transport team to take her through the doors. She waved to Esme as the doors swung closed behind her.

"I'll call," I told Esme as she stepped into my arms.

"Please do."

"I will take great care of her."

"I know you will. I love you Carlisle," she said as I kissed the top of her head.

"I love you more," I murmured.

I held her for a few minutes but it was time for me to go. I didn't want Briar to be alone very long so Esme made our goodbye quick and simple 'take care of our daughter, I love you and call me.' I kissed her one last time before going through the unit doors. I pulled my scrub cap from my pocket and placed it over my head then tied a mask around my neck, pulled it over my mouth and washed my hands. I would come back and actually scrub once she was under.

The OR of course was brightly lit. A half dozen people littered the room with a few more coming in and out. Briar was sitting up, wrapped in a blanket with her little legs dangling over the table. The scrub techs were busy counting instruments while the perfusionist – the person who operated the cardiopulmonary bypass machine – was checking his equipment. To me this was normal. It was the makings of any other heart transplant, but this wasn't any other heart transplant – this was Briar's.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" I asked pulling a stool over and sitting down in front of her for the time being.

"Tired but good… I'm excited," she said as she wiggled her arms from the blanket cocoon and I took her hands in mine.

"I imagine you're very excited."

"I'm still a little nervous though, not too bad but enough to make me wish Dr. Fun Juice gave me a little more medicine," she smirked.

"Dr. Fun Juice?" Greg asked checking is tools.

Everyone laughed a little. Briar could always make people laugh, even in light of such a serious situation. She'd lighten the mood every time.

"Dr. Sleepy time better?" she asked.

"I like Fun Juice," he chuckled as Briar leaned in a little closer to me.

"Who is everyone?"

"You want an introduction?" I smiled as she nodded. "Ok well first off people you know: me of course your surgeon, Dr. Sands, your anesthesiologist, you know Nurse Jackie – she's my main scrub nurse. Now for the other people, Caroline is next to Dr. Sands, she's his assistant," I said as Caroline waved her hand. "Taylor is the perfusionist – he keeps the bypass working while I operate. There's Kevin, a scrub tech, he's in charge of counting all instruments so I don't leave anything in you," I smiled as she rolled her eyes. "Jessie is the OR manager, she over sees everything and records all of what I do."

"I make sure he's on time," Jessie said with a smile.

"I'd be lost without her," I smirked. "And everyone else will be in once you're under. There will be two more surgeons and a few more scrub nurses, circulating nurses – that won't be scrubbed in, they'll come and go if I need anything – and techs."

"Can I say something to them?"

"Sure"

"Don't let him kill me," she laughed. "And thank you," she smiled. "Sorry if I woke anyone up but, you'll get over it."

"I think everyone will agree this is so much better than sleeping," Jackie said.

"Heart's in the air," Jessie said looking at her cell phone.

"Ok that's our cue to get you to sleep. Are you ready?" I asked.

"I've been ready. Can I ask one more question?"

"Anything," I told her as I helped her lay down.

"Can you take a picture of my new heart? Not in my body or anything just like before you put it in? I wanna know what it looks like."

"I thought you might ask that. We'll get a picture," I smirked pulling the blankets back up over her. She reached for my hand and I gave it to her with a light squeeze.

"Are we ready?" Greg asked pulling a lumen of her CVC out with one hand while the other held a syringe with medication.

"I love you," she looked up to me.

"I love you too sweetheart. So much," I said.

"If I do die," she started.

"You won't I promised your mother I will not come out of this OR without you alive and recovering."

"If I do," she looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Take care of her and make sure she knows I'm in a better place and to not be sad. I'll always be with her."

"I won't have too but… I'll remember that," I said wiping her cheek.

"I'm ready," she sighed as Greg inserted the syringe and pushed down on the plunger slowly before pulling it out and taking the mask from Caroline.

"Alright honey this mask is going over your mouth and nose. It's going to deliver the anesthetic gas. Just breathe deep and let it do all the work." He told her as she tightened her grip on my hand while he placed it over her face.

"I love you, tell mom I love her," she said as she took a deep breath.

"We love you too Briar Cullen," I said.

"Count backwards from one-hundred for me," Greg asked.

"One-hundred… ninety-nine… ninety… eight… ninety… sev-" she mumbled as her eyes closed.

"I love you," I said leaning down and pulling my mask so I could kiss her cheek. I pulled it back up and let go of her hand.

"I'm going to scrub, finish prepping her and shut off her ICD." I told the staff as I walked out and into the scrub room.

I watched through the window as Greg intubated her with ease and her body was disinfected once again then draped accordingly. I said a silent pray asking for everything to go without complications. We've had enough problems, this just needed to go right and I had a feeling it would. There was no dark feeling over me like last time I operated on her. It seemed like this was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. A healthy Briar, a wonderful life… this was the beginning of everything I wanted for my family, for my daughter and wife.


	23. Chapter TWENTYTHREE

**Esme's POV**

Briar's transplant officially began at three-seventeen in the morning on August thirteenth. I will never forget this day. As I sat in the cardiac surgery waiting room, alone, I thought back to Briar's short life.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her. I was sixteen, almost seventeen in a matter of days. I stood in that Rite-Aid bathroom – positive pregnancy test in one hand, the other on my flat belly. Everything changed in that moment. I always knew she was a girl, so positive I decorated the nursery and bought her little pink onesie's before my first ultrasound.

My parents were disappointed at first but they never once said anything bad. When I told them my mom put her hand on my belly and started talking to her grandchild about how spoiled she'd be. Charles parents were the same, maybe it was because we were both only children and the only way there'd be another baby was if we had one. Still I'll be eternally grateful that they were all so supportive.

The day I went into labor was amazing. The pain – I'd do it again magnified by thousands to have Briar again. She was born with no complications, the perfect size and weight, all ten fingers and toes. She loved to sleep in my arms. It was the only place she'd sleep while we were in the hospital. The day after she was born was Christmas and I got to take her home that day. The hospital nurses put her in a stocking if you could believe it. My little Briar slept peacefully in her stocking, in my arms.

After Charles died life got a little harder. Briar spent a lot more time with her grandparents as I finished school and started my business, but I'd come home to her every night. She'd be waiting for me, big blue eyes met mine the second I opened the door. Somehow I managed to attend every fieldtrip, rehearsal, and game she was in. I wasn't missing those moments. She was a ball of energy when she was little, she danced, played soccer, and sang in chorus – even did little plays that my mother and Marie signed her up for.

It was terrifying when she got sick. She was just twelve and no one had any idea what was wrong with my baby. It took almost two years to find a diagnosis because they were looking in the wrong place. This transplant… it's more than just saving her life, it making all of her struggles worth it. Every test, hospital stay, blood draw, they are all worth it now because Briar will live. I can't think about the fact that most transplants last about ten years before another is needed because ten years are ten years we weren't going to have before. Honestly I know if Briar shows any signs of rejecting her new heart Carlisle won't hesitate to change her as long as she'll survive it. So those ten human years are enough because someday she'll be immortal, we both will be and I'll have forever with her and the love of my life.

"Esme wake up love," a voice said as someone touched my shoulder. My eyes shot open to Carlisle's. He was kneeling in front of me, in green scrubs with that baseball themed cap and mask around his neck. The clock on the far wall said it was eleven-forty-two in the morning – her surgery lasted just over eight hours.

"How did it go?" I asked as he took my hands.

"She's alive," he said with a smile, but something was missing. "We have a complication, which isn't uncommon. Her blood pressure is doing some swinging, it's going high then low quickly so we're keeping a close eye on it. I've seen this happen before and it almost always regulates itself with time and maybe some medicines but overall she's doing really good."

"Should I be worried?"

"Let me do that, you just know she's alive and her new heart is gorgeous and beating perfectly in her chest. Do you want to see her?"

"Of course, yes," I said pressing my lips to his. He took my hand as I stood up and pulled me into his side as we walked through the halls.

"I have a picture of it – she wanted one. Do you want to see it?"

"Her new heart?"

"She wanted to know what it looks like," he chuckled pulling out his cell phone. "This is it," he said showing me the screen. "That is a gorgeous heart. You might have to take my word for it."

"That's in her chest? Oh god, it looks good right?"

"Perfect"

"Oh… that's so beautiful," I said as we stopped near a sink area.

"You have to scrub your hands, gown, mask, and cap – everything," he said passing me a blue cap. I placed it over my head then he passed me a mask, which I put behind my ears and covered my mouth with.

"Any certain way?" I asked as my foot pressed against the pedal with his as he lifted his mask back over his head.

"Watch me: scrub every side, and even each finger with the soap sponge," he said passing me an orange sponge. I watched and did as he did then rinsed the soap and water off. "Hands above your waist and away from your body."

We stepped through a set of sliding glass doors which closed behind us. The curtain to the room was pulled shut but I could hear the multitude of beeps, dings, and whooshing sounds. He passed me a yellow gown and we both slipped them on, he tied mine and his own then we pulled on gloves.

"She looks pretty… well bad like last time so don't be alarmed," he said as he hit a button on the wall with his elbow and the next set of doors glided open. He pulled the curtain open for me after the doors shut. I hadn't expected so many people gathered around my daughter's bed.

"Oh baby," I said as they cleared the way and let me next to her body. He wasn't wrong she did look bad, worse than last time. So many IV's and catheters –monitors that I've never seen in my life, and tubes coming from the blankets that carried what looked like blood and body fluids. I had expected this though so I wasn't surprised. I gently touched her cheek above the endotracheal tube holder and NG tube taped to her face. She was cold.

"Can she have another blanket? She's chilly"

"Of course Mrs. Cullen," a man said going to a cabinet and pulling a large white blanket out. I helped him spread it over Briar and then tucked it where I could, avoiding the catheters, wires, and large tubes.

"Hey baby, mommy's here. You did great," I said as Carlisle took my hand and placed it under the blanket. I found hers and gripped it.

"You did absolutely wonderful Briar," he told her as he ran his hand over her head which was still covered by the blue cap. "You can kiss her," he told me.

I bent down and pressed my lips to her temple, there was a temperature monitor on the middle of her forehead so I steered clear of that. Suddenly one of the monitors blared loud and frantic – I jumped back.

"What's wrong?" I asked as Carlisle looked to the monitors.

"Her BP dropped again, it'll come back up, let's give it one minute before we intervene," he said to the nurse who had gone to the cart next to one of the machines. "There it goes, one-ten over seventy."

"That's normal," I said.

"Right now but it'll probably jump really high here shortly. We have to be careful right now. This does happen Esme; her body is adjusting to the immunosuppressant's, to the new heart – It just takes time. Everything will even out soon. If it doesn't we'll make it," he said as he pulled a stool over and guided me to sit down. I put my hand back under the blanket and into hers.

"Why is there blood in these tubes?" I asked pointing to the two large tubes coming out from the blanket.

"It's just drainage, normal," he told me as he placed his hands on my shoulders. I put my hand over Briar's heart, very carefully. Her new heart beat was very fast, but so strong.

The next few hours were busy. People were moving around nonstop checking everything and anything on Briar. Carlisle did ultrasounds of her blood vessels in her arms and legs, an echo, and he ordered blood tests every hour almost. Her blood pressure didn't go up like he thought it might – it stayed right around the normal margin so that made me feel better. Carlisle made me go downstairs to eat around two. He came with of course and sat next to me with his hand in mine.

"You're tired," he said brushing my hair from my face.

"I'm ok, I apparently took a nap."

"I doubt it was very productive. I have a couch in my office. I'm not waking Briar up for a few more hours. Why don't you lie down?"

"I'm fine but thank you," I said as I tried to stifle a yawn. It just happens at the worst times.

"Please love? Just an hour or two, I'll keep an eye on her."

"An hour or two, wake me up ok?"

"I will."

I put my fork down and pulled the lapels of his lab coat so he leaned down and I could press my lips to his. He placed his hand on my face until I had to breathe and we pulled apart. I rested my forehead on his shoulder as he rubbed my back soothingly.

"I don't want to go home tonight," I said softly.

"I know love, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"I want you to stay with Briar. She needs you more than I do," I said as I sat back up and he took my tray to the trash. He came back and put his arm around me as we walked back upstairs this time to his office which was a few floors above where Briar was in the cardiac ICU isolation unit. I lay down on the couch and he magically produced a blanket to spread over me.

"I love you," I smiled as he kissed me.

"I love you more. Rest, when you wake up we'll wake Briar up," he said as he shut the light off.

"Ok, bye," I said with a yawn.

"Goodbye love," he chuckled kissing my head before walking out. I was out like a light in minutes.

**Briar's POV**

I don't know when but I started to become aware of so many sounds. It was loud, beeping in so many tones, dings, and whooshing sounds filled my ears. I tried to swallow, I couldn't. Almost like hitting a brick wall the memory of where I was and why I couldn't swallow filled my mind. I had my heart transplant, so I have an ET tube in my throat which is breathing for me. The sounds are monitors and I'm cold because I'm in the hospital and a freezing hand was in my right – Carlisle's. Damn vampire needed to wear wool gloves if he wanted to touch me right now. In my left hand was I'm sure mom's hand – It felt rubbery, she was wearing a glove. I remembered what she said before surgery, her hand would be in mine and I promised I'd squeeze so I did.

"Briar," her voice filled the room. "I'm here baby," she said as her other hand touched my cheek.

"Briar can you open your eyes for us? You're just waking up from surgery. You had a heart transplant," Carlisle said as I tried to pull my hand from his – too cold. Unfortunately I had those stupid soft restraints on my wrists so I couldn't get my hand away but I think he got the message and let go. "I'm sorry a little too chilly huh?" he asked as I nodded just a little but that still hurt so I winced. I still hadn't opened my eyes.

"She's in pain," mom said.

"Briar can you open your eyes? I need you to communicate with me by blinking so that requires them to be open," Carlisle said as I squeezed mom's hand again before slowly opening my eyes.

It took a minute to adjust to the lights but once I did I could clearly make out both of their faces. They had masks on, and yellow gowns went up to their necks; both of them smiled brightly, I couldn't see it but I knew they were, they had to be.

"Hi baby, you did so good," mom said.

"You really did. Your heart looks great and is working perfectly," Carlisle said. "First off I'm going to ask yes or no questions – two blinks mean yes, one means no. Do you understand? Two blinks for yes," he said.

I blinked twice. I really hated not being able to talk.

"Good, are you in pain?" he asked, I blinked twice because my chest really did hurt, everything really hurt to be honest. "Ok let's fix that. I'm raising your morphine some," he said reaching up above me to where I couldn't see. I heard a few different beeps then almost as quickly the pain started to fade.

"Better?" mom asked probably noticing my softer expression. I blinked twice.

"Ok Briar, let's talk a bit. You know you had a heart transplant yes?" Carlisle asked – two blinks. "Well that went really good. The new heart is looking amazing. All of your organs are functioning just right, and so far we haven't made too much trouble with the medications," he told me. "I don't know if you remember much from the last time you had surgery but I thought we might go over some of the tubes and wires you have, sound good?" he asked – two blinks. "These," he said showing me two tubes that came out from under the blanket. "Are mediastinal tubes – chest tubes. They're draining any blood or fluid around your heart. They exit your body just below your incision. We'll remove them once you have no more drainage, so in a few days," he said. "Can I move your blankets?" he asked. I gave him two blinks.

"Let me help," mom said as she lowered the blankets to my waist. Carlisle lifted my gown up so most of my chest remained covered. He handed mom a mirror and asked her to hold it so I could see.

"These wires are temporary pacing wires. They rest on the surface of your new heart. They're more of a safety precaution since your new heart doesn't have any nerves and can't regulate itself with your brain. They'll come out in a few days," he said showing me the wires.

He went over everything, each IV he told me what was going into it, every dressing he told me what was under it, and he even showed me my face. I looked like shit… excuse my language. I was a mess, but this mess has a new heart so… oh well.

"I'm sure you have questions, did you want to try to write?" he asked, I blinked once. I doubted I had the strength. "Tired?" Two blinks.

"I love you," mom said. I don't know if she'd understand but I blinked three times very slowly, I… love… you, each blink was a word. "So one blink is no, two is yes, and three is I love you?" she asked. I blinked twice as she laughed softly. Her eyes were pinched some so I think she was smiling under the mask.

"You should get some sleep. We'll take the ET tube out in the morning if you're ready," Carlisle said.

I didn't disagree. I gave him three blinks as well. He kissed my right temple with mom kissing my left as I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep quickly.

I didn't sleep well. People kept coming in and out of my room, which meant the doors opened and the sound woke me each time. When I had woken up again I was all alone, no mom or Carlisle and I was scared – so I started crying.

"Briar, are you ok?" a woman asked. I shook my head no and her eyes went straight to the monitors. "Pain?" she asked. I shook my head no again. I just wanted mom or Carlisle. "I'm paging your doctor, you're vitals are fine."

I kept crying. I just wished I could talk – tell them I wanted my mom or Carlisle. I knew she was paging Carlisle, he'd come but he wouldn't stay. He'd have to leave again and that made me cry more. Suddenly the doors opened again and a cold hand took mine.

"Briar I'm here, do you feel ok?" Carlisle asked as I opened my eyes again to find his face. I gripped his hand as tight as I could as he wiped my tears. "Are you in pain?" I shook my head no. "And you feel ok?" I nodded yes. "Then why are you crying sweetheart?" he asked.

I moved my left hand as if I had a pen. He grabbed a dry erase board and marker – held the board and secured the pen in my left hand after untying the soft restraint.

I wrote, very messily, "alone."

"You woke up alone, and you were scared?" he asked as I nodded yes.

"I just walked mom out, that's all. I'm here now, you're not alone," he caressed my cheek.

With my now untied left hand I let go of the marker and raised it up and touched his shoulder. Using my minuscule amount of strength I pressed and he leaned down, understanding what I wanted. He carefully slid one of his arms behind my back and rested his chin on my shoulder as I held onto his lab coat with my left hand.

"It's ok sweetheart. You are ok and I am here. I love you," he said standing back up as he went ahead and untied my other wrist from the restraint.

I managed to pick the board back up and write another note, "wean me off?"

"Well you are just over twelve hours post-op, we can try if you'd like. Are you sure you don't want to wait till morning to be safe?"

"Please?" I wrote under my last note.

"Ok," he said kindly. "Once I change the setting on the ventilator you'll feel the need to take a breath on your own – try, if you can't we'll stop," he said turning to the monitor on the vent.

A little over a half an hour later I was basically breathing on my own but I still had the tube in my throat. Carlisle and the nurses were busy keeping track of my respirations and my blood oxygen levels. Once he was happy he took the vent tubing off the ET tube. I was breathing all on my own now, no help at all.

"Alright Briar, first thing I'm going to do is suction any fluid. Do you remember this?" he asked.

I had to shake my head no, I really don't remember a lot of my last surgery and I'll bet most of this will be a groggy memory as well here in a few days or weeks.

"This will be a little uncomfortable but just bear with me," he said as he and the nurses crowded over my bed.

I was really thankful when he was done suctioning – that was just horrible. They sat me forward some so I could see my feet for the first time. I could actually look around the entire room. There were more machines and monitors than I had thought. It was a big room but everything took up so much space. My little hospital bed sat in the middle, both side walls were cabinets and a sink. Across from me was the glass wall with the sliding door I've heard so much, outside of that was another room – then another set of doors. I really was isolated I guess. I could look down at my body to. I had a gown over my front and a few blankets up to my neck. The tubing was ridiculous How could they keep track of what went where?

"Ok, sweetheart, Lila here is going to remove the tube holder while Janice suctions the tube again. While she's doing that I'll be pulling it out, I need you to cough, just keep coughing ok?" Carlisle asked. I nodded yes.

He held the tube firmly while the woman who was in here first undid the holder and took it off. Another woman shoved the suction tube down my ET tube.

"Alright cough, cough, cough," he chanted as he pulled the tube out.

I coughed and coughed like he said – to the point of gagging. When he was done he took the suction from Janice and suctioned out my mouth then Lila put an oxygen mask over my face. The other two nurses took the used supplies and mostly watched. Were four nurses honestly necessary for me?

"Oh," I groaned after swallowing. I still had the NG tube in and it tickled my throat a little, not to mention my nose.

"How do you feel?" he asked pressing the bell of his stethoscope to my chest.

"I don't like that," I rasped. My voice was horrid sounding – my throat, dry as the desert.

"I'd imagine most people don't. Can someone get her a cup of ice?" he asked as he threw the instrument back around his neck.

He was still in green scrubs and his pristinely white lab coat under the yellow sterile gown. He had a cap over his blonde hair, but a few pieces peeked out from under it near his neck and a white mask tied around his neck and head.

"Here," Janice said as she came back in the room with a small cup.

"Thank you," Carlisle said taking it from her. "Don't choke on this" he chuckled as he moved the mask down and spooned a nice cold ice cube into my mouth. I sucked and swished it around my mouth as he raised the oxygen mask again.

I smiled, "mmm."

"Better?"

"Much," I said. I hardly recognized my voice it was so hoarse.

"Try not to talk too much for a little while – your throat will be sore. As for the NG tube we're keeping that in for nutrients until you can eat, which will be a few days." I nodded, saving my voice. "Any questions or comments?" he chuckled.

"You're awesome," I said as I heard the two nurses that remained in the room giggle softly.

"I like that comment," he chuckled. "But you my dear are the awesome one. You did amazing in surgery. I am so proud of you. Do you want to see your heart?" he asked pulling his cell phone from his pocket – he handed it to me. There was a picture of my new heart on the screen.

"Were you holding it?"

"I was."

"Was it a good fit?"

"Perfect, absolutely amazing," he grinned – the mask moved so I could tell it was a grin.

"It's beautiful," I smiled. "So what exactly is going on with my BP?"

"Right now it looks good but when you came out of surgery it was swinging – going up really high then dropping almost too low. It happens sometimes, I've seen it in a few transplants. It's from the new medicines; your body is just adjusting. I honestly don't think we have anything to worry about."

"Good," I said as I put my hand against my chest. My new heart felt amazing.

"May I?" he asked raising his hand. I took it and placed it over mine. "That is by far the best feeling in the world. Congratulations"

"Thanks."


	24. Chapter TWENTYFOUR

**Esme's POV**

On Briar's third day post-op she was moved out of isolation to a normal ICU room. Doctors, nurses, and visitors still had to wear masks around her but the scrubbing and gowns weren't required. Carlisle had taken the chest tubes out before she was moved so she was a little more comfortable with her slight movements. It was difficult to watch but I held her hand as Carlisle took them out – it obviously wasn't comfortable for my baby. She still has the NG tube and her normal catheters and IV's though.

"How's my favorite patient this afternoon?" Carlisle asked fixing his mask as he walked in.

He was working again so he couldn't stay all day like he had been but he made sure to visit many times throughout the day. This was his sixth time today and it was only one in the afternoon. To be fair though the first few times were him seeing her as his patient but the other's, well he wanted to see his daughter and make sure she was ok.

"I'm ok," Briar smiled weakly as she lay in the middle of the hospital bed. We had pillows all around her and blankets galore to keep her comfortable.

"Good, let's listen to that new heart," he said pulling his stethoscope from around his neck. There was a nurse right outside the door so he was being cautious and acting like a normal doctor. He slid his hand down the front of her gown and placed the bell over her heart as he listened. "Have you tried to eat?"

"I had water," she told him. "I just don't think I can handle anything else right now."

He threw his stethoscope back around his neck, "I understand. Just try when you can. The sooner you can eat the sooner we can get the NG tube out," he told her. "Your heart sounds great by the way," he smiled picking up her chart from the tray over her bed.

"Have her biopsy results come back yet?" I asked. She had her first heart biopsy yesterday and the results take about twenty-four hours.

"Not yet but they should be back soon. How's your pain?"

"I'm really sore but it's not too bad," she told him.

"That's good, can I look at your incision?" he asked pulling gloves from a box beside her bed.

"Be my guest."

I unbuttoned the gown on her shoulders for him and lowered it. He poked and prodded some while he watched her face for signs she was in pain.

"No sign of infection," he said.

"It looks pretty good if you ask me," she smiled.

"I think I did good work," he chuckled as he raised her gown back up and I buttoned it once more.

"Nice battle scar," she said.

"You fought hard. I'm very pleased with how good you're doing, a few more days and will move you to a normal floor from which you'll be discharged."

"How long until that happens?" I asked.

"At least another week," he said as his pager went off. "The ER needs me, interesting," he said reading it. "I have to go but I love you both and page me if you need me," he said lowering his mask and kissing her forehead first before coming back over to me. I lowered mine and took his lips.

"I love you," I said releasing his lips.

"I love you more," he smirked as he fixed my mask.

"Aw, how adorable," Briar smirked.

Carlisle came back a few hours later, this time with Briar's biopsy results, so far so good, no signs of rejection. Around seven he came in again – he was finally off work.

"You guys should go home tonight," Briar said out of the blue a little after nine in the evening.

"What?" I asked as she turned her face to me.

"I'm good here tonight alone, you two go home. You deserve it."

"Briar are you sure? You really don't like being alone here," Carlisle said.

"I'm good for tonight. Mom needs some good sleep in a real bed and I think you both need some alone time. Just go for tonight, come back in the morning," she said. "Keep your phone nearby in case I wake up and want to talk."

"Baby I'm ok as far as sleep goes."

"Yeah the dark circles under your eyes scream well rested," she replied sarcastically as Carlisle ducked his head with a chuckle.

"She has a point," he said.

"I do, now go home. I'll probably go to sleep soon anyway."

"Ok, but we'll be back bright and early," I said.

"Great," she smiled as I pulled down my mask and kissed her cheek.

"I love you baby, try not to annoy the nurses," I giggled.

She smirked, "or kick them you mean."

"Or that," I laughed at the memory.

"Are you sure you'll be ok? We can come back within minutes if you need us," Carlisle told her as he came close to her head.

"I know but I'll be ok. Come here," she said as he bent down. She whispered something in his ear, which I couldn't hear and he nodded his head.

"Got it. I love you sweetheart," he said lowering his mask and kissing her temple.

"Love you both, buh-bye," she smiled with a wave. I kissed her one more time before Carlisle and I walked out of her room.

When we got home Carlisle ran into the bathroom and started a warm bubble bath for us. If Briar wanted me to get good sleep, first I'd have to relax, and my husband knew the perfect way to get me relaxed. We slid into the tub, me between his legs as he dipped his hand in the water and let it run down my back. My mind was still on Briar. Was she ok? What if she needed water and the nurse took too long? What if she can't sleep? What if… something happens and we're not there?

"You think quite loud my love," he chuckled washing my body, gently, with loving hands.

"I don't like leaving her there alone. I didn't sleep that first night – I just cleaned with my phone attached to me waiting for you to call."

"She's doing very well Es. I honestly don't see any problems arising," he told me as I leaned my head back and rested it on his cool chest. I looked up to his face and he kissed my forehead as his arms wrapped around my stomach.

"Still she's all alone. When she woke up that first night as you walked me out you said she was crying. She was scared of being alone."

"She had just come out of major surgery. She had a right to be afraid but tonight she decided she could do it, she wanted too."

"Because of me."

"She needs you to take care of yourself."

"I know," I sighed.

We didn't do anything but relax. He washed me lovingly then carried me out of the bathroom and dried me in a fluffy towel. I changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt then laid on our bed as he pulled on the same and came back to me. He wrapped me up in his arms and turned the TV on low before ordering take-out. When it arrived he brought it to me in bed than sat behind me.

"What did Briar whisper to you?" I asked dipping my chicken in the sweet and spicy sauce. I looked back as he suddenly grinned and laughed loudly.

"Why would I tell you?" he smirked.

"Because I'm your wife."

"She reminded me how much you like massages," he whispered in my ear.

"Sweet child," I giggled as his hand worked my neck.

After I had eaten I laid down on my bare stomach, at his insistence and let his marvelous hands work their magic. He would lean down and pepper my shoulder with soft kisses every once in a while then go back to kneading out the knots. I about fell asleep a few times before he had finished but I didn't – it was now his turn to be loved.

"Love that's not necessary," he told me as I sat up.

"Oh hush. Let me do this," I told him pulling the cotton shirt up.

He obeyed me and lifted his strong, lean arms. I had him lay down then straddled his waist, running my hands up and down his cool back. His skin was hard yes but it gave some – his muscles on the other hand did not. There was no kneading him, just soft rubbing as he let out soft sighs of content. I lie down on top of his back and let my head rest against his turned cheek. My eyes began to grow even heavier as our breathing matched perfectly.

"Are you going to fall asleep like that?" he asked just as I about lost the battle to my eyes.

"Mmm… yes," I sighed. He slid out from under me then moved me gently back to the top of the bed and pulled the covers up – wrapping me in his arms.

"This will be much more comfortable," he nuzzled my neck. I was quickly asleep.

Carlisle woke me up just after seven the next morning with loving kisses. That was by far the best night's sleep I've gotten in days. I was so refreshed and relaxed – ready to see my baby.

"Briar called while you were asleep. She wanted to know when we were coming in – I told her we'd be in soon. I think she's just lonely," he told me kissing my neck.

"We should go."

I got a quick shower while Carlisle made coffee for me and dressed. He wore a dark pair of blue jeans and a white cotton polo with grey tennis shoes. It was Saturday – he didn't have to work so he dressed casual. He handed me my mug with a quick kiss.

"Good morning love," he smiled as I sipped.

"Mmm, morning," I smiled back.

"I packed Briar's Xbox. We can hook it up to the TV in her room. She's moving around a little more now without the chest tubes so I thought she might get bored. She can only rest so much."

"I think she'll like that. We are not bringing that Rock Band game!" I said sternly.

Good god, Briar always wanted me to play with her and of course even with her help I have no idea what I'm doing. It's not a real guitar, what's the point? Anyway she still makes me play, so she can make fun of me. Carlisle on the other hand is quite good, so good she doesn't want to play with him.

"It's in the closet. I brought her racing and simulation games."

"Not Modern Warfare?" I asked with a knowing smirk. He truly hated that game. He was such a pacifist even pretend killing was wrong to him. I got a little kick out of it.

"It stays with Rock Band," he said simply grabbing the black and pink case with the console off the counter.


	25. Chapter TWENTYFIVE

**Carlisle's POV**

Tomorrow I hoped I could discharge Briar from the ICU to a step down unit. She was doing remarkably well – I was so proud of her. The strength she's shown has exceeded all expectations. She's perfectly compliant – not that I thought she'd be otherwise – and very determined. She's extremely ready to get out of bed and start her cardiac rehabilitation and PT – physical therapy. I took the NG tube out yesterday because she has shown the ability to eat without problems. It's Wednesday now, she's had her new heart for just about a week.

"Come on, come on," Briar chanted to the television as she drove her car through a race track. She was quite happy when we brought her Xbox; it gave her something to do. "Yes!" she said as she apparently won the race just in time for her nurse to come in and clean her CVC. She had the tray in hand.

Briar turned off the TV and let her do her job as Esme and I sat hand in hand next to her bed. I was on my lunch break but I had to get back to my office soon.

"I heard you're not presenting your donation this evening. I thought you always did that?" Kelly, her nurse asked me.

"What donation?" Briar asked.

"I donate some money every year to the hospital; it buys equipment and hires staff," I told her. "And no, not this year. I'd rather be here. The board understands," I said to Kelly.

"Is there like a… party or something?" Briar asked.

"Something like that, I hand over a comically large check to the board, say a little speech, shake a few hands, and go home."

"Then why aren't you doing it?"

"You didn't mention you normally present the donation," Esme said.

"It's too bad to. Everyone looks forward to Dr. Cullen in a tux," Kelly laughed.

"So it is a party. You and mom should go," Briar said.

"Truthfully Briar, I'd much rather be here."

"Mom has a closet full of dresses Alice and I picked out and god knows how many tuxes you have lying around. You two should get all dressed up and go present your donation with Mrs. Cullen. Show her off," Briar smirked.

"May I show off my lovely wife?" I asked Esme.

"You may," she blushed.

By seven o'clock we had said goodnight to Briar and went home to dress. Esme looked absolutely ravishing in the strapless, long flowing maroon gown. I wore a standard black tux with a handkerchief that matched her gown in my breast pocket.

"How is it this hard to fasten a gown?" Esme threw her hands in the air as she stood in the doorway between our bedroom and bathroom. I pulled on my right shoe and stood up to help her.

"Allow me my love," I smiled gingerly fastening the buttons after zipping the back. I kissed her bare shoulder with a smile. "Are you sure you want to go tonight? We don't have to. I can call Dr. Menard back." I

"Are you kidding? I want to go. I wish Briar was able to come with though."

"Me too. I'd love to show off both of my girls. Next time I will," I said. "We should get going. The hotel is at least a twenty minute drive," I said taking her lips.

When we arrived at the hotel where the dinner was being held I reluctantly gave my keys to the valet. I trusted Briar, who didn't even have a license more than the valet with my car. It really didn't matter in the end though – it's not like I'd get mad if anything happened to my Mercedes, I'd just have to have it fixed.

I entwined Esme's arm with mine as we walked into the ballroom. I was greeted by many people from every department in the hospital. I made certain to introduce _my _lovely wife to each of them – my love blushed each time. I was afraid of boring her as I spoke with another cardiothoracic surgeon from a sister hospital about different ways we perform the same procedure but as I looked to her she wore a brilliant smile and seemed quite interested.

"Dr. Cullen!" a voice I knew very well to be the Chief of Staff, Dr. Menard said.

"Dr. Menard, good evening sir," I said shaking his hand. "This is my lovely wife, Esme" I introduced. He kissed the top of her hand with a smile.

"So wonderful of you both could come. I was thrilled when you called. How's your daughter Esme?" he asked.

I tried not to take offense, Briar was my daughter as well but I guess… humans see things a little different. To them I'm her stepfather, she's my stepdaughter but that's just not the truth in reality. She's as much as my daughter as she would have been Charles had he been alive.

"She's doing amazing. She's actually the reason we came. I think she's getting tired of us. She keeps telling Carlisle, she doesn't care if he's her dad, there is no reason to listen to her chest thirty times a day," Esme giggled softly at the somewhat lie. In reality Briar caught me, multiple times with my eyes closed paying extraordinarily close attention to her heart beat. I just wanted to be sure I could catch even the tiniest of changes to that beat. She laughed at me calling me obsessed saying there was no reason, a vampire who could hear a mile away needed to close their eyes to listen. She quite simply said I needed to get a life. I said I have two – she and her mothers. To that she just rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if it was thirty," I chuckled with them both.

"Well she's lucky to have such an excellent doctor. We all are lucky to have you here and I'm not just saying that because of the ten million dollar donation," Dr. Menard said.

I watched Esme's eyes bulge at the amount. She knew we had money. It wasn't much of an issue to me, not after almost four centuries and a psychic who knew the stock market quite well.

"It's really my pleasure and I reap the benefits as much as everyone. The new surgical equipment truly makes my job easier," I said.

"Was there anything you believe we might need?" he asked.

"We have state of the art equipment. I'm not sure how much better we could get," I said. "If you'd like I can ask my department if there's anything they believe we could benefit from."

"Have them come up with a report. We'll look into anything. My goal is to make this hospital on par with Johns Hopkins, Mass General, and UCLA."

"We have the talented staff," I agreed.

"Now we just need the recognition. I wish you'd reconsider accepting national awards. If we got your name out there, with your skills, we could make this hospital the leader in cardiothoracic care."

"I'm not a doctor for fame. As long as I can care for my patients I don't need awards," I said. "But Dr. Reynolds is very good. He should be the face that you want out there."

"True but he's not you. Just think about it, please."

"I'll consider it but that's not me. Thank you though."

"It's almost time. Will your lovely wife be joining you in presenting your donation?"

"I had hoped so. Esme?" I asked.

"Oh… on stage?" she asked.

"I'll do the talking," I smiled.

"Ok," she blushed.

"Great, I'll introduce you as Dr. _and_ Mrs. Cullen. Have you given any thought to whom you'd like to dedicate the surgical theater to?" he asked. "Since you don't want it named The Carlisle Cullen Theater," he smirked.

"Ah yes… I was hoping we could name it The Daniel Moore Theater." Daniel Moore was the young man who donated his heart to Briar. I wanted to honor him and his family so I called his father a few days ago – he said they'd be honored.

"Someone special?"

"A hero."

"Alright then, I'll have that drawn up and presented to the board," he said as his name was called. "I'll see you up there."

"That was his name? Daniel?" Esme asked as we sat at the table somewhat listening to Dr. Menard's speech.

"Legally he's supposed to be anonymous but I pulled a few strings and got his father's phone number. His father was very proud that his son saved someone's life. I asked if he'd be opposed to his son being honored in our hospital – he said he thought that it was a kind gesture and accepted."

"Ten million?" she whispered.

"We have well over thirty-four billion dollars love/ I can earn that back in a year with Alice as my financial advisor. I'll have it back to donate once more next year," I smiled.

"And so I am greatly honored to introduce Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen," Dr. Menard said.

I took Esme's hand and led her up onto the stage. Someone handed me the faux check which I quickly passed on to Dr. Menard as he motioned for me to take the podium.

"Thank you Dr. Menard. I am very blessed to have the fortune to be able to donate. This hospital is very near and dear to my heart and in my eyes there is no better way to spend ten million dollars," I chuckled. "This is for equipment, and for talented staff who help save lives every day. If it wasn't for them I would not be able to do my job and in turn would have lost something very special to me. I don't see this as a philanthropic gift – I see it as a necessity. I am just one doctor and it takes many people to save a life. It takes well trained and talented nurses whom care, it takes technicians, and other doctors, administrative workers, and even volunteers to keep our hospital running. I can only hope this money will go towards keeping our wonderful staff and funding the equipment we need. My wife and I are only happy to…" I was interrupted by the vibration in my pocket from two devices, my pager and cell phone. "To be able to help. I apologize but if you'll excuse me I have to go. Have a great evening," I said stepping away and pulling both devices from my pocket.

I put the phone to my ear as I read the page. It was from Briar's nurse. I quickly walked off the stage with Esme behind me.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen speaking." I answered.

"Dr. Cullen its Taylor, Briar's ICU nurse… I'm sorry to interrupt you but she's spiked a fever and her O2 sats have dropped. She says her chest hurts when she breathes so Dr. Thompson ordered a chest x-ray. It's being done now," the nurse said.

"What's her temperature and O2 sats?"

"Temp is at one-oh-two point three, sats at eighty-six percent. I literally checked on her a half an hour ago and her temp was just borderline ninety-nine but her O2 sats have been going up and down. The pain came on suddenly. Dr. Thompson says it sounds like she has fluid in her lungs."

"Is she comfortable? Scared?" I

"I think she's most upset that I'm calling you. She's not herself but she's staying calm."

"Is she ok?" Esme asked me as we walked quickly out of the hotel as I pulled the phone away from my ear.

"She has a fever, it's an infection. We need to go to the hospital. It'll be ok love," I said before placing the phone back against my ear to talk to the nurse. "I'm on my way, run new labs and put her on oxygen if you haven't already. I want the x-ray done by the time I get there," I told her.

"Got it. She's already on oxygen and I've ordered the portable chest x-ray, I'll put a rush on it," she said.

"Great we'll be there in ten minutes," I said hanging up.

"An infection can kill her," Esme said wide-eyed as I handed the valet ticket to the attendant.

"I won't let that happen. It sounds like pneumonia, the chest x-ray will confirm and I'll get her on high dose antibiotics."

I drove as fast as I could to the hospital. Infection is the main thing besides rejection that we've been trying our hardest to prevent in Briar. This was very bad but I had to keep my concern from showing – Esme was already twitching her legs and fiddling with her hands nervously. She was scared, so I couldn't be. I had to be strong both as Esme's husband and Briar's doctor. I couldn't show doubt or weakness so I couldn't even consider the dangers – the complications. I had a treatment plan that would give us the best results. I couldn't think of any results but the best. Briar couldn't reject her heart, she couldn't die, and she couldn't get worse in any way.

Our pace was hurried as we walked through the hospital. I didn't have to remind Esme to wash her hands or put on a mask as we arrived outside of Briar's room. She was at the sink before I was, mask secured around her face. I tied mine and scrubbed my hands swiftly before following her into the room – she was a few steps ahead of me.

As I walked in some of my worst fears were confirmed. Briar had a large amount of fluid surrounding her left lung. Her breath sounds were perfectly indicative of pneumonia and she looked complete opposite of how she did when we left her this evening. This came on fast and that scared me more than anything. She was lying at a sixty degree angle in the hospital bed, her face ashen with a thin layer of sweat over her forehead. Her horrid breathes fogged up the mask a little too quickly. She was having difficulty breathing so she was making up for it by taking quick, shallow breaths. I didn't have to see the chest x-ray to know the pneumonia had caused a pleural effusion which needed to be drained, but it was confirmed as Taylor, her nurse turned the computer screen to me.

"Dr. Thompson recommends a Thoracentesis," she whispered.

"He's right. I need you to set up while I talk to them," I said as I shrugged the tuxedo jacket off and went over to Briar's bedside opposite Esme. I took her hand gently as she slowly opened her eyes.

"You look dashing but mom looks so much better," she said weakly.

"I concur," I chuckled despondently. "Briar you have pneumonia and that has caused a large amount of fluid to collect around your left lung. We need to drain that fluid so you can breathe. I have to perform a procedure called a Thoracentesis."

"I don't care, just get me better," she said looking me straight in the eyes. There was no fear… yet.

"This will make it easier to breath. Now the procedure is a little frightening – I have to place a catheter in your back. I do that by using a needle to enter your pleural space. Once I'm in the needle comes out and the catheter, which was over the needle stays in place. I'll take some fluid out using a syringe then connect tubing from the catheter to a special container which the fluid will collect in. Once it's all out I take the catheter out and put a Band-Aid over it – it's a tiny puncture. There's no cutting or surgery and it'll be done in about twenty minutes. I'll numb you and give you a mild sedative but I need you to be awake so you can follow commands. We'll test the fluid to be sure it's not infected if it is we'll go from there," I said as I watched her eyebrows furrow a little, now she was fearful like I thought she'd be. "You know I'll take care of you right?"

"Yeah"

"I'll make this as painless as possible. Just trust me," I said giving her hand a squeeze.

"I do," she smiled but she just looked so ill it didn't reach her eyes.

"Let's go ahead and give her a mild sedative," I told Taylor who had just come back in with the Thoracentesis tray which included everything I'd need.

"I can stay right?" Esme asked.

"Of course, why don't you change out of that dress?" I asked. She wasn't going anywhere tonight – I wanted her to be more comfortable.

"Ok, I'll be right back baby," she caressed Briar's cheek.

"You look amazing mom."

"Thank you baby girl."

As Esme changed in the bathroom I took off my bowtie and rolled up my sleeves. Taylor came back in with another nurse. She gave Briar the sedative before beginning to scrub. This was technically a surgical procedure so I went to the sink and scrubbed my hands thoroughly after she was done. The second nurse helped her into a gown and gloves then she helped me. I slid the blue sterile gown on over my now relaxed tuxedo then put each hand in the tight surgical gloves. The other nurse tied a cap around my head as Esme came out of the bathroom in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Just to be safe, love could you put a gown on?" I asked fixing the gloves. She slid into a gown. "Alright Briar, we're going to sit you up. You're going to face mom and rest your arms on a pillow on the bedside adjustable table," I said helping her sit up. Taylor pulled the table over as I put the pillow on it then guided Briar how I wanted her.

"Here Mrs. Cullen, why don't you sit in front of her?" Taylor asked pulling the chair in front of the table. Esme sat down and gently rubbed Briar's arms.

"I'm pulling you back just a touch alright sweetheart?" I asked gently pulling Briar closer to me. I laid the tray out on the bed right behind her and sat down on a stool. "I'm just going to untie your gown," I warned her as I pulled the piece of fabric and opened the back of her hospital gown. She was wearing pink and yellow flannel pajama bottoms since her Foley catheter was taken out earlier today in preparation for getting her up and discharging her from the ICU. She wasn't being moved out of the ICU anytime soon now. I grabbed a sterile towel and tucked it into her pajama bottoms to keep them clean. I didn't want to get any blood, fluid, or even betadine on them. She really liked that pair – I think she once said they were her favorite.

"The sedative is starting to work," Briar said groggily.

"Good, just relax. You can put your head down on the pillow if you want," I told her as I grabbed the betadine soaked sponge from the kit in front of me. "This will be a little cold."

I started in a circular motion, spreading the betadine to thoroughly disinfect her back. She stiffened a little but not much, she was used to the coolness of my hand so it wasn't much of a shock to her senses.

I found her eighth intercostal space in the posteriolateral aspect of her back over the diaphragm and made sure it felt and sounded like the perfect location by tapping on her back – it did. I prepared the lidocaine injection and held it in my right hand as my left held the skin of her back.

"Alright I'm injecting the anesthetic. You'll feel the sharp puncture and possibly a tingling sensation as I inject it. Let me know if it gets to be too much."

"Got it, what if I have to cough?"

"Let me know. Tap the table to be safe," I said as I slid the needle in.

"Uhh," she groaned as her back muscles tensed in pain.

"Hold still sweetheart. It's ok, just relax," I told her as I injected the local.

"Ow-ah-ow-owwwww!" she moaned.

"Almost done," I assured her as I drew back on the plunger and received a small amount of the fluid. I pulled back until no more fluid came out. I was where I needed to be and injected a little more anesthetic then pulled the needle completely out. "All done, you can relax. The local will take a few minutes to completely take effect."

"It's alright baby girl. Its ok," Esme murmured wiping Briar's cheeks as she lifted her head.

"That hurt," Briar gasped.

I wiped the small amount of blood away then rubbed her shoulder – hoping to soothe her cries. She had to stop crying before I could even think about putting the Thoracentesis needle in her back.

"I am so sorry Briar," I said.

"I know… s'ok," she said. I knew it wasn't.

"She's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories, where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky," Esme sang softly.

"Remember that baby?" she asked Briar. "I used to sing that to you when you were little. If you were crying, you'd stop and look at me with those bright blue eyes."

"Can… can you keep going?" Briar asked.

My love began singing. "Now and then when I see her face she takes me away to that special place and if I'd stare too long I'd probably break down and cry." Her voice was so soft and soothing. "Oh, oh, oh sweet child o' mine, oh, oh, oh, oh sweet love of mine. She's got eyes of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain. I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain. Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place where as a child I'd hide and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by. Oh… oh… oh… sweet child o' mine," she sang.

Briar wasn't crying anymore. Esme was softly rubbing her thumb over Briar's temple as I smiled watching such an intimate moment between them. Esme told me about this once. If Briar was crying and she couldn't be soothed easily, she'd sing that song. The first time she realized it worked was a complete accident. Briar was crying, Esme was at her wits end and the radio suddenly began playing the song. She was about to shut it off but then she noticed Briar's wailing lessen and started singing along. Before she knew it Briar was fast asleep in her arms. She once laughed and told me how thankful she was that the radio didn't start playing 'Baby Got Back', apparently she had a friend in a mommy and me class that had a child who could only be soothed with that ridiculous song. Esme said she was lucky the song wasn't embarrassing.

"Ok Briar, can you feel this?" I asked prodding her back.

"Nuh-uh"

"Great I'm going to start introducing the needle. It's imperative that you stay relaxed. Can you do that for me?" I asked as I lined the needle up to wear I wanted it to go.

"Yeah"

"Don't move sweetheart," I said as I slid the needle in and over her rib. "You're doing great," I told her as I reached the pleural space and received a gush of fluid – amber colored, a mix of blood and pleural fluid.

I didn't want to see the blood but it wasn't a bright red, it was quite diluted so I wasn't too concerned at this point. A small amount of blood could be expected she did after all have the most major type of heart surgery just a week ago.

"I'm sliding the catheter in place," I told her. "Now I'm pulling the needle out."

I withdrew the needle, leaving the plastic catheter where I wanted it. Taylor took the needle from me and handed me the syringe once more. I connected it to the catheter and withdrew fifty CC's of the fluid. Now that I had gotten a larger specimen the blood really wasn't too bad – a human would have barely noticed it mixed with the fluid.

"You're doing great baby girl," Esme told her as she rubbed her shoulders. Briar rested her head back on the pillow, taking slow breathes – staying perfectly calm.

"You're doing absolutely wonderful Briar. The hard parts over. I'm going to connect a tube to the catheter and collection canister and get a good amount of this fluid out," I said placing the full syringe down and taking the tubing from Taylor.

Once that was connected I slid the needle connected to the tubing into the pressurized canister. The fluid filled the canister rapidly because of how it was set up. Once that was going I took the syringe again and filled a few specimen vials for laboratory testing. Taylor filled them out for me and passed them to the other nurse who left to run them to the lab for rush testing.

"How much fluid does she have in there?" Esme asked with her eyes on the halfway full canister.

"From the x-ray I'd say well over eighteen-hundred CC's. We're only taking twelve-hundred to be safe. If I remove it all quickly it could lead to serious complications. She'll still have a fair amount in her chest but it won't affect her like it's been. She'll feel better."

"I kinda already am," Briar said.

"That's normal and a good sign. Once we know exactly the best way to treat you the rest of the fluid should take care of itself as you get better. Right now I have you on high dose broad-spectrum antibiotics – once the test results come back I can try targeted therapy to help you more," I said as I quickly changed the now full canister to an empty one.

"Tell me the truth, am I gonna lose my heart?"

"We'll adjust your medications. Briar you are not losing your heart. I won't let that happen," I said. While I might not be able to stop rejection if it starts, I won't let her die. I'll change her if necessary.

"Is this almost done? I'm getting a little…" Briar mumbled as her blood pressure dropped on the monitor. She began to slump as I held her upright – she fainted.

"Let's lay her down on her side," I said as the Esme helped move her legs back onto the bed while I guided her down. There was no blood in the catheter so she wasn't bleeding, causing her BP to drop. It was most likely a vasovagal response from the Thoracentesis – a very minor side-effect.

"Briar," Esme asked, worried as she squeezed her hand.

"It's alright love. She just fainted. It was her body's natural response to the procedure, she's ok. She's not bleeding and her heart is strong."

I adjusted the catheter tube. The second bottle was halfway full, I had taken out just about twelve-hundred CC's so I shut off the stopcock valve on the catheter and began removing it. I wiped the small amount of blood from the puncture and covered it with a large Band-Aid as I listened to her breathing to ensure there was no pneumothorax, there wasn't. Her left lung was expanding like I wanted it to. I tied the back of her gown again, removed the drape from her bottoms and rolled her onto her back then pulled her blankets back up and resituated her pillows so she was more comfortable. I fixed her oxygen mask as it had moved a little then cleaned up.

"Is she going to be ok?" Esme asked as I pulled the sterile gown and gloves off. It was just us in the room now.

"I don't want to worry you but… when Briar wakes up we need to discuss the possibility that if medication doesn't work, I change her before her heart fails again," I said somberly.

I was praying to god medication will work – she just got this heart, she deserves to be able to enjoy it. I was worried that the antirejection meds will keep her from getting better but all I can do is lower them, I can't stop them. Even lowering them though can risk her starting to reject the heart. The pneumonia itself could ruin her lungs, which would ruin her heart. Basically we're hoping the one good result will come instead of the many bad ones. She didn't have the greatest odds right now. At least she was still breathing, the Thoracentesis helped that.


	26. Chapter TWENTYSIX

**Briar's POV**

My chest was so painful – it felt like someone was stabbing me with every breath I took. This was nothing like the last time I had pneumonia, it was so much worse. If it was even possible Carlisle looked exhausted as he sat by my bedside, keeping constant watch over me. Mom was asleep on a cot a few feet away since it was the middle of the night. Neither had left since this started last night. Carlisle was wearing green hospital scrubs because he refused to leave and he didn't have any other clothes here like mom did. He had his hand in mine, his eyes going from my face to the monitors and IV drips then back to my face.

When I woke up after fainting – I'd be embarrassed if I wasn't almost on my death bed – Carlisle took my hand, mom took the other and they shared a look before looking to me. Carlisle was hopeful I could beat the pneumonia and it wouldn't damage my new heart but there was a distinct possibility I couldn't survive this. Not as a human anyway. We decided if I got to the point where my heart was at any risk of failing he'd change me. He really wanted me to get better and remain human but he wasn't taking the chance of me dying so he wanted to come up with a course of action. I promised to fight as hard as I could and in return he promised I wouldn't die.

"It's getting harder to breathe again," I whispered.

I could feel the mucus and junk in my chest with each breath. He had me on oxygen in between breathing treatments that haven't done a damn thing if you ask me. Coughing hurt the most but I forced myself to every few minutes to try and get the mucus up. He kept the tissues on the table next to him and handed me one each time I'd cough, then threw it away for me in the trash can next to him.

"I know sweetheart. Just keep breathing ok? You are going to beat this. I know you will," he said running the back of his hand over my sweat covered forehead. "Drink some more water for me."

He put the plastic cup with a straw to my face. He had to guide the straw into my mouth since I was so weak and couldn't do it myself.

"Thanks," I said as I let the straw go from my lips. He set it back on the table and slid his hand between the back of my neck and the pillow. It felt good on my clammy skin. I squeezed the hand that was in mine a little – even he probably couldn't feel it.

"You need to sleep but first I want to try patting your back again to get some more mucus up," he said as he stood from his seat and helped me sit forward. He held me up with one arm across my chest and began patting my back with the other. I held a tissue over my mouth and coughed as he tried loosening the mucus.

The next day passed much the same. I slept as much as I could and when mom was awake she was vigilantly tending to me. When she slept Carlisle did it. I honestly didn't know how much more of this I could take.

When I woke up sometime in the early morning hours Carlisle stood over me – still in green scrubs with his black stethoscope in his ears. He held the bell over my chest, when our eyes met his mask moved with a smile. I've learned the little signs of facial expressions with masks on. He was giving me a 'keep fighting' smile.

"You're doing ok."

"I'm tired," I said through the oxygen mask.

"Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you but your nurse just left and I wanted her to see me actually listening to your chest."

"Sleep won't help," I said sadly as he moved the bell to the other side. His brow furrowed slightly at my words.

"I know it doesn't feel like it but it does help. You're just going to be constantly tired for a little while." He said.

I lifted my hand and placed it over his on my chest. "I'm tired," I repeated. "I don't know… if I can keep… fighting," I said as he took his stethoscope out of his ears and slid it back around his neck with his free hand. The one I held onto went with mine to my side – he squeezed my hand.

"I can fake your death and get you out of here in a few hours."

"And mom?"

"I can't train two newborns at once. If I change you we'll have to go away for a while. Once you're trained I can change her."

"You can't leave her," I glancing over to mom who was fast asleep on the cot.

"I can't leave you to go through that alone."

"Jasper… Alice?"

"Are helping the Volturi right now with a newborn problem. They need Jasper's help. You're my daughter I won't leave you to go through that on your own even if they could help."

"I can hold on."

"Can you?" he asked. "You don't have to go through this pain."

"I couldn't live with myself if I took you away from her for even a day let alone the time it would take to train me," I said. "I can fight."

"If you change your mind tell me."

"Ok… I'm going back to sleep."

"Good, rest is very important right now."

The next time I woke up I was barely breathing again – truly terrified as Carlisle stood over me listening to my chest with his stethoscope. I realized why, a nurse was in the room, she had her hand on mom's shoulder. Oh no, something was really wrong.

"Her O2 sats are too low. She's not getting enough oxygen," he said out loud, more to himself than anyone else. "Respiratory failure," he murmured.

"Car… lisle," I gasped taking his hand as tight as I could in mine.

"I'm here sweetheart. It's going to be ok just hold on," he said sternly before looking up to the nurse. "Set up for intubation."

"Intubation? Carlisle…" mom gasped as the nurse quickly left the room.

"Briar I can change you, give me permission," he looked to me. I looked to mom. I couldn't separate them, I just couldn't. I had to find the strength to beat this as human; I know I have it in me I just have to find it.

"No," I gasped.

"Briar," mom cried taking my face in her hands.

"I can… survive… can hold… on."

"I have to intubate you then. You risk never being able to come off the ventilator, do you understand that?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded my head yes. "If this doesn't work I am changing you."

"Give… me… a chance."

"This is it. This is your chance to stay human, we won't lose you. If you get to the point where all medical options have been exhausted I am changing you."

"O…k," I nodded as the nurse came back in with a few other people.

**Esme's POV**

I watched as Carlisle and Briar came to an absurd understanding. He shouldn't risk her life by letting her try to get better when that might not happen. I wanted him to change her – desperately. It was a selfish want, I'd never have to worry about her getting hurt or ill again, I'd never have to lose her but dear god I just wanted him to change her and stop this doubt of her survival.

"Alright Briar we're going to sedate you. You'll be kept sedated until you can breathe on your own again so if you have anything to say, now is the time," Carlisle said.

"Mom," she rasped. I bent my head down so I could hear her barely loud enough to call whispers. "I love you… I will… get… better, I promise."

"I know," I nodded my head trying not to cry – I was failing at the attempt. "I love you more than anything baby girl. I'll be here. You'll never be alone," I told her as I kissed her forehead. I pulled away some as her head turned to Carlisle.

"Keep me alive," she said.

"I will," he told her.

"Love… you," she rasped.

"I love you too Briar," he said as he took a syringe from the nurse and glided the needle into her CVC port. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she said as he pressed down on the plunger slowly. Her eyes fluttered until they closed all the way.

"Bag her," he ordered one nurse as he set up his equipment.

Kelly, the nurse lowered Briar flat and placed the bag-valve-mask over her face. Carlisle pulled the bed from against the wall and slid in-between. He set the laryngoscope and tube next to her head. Kelly pulled the mask away so he could open her mouth and tilt her head back more.

"I've got cricoid pressure," another nurse said pressing her index and thumb against my daughters neck.

"Alright sweetheart, here we go," he whispered placing the laryngoscope in her mouth. "Visual on the vocal cords. Looks good. Tube?" he asked holding his hand out. Kelly placed the tube in his hand quickly. He gently slid it into her mouth. "I'm in, bag her," he said pulling the laryngoscope out, then the wire from the ET tube. Kelly pulled the face mask off of the bag-valve-mask and attached it to the tube – pressing the bag every few seconds as Carlisle pressed his stethoscope to Briar's chest.

"O2 sats are rising," the other nurse said as everyone's eyes went to the monitor. I knew what her sats have been and the number on the screen was an improvement.

"Great, let's hook her up to the vent and I want another chest x-ray to be safe."

There wasn't anything to do now but wait and pray. I held my unconscious daughter's hand with Carlisle's over mine. We were silent. I was upset he didn't just change her. How could she want to go through this pain? Just a few months ago she wanted to be changed, why not now?

"She said no love," Carlisle whispered.

"Don't"

"Do you want me to go against her wishes?"

"Why doesn't she want to be changed now?"

"It requires me leaving you. I shouldn't have told her that part but I did and I'm sorry. I can't control two newborns at once and I refuse to leave her alone to go through that, just like I wouldn't do to you."

"You shouldn't have told her that!"

"I know that now."

"If that's her reasoning then… change her because I can live without you for a little while. I can't live without her forever," I cried.

"It's her choice."

Anger suddenly raged through me. "Get out," I said as I looked him in the eyes.

"Love"

"Get out," I repeated a little louder. He tried to kiss my lips but I turned my head, he pecked my cheek then Briar's and did as I asked and left. He left and I cried, laying my head down next to Briar's hand.


	27. Chapter TWENTYSEVEN

**Carlisle's POV**

I stayed right outside of Briar's room listening to my love cry. I just wanted to go back in but… she told me to get out. She had every right to be angry with me. I shouldn't have told Briar I'd have to leave Esme if I changed her. Briar is very selfless when it comes to Esme's happiness. She wants… no needs her mom to be happy, but does she not realize Esme will never be able to be happy if she loses her daughter? I should begin setting everything up to change Briar. I shouldn't wait and pray for her to get better when especially now with her on the ventilator that might not happen, but I can't take Briar's life away from her without her permission. She very clearly said no. She was in a sound frame of mind so I couldn't use that as an excuse to ease my guilt.

Before meeting Esme and Briar I never once considered changing someone- it was wrong. To eternally damn someone to this life is wrong and somewhere in the back of my mind, it still is, but losing Briar when I can save her… I can live with myself if I change her for that reason, with her full permission. She wanted all medical options exhausted before I changed her now. I haven't exhausted all options yet. Keeping her breathing with the vent is the last option and I'm doing it now. If her heart should start to fail… I may not have the time to change her.

"Dr. Cullen," Dr. Menard said as he stood next to me. "I heard she developed pneumonia, how is she?"

"She's on a ventilator," I said with barely any emotion.

"Oh… I am so sorry I'm sure you have a plan though."

"This is it. I've been blasting her with high dose antibiotics, breathing treatments, I've used every morsel of medical knowledge I have and I still couldn't prevent her from needing the vent. If she doesn't get better…" I shook my head. "Then there is nothing I can do. She went into respiratory failure, she could barely breath. It's only a matter of time before it affects her new heart. She has about a thirty percent survival chance right now."

"If there is anything you need."

"I need time off." I

"Take as much as you need. I'm sure Dr. Reynolds would have no problem taking over your patients. We're all here for you Carlisle, and your wife. Why aren't you in there?"

"She needs time alone," I simply said.

"Do you need anything else? I can order you food," he suggested. What is it with humans and food in times of peril? I guess it's something simple they can do to appease themselves and feel like they've done something for those in pain.

"No thank you," I said. "I'd like to be alone. If you'll excuse me," I said walking away. I walked into an empty ICU room and sat down on the bed. I buried my face in my hands.

What was I supposed to do? Go against my patient's wishes or my wife? I took an oath, one I hold very dear to my heart. I follow my patient's wishes no matter if I agree or not. Does that hold true when my unique abilities came into play? My wife, I took a vow to her as well. We were supposed to be a team. I was supposed to follower her wishes.

I stood back up, suddenly angry.

"What choice do I have here?" I whispered harshly.

I went to the sink and splashed water over my face – such a human thing to do. What was I hoping to accomplish with that? Suddenly I'd feel refreshed with all the answers? Not likely. My hands went to the basin. I gripped the sides hard then suddenly heard a crack. I pulled my hands back as if I were touching fire.

"What have I done?" I whispered.

I wasn't concerned about the sink. What have I done? I just wish I could go back and keep myself from telling Briar that I'd have to leave Esme. Would I be lying to her then?

"Carlisle," my wife's soft voice whispered as she closed the door to the room. I quickly ran to her and wrapped her in my arms.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"I know… I'm so scared," she said as we held each other tight. I don't know how she found me and I certainly didn't care; all that matters is she did.

"I don't know what to do love. I can't go against her wishes, but I don't want to go against yours."

"It's not about me," she cried. "It's about her. You have to follow her wishes, even if I don't want you to."

"I won't let her die, you know that right?"

"I know I just… can't stand her suffering," she said as I leaned my head down and pressed our foreheads together.

"We have to be in this together – a team. I know you want me to change Briar. I would if she had given me permission but she didn't. She clearly said no. I have to exhaust all medical options. If she gets any worse or her heart is compromised in the least I will change her but not until that happens. I just pray it won't be too late."

"She's so strong. If anyone could beat this, it's her. We have to believe in her and I'm terrified to because I don't want lose her if it doesn't work out," she cried as I wiped her tears.

"I am to," I whispered.

"You're terrified?"

"I've never been so utterly terrified in my entire life," I sighed. "Can we go back to her?"

"Please," she whispered as I pulled her into my side and led her out of the room and back to Briar's.

I decided to do something worthwhile and fluff all of Briar's pillows – Esme helped. She had one under each arm and her legs for circulation, then another under one shoulder and behind her head. We had her pillow, the one Esme's mother made when she was born, tucked between her arm and body. Esme fixed all of her blankets and spread her pink one from home back out over her on top of the standard hospital ones. I just hoped she was comfortable and if this was all I could do to try and ensure that, I'd do it over and over.

The days and nights blurred together with blood work results and chest x-rays being the telltale sign of what time it was. At night Esme and I would lay together on the cot not but a few feet from Briar. I kept up the charade of eating and sleeping with Esme's help. We'd get one sandwich and pretend to split it. The hardest thing was pretending to sleep. I hated taking my eyes off of Briar's monitors.

On the third day after I put her on the vent Briar had a recurrent pleural effusion – this one much worse than her first. I had no choice but to put in a chest tube. Esme and I discussed whether or not it was something I should even try or call it quits and change her. Briar still had medical options and her heart was still strong so even though it wasn't something I wanted to put Briar's body though we decided to do it. If in the end I still had to change her at least I could honestly tell her I tried everything.

Esme held Briar's still hand as I made yet another cut into her frail body and inserted yet another tube. I chose the smallest tube that would still give results to minimize discomfort and scarring. I hated myself for doing it; for causing more pain. At least with her sedated she couldn't feel it.

By the sixth day that Briar had been on the vent Esme was just an emotionally raw mess. I had to get her eye drops since her poor eyes were dry from crying so much. She refused to call Briar's grandparents about this in case I had to change her. They'd want to come and if I changed her they certainly couldn't be here – so it was just her and I. She had ran out of clothes and I had been living in scrubs so Karen – the nurse who had sat with Esme during Briar's LVAD surgery – volunteered to wash my loves clothes. She came back with new sweatpants and cotton t-shirts for me as well as having clean clothes for Esme. She was an angel. If there was an angel on earth it was this woman; she would sit and pray with us which was something I really appreciated. I hadn't been praying enough but with there being nothing more I could do, it was in god's hands.

God must have been paying special attention to Briar because remarkably her latest chest x-ray looked very good. The pneumonia was clearing and if tomorrows followed the same trend she'd come off the vent soon. It actually looked like Briar was going to make it. I was never so overjoyed!

"She's… getting better?" Esme asked, skeptic.

"Yes look. This is her chest x-ray the day we put her on the vent," I said sliding the horrible looking film onto the board. "See all the white?" I asked pointing the signs of pneumonia out.

"Yes"

"Well look at this new one," I said sliding the new one in next to the old one.

"It's clearer." S

I smiled, "much, this is great Esme."

"She's gonna be ok?" she asked with tears in her beautiful eyes.

"I think so. This is a miracle." I grinned pulling her close.


	28. Chapter TWENTYEIGHT

**Briar****'s POV**

"Wake up baby girl. Please just wake up," I heard mom ask as the fog began to lift.

I swallowed expecting to not be able to, but I could there was no tube. I wasn't in any pain, I mean I was sore, but no pain. I parted my lips – my mouth was so dry as I took a deep breath. I could breathe!

"Water, give her water," Carlisle said.

I slowly opened my eyes to find myself still of course in my normal ICU room with mom on my right and Carlisle on my left. Mom was holding a cup in front of my face. I took the straw between my lips and sucked. It was nice and cold, extremely refreshing so when I let go I sighed contently.

"Briar how do you feel?" Carlisle asked.

"Good," I whispered before turning to mom with a weak smile. "Told you so."

"Yes you did, but not before scaring the hell out of me!" she caressed my cheek.

"What happened? How long was I asleep for?"

"You were sedated for seven days. I took you off the vent this morning. We had expected you to wake up sooner but you didn't so you gave us a little scare there," Carlisle chuckled. "It's so good to see you awake," he said. "I had placed a chest tube a few days ago because you had a recurrent pleural effusion but as the pneumonia cleared I took the tube out. Yesterday was the miracle we had been praying for. Medically you are a miracle Briar. I don't know how you lived."

"I told you I would."

"See you did," he smiled under that mask. "We're moving you out of the ICU in the morning and within the next few days you're going home – as long as you continue to do so well. I don't want to keep you here much longer because I don't think you'll survive another infection which is very possible if we keep you in the hospital."

"I'm going home," I grinned.

"Soon"

"I love you guys. I'm sorry for scaring you but just trust me for now on," I teased.

"I love you so much baby," mom cried.

I idly wonder how often she's been doing that. Her eyes are blood shot and swollen. I feel horrible for doing that to her but it's not like I actually had a say in the matter.

"More than anything," Carlisle agreed.

Once I was out of the ICU I had to wear the mask; it itched so that was a bit of a bummer. Mom and Carlisle took a turn each going home. I'm guessing, more like hoping they had at least been showering here since it was obvious they never left. While Carlisle was gone mom stayed very vigilantly by my side. She asked every few minutes if I was ok, how I was feeling, if she needed to call Carlisle back. I told her I was fine every time but that didn't stop her from asking.

"I'm going to be so happy when I get to sleep in my own bed again," I told her.

"Me too," she laughed.

I could finally see her smile. I've missed it so much. I never realized exactly what seeing my mom smile did for me, it made me happy in ways other things she did couldn't. It even made her saying 'I love you' better. She was such a beautiful woman and her smile can easily light up a room. It's brighter than all the stars in the sky.

"I've missed seeing you smile." I

"I've missed seeing you awake," she smirked.

"Yeah I think I'm pretty well rested after being in… what did Carlisle call it? A medically induced coma?"

"Yeah, one of the scariest phrases in the world."

"I think everything's going to be better now. I have a healthy heart, I'm not sick anymore mom."

"I know it's amazing. We just have to be careful and keep you that way. You deserve the chance to enjoy that new heart. You've worked so hard for it."

"You know heart transplant recipients can do a lot more than you'd think. I read about this one guy who runs marathons. I think maybe I want to try that someday."

"I'll be right next to you if you do."

"Me too," Carlisle said from the doorway. He had changed into jeans and a blue button up shirt, left un-tucked, and the sleeves rolled up. "How are my girls?" he asked kissing mom then my forehead.

"Great, super excited to get out of here tomorrow," I laughed.

"I imagine you are," he told me. "Es I put the first load of laundry in the washer – the sheets. I figured you'd want those done before we brought Briar home. I also called for a cleaning service. They'll be there later today and I'll go back to let them in. I have to make sure everything is scrubbed and as clean as it can get anyway."

"Wonderful what about the pharmacy? Is everything set up?" she asked him.

"Yes, her medications will be ready every month on the first, all twelve of them."

"I'm still trying to remember what each one does," I said.

"That's why I printed you out a list and had it laminated. You can keep it in your room. It has the name of each medication: what it does, how much, when, and how you take it, and its side-effects and interactions," he said. "It's in my bag if you want to study it."

"I think I'm good right now," I laughed.

"I have something else for you as well," he said going over to his leather bag that sat on one of the chairs with mom's purse.

He pulled a small jewelry box out – the size of a bracelet. "This is just in case alright? It doesn't mean anything I'd just rather be safe than sorry," he told me handing it to me.

I opened the box and found a beaded, light pink and baby blue bracelet with a silver plate in the center. It had a caduceus, medical sign thing, next to my name and under said Heart Transplant, then in tiny letters said 'see reverse'.

"My number is on the back. If anything happens and we're not with you the paramedics or hospital staff will see that and know you are on certain medications, they'll call me," he said as I flipped the plate over, it had 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen' written above 'call for list of medications' in smaller font.

"This doesn't look like an average ID bracelet."

"I had it made for you, Briar I'd really prefer if you wore it," he said. "We can always have another made if you don't like this one but please tell me you'll wear it?"

"Yeah, it's… pretty," I smiled. "I'll always wear it."

"Thank you," he kissed my forehead as he took it from me and clasped it on my right wrist.

"Are you two ok here while I run home quickly? I just want to change the laundry and start another load. Then take a nice refreshing shower if I have time," mom said.

"Yeah we're good. Go," I said.

"Ok I'll be back in about an hour. Call me if you need me or anything happens," she said raising her eyes to Carlisle.

"I swear."

"Ok I love you baby girl," she kissed my forehead.

"Love you too."

After she said goodbye to Carlisle, she left, leaving us alone for the first time in a week. I had this feeling Carlisle wasn't exactly happy with my decision to not be changed, I don't think it was that he wanted me to be changed I think it was more what I put mom and him through because of it. They could have lost me. They almost did again. I wasn't entirely sure I was going to make it that day Carlisle put me on the vent. I wasn't exactly banking on waking up human or even waking up at all but I had to fake my confidence for them.

"So tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes, you're going home tomorrow," he smiled.

We didn't say anything else again. Awkward…

"Thank you…" I said after five minutes of silence.

"Whatever for?"

"Not changing me when you could have."

"It was your decision and I had to respect it."

"But you really didn't have to. You chose to because I asked you to. So thank you for giving me the chance to get better."

"You're welcome Briar."

"Are you mad at me?" I

"What?" he asked, almost looking offended. "Why on earth would I be mad at you?"

"Because of what I put you two through."

"It wasn't like you did it on purpose. I'm not mad."

"Something's bugging you," I said as he smiled sadly and looked down.

"It was extraordinarily difficult to stand by and watch you almost die. To watch your mom watch you die. She didn't stop crying. Her eyes… were so dry and they had to be painful but she kept crying even after she had no more tears. Briar I know your mothers happiness means the world to you but you have to know she will never be happy if you die. There would be nothing I could do for her if you died. I'd even expect her to follow soon after," he paused. "You mean the world to her and you both mean the world to me. I waited almost four centuries for you both and I've barely had a year. I don't know how I could go on without you both."

"You would have changed me."

"If your heart had failed there wouldn't have been anything I could have done."

"You think she'd… you know?"

"A mother's love is powerful. Even if she didn't she would never be the same."

"So you are mad?"

"I'm not mad. It was your choice. I just want you to know that her happiness may be what you want but your life is what she needs."

"Ok, I get it," I said. "If this happens again and I'm that bad we won't risk it. I won't like taking you away from her but if in the end it's what she needs than I can deal with it."

"Ok. You know she's not the only one that needs you to be alive. I need you too. I don't want to lose my daughter, because Briar, you are my daughter. I love you as if you were my own."

"I love you too Carlisle. I'd try calling you dad but that just seems a little weird. You're Carlisle," I smirked.

"That's absolutely fine."

The next day, after a goodbye to all the staff that cared for me Carlisle and mom took me home to the condo. Over three weeks I spent in the hospital. I wanted nothing more than to snuggle into my bed and be left alone. No nurses prodding me – well Carlisle but I can tell him to leave me alone – no beeping of monitors, no masks for anyone, and no more help bathing. I plan to enjoy my nice Jacuzzi tub and bath soap. I haven't had an actual bath since before my LVAD was put in so I was excited. Over a year ago I started this journey of getting a transplant. All of it was worth it with every beat of my new heart.

I plan to live for this person who died. Live for both of us because while he might be dead it's his heart that's keeping me alive. When Carlisle told me about the new surgical theater that was being dedicated to the guy I was so happy – he deserved to be honored. Carlisle is going to try and work it out with the hospital board so I can cut the ribbon. It was after all his money that paid for it. I just hope I'll never be on the table in The Daniel Moore Surgical Theater. I think I've had enough of that.

"Welcome home baby girl," mom said as she opened the door for Carlisle who was carrying me. His idea not mine, I think I could have walked it but since we had barely started cardio rehab he was just being safe. Hey, it at least felt cool to be up so high.

"Home sweet home, until are real home is done." I said.

"They're thinking November now," she told me.

"Great, I'll be able to walk all of those steps without losing my breath by the time we move in," I grinned.


	29. Chapter TWENTYNINE

**Esme's POV**

"Just a little more to the left," I directed Carlisle as he moved our bed in our new bedroom.

Today was moving day; the new house was complete and just perfect. It was large, probably a little bigger than we needed but I loved it. It had a woodsy feel but still modern with the large glass windows in the front and back which let in the amazing view of the Pacific Northwest wilderness. We had a river that ran not but a few hundred yards from the house and Carlisle and I's master bedroom had a perfect view through the glass wall which led out to the patio. Briar's room was around the other side – the second master suite that I had designed just for her. She was busy putting her clothes away in her new large walk in closet.

"How's this?" Carlisle asked effortlessly moving the bed just where I wanted it. We had movers place everything but there were a few small adjustments I wanted. Good thing Carlisle couldn't tire because this would take much longer otherwise.

"Perfect," I smiled as he quickly came to me and wrapped me in his arms – in a loving embrace as our lips crashed together.

"Tonight," he smirked as we parted. "We christen the new bed."

"Yes please," I giggled as his head shot up and he pulled me out of the room behind him as we jogged to Briar's.

"Stupid freaking hangers," Briar mumbled as she rubbed her cheek holding a snapped hanger in her left hand.

She looked so much healthier. This new heart has done a world of wonders for her. She was still petite but had gained enough weight to be considered healthy, her skin was pink – no longer ashen – and her eyes no longer carried that dimness. They were once again my Briar's bright blue eyes that held life.

"Are you ok?" Carlisle said suppressing a chuckle as he lowered her hand. She had a red mark but no cut.

"Yeah, I think I need to donate a few more clothes to make room for the new shipment Alice sent. I tried to shove a shirt in and the hanger snapped," she said. "I repeat in case you didn't hear… stupid freaking hangers."

I laughed, "how about we take a break and go downstairs for dinner?"

"Anything good?" she smirked.

"I believe we agreed that tonight can be take-out. Nothing too bad though."

"But the grease makes it delicious," she smirked.

"It also clogs your arteries and kills you," Carlisle stated as she rolled her eyes before walking past us.

"Spoil sport," she quipped.

After ordering some food that was borderline unhealthy we all sat around the old wooden table Carlisle brought from a storage locker. He had some amazing pieces that we found perfect spots for in the house – old pieces that all held stories. This table was handcrafted in England back in the early nineteenth century. He bought it in the twenties from a family that needed money. Still paying more than you could imagine back then, it's worth ten times that and just oh so beautiful. It was wonderful how we were able to meld our things together. This wasn't my house or his, it was ours. We still owned both condos in the city but we don't know what we're going to do with them. I imagine we'll sell them eventually but I'll always remember them as what brought us together. It was fate plain and simple, so they'll have a special place in my heart forever.

"So since its getting cold out how am I going to do my cardio?" Briar asked.

She had thoroughly enjoyed being able to go outside for walks. We started off very slow, going only as far as a block but now she's doing really well. It takes her much longer to get exhausted.

"I bought a treadmill and some gym equipment. They're in the basement," Carlisle said. "Or we could go to the hospital like every other patient," he smirked.

"I have a personal doctor. I'm not like every other patient. I'm specials" She giggled putting the steamed broccoli in her mouth.

"Yes you are," he agreed.

"So any idea when you're going back to work?" she asked him.

Carlisle had taken an indefinite leave of absence from the hospital. He was going on two and a half months now. Briar had her heart transplant in the middle of August and by the end of August was when Carlisle took his leave because she had gotten so sick. It was now the middle of October. The house had been finished two months earlier than scheduled, I think it had something to do with Carlisle and a green piece of paper known as money but he wouldn't tell me.

"In five weeks," he said, surprising me. I hadn't known this. We hadn't even talked about it.

"Five weeks? Why so long?" Briar asked.

"Well…" he said suddenly disappearing from the table and returning to his seat just in time for our eyes to adjust to the fact he was gone. He laid a folder out on the table and opened it as he grinned. "You see I have this private jet itinerary that states it's taking off in two days for Rio de Janeiro. It doesn't come back to Seattle for four weeks."

"You're going to Rio for a month? Why?" Briar asked, suddenly scowling.

"The manifest has three names on it to leave. Two names coming back," he smirked. "We're all going and after two weeks, you Briar are getting on the jet to Columbus, Ohio where you'll stay for a week then return to Seattle with your grandparents since you have a heart biopsy that needs to be done. You mother and I will be back a week after you return."

"Wait," Briar said as her scowl turned into a smile. "We're going on vacation?"

"Yes"

"To Rio?"

"Correct"

"But… you, well sparkle in the Sun."

"I don't sparkle," he rolled his eyes. "I shimmer," he smirked causing each one of us to laugh. They had, had been a serious debate on exactly what to call what his skin does. Briar once decided on shimmer so we went along with it. He could care less as long as she was happy. "I guess we'll have to go somewhere where humans won't see me. I don't maybe like a private Island?" he chuckled.

Her face lit up, "oh my god yes!"

"How do you feel about that love?" he asked lifting his eyes to mine.

"Two weeks family vacation and then…" I paused.

"A real honeymoon," he smiled.

"Oh my god that's a great idea!" Briar interrupted. "Wait, who's doing my heart biopsy if you're not here?"

"Dr. Reynolds, my college, who has been covering my patients since I took my leave. He said he'd love to so tomorrow we're going to meet with him. As long as you're comfortable with him he will do it. If you're not your mother and I will come back a week early. I've already talk to your grandparents all four of them are flying back with you on the private jet I've contracted. I don't want you on a public plane because you could still get sick."

"I think I'll be ok," she smiled.

"If you're not its ok. I know you're most comfortable with me so whatever you feel is alright."

"Is he a douche?"

"Briar," I warned.

"He's very kind," Carlisle said.

"Then we should be good," she smiled.

I couldn't believe Carlisle had worked all of this out without me so much as having an inkling he was up to something. He had somehow rented the private Island – didn't even know that was possible – arranged a private jet to fly the three of us to Rio, Briar to Columbus, Briar and her grandparents back to Seattle, then Carlisle and I back to Seattle, and on top of it all had a perfect plan worked out for Briar's care. The man was a god, no doubt about it.

"Love time to wake up," Carlisle's voice said.

My eyes fluttered open to meet his. We were lying in bed, the covers pulled up over me as he rested on top. He had pajama pants on, no shirt so I could see his perfectly chiseled body glow lightly as the sun came up behind the clouds. Perfect… I love waking up this way. I pulled my hand out from the blanket and ran it up from his stomach to his chest, then his neck and finally resting on his cheeks so I could pull his lips to mine.

"What a wonderful way to wake up," I smiled as we separated.

"A perfect way to start our day," he met my smile with his own. "Briar's already awake and watching TV in the kitchen with a bowl of…" he paused as his nostrils expanded "cheerios. She's listening to me," he chuckled.

"Heart healthy," I agreed.

"Better than the Coco-Pebbles."

"I should probably get in the shower hmm? What time is her appointment?"

"Nine-thirty, I made it early so we'd have plenty of time to pack."

"Smart and beautiful," I teased kissing him again before getting my lazy behind out of bed.

"Are you ready baby?" I asked Briar as we came downstairs. It was a little before nine so we needed to leave for her doctor's appointment.

"Yep," she smiled pulling the white cable knit sweater tighter around her body as Carlisle held her sage green winter coat out for her to slip into. He then produced mine and helped me into like the gentleman he is.

The car ride took a little less than a half hour since we live further away now. We passed the condo building on our way so I smiled as a few memories flashed through my mind. Carlisle baking brownies, our first date in his condo, and of course our wedding on the roof top were a few of the good ones but I also remembered the bad. Briar having the ventricular fibrillation episode, her almost dying as Carlisle performed chest compressions, her first bout of pneumonia, and the night we came home to find her being wheeled out on a gurney in cardiogenic shock, but then the best memory. Carlisle getting the call about her new heart was on the forefront of my mind. I remember our first Christmas as well when Carlisle gave us his family crests which all of us wore. Briar was wearing hers again for the first time since her transplant. Since it was necklace it aggravated her healing scar so she couldn't wear it until now but looking back at her she looked complete with it around her neck. The crest itself rested just over the incision that she wore proudly. She's said she'll never be ashamed to show her scar, it was a part of her and a reminder of how hard she's fought. It was her battle scar.

"He's not going to like do anything today is he?" Briar asked as we sat in Dr. Reynolds office opposite his desk.

"No sweetheart this is just so you can meet him. That's why we're in his office and not an exam room," Carlisle told her.

She sat in the middle with me to her left and him to her right. I held her hand in mine like we always did when she was seeing a doctor. I did this even when we would see Carlisle.

"Knock, knock," a male voice said opening the door the rest of the way. A middle aged man, mid-forties stood in a white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck. He had salt and pepper colored hair with brown eyes, tall and thin. Nothing like Carlisle. "Hi I'm Dr. David Reynolds. You must be Briar and Esme. It's wonderful to meet you," he said extending his hand to each of us then Carlisle. "Dr. Cullen, we've missed you around here."

"I'll be back before Thanksgiving," Carlisle said.

We all spent a little while talking with Dr. Reynolds. Briar asked a few questions, how many biopsies has he performed, has he had anyone die during one of his biopsies, any complications, and will he remind her what he's doing before he does it – just things she wanted to know, things I wanted to know as well. I know it might have been rude to ask if he's killed anyone, even accidently but I needed to know I was leaving my daughter in good hands. He hasn't lost a patient from a biopsy before. Carlisle nodded so I trusted he was telling the truth, after all Carlisle probably knew more about this man's career in medicine than Dr. Reynolds knew himself. By the time we left Briar was happy with letting him do her biopsy just this once.

That meant after two weeks – when Briar went to grandparent's homes, Carlisle and I could have two weeks to ourselves on a private island with nothing to worry about. This would be our extended honeymoon. We'd get to swim in the ocean at midnight, sit under the sun during the day, and I'm sure find a multitude of other activities' to keep ourselves entertained. Hopefully we'd spend most of the time in a bed, his body keeping me cool on the hot nights.


	30. Chapter THIRTY

**Carlisle's POV**

I pulled the Mercedes up to the private airfield just out of Seattle a little before eight in the morning on October twenty-third. I had everything worked out perfectly. Once we landed in Rio I had a speed boat waiting, I'd drive that to the island a few miles off the coast. We would arrive around midnight in Rio; the sun would be down so I wouldn't have to worry about covering up and looking conspicuous in the warm air.

The island itself was perfect. I had Alice and Jasper check it out after Esme and I were married. They sent me pictures of the lush jungle and white sand beach with crystal clear water. Once the small two bedroom bungalow was completed by workers I had hired from Rio they flew back and approved of the work. That was about a month before Briar's transplant. Now that she was recovering I felt it was a good time to finally reveal the island I so appropriately named after the most beautiful woman in the world – Isle Esme. I couldn't wait to reveal that fact to my beloved. She'll most likely be speechless. Then she'll say it's too much, and then hopefully after a little coaxing she'll accept and say she loves me.

"Dr. Cullen?" a man asked as I stepped out of the car leaving Briar and Esme inside with it still running. It was cold so I wanted to keep them warm until the jet was ready to board.

"Yes you must be Captain Martin," I said shaking his hand. He still tensed even with my leather glove.

"Call me Kevin please. Let me introduce you to my co-pilot," he said. "This is Mary Wilson and it will be our pleasure to fly you and your family today." I shook the woman's hand with a smile.

"We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner all prepared along with a few snacks and drinks was there anything else you may need?" she asked.

"I think we're ok my only question is, are either of you ill? My daughter recently had a heart transplant and if either of you are ill I don't want her in an enclosed space with you," I said.

"It was one of your requests to be made certain of. We are both completely healthy. Is your family ready to board? We'll get your luggage on the jet then take off when you're ready," Kevin said.

"As long as the jets warm we're ready to go," I said walking back over to the passenger side door for Esme first. I helped her out as my trunk was emptied of the few bags while Briar got out on her own before I could open her door. She came out with a grin as she looked at the medium size luxury aircraft.

"This is gonna be awesome," she smirked even bigger as I wrapped my arm around Esme and kissed her crown.

"I think she's happy," I chuckled.

"More than we know I'm sure. She's only flown twice, once to Disney World, once back. This will be an experience for her… me too. I've never flown on a private jet," she smiled.

"I can't say I've done it much. I usually tend to stay with commercial airlines. What with it being less conspicuous but I didn't want Briar in a public airport. Then on a commercial plane with recycled air being contaminated by many different people –more than likely at least a few of them would have been ill. I didn't want to do that and make her wear a mask for such a long journey."

"So thoughtful," she kissed me as we all walked up the stairs and onto the jet. Briar was wide eyed, just like my love as they looked around at the spacious aircraft. Briar plopped down in one of the large chairs as I led Esme over to another by a window. "Overboard much?" she smirked.

"Maybe a little but it's a long flight. You both should be able to rest somewhat comfortably in these chairs or on the bench sofa." I

"Oh I'm sure I will, snuggled with you," she said taking my arm and resting her head against it.

Once we were in the air Briar put her head phones in and curled up with a blanket. She was fast asleep. Esme and I talked quietly while the TV in front of us played an old romantic movie she seemed to enjoy. I knew our first stop would be in Miami, then again in Panama for fuel. We wouldn't be on the ground long either time – less than a half hour hopefully. By the time we were halfway to Miami the movie was over and Esme was starting to yawn. I pulled a pillow and blanket out from behind me for her. She rested the pillow against my arm while I pulled the blanket up over her shoulders.

"I love you," I said kissing her crown.

"I love you more. Thank you for this Carlisle. It's perfect, we need this time to relax and just have fun."

"I agree"

Esme and Briar both slept until we landed in Miami. The elevation changes were beginning to hurt their heads – thankfully I thought ahead and packed gum and acetaminophen for if it became too bad. Once we were back in the air Esme moved to the bench seat and laid down. I covered her up and let her be with a kiss. Briar on the other hand was now wide awake so we turned on another movie – something funny while we played cards.

"So this island, it's completely private?" she asked.

"All ours," I smiled.

"I'm just curious. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but how much does a private island cost to rent for a month?"

"I wouldn't know," I smirked. Briar could keep a secret so I decided to tell her, maybe a little teasing first though.

"Fine, don't tell me."

"If I had rented a private island I would tell you, but I haven't so I just don't know. I'd assume it wouldn't be cheap."

"If you didn't rent the island than… what? Oh my god, are we trespassing?" she grinned.

"No"

"Are you borrowing it?"

"Nope," I chuckled.

"Frick Carlisle!"

"Don't be loud ok?" I asked as I leaned in. "I bought it."

"What?"

"The island, I bought it."

"You bought a private island off the coast of Brazil?"

"I did."

"Shut up!" she yelled.

"Shhh, it's a surprise Briar."

"You bought a private island?" she whispered.

"Yes I did."

"Did you get to name it?"

"I did."

"What?"

"Isle Esme," I grinned.

"You bought mom an island?" she smiled.

"A little extravagant I know but yes. I bought your mother an island," I chuckled laying four Ace's down with a grin. "Yes my dear that's sixty points."

"What?" she asked looking down. "Oh fudge, I gave that to you!"

"I picked one up with that three about five minutes ago. If you had been paying attention, you would have noticed," I teased. "This is why you can't beat your mother."

"Yeah whatever, oh my god she's gonna flip."

"Is that good or bad?"

"She's going to tell you to return it," she laughed.

"Nonrefundable"

"You might want to start off with that fact. Also remind her in this economy no one will buy it from you."

"Nonrefundable, can't sell it, she'll have to accept it," I said as I heard the slight change in Esme's breathing – she was waking up. "Shhh, she's waking up," I told Briar with a smile.

By the time we landed in Rio both Esme and Briar were wide awake and excited. We took a taxi to the docks where the boat was – it was about an hour drive in the middle of the night. I didn't trust the driver, thankfully with me, he wouldn't do anything. I kept Esme pulled into my left side and Briar my right to be safe though. When we arrived at the docks I helped Esme and Briar onto the boat before returning to the cab for the luggage. I gave the driver a hefty tip to hopefully advert any foul plans he may have had to make more money through the night and then I boarded the boat and stepped up to the wheel.

Esme and Briar sat behind me, Esme with her arms around Briar who of course was grinning in anticipation for my reveal. I hoped to god Esme would accept my gift. I'd give her the world if I could but since I couldn't I could at least give her a part of it. Her own special part that will forever be hers – once she's changed she'll have it forever. The island came into view after a good half hour; there were lights on in the house. The cleaning service I had hired came earlier to set up and drop off groceries for us, well groceries for my humans. I will be dining on the wild boars that litter the island and possibly something on the main land if needed here in a few weeks.

"We're here," I smiled turning to my love and daughter. They could finally catch a glimpse of the island a few minutes after I had. Esme stood up and came to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist as I steered the boat towards the dock. Briar was up in front of me leaning on the edge of the boat – her hair being whipped back by the wind.

"Oh Carlisle it's wonderful!" Esme said.

"Welcome to Isle Esme," I grinned stealing a kiss from her lips which just happened to freeze in an adorable 'O' that very second.

"Isle… Esme?" she whispered.

"It will never hold a candle to your beauty but I think it's the perfect name for something so beautiful."

"Oh… my," she said lifting her hand to cover her mouth as I pulled up to the dock. I had to slip away from her for a second to tie the boat to the dock but I returned to her because she could really know I was gone.

"Are you alright, love?"

"An island? You bought me an island Carlisle?" she asked and I nodded. "Oh this… this is just too much. A gorgeous home and now an actual island. You spoil me!" she giggled swatting my chest. I pulled her into me and kissed her.

"So you're not upset right?"

"There wouldn't be any point in me saying you shouldn't have, because you did and I love you so much I would never hurt you by turning down a gift so… no of course I'm not upset with you. I'm shocked… astounded but never upset."

"I'm going swimming!" Briar called just in time for us to look up as she jumped off the back of the boat – in all of her clothes, in the middle of the night. I quickly ran and prayed for her head to pop up, it did.

"Briar-Rose Cullen! What the hell was that?" Esme yelled as Briar wiped her face and giggled.

"The water is so warm! Come on jump in!" Briar said.

Esme and I shared a look. She took her shoes off and I pulled my shirt off then climbed on the edge of the boat and helped her up with me. We held hands as we leapt into the dark ocean together. Somewhat like we did with our love. We jumped in, never looking back because no matter how wrong it might have been, no matter how difficult the time was we did it. I loved Esme more than anything. She is my soul mate, she is my other half and I have never been happier than when I am with her. She gave me the two greatest gifts in the world – her love and a daughter. I'll never be able to thank her enough but I will spend every day of eternity trying.


	31. Chapter THIRTYONE

**Esme's POV**

The island was… words can't describe its beauty come morning light. Briar was still asleep – she didn't go to bed until late so her sleeping in was good. Carlisle made me my morning, or should I say mid-afternoon coffee and we sat outside facing the beach. The sun reflected off of his skin, revealing glimmering skin that I've only seen on rare occasions back in Washington. It was beautiful. Like thousands of diamonds imbedded into his skin. He was gorgeous and I was gawking.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you," he smiled back turning his head to me.

"Do you realize how absolutely amazing you are?"

"This breathing-taking woman keeps telling me so but I don't understand why in comparison to her," he smirked. I rose from my seat next to him and climbed over his lap, straddling him as I pressed our foreheads together.

"You Carlisle Cullen are my everything. There isn't another person, human or vampire more amazing, gorgeous, caring, and compassionate than you."

"Oh I can think of one person," he said before putting his lips to my ear, "my wife."

"Hmm will she be mad you bought me an island?" I teased.

"Oh you sinful woman! So coy," he laughed as I captured his lips. He's always so sweet tasting; it's like a candy I can't get enough of. His lips are so soft in comparison to the rest of him. It's like the one thing that remained human. Well not the only thing. I can think of one other part of him that's just as soft and sweet. Oh I'm bad…

"Mmm," he groaned pulling me further into his mouth.

I opened my mouth wider and took a quick breath before I could starve myself of oxygen. His hand held the small of my back and moved me backwards onto the long part of the chair until he was over me. He pulled away and looked down at me – his eyes so lovingly gazing upon me.

"You're beautiful in the sun."

"Says the man that sparkles."

"I don't sparkle. I shimmer," he teased.

"I just love waking up to this," Briar said causing me to jump a little.

Carlisle let me up with an embarrassed look. We tend to get caught up in each other sometimes. He doesn't even hear her which is a little funny. This one tiny human can surprise Carlisle with my help. We might be able to use that as an advantage someday. Surprise Carlisle like he does us.

"Sorry sweetheart, I didn't hear you," he told her.

"It's cool. So what are we doing today? Can we explore the island?"

"We can do anything you'd like," he smiled.

"Snorkeling?"

"Certainly, did you take your medicine?"

"Mom woke me up at nine to. I take my next dose after I eat."

"Good girl," he praised. "Why don't we go make you two something to eat?"

After our mid-afternoon breakfast feast, Carlisle made for us Briar went to her room and Carlisle and I went to ours to change into swim suits. I slipped the little one-piece on while Carlisle changed into board shorts. I could get used to him never wearing much clothing. Goodness gracious his abs had to have been sculpted my God himself; he even had that perfect 'V' shape going down to his… you get the point. Once we were dressed I put a bag together with towels and sun screen for Briar and I. We were both so fair skinned we didn't tan, just burned and that was not something I wanted on the first day of our family vacation. I packed aloe for the trip just in case – that was in the bathroom with burn ointment to be extra cautious. When Briar burned, she burned bad and would sometimes blister.

"Don't you look adorable! A piece from Alice I'm guessing?" I asked Briar as she spun around in the polka dot and ruffled two piece.

"Yep, isn't it cute? She sent me like ten more different ones. It took a while to decide which one I wanted to wear. Good thing I have two weeks here so I can try them all," she grinned pulling on the white linen sun dress.

"Alright the boats all ready to go," Carlisle announced coming back in from the dock.

We took the boat out a few hundred yards to wear the fishes and beautiful plants were. Carlisle put down the anchor and showed Briar different things on the boat before we all put our gear on. Briar had a bright pink set, mine was baby blue, and Carlisle only wore the flippers since he didn't need the mask or snorkel.

Once we were in the water it was gorgeous. Carlisle brought a water proof camera down and gave it to Briar to take pictures of the colorful fish. She went under and a school of fish just swam around her quickly. When she came up she was giggling and just having the best of times. She was so amazing and I was so happy she was having fun. After a little while we got back on the boat so she could rest. To be honest it was so both of us could rest. It was tiring swimming so much. I couldn't believe she lasted so long, I was very proud.

"Did you bring tanning lotion?" Briar asked me.

"No I brought sun screen. Which by the way I need to put more on you," I said.

"Oh come on I wanna tan! What's the point of going on a tropical vacation and not coming back with a nice tan?"

"You don't tan."

"Besides the last thing you want is to burn over your incision scar. It will just make it more visible," Carlisle added.

"Fine, lather me up," she conceded.

We stayed out on the boat until around six enjoying the warmth of the sun. It was a perfect day – the first of many we'd have on my island. The days past so much faster than I wanted them to and it was soon time for Briar to head to Columbus – she didn't want to go. On our last night with her we went to Rio after sunset and had a nice dinner out. All of her bags were packed and brought with us since we were just staying in a hotel because she was leaving so early. I didn't want her to go. I've never been away from Briar for more than a few days let alone two weeks.

"It's like party central here," Briar said as the music filled the outdoor patio where we were eating.

"It's Rio my darling. We should come back during Carnival next year. You'll be amazed with all the lights at night," Carlisle said.

"Oh can we?"

"Of course," I said. "That will be so much fun. We'll come as long as Carlisle can take the time off."

"I'll take the time. You two deserve to see everything this world has to offer. We can start with Carnival," he smirked.

"I wanna learn to Samba!" she laughed.

"You are going to give me a heart attack you know that?" Carlisle asked.

"Why?"

"Because you keep amazing me."

"Well good thing your…" she said. "Immortal," she whispered with a grin.

"Yes very good thing."

Once we had finished eating Carlisle gave Briar a piggy back ride through the city as we looked around. We went into a few stores and bought souvenirs for her and her grandparents. She tried to make Carlisle try on one of those outfits the women wear during Carnival – he wouldn't go for it thank god. I would have died of laughter, but he did put on a hat with feathers to make her happy. It was so amazing to watch father and daughter play around. When we got back outside Carlisle scooped Briar up in his arms and she giggled loudly a word I had yet to hear her say.

"Daddy!" left her lips as he tossed her up an inch or so out of his arms and caught her again.

My heart was swelling with joy. She called him daddy! My goodness how many times have I wished her to be able to call someone that? And now she has. Carlisle was her dad; he was always supposed to be her dad. It was an unconventional way but it didn't matter. She was never Charles's daughter, she was Carlisle's. Charles just made it possible.

"I love you both so much," I said latching onto Carlisle's arm as Briar hung off his back again.

"I love you," Carlisle said.

"I love you too." Briar repeated.

We left the hotel room around four in the morning. The private jet was taking off in an hour so we had just enough time to get there and say goodbye before Briar left. I was already emotional letting my baby girl go on a plane by herself. Letting her leave my side for two weeks – I didn't even want to think about the fact that she would be undergoing a procedure without me there. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe Carlisle and I can come back early so he could do the biopsy like usual. Putting her life in a strangers hand wasn't what I wanted. I had already made my mind up that one week was enough; we were going back for that biopsy. I couldn't let her go through that alone.

"I have all of your medicines laid out in a container that's labeled for what time and day. Please do not miss a dose, promise me," Carlisle said as Briar's bags were loaded on the plane.

"I promise, I even have my alarms set on my phone so I don't forget," she told him.

"Good, now be safe and call us. If you start feeling ill at all tell your grandparents to take you to the hospital. Please don't pass anything off as 'nothing' because it's not."

"I'll be fine," she said wrapping her arms around his waist. He kissed the top of her head and hugged back gently.

"I love you Briar."

"I love you too Carlisle."

"If you change your mind about Dr. Reynolds, call us and we'll come home."

"I actually think we should only stay another week," I said.

"No," Briar said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"You and Carlisle deserve your honeymoon. You're not cutting it short because of me. I will be fine. I'll call you before and after and it will turn out perfectly like all the others have."

"But Briar I want to be there. I want Carlisle to do it."

"No mom, I want you and Carlisle to stay here. What I say goes," she smirked wrapping her arms around me.

"I don't know."

"Please? Just do this for me? I'll be fine."

"Are you sure Briar?" Carlisle asked.

"Positive."

"Ok but if you change your mind we'll be there," I told her kissing her cheek.

"I know you will," she said as the pilot came over announcing it was time for them to go.

Carlisle and I both hugged Briar again then let her go. I already missed my baby. We waited until the plane took off before leaving the airfield. The sun was just coming up as we got on the boat – perfect timing for Carlisle. I stood up and wrapped an arm around his waist as he steered the boat.

"She'll be fine love," he told me.

"I know I'm just worried is all. I've never spent this much time away from her."

"If you want to go home we can. I understand."

"No, I want our honeymoon. I just miss our daughter."

"I know me too," he smiled kissing my lips.

"So she called you daddy last night," I smirked.

"One of the best nights of my life," he said. "Now once we get back on the island, clothes are forbidden," he grinned.

"Why don't we start now?" I teased unbuttoning my blouse.


	32. Chapter THIRTYTWO: Rated M

**Esme's POV**

We didn't even make it to the island. Carlisle anchored the boat about a mile away the second my clothes came off. I forced him – I use that term lightly mind you – down into one of the chairs as I started working is shirt off. I made slow and deliberate work of each button, making him growl in anticipation. He tried to help but I forced his hand above his head with a smirk.

"Ah-ah no using your hands," I teased.

"God you're beautiful. That's just not fair. I want to touch you, I want to feel you," he murmured as I continued my work with the last button then slid the shirt off of his shoulders. My hand went to his trouser button, and then zipper; he helped me get them off by lifting his hips. His boxers were next. I slid them down slowly and kneeled on the ground, coming face to face with his glorious member.

I lowered my head and teased his tip with the tip of my tongue. He was already completely hard and ready. Achingly ready to be honest. I slipped his tip in my mouth and received a moan. I lifted my eyes to watch his face. Pure pleasure soared through me as his face contorted with each gentle touch I gave him. His eyes were pinched closed, his mouth slightly open and his hands fisted – just wanting to touch me. Well right now was his turn. I dipped my head a little further, putting more of him in my mouth as my tongue traced circles on the side of his sex.

"Oh god yes," he moaned as I used my hand to massage the rest of his length that couldn't fit in my mouth. "Jesus, no I want to come inside of you," he said removing me from himself.

I was on my back on the floor of the boat before even realizing he'd moved me. He hovered above me, slid a hand under my left leg and hitched it up and over his waist, opening me for his use.

"You're so amazing, but I need to be in you," he told me.

"Yes please," I moaned as his free hand traced my slit.

"So wet," he murmured.

I gasped as he plunged a finger inside of me, "all for you!"

"So warm," he moaned pulling it back out and positioning himself at my entrance.

"Please, I need you. Don't keep me waiting," I whispered placing my hands on either side of his face. He slowly slid himself into me. "Oh god!" I screamed feeling his coolness fill me.

"I love you," he grunted moving in and out at the perfect pace.

My hips started rocking with his rhythm and everything felt just so amazing. Carlisle was the gentlest, most amazing, and perfect lover in the world. He knew what I wanted and more importantly what I needed and gave me just that. When he dipped his head and brought my nipple into his mouth I lost it – screaming and moaning his name as I came around him.

"So tight. Keep going love, keep going," he panted, extending my orgasm longer than ever before. "I'm coming," he moaned as I felt his cool seed shoot into me just as I began to come down.

"Oh yes," I gasped as he slowed his thrust – bringing me down from the all-time high. Nothing has ever felt so amazing. Maybe it was the sunrise on his skin, maybe the fact that this was our real honeymoon, but that was the most amazing orgasm I've ever had. "Thank you," I sighed blissfully as he pulled out and lay down next to me – running his nose along my temple.

"Mmm, thank you," he chuckled. "So amazing."

"I know you are," I teased.

Three days had gone by since Briar left – each day better than the last. We explored the jungle more. I loved seeing the tropical birds. We had a picnic on the rocks above a cave formation as the sun set and even swam with a docile dolphin, which utterly shocked Carlisle. He said normally animals are the most wary of him but this mammal wasn't. He just swam around us and even let me brush my hand over his fin before swimming away again. I was having an amazing time and he was so thrilled he could give this to me.

Today we were going to spend the day on the beach again. I wanted to collect more seashells and eat lunch in the sand. I came out of the bedroom, clad in the scantest of white bikinis. I felt naughty wearing this thing. When Alice sent it to me with a note I blushed just thinking about wearing it. It left nothing to the imagination.

"I thought I banned clothing?" he teased taking my lips.

He was such a hypocrite dressed in those board shorts. Granted his chest was bare. I couldn't wait to lay him on the beach and trace each ab.

"Well now Dr. Cullen, if I am to burn wouldn't you rather my sensitive parts be covered?" I smirked as he released my lips. "And I believe the rule applied to both of us, yet here you are in shorts. Double standard much?" I ran my hand down his chest to the hem line of the bottoms.

"Mrs. Cullen I am shocked you'd think such a thing," he gasped as I swatted his chest.

He reached behind my neck and pulled the tie – the top fell, my breasts exposed to his scorching gaze. He cupped my breast in his left hand, running his thumb over my nipple, it instantly hardened and I mewed loudly as he bent down to suckle on my neck. My hand feebly tried to undo the tie on his shorts. I was shaking with pleasure and he took that moment suckle and tweak my nipple a little harder. I was going to need help.

"Allow me," he whispered in my ear, pulling his mouth away for only a moment as he pulled the shorts down, moved both of his hands to my waist and pushed my bottoms to the floor. He used his foot to fling our bottoms away as he lifted my bare body onto the counter.

"Oh Carlisle," I gasped.

"Again," he whispered huskily as my hands roamed over his sculpted body, going downwards.

"Carlisle," I repeated as his other hand found my neglected breast. "Oh," I whined rubbing my body against his. I needed more.

"All in due time," he smirked lowering his head as he released my left breast.

He pulled my nipple into his mouth. His hand left my other breast as well and traced down my tummy, past my apex and to my knee. He stopped his finger, twisted it around and started his way back up going to its desired location. He circled my clitoris twice, and then slowly entered my body.

My hands fisted in his blonde locks. Oh… oh… oh yes! His rhythm was slow, each thrust meaningful. When he slid his middle finger in as well I screamed. I felt his lips twist into a smirk around my nipple. That's what he wants huh? Well I'll give him that.

"Oh more!" I screamed – he added another finger. "Dr. Cullen," I shrieked.

I knew what me calling him that did to him. He moved his thumb back to my clit and nipped my breast playfully.

"I didn't quite hear you Mrs. Cullen," he released my breast.

"Dr. Cullen!" I screamed louder as he thrust quicker into my body.

Suddenly all of his fingers left me. He kneeled down, placing both of his hands on my knees. He looked up to me as if asking for permission. Oh he's going to… he's never… oh… oh… "Please!" I whimpered.

"Lie back love."

I did as he said and rested my bare back on the cold granite counter. His hands still on my knees, he slowly pushed them apart – opening me wide for his use. He gazed down with a soft smile but his eyes said something else. They were dark, lust filled. "So beautiful," he murmured lowering his head.

The second his tongue came in contact with my wet folds I jolted. Oh the feeling! He ran his tongue up to my bundle of nerves and suckled softly as he guided two fingers back into me. I tightened around him immediately. I wasn't going to last long, I could feel it and so could he.

"It's ok love. I'll give you more," he said letting go for just long enough to speak. He suckled more, nipping softly. Then he curled his finger towards himself – I lost it right there.

"Yes, yes, god yes… Carlisle… Carlisle… oh Carlisle!" I panted as he helped me back down. His tongue swiped across my so sensitive slit. I came again on contact.

"So sweet," he smiled releasing me before his touch became painful from how sensitive I was. He stood up, pulled me up, and let me rest my head against his chest. It was then I realized he didn't have his turn.

"Oh Carlisle, just give me a moment," I sighed.

"No need to rush. We have days. Just your happiness is all I need," he kissed my forehead as I wrapped my arms tightly around him

"How did I get so lucky?"

"It was fate. If you feel you're lucky, just imagine how I'm feeling. I've waited so long for you and here you are. My love, my one and only."

**Carlisle's POV**

After a good while of just holding her on the counter she was content. I helped her back into the bikini – oh how I loved her in that white two piece. She looked like an innocent angel. An innocent angel who was just screaming my name. I placed the basket in her arms, she looked surprised then I swooped her up. She almost dropped the basket but she caught it once she was securely in my arms.

"I won't run but I'd be amiss if I made you walk," I smirked kissing her before walking out of the bungalow.

We didn't go far. Just down the beach away from the dock. I sat her on her feet and took the basket from her – pulling the blanket out and spreading it over the sand. She took a seat as did I before starting to go through the basket.

"Grilled chicken and pasta?" she asked. "This isn't very picnic like food."

"Ah but it goes great with the wine," I smiled pulling out the bottle and her glass.

I poured a small sip and let her taste it. She nodded and smiled telling me it was good before I poured more in her glass and set her food container down. I spread a napkin out then set the fork down on it just in time for a seagull to swoop down and take the chicken breast from her dish. I was shocked and a little angry her meal was ruined but she started laughing, even snorting as she wiped her eyes. She was laughing so hard she was crying.

"Your…" she laughed. "Face!"

"I… hadn't planned for that to happen." I

"Oh my god!" she laughed.

I couldn't help myself, I laughed as well. It wasn't even that funny, her meal was ruined she shouldn't be laughing and I certainly shouldn't be laughing but here we were.

"How about I make you something else?" I asked as we calmed down.

"No there's still pasta. This is plenty," she smiled.

As the days went on we laid on the beach in each other's arms at night. I held her close, kissing her every so often as we talked. We talked a lot about Briar. Esme was so worried about her heart biopsy – I was too. I really should have only planned three weeks away instead of four. We would have been home in time for Briar's biopsy which was tomorrow. She and her grandparents arrived back at our house last night. She didn't have much fun in Columbus. She spent the first few days with Esme's parents then with Charles's for the rest. They didn't do much, her grandfather's took her to a car show – she said that was fun. Her grandmothers took her to a craft fair, she said she about died of boredom. She missed us. She spent a lot of time talking to Esme but even wanted to talk to me once she was done. She wasn't having any symptoms of illness for which I was eternally grateful for. I feared travelling might cause her to become ill that's why I only let her fly on private jets and avoided busy airports.

"Oh Carlisle look at that cloud!" Esme pointed. There was nothing in the sky; it was pitch dark after all. So I turned my head, eyebrows raised. "I had to get your attention somehow," she smirked.

"It's my attention that you want?" I asked and she nodded with a grin. I moved myself so I was on top of her. "Then it is my attention that you shall receive." I smiled taking her lips.

We had no barriers in between us. The no clothing rule had been strictly enforced after I ripped multiple sets of clothing from her body in a haste to get to her. She was already so wet for me, just waiting for me to enter her. I wanted to but still foreplay was a must – she deserved all the pleasure I could give her.

"Oh," she sighed grinding her hips up into me as I peppered her neck and chest with my lips.

Once I arrived at her breast I couldn't help myself – it was as if they had been calling my name. I supposed in a way they were since Esme kept whimpering it. I pulled the hardened flesh between my teeth and nipped then suckled as my hand explored her flattened tummy on its way to her hips. She loved it when I held her hips. It was a sensitive area for her. Her body was just so responsive to all of my caresses.

"Love me," she panted. That I can do. I held myself up on my elbows, nudged her left leg apart further and positioned myself at her entrance before slipping into her.


	33. Chapter THIRTYTHREE

**Carlisle's POV**

Everything was packed and ready to go. The jet would be ready around ten at night and it was just about nine now. I think we were both sad to go. Our time here on the island was amazing but I know we were both ready to get home to Briar. Her heart biopsy went perfectly – still no signs of rejection. We talked to her before and after and to her grandparents during. Esme was a nervous wreck but the second she heard Briar's voice afterwards she breathed a sigh of relief. Briar is and always will be Esme's first concern, which she should be – that's her daughter. She's mine as well. I called Dr. Reynolds a few too many times to get the biopsy results the second he had them.

"Are you ready love?" I asked Esme as she stood facing the water. I put my arm around her and kiss her head.

"I am. I can't wait to come back though. This was an amazing gift Carlisle. You've out done yourself. How will I ever live up to you buying me an island?" she smirked.

"By loving me for eternity."

"That's a given," she said. "How does a watch sound?" she laughed.

"Perfect coming from you. I think it might be time to upgrade anyway," I chuckled.

"I'll miss it here."

"So will I but we'll come back."

The flight was long – Esme couldn't sleep this time. She was just so excited to see Briar. Two weeks was much too long to go without our daughter. We both wholeheartedly agreed on that fact. We didn't land in Seattle until almost six in the evening. We were supposed to get in around three so we could have an early dinner with Briar's grandparents before their flight left at seven. At least we arrived before they left. Esme would only get to see her parents for a few minutes before the jet had to take off once more and get them back home.

The second we landed though; I could see Briar grinning as she waited by the Mercedes. Esme was out of her seat and waiting by the door as we landed. Not the safest move. but I couldn't blame her. As we stepped off the jet Briar ran and lunged for Esme who luckily caught her up before they both fell.

"I missed you so much!" Briar said as Esme peppered her head with kisses.

"Oh I missed you too baby girl. I love you," Esme told her.

"I love you too!" she said as they pulled apart.

Briar jumped at me and I caught her up as she wrapped her legs around my waist. She embraced me so tightly I thought the poor thing was going to break something.

"I missed you sweetheart," I smiled pressing my lips to her temple.

"I missed you too Carlisle. That was too long!" she laughed.

"It was but we're back now and we're not going anywhere."

"I love you," she said kissing my cheek.

"Oh I love you too," I told her as she released herself from my body and I sat her back down on the ground.

"Hi you guys," Esme greeted her parents and Charles. She hugged her mom first then everyone else.

"Did you have a good time sweetie?" Diane asked.

"Oh yes it was amazing. I have pictures of the island. It was so beautiful," She said.

"Briar showed us a few," Diane said.

As everyone caught up I was watching Briar – she looked paler than usual. Maybe the travel did take its toll on her.

"She's been a little down," Bob, Charles father told me noticing where my eyes were and my concerned look.

"But she's been feeling well?"

"She's said so but this morning she didn't want to wake up. She said she had trouble sleeping through the night."

"I'll talk to her. She's been taking her medicines properly right?"

"Like clockwork. I think she just missed you two."

"We missed her as well. That was just too long of a trip."

"Yeah but it was great spending the time with her, we've missed her. Maybe you all could come to Ohio sometime? She's our only grandbaby and it's hard not seeing her as much."

"Maybe for Christmas?"

"We'd love that."

"We'll make it work. So I heard you took her to a car show? Did she have fun?"

"So much. It was great seeing her smile like that. Thank you Carlisle, you gave her, her life back and we could never express our gratitude."

"It was a long road but she's getting better," I smiled.

Going back to work was hard to get used to. I missed Esme and Briar so much during the day. My mind was constantly on them but my patients needed me now. I felt awful for leaving them like that but my family came first – I was back now though. Weekends were a blessing. Briar wanted to go places and she had no problem indulging me by wearing a mask. We had movie night every other Friday and Saturday's we'd relax for our Sunday outings. Briar really enjoyed the museums; the American history was her favorite. By the time Christmas came around I made good on my promise to Bob and we all went to Ohio. There was one sunny day that I had to pretend to be ill for. Thankfully Alice gave me the heads up. We had to make it a short four day trip since the next few days were going to be unacceptable for me but Briar and Esme had a good time, so did I.

When we got home there was a surprise waiting for us in the form of two vampires. Alice and Jasper were finally done with what the Volturi asked of them and wanted to spend some time with us. While Alice, Esme, and Briar caught up on god knows what Jasper and I went for an overnight hunt to solve a grizzly problem.

"Briar is much happier," he told me as we ran through the forest in southern Washington toward Oregon.

"She is," I agreed.

"So any idea of when you might change them? Aro wanted to know."

"Aro and I have spoken. He's granted me absolution for my crime of allowing them to know on condition I change them within the next few years. I plan to uphold that agreement as long as it's what Esme and Briar want," I said. "Briar is going to get the chance to enjoy her new heart. We all know it won't last forever and when the time comes I'll change her."

"How long does she have now?"

"Every year her survival chance goes down. If she makes it through the first year then she's on the right track but there's no law saying how long she'll live for. It could be a normal lifespan or just a few years until she needs another. When that time comes she's already agreed to be changed… after her mother."

"She wants Esme changed first?"

"Yes, she doesn't want us separated."

"She's a different kind of human you know. Pure good," he smiled. "Like her mother."

"True," I chuckled. "I'm the luckiest vampire on earth."

"I smell grizzly. Race ya," he laughed.

"You're on," I said picking up speed and following the scent.

**Briar's POV**

"You're staying?" I asked Alice.

"As long as Carlisle's ok with it. We want to settle down for a little while," she told me.

"Oh Alice I'm sure he'd be ok with it!" mom said.

"I know," she smirked. "But we still have to ask; Jasper's rule not mine," she laughed. "I already have a few shipments on their way. I must say Esme I love this house! We'll be so happy here."

"Here, here? You're staying with us?" I smiled.

"Yep I always wanted a little sister to dress."

"Oh my god this is gonna be awesome!"

"You both are welcome to whatever room you want," mom said as I painted her toes while Alice did mine.

"Briar's has the best view," she grinned.

"Oh hells no don't even think about it Tink."

"But you love me," she pouted.

"Not that much," I teased.

"Fine I'll have to make do."

I was thrilled that Alice and Jasper were staying. It would be great to have a big sister like Alice around. I was going to have so much fun with that. I just knew Carlisle was going to be happy. Alice and Jasper are family to him not to mention vampires as well. I think it will be good for him to have others like himself near; he won't have to hunt alone anymore. I always wanted a bigger family and now I'm getting it.

"I'm home sweetheart. I just wanted to say goodnight," Carlisle whispered kissing my forehead. I was just on the verge of sleep – still conscious but not all there.

"Night daddy," I mumbled.

"I love you," he said.

"Love ya," I whispered with a yawn as I turned over on my stomach and wrapped my blankets tighter around my body.

When I woke up the next morning I trudged downstairs to the kitchen. The smell of bacon wafted through the house. It doesn't happen often so I was enticed by the scent. Mom and Carlisle were standing at the counter draining grease from the delicious pork as Alice and Jasper sat reading through a few newspapers.

"Oh you're up! Surprise," mom said as I sat down at the bar.

"Mmm gimmie," I said reaching for a piece off the paper towel. Carlisle swiftly turned my hand away and placed a different piece in it.

"Those haven't been patted and drained yet," he smiled as I took a bit of the piece. So yummy – oh bacon how I have missed thee.

"Did you sleep well?" Mom asked.

"Yep," I chewed

"I'm sorry I woke you up last night. I thought you were awake," Carlisle said.

"I was semi-conscious, no worries. How was your hunt?"

"Them grizzlies wished they had never met Carlisle," Jasper laughed.

"I'm sure they do," I giggled. "So you guys officially move in?"

"Things are on their way," Alice smiled.

"And we love having you here," mom said.

"It's great to have all of my family together," Carlisle smiled.

The weeks following New Years were filled with Alice and me going through her mounds of clothing. She said she never wore something twice so she bought entire lines each season. We had the same shoe size so I tried on her heels. I loved feeling taller. Next she showed me her coveted purse collection. I was so sure I had died and gone to heaven as I felt the leather and suede, even crocodile skinned bags of every high end designer and few lesser known ones. Through her and Jaspers travels she's found unknown gems that just speak to me with their beauty. Maybe this was what I wanted to do with my life – career shopper. Wouldn't that be fun? As we went through her things Alice showed me some sketches.

"Oh my, that's amazing," I said looking at a dress sketch.

"I came up with that one for you. The hospital is going to be having another gala here soon," she said.

"I get to go?"

"Carlisle's coming home with then news tonight. His coworker Dr. Reynolds is being named Cardiothoracic surgeon of the year."

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"Carlisle declined the status."

"Why?"

"He can't have that much attention. Yes, we could always erase it from online journals but not print. He's fine with it. He'll accept local recognition but national gets a little tricky."

"But he deserves it more."

"You know Carlisle. He doesn't care about that."

"I know, I just wish there were some way to show him how amazing he is," I sighed as she smiled.

"I have an idea," she grinned.


	34. Chapter THIRTYFOUR

**Briar's POV**

Tonight was the hospital Gala for Dr. Reynolds. Mom was supposed to be going but she's come down with the flu so Carlisle is forcing her to stay in bed. He tried to cancel for all of us but Alice and I just weren't having that, not after all the time she spend making my ball gown. It's gorgeous! It's a deep red color and strapless, fitted with a bodice to the mid-thigh. It has a corset back and elegant beading over the front. Alice outdid herself. Since mom can't come Carlisle is just taking me – squeal – I'm so excited to get to dress up and look beautiful for pictures with my dad. Dr. Reynolds is being presented with 'an award of excellence' in cardiothoracic surgery. He's being called the cardiothoracic surgeon of the year, a title that really belongs to Carlisle. But no worries I have a much better title I am bestowing upon him tonight. Technically he's always had the title but tonight I'm making sure he knows it.

He's my dad. Alice and I searched the internet for Father's Day cards in the middle of February. We had to have one made since the timing is so far off but I decided on the perfect one that I believe will prove to him he's not only the best doctor in the world but also the best father. I'm also going to attempt to start calling him 'dad' instead of 'Carlisle'. That might prove a little trickier because I am a creature of habit. I still sign my name as Briar-Rose Platt sometimes even though I've been a Cullen since last year. Habits die hard is all.

"Ok hair up or down?" Alice asked as I got out of the shower and sat down in front of her vanity.

"Up… well a low up," I said.

"I see just what you're thinking, a messy updo. Very relaxed but still elegant. You want the bun low almost on your neck right?"

"Exactly and my bangs back but still free-ish. Swept back I guess."

"Got it now just hold still," she grinned.

An hour, god knows how many bobby pins, and hairspray later Alice had it just right. She put a few little pins with gems on the ends throughout my hair to add to the look. I loved it. Next she did my makeup which proved a little more difficult since I wanted to do it. I kept telling her to do this or that, a little more here or there and she kept shushing me. I should have just kept my mouth shut because in the end it was perfect, just how I would have done it only better since she had perfectly steady hands and could fix the most minor of imperfections, not that there were any. As we finished mom knocked on the cracked door and came in with a mask over her face – Carlisle's rule. He didn't want me to get sick so if we were around each other one of us had to wear a mask.

"Oh goodness baby! You look gorgeous," she said.

"Thanks," I smiled. "But it was all Alice."

"Well you look so beautiful. Carlisle's home, he's changing into his tuxedo now." S

"Which means we have to get you into your dress!" Alice exclaimed. "Esme would you like to help?"

"Of course," mom said as I stood up and dropped my robe. I had my underwear on already.

"This is so beautiful Alice. You do amazing work," mom said looking at the gown that hung on Alice's closet door. She lightly fingered the intricate beading over the front and smiled.

"Thank you Esme," Alice said as she brushed a glimmering powder over my arms and chest. Once she was done mom pulled the dress down and they held it while I slid in. Mom did up the corset, careful not to make it too tight.

"You look like a princess baby girl," mom smiled kissing my cheek through her mask.

"I feel like a princess," I grinned.

"Shoes!" Alice squealed pulling the heels from their box. They were black with beading over the straps that matched the dress. They weren't too tall, just two inches and they fit perfectly.

"Jewelry, you're Cullen crest my lady," Alice smirked clasping the necklace around my neck. It went perfect with my dress. I didn't look to ostentatious, very classy with the limited amount of jewelry. Alice leant me a ring and I was done. My nails were done yesterday, acrylic french tips.

"All done," mom said turning me towards the full-length mirror. "My little girl is all grown up and off to the ball," she laughed.

Alice had me wait at the top of the stairs as she and mom went down. When she called me I started walking. Carlisle stood with his arms around mom. He wore a tux, black tie with a red handkerchief in his breast pocket. He looked very dashing as always. He smiled when he saw me.

"You look beautiful sweetheart," he said taking my hand as I stepped off the staircase.

"Thanks, you don't look to bad yourself," I smirked.

"Well I'll have the most beautiful girl on my arm for the evening so I doubt anyone will look at me," he chuckled.

"Thanks for taking me… dad."

"You're very welcome dear, thank you for accompanying me."

"Briar here!" Alice said handing me the envelope with his card in it.

"Oh yeah… so um you probably know my feelings on who really deserves the honor tonight," I said to him. "But if I wasn't clear enough, here," I handed it to him. "There is no one more amazing than you Carlisle. Screw cardiothoracic surgeon of the year, you're the best damn doctor of the millennium," I laughed as he opened the envelope and pulled out the card.

"Happy Father's day?" he smirked.

"It's a little early," I laughed.

"Oh sweetheart," he murmured while reading. "Of course I'll always be your dad… and your doctor," he laughed.

"Figured as much," I teased.

"This means more to me than any honor could. To know that you, my daughter feel like I'm the best dad and doctor in the world means everything to me. Dr. Reynolds doesn't know what he's missing," he chuckled. "Come here darling," he said opening his arms.

"Thanks dad."

"You're so very welcome and thank you. I love this early Father's day card."

"I'm having a trophy made," I said as he looked down at me with his eyebrows cocked. "Kidding," I laughed. "But you deserve one."

"If you two don't get going you'll be late," mom said.

"She's right, the psychic knows," Alice giggled.

After saying goodbye, Carlisle and I left for the hotel here the Gala was being held. We took his Mercedes of course and when we pulled up the valet opened his door first, as someone was about to open mine Carlisle stopped them. He handed the keys over and came to my side. He opened my door and held his hand out for me. I took it and he helped me out. As we walked in he took my hand and placed it on his arm. The first person he greeted was his boss Dr. Menard.

"Briar this is the Chief of Staff Dr. Menard. Dr. Menard this is my daughter Briar," he introduced us.

"It's so good to see you well. You look wonderful honey," he said.

"Thank you sir," I said.

We spent a while greeting people until we got to Dr. Reynolds. He was an ok doctor in my book. He didn't kill me so I guess he kinda deserved this honor.

"Hello Briar, Dr. Cullen. Thank you both for coming this evening. Where is your wife?" he asked Carlisle.

"Home with the flu I'm afraid," Carlisle told him.

"Oh well wish her my best. How are you Briar? You look great."

"Thank you, I'm good. Congratulations," I said.

"Thank you sweetheart," he said.

As the night went on everyone was seated for dinner. I tried to be coy and steal bites from Carlisle's plate to help him along. When someone at our table noticed he laughed and took an actual bite, and then told me to eat my own food with a wink. We watched and clapped as Dr. Reynolds took the podium. He thanked everyone and graciously accepted his honor.

"This really should be you," I whispered as he smiled modestly.

"Are you ever going to let that go?" he smirked.

"Not until you get a plaque with your name as the best cardiothoracic surgeon on it."

"I'd also like to thank my esteemed colleague Dr. Carlisle Cullen. If it weren't for him I wouldn't be the surgeon I am today. He's taught me so much in the short time we've worked together. I am utterly shocked it is not he who is accepting this honor. He is by far the most extraordinary surgeon I've ever met. He's dedicated to his patients in ways that I envy. Thank you Dr. Cullen," Dr. Reynolds said.

Carlisle just smiled and nodded his head at the mention. Good for Dr. Reynolds, at least he knows he doesn't deserve this as much as Carlisle. He should be very thankful Carlisle can't have this attention.

After Dr. Reynolds finished the real fun started, the celebration. I got to dance with my dad for the second time. I remember when I was younger and the school would have their annual father-daughter dance – I had always wanted to go but without a father… I couldn't. This made up for that. I now had a father who would dance with me. Carlisle and I totally tore up that dance floor, in a good way though. He spun me around and I felt like a princess.

After a few dances, once the music got a little faster I started to feel a little nauseous. So I of course lied and just told Carlisle I needed to go to the bathroom, which really I did just not for the reason he assumed. I'm about positive I've caught moms flu bug. I knew for sure the second I leaned over the toilet and hurled, very unladylike in my ball gown. Oh fudge this wasn't good. By the time I was done hurling I was sweating like a pig. I flushed the toilet and went out to the sink. My eyes were bloodshot from puking and my face was much paler. There was no hiding this. I needed to go home and get in bed. I walked out of the restroom and started getting dizzy. I gripped the wall for support. An older woman who I vaguely recognized stopped.

"Briar, are you ok?" she asked. Crap what was her name?

"Um… no; I'm a little…" I panted as the hallway spun. "Dizzy," I mumbled.

"Oh dear," she as I tried to walk again. I faltered and she held onto my arms as I slid down the wall. "I need some help!" she yelled. "It's ok honey," she said pressing her fingers to my wrist. I was still trying to remember her name, Carol… no, Kathy, no that's not right. It started with a C or a K, Kim, no, Karen? Yes, that's it, her names Karen.

"Briar!" Carlisle exclaimed jogging down the hall.

"I'm… mom's flu." I muttered as Karen released my wrist and he took it.

"Oh sweetheart. Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?" he asked pressing the back of his other hand to my forehead.

"Came on suddenly," I shrugged.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance doctor?" Karen asked.

"No, I'll just take her home. Esme's sick with the flu. I'm positive she just contracted it."

"Dr. Cullen is everything ok?" Dr. Reynolds asked coming out of the men's room. I do not want to be a spectacle people!

"Yes, we're fine Briar is just coming down with the flu is all," he said. "Can I pick you up sweetheart?"

"Mmhmm," I groaned as he slid his arms behind my back and under my legs before standing up. I laid my head against his chest – nice and cool, it felt good on my face.

"I'm sorry but we'll have to go. Congratulations," he told Dr. Reynolds.

"Of course, of course, thank you both for coming. Feel better Briar," Dr. Reynolds said before Carlisle began carrying me out.

"I'm sorry for cutting the evening short," I said.

"Don't worry about it dear. Let's get you home and in bed."

"Yes please," I groaned.

As we drove home I pressed my face against the cool glass. It wasn't as good as Carlisle's chest but it helped. I really did feel bad for making us leave early; it seems I'm always causing Carlisle to leave hospital functions early.

"I had a good time. Thank you for taking me," I said.

"You're welcome sweetheart. I had a wonderful time."

"I'm sorry we had to leave early."

"Oh Briar," he chuckled. "You don't know how happy I am to get out of there," he smirked. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you planned that perfectly. Someone was about to start a Congo line," he laughed.

"Well in that case you can thank mom," I said as my stomach churned once more. "And if you don't want your leather ruined I'd pull over!" I exclaimed putting my hand over my mouth. He swerved over and the car came to an abrupt stop. My door was opened and my fly-away bangs pushed back as I hurled again; right next to his shoes. I think it might have splashed.

When we got home that night Carlisle put me in bed and fetched a bucket and wash cloth for me. Mom, who seemed to be feeling better shooed him out and helped me into pajamas. She started pulling the bobby pins out of my hair as I wiped my face with the wet cloth.

"I'm guessing the masks didn't help as much as we had hoped. I'm sorry baby," she said.

"Not your fault," I muttered.

"Did you at least have some fun before you got sick?"

"Yeah, I got a few father-daughter dances in."

"And we'll have more whenever you'd like, even if it's just in the living room," Carlisle said sitting down by my head and taking the cloth from me. "Let me do this."

"Thank you guys," I whispered.

"We love you baby," mom said.

"Very much," Carlisle added.

"Love you too," I said as I drifted to sleep.

**Carlisle's POV**

The flu was done ravaging our home. Esme was better as Briar fell ill and Briar was better within a few days after. Esme and I cared for her the entire time. I made her stay in bed of course as we all watched movies, each of us in her bed. We had Briar in the middle. It was like a scene from a movie itself. Parents tending to their ill child, doing anything she wanted to make her feel better even if it was just watching Casablanca and Gone With the Wind over and over. She was like her mom in that sense. Esme had me hoarded up in our room watching old black and whites while she was ill with the flu but Briar added a few Disney movies as well. When we watched Peter Pan, Alice and Jasper joined us. Who knew the flu could bring us all together like that. We were a real family, seemingly normal in most every aspect.

As I left for work this morning something felt off. I didn't want to leave, that wasn't odd considering I hate leaving Esme and Briar but for some reason I felt this uncontrollable urge to need to stay. I shared my worry with Alice and asked her to try and see if there was anything to be concerned about. She told me of my day. I would be in the OR for a mitral valve repair but that wasn't news to me, she said I'd be home by six like usual and literally nothing was out of the ordinary. Still I couldn't shake this feeling that something was looming, something that would be changing my life forever. I've had this feeling once before. I hadn't acknowledged it at the time but it was the day Esme and Briar moved in next door to me.

I went about my day as usual. I did my very best for my patients, called Esme a few times, and went to a board meeting after my surgery. Just as I was about to go home I was called to the ER for a consult. The second I arrived I knew I wouldn't be going home anytime soon. I was heading to the OR since the patient had a gunshot wound to their chest. I fought so hard trying to save the young man but his aorta was in shreds, there was nothing to be done and he quickly bled out on my table.

"Time of death?" a nurse asked as I removed my hands from inside the man's thoracic cavity.

"Twenty-one nineteen, February seventeenth," I sighed saying a silent prayer for the man's soul.

I left the OR for the waiting room to find the man's family. His mother was the only one there and she was devastated of course. She said her other son would arrive soon so I had a nurse sit with her in the meantime. I would have stayed with her if I didn't have this unbelievable urge to get home. Something was wrong. I could just feel it. The vibration of my phone worried me. I pulled it out to see Alice's name.

"Hello," I answered.

"Carlisle, you have to hurry! Esme and Briar are going to be in a car accident!" she shrieked.

"Where?" I demanded as I ran through the halls at an agonizing pace.

"Route 202, about three miles from the house. Jasper and I are running but we're in Canada still. You have to hurry! Esme isn't answering her phone, she left it at home," she sobbed.

"I'm on my way. Will I get there in time?" I asked as I got in my car. I was in the city – I couldn't just run. I'd get out of the city and ditch my car once I was away from humans.

"I… I don't know," she said as I floored it out of the garage and onto the city streets.

"What's going to happen if I don't get there?" I asked, planning for the worst.

"Esme will die within minutes of impact. A drunk driver will run a stop sign and hit her side of the car at seventy miles an hour. Briar will be really bad too, she might die. Carlisle, please hurry, we can't lose them," she said. "Oh god no!" she screamed as I felt a hole tear through my chest.

"Alice what happened!" I yelled. My chest hurt so badly. It was as if something had ripped my heart out. I felt despair I hadn't felt before… a pain I have never know.

"They were hit," she cried out as my world came crashing down. I lost them… I lost my family.


	35. Chapter THIRTYFIVE

**Carlisle's POV**

The second I was out of city limits I ran. I was hoping, praying Alice was wrong and the accident wasn't that bad, but in my heart I knew she was right. I could feel myself losing them as the seconds passed. I pushed myself harder than ever before as the wind whipped behind me. Suddenly I could smell blood, large amounts, and the burn of rubber from tires. As I broke the tree line I saw it. Esme's car was battered beyond recognition against a tree on the other side of the road. The worst part was I could only hear two heartbeats – there were three humans in this area, my Esme, Briar, and the other driver. I prayed the deceased wasn't Esme or Briar. As I got closer I could discern Briar's fast beat, then just as quickly Esme's. Each human has a different beat and I knew theirs. There was no mistake Esme and Briar were still alive.

As I arrived at the car I realized only Briar's heartbeat came from it which begged the question, where was Esme? I ripped off Briar's door and found her semi-conscious. The airbag had inflated so I pushed it away to get to her. Her eyes met mine as I pressed my fingers to her neck to assess her heart rate. It was fast and weak, a dangerous combination.

"Mom," she mumbled almost incoherently.

"I'll find her sweetheart. She'll be fine. Can you tell me what hurts?" I asked examining her.

Her right lung had collapsed so she was struggling to breath. I could detect some internal bleeding and many bleeding gashes from the shattered windshield it seemed Esme went through. Damn it, I needed to get to her. Esme had to be in worst condition after going through the windshield.

"Everything"

"Ok darling I'm going to check on mom. Just stay still, don't move. I'll be back," I told her placing a chaste kiss on her temple before running away in search of my wife.

I found her a few yards away, face down on the pavement in a pool of her own blood. Oh god no. I gently turned her over and found the cause of the blood loss; glass had pierced through her jugular vein. I positioned my fingers over the bleeder as she began to moan and open her eyes slightly.

"It's ok love. I'll save you," I said.

"Br…iar," she moaned.

"She's ok," I lied. Her heart was getting weaker and weaker; she had extensive internal injuries but the jugular was going to kill her first. Medically there was nothing I could do for her. I would lose her if I tried to get her to a hospital.

"Do it," she mumbled understanding what I had to do to save her.

"This will hurt love. I am so sorry," I said turning her head to the side.

I pulled my fingers away and bit her – the venom should stop the bleeding. I've never done this before, but from what I've heard the more venom I can get into her the better. Her blood filled my mouth, but I pushed it and my venom back into her. She moaned under me, her cries of pain so weak as the venom filled her blood stream. Once I felt I had put enough in her I pulled back and licked the wound closed to stop any bleeding since the vein severed. Her face was a portrait of pure anguish as she cried silently – screamed silently.

"I have to go help Briar, I'll be right back," I said kissing her gently before running back to the car.

Briar's eyes were closed now. "Wake up sweetheart," I said touching her cheek. She wouldn't rouse, damn it. I pulled her from the car as gently as I could and laid her down on the pavement. With my senses on high alert I caught Alice and Jasper's scents right away.

"Oh god," Alice gasped.

"Can someone please take Esme to the house?" I asked.

"I can do it," Jasper said.

I looked in his eyes to be sure his instincts weren't taking over. The free flowing blood was going to be difficult for him. Instead of black, like what I expected if his control was slipping, I found his gold eyes. He looked as if he were in pain.

"Thank you… I think she has plenty of venom in her," I said as he picked my wife up. He looked to me, apologetically, and nodded before taking off as I turned my attention back to Briar.

"What can I do?" Alice asked.

"I have to change her to… but two newborns," I shook my head.

"We can handle it Carlisle. Jasper is very good with newborns. We'll keep them under control," she told me as the one heartbeat that filled the area came to an abrupt halt.

"No!" I yelled pressing my hands to Briar's chest.

"Her future…" Alice whispered. "It's gone," her jaw trembled.

"No," I said forcefully pressing harder and faster. "No" I repeated as I stopped and picked Briar's lifeless body up.

I started running – faster than I knew was possible even for me. I cradled my daughter's lifeless body to my chest as I passed Jasper once I reached our yard and ran into the house. I cleared the kitchen table and laid her down before running up to my study. This had to work; it was the only thing that might work. The closer the venom is to the heart the better. That's what Aro told me. If I can inject venom directly into Briar's heart then continue compressions, maybe just maybe the venom will start her heart again. I grabbed a glass syringe and ran back down. The venom will burn through plastic so glass was my only option. I pushed venom into my mouth and drew it into the syringe.

"Carlisle what are you doing?" Jasper asked.

"Can you do chest compressions?" I asked checking how much venom was in the syringe.

"I think so," he said placing his hands against Briar's chest.

"Good, keep doing that," I said ripping Briar's bloodied shirt. "Move your hands a little."

He made way for me to access her heart and I slid the needle in. I knew I was in her heart just by feel and pushed down on the plunger. Once it was empty I turned Briar's neck and bit her – injecting more venom. I kept biting each artery I could get access to and pushed more and more venom into her.

"Move," I said replacing Jasper's hands with my own.

"Carlisle, I don't think it's working."

"Yes it is."

I knew full well there had been no change. The compressions weren't pumping the venom through her veins. This is why I couldn't change her before her transplant. I knew her heart couldn't do it.

"Carlisle"

"Get out!" I yelled.

"I'll go help Alice clean up the accident," he hung his head before running out of the room.

I could hear Esme's heart beating faster and faster – her barely audible screams from the other room, but Briar was silent.

"Come on sweetheart. Fight for me, fight this last time and you'll never have to fight again," I murmured pressing harder. "Come on!" I shouted as a flutter under my hands started. "Yes," I cried out as her heart began beating so fast it was like a humming through the room. "Yes Briar, that's it!" I said kissing her head. "That's it sweet girl, you're doing it."

I smiled resting my head over her heart as I listened to the beat. I picked her up off the table and took her into Esme and mine's bedroom then went back for Esme. I laid them next to each other on the bed. Esme was starting to become more alert. Her screams were getting louder and stronger – she was getting stronger. Briar was still silent though.

As the night went on Esme screamed out, cried, and begged for the pain to stop. I kissed her over and over and repeated that it would stop soon. Briar was still silent as her heart hammered faster than Esme's. I wondered why she was silent. Could her brain have been damaged? Is that why she wasn't becoming alert? I didn't know if venom could repair brain damage, but I prayed if she did in fact have brain damage it was just taking the venom longer to fix since the organ was so complex. There was no way to know right now; it was a waiting game.

"Briar," Esme screamed.

"She's right next to you love. She's going to be just fine. You both will be," I told her as she gripped my hand.

Hours passed and Briar was still silent. As the sun rose on a new day it had been thirty-one hours since they both began the change. It hurt me to hear my wife's screams of anguish. She never once screamed to kill her though. I recall my change; while I remained silent in fear I had still begged God for death over and over. The pain was excruciating which is why I don't understand Briar being silent.

"Oh god!" Esme screamed. "Carlisle, make it stop!"

"It will love, you're almost done."

"Briar!" she yelled. "Briar, talk to me!" she begged. "Why isn't she screaming?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"I don't know but she's changing. She's going to be fine," I said praying I was right.

Alice came in a few times. She changed both Esme and Briar's clothing and burned their bloody clothes. I could smell bleach downstairs – she must have cleaned any traces of blood while I was up here. Jasper couldn't come in though. Esme's pain was just too much for him. He couldn't feel Briar though which only concerned me more. Alice wasn't sure of the future for once. She had flashes of a good future but she also had flashes of one without Briar which devastated me.

As we neared the seventy hour mark Esme's grip on my hand became painful. She was getting as strong as I was – another hour and she'd be done. I was certain of that. Suddenly without warning a blood wrenching scream tore through the house. It wasn't Esme, it was Briar.

"I don't deserve hell!" she cried in anguish.

"Shhh darling, you're not in hell. I'm here and your mother's here, everything will be fine," I told her.

"Please… Carlisle… make it stop!"

"It won't be long sweetheart."

"It hurts!"

"It's ok baby," Esme gritted as she ran her hand over Briar's.

"Mommy," Briar cried.

"I'm here," she told her.

"It's going to be ok. You both are almost done," I said listening to their hearts pick up more and more.

Suddenly Esme's stopped. Her eyes opened to reveal the vibrant crimson orbs of a newborn. She was done. My wife was now a vampire and will be for all eternity, just like me…

Esme was disorientated at first. She kept her hand on her throat trying to tame the thirst but with Briar so close nothing was going to help. She needed to hunt. Briar still had hours, maybe another day left. If I had to guess I'd say she suffered a massive head trauma and she had been silent because she was literally brain dead. Jasper couldn't feel her because during that time she had no emotions. Her symptoms right after the accident went along with my diagnosis; she had most certainly lost consciousness right after the accident then became lucid momentarily. By the time I got back to her she had bled out inside of her skull which damaged her brain by compressing it. I probably should have changed her first but what's done is done. Esme is a vampire and Briar will be one soon.

"Carlisle you have to take Esme hunting," Jasper said stepping into the house for the first time.

"Love," I whispered being very cautious as I stood between her and our daughter.

"I can't leave her," she said.

"She's causing you pain."

"And I caused her this pain. I can wait," she told me. "She doesn't have long left now right?"

"She has a few hours at least. You have to hunt. She still has blood pumping through her body. It's calling to you."

"No it isn't!" she yelled. "I would never," she placed her hand over her still heart.

"I know you wouldn't, but we must do all we can to prevent that. Please, we won't be long."

"What if she wakes up?"

"She has exactly four hours and twelve minutes. We'll stay with her," Alice said sitting down next to Briar, who was moaning and on the verge of screaming out again. Alice took her hand and brushed her hair back with the other.

"Please love?" I asked.

"Ok," she whispered. "I will be back baby girl. You're almost done. I love you," she told Briar.

As we stepped into the yard the sun broke through the cloud cover. I looked at my love – her skin glimmered and shown like the beautiful woman she was. The change modified few things about her. The most evident was of course her eyes and skin tone but her body had slight changes. Small things were lifted; any sign of aging was gone. She looked a little younger, but that was about it. She was still my Esme in every way – just more durable.

"Are you ready love?" I asked holding my hand out. She took it and smiled as we began jogging. I picked up pace as did she and before long we were speeding through the forest.

"Oh my! This is unbelievable! Everything is so clear," she exclaimed.

"What can you hear?" I

"Everything," she smiled. "I hear a car far in the distance and the forest seems to be alive."

"Just wait until spring," I chuckled. "Now what do you smell?"

"Oh um…" her nostrils flared. "Something sweet. It's making my throat burn a little more."

"That would be a deer; let's try that first. Now the key is to stay downwind because animal's senses are much more proficient than humans. They will recognize you as a predator and they will run. While it may not be hard to catch them it's quicker if they don't run." I

"Ok and once I catch it?" s

"The neck is the best place to bite. The blood will be pumping quite hard and it's much easier to drink from the neck."

"Do I… kill it first?"

"You can, but I find it's much better if the animal is still alive. Drink quickly to prevent less suffering. After a few moments the deer will lose consciousness and it can't feel the pain any longer."

"Ok so quick and easy right?"

"Exactly," I smiled as she took off.

I stayed close behind but gave her enough distance so I didn't distract her. The deer didn't see her coming until right before she tackled it. I heard its bones crush – we'd have to work on preventing injuries to reduce suffering, but right now that wasn't a concern. I watched, mesmerized, as she opened her mouth and bit right over the large vein in the deer's neck. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth causing a little bit of a mess but her low moans of satisfaction told me most of the blood was going into her. She was enjoying it – wonderful.

"What do we do with it?" she asked as she stood over the dead deer.

"We bury it, come with me," I said hoisting the deer into my arms. We ran through the forest to a small shed where I kept a shovel.

"Does everyone do this?"

"No… Alice and Jasper don't. I just find it more… humane to thank the animal and give it a proper burial. I believe it's safer as well. If a hunter came across a drained animal it could raise suspicion which is something we do not want."

"You're so compassionate. I wouldn't have thought of doing this," she said taking the shovel from me.

"I can do it."

"My kill, my duty," she smiled as she quickly dug a deep enough hole and we put the deer in it. She covered it back up and looked down at herself. "Oh my I've made a mess," she giggled.

"It was your first time, no shame in needing a little practice."

"How are you always so pristine?"

"Years and years of practice," I chuckled.

"Let's go home to our daughter," she smiled holding her hand out.

When we got back to the house, Esme cleaned up and changed. I sat next to my writhing daughter and took her hand again as Alice and Jasper left to give us some time. We didn't have long left. I looked over Briar; the shirt Alice had put her in was a V-neck. Her incision was gone. Curious, I checked her stomach and found every scar I've put on her had disappeared. I knew they would but it was something I had to see to believe. The only scars that remained were my bite marks – three on each arm, over her radial, ulnar, and brachial arteries. Her neck had one on both sides and her legs had a few as well. I put venom anywhere I could and in return scared her permanently more than I'm sure was necessary. Even more curious now I checked over her heart. She had a tiny, glimmering hole from the needle since it had venom on it.

"I am so sorry sweetheart," I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Esme asked coming back in, her red eyes burning with worry.

"Look what I've done to her," I showed her Briar's arms and legs.

"You only bit me once."

"You still had a heartbeat."

"Oh Carlisle, these…" she said tracing the scar on Briar's arms, "are just proof of how hard you've always worked to save her. You never give up."

"How could I? A life without her isn't one I want."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me. I feel the exact same way," she said as Briar's heart began a long hum of beats then she arched her back and her heart stopped.

Her eyes opened, the same red as her mother's, as she gasped unnecessarily.

"It's over," she said.

"Yes it is," I told her with a smile.


	36. Epilogue

**A/N: ** This is it. To Save a Briar is over. I do have a few ideas for outtakes and I'll post them as I finish them.

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! You're all so amazing!

And thank you to GCCULLEN who preread this for me.

Also I listened to Rob Thomas's Little Wonders a few times when writing this. It really inspired me.

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**Briar's POV**

I cannot be angry at my heart for failing. In a way I'm grateful for whatever tiny DNA mutation or illness caused it to happen. In the end, I'm still alive and I'd go through all those perils again if it meant the same outcome – Carlisle. Was I upset when I first found out about having Restrictive Cardiomyopathy? Yes, I was. If I had it to do over again I'd change on thing; I'd have mom move us to Seattle sooner. I doubt the outcome would be any different, but at least she would have found Carlisle sooner. Once again though, in the end, everything worked out. My mom found her soul mate, I got a heart – even though I only had it to a few months – and now we're both immortal.

Carlisle Cullen is my savior in a way. He not only made me better, but also my mom. He brought her happiness no one else could. He brought a light into our world neither of us knew was missing. Looking back everything seems like it should have been some fictional novel. The woman found her prince charming, the little girl got the father she always wanted, and there was even vampires thrown into the mix. The makings of a best seller if you ask me.

To the entire world mom and I died on February seventeenth. We were in a fiery crash, caused by a drunk driver, who was also killed. Our bodies were burned beyond recognition and we were identified by our Cullen Crests. About a week after our deaths, the replacement corpses, Alice and Jasper found to match our sizes were buried during a private funeral in Columbus, Ohio. Carlisle left us for three days to attend with my grandparents, while Alice and Jasper helped mom and I get to Alaska without killing anyone.

The funeral was small and beautiful, as Carlisle described it. He said it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He had to mourn our deaths and pretend to be a widower who had lost his wife and daughter, not even a year after he had married. Before he left for the funeral he resigned from his position as Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery on the grounds he couldn't bring himself to practice medicine again after tragically losing his family, and not being able to do a thing to stop it. Dr. Menard offered him a leave of absence but he declined since we had to move anyway. That was the last time he practiced for over a year.

Once mom and I were past our first year we moved to a remote town in Alaska called Moose Pass. Its name wasn't misleading, nor was the fact that is just sounded like a town with about a hundred people. Well to be fair it has two hundred people. It's located about a hundred miles south of Anchorage and is surrounded by the Chugach National Forest. It's nestled on the shores of Trail Lake in the heart of the Kenai Peninsula. Very Beautiful scenery let's just say. I haven't been able to venture into town like mom has, but she and Carlisle both say the towns people are great.

Once we were settled after that first year, Carlisle opened a clinic and practices as a general practitioner. The clinic is very well equipped; he even has a small operating room for minor procedures. Apparently the town loves him – not that I blame them, he's amazing after all.

Mom is doing fantastic with her control. Carlisle thinks it's because she has motherly instincts and knows all humans are someone child and no one wants to lose a child. I think it's because she loves passionately, even people she doesn't know. Either way, she hasn't come close to hurting a human. She goes into town on a regular basis without Carlisle; she's even become friends with the lady that helps Carlisle run the clinic.

I on the other hand am not so controlled. I haven't hurt anyone but I've come very close on a few occasions. Thankfully Carlisle was there and he literally held me in an unbreakable grip against his chest as he ran us away as fast as possible. Right now mom and I are three years into this life and I love it. I've never felt better, more right in my own body. For once in a very long time I feel perfect.

As far as the town knows I'm not well and that's why they've never seen me, but Carlisle of course has pictures in his clinic so people ask. I think I'm getting better with my control, I've accidently run into a human once and was able to run away so that felt good.

About three months ago Alice and Jasper left on their own for a little while. I miss them dearly, but I understand their reasoning. Sometimes people just want to be on their own. I talk to Alice a lot still, and she sends me clothes all the time so I at least have that.

With my time alone I've began reading every book Carlisle has. I can read pretty fast now so I go through them quickly if I'm not paying attention and don't take my time. I never would have considered myself the type of person who reads for fun, but there's only so much TV I can watch.

"Baby, when Carlisle gets home we're going to go into town. Will you be ok here by yourself?" mom asked as I closed the book in my lap.

"Yep, I actually think I might go for a hunt if that's ok?"

"Stay south, and be careful."

"I will be. What are you two doing anyway?"

"Weekly grocery shopping," she smirked.

To keep up with the human pretense, she and Carlisle went shopping every week together. The sad thing was it all went to waste for the most part. The box and can goods she'd donate once a month, but all the perishables went out into the forest for the bears and other animals. Not a total waste I guess; it fed my food.

Right at five-fifteen on the dot I heard Carlisle's car pulling down our long driveway towards the house. I kissed mom goodbye and went out to greet him before leaving. I lurked and jumped on his back the second he turned around to get his bag. He knew I was there, but this was our little game you could say.

"You got me!" he laughed.

"You let me," I smirked as I hopped down. I kissed his cheek and hugged him hello.

"How was your day?"

"Good, I'm going for a hunt so I wanted to say goodbye."

"Ok, just stay south and be careful. Are you sure you don't want company? Mom and I can go shopping tomorrow."

"I'll be fine dad. I love you."

He kissed my cheek, "I love you too sweetheart. Keep your cell phone on you."

"I will, see you later, bye."

I took off running south like I was supposed to. It was away from human civilization so I should be safe. Honestly it was so late in the season any human would be stupid to be out in the forest. That was the only reason I was allowed to hunt alone. During the tourist seasons, I wasn't. I haven't had a close call in a while, so I felt good on my own.

Running like this was exhilarating. I could barely walk in my last few years as a human, so being able to run, free, and effortless was amazing. I loved the feel of the wind whipping my hair back, and the earth gliding under my feet as if I were floating. Being sick sucked, I love doing things I'd never thought I'd be able to – for example leaping over a creek, without as much as a first thought, let alone a second.

After draining two moose, I stopped by a creek to wipe my face off. My clothes were pretty much unscathed – that took a little practice – so I cleaned my face and sat down on a rock. I took a deep breath, the forest smelled amazing. It was so clean and crisp right now since it was getting cold. We'd be getting snow soon, probably tonight. I started running again after a good half hour of relaxing.

Suddenly, a sweet, delectable scent filled my nose. It was like heaven. I had to have it. Without thinking, my mind shut off and I went into hunting mode again. I was running without realizing it. The scent was getting stronger. My throat was burning with a need that couldn't be rivaled. I could already imagine the warmth filling my mouth and running down my throat. I leaped when my body told me to and sunk my teeth into a soft flesh. I drank greedily; it was so good. I've never tasted anything so…

"Ah-ow" the flesh under me groaned.

Oh god what have I done? I pushed the flesh away from me as the beating of a heart stopped. In front of me laid a man, a human, he was dead.

"Oh god," I cried as I looked over the human.

He had a cut to his leg and a bite mark to his neck – my bite mark. He was pale and lifeless. He looked young, mid-thirties. I killed him.

"Briar!" Carlisle yelled, suddenly pulling me away from my crime.

He held me firm against his chest as I dry sobbed – and licked my lips. The sweetness still lingered. Soon enough though, it was all gone.

"Briar, stop fighting me," Carlisle said. I hadn't even realized I was trying to get out of his grip.

"Carlisle!" I sobbed as I stopped resisting.

"Shhh, sweetheart, it's alright."

"I… I killed him!"

"You didn't mean to darling. It was an accident. He was injured; you couldn't have stopped yourself."

"I'm a monster," I whispered as he lifted me up and began running with me.

"No you're not darling."

Within minutes we were at a creek. Carlisle dipped his hand in and wiped my mouth and cleaned my hands of the tiny bit of blood I hadn't yet licked. I sat there, compliant, as he cleaned me up. He cleaned me up after killing someone. He should hate me; despise me for doing such a thing.

"I am so sorry," I said.

"It's alright Briar. It's over. You made a mistake, one we knew could happen. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm a murderer Carlisle. How can you say it's ok?"

"Did you mean to?"

"No!" I gasped. "Of course not, he just… smelled so good."

"Listen to me darling. Accidents happen, that man was injured – he was bleeding. You couldn't have controlled yourself," he said. "Now let's get home."

"I can't forget what I just did."

"I don't expect you to, but I'm here. I'm your support. I know you're upset for what you did, and I'm here to help you through. We'll get through this sweetheart."

"What if I can't get through it?"

"Briar let's go home," he helped me up and pulled my hand to run with him.

The moment we arrived back at the house, mom was waiting. When her eyes met my newly crimson ones she gasped. Surprisingly she didn't hesitate; she wrapped her arms around me tight. She murmured she loved me and that it was ok, but by the tone of her voice I knew it wasn't. I was now a murderer, and nothing anyone said was going to make that better.

I quickly ran upstairs and showered; making certain all of my victims' blood was gone. I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth out over and over, just trying to get rid of the taste that lingered. I hated myself right now and nothing I did was going to change that.

"Briar, we need to talk," Carlisle said as I sat on my useless bed. My legs were pulled to my chest and I wore baggy clothes I didn't even know I still had until I tore through my closet.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Oh how I wish I could actually cry. I just wanted to cry.

"May I sit?" he asked. I nodded my head and motioned for him to take the end of the bed.

"You're upset," he said.

"I killed someone."

"And you regret it?"

"Of course!"

"Briar you are a good person. I know you wish you hadn't done that, but accidents happen. You're still a good person sweetheart."

I dry sobbed, "I'm a murderer."

"You took a life today, and while I personally don't know what that feels like, I do know it must be horrible. Briar, you are not a murderer. This mistake will mold you in a way you don't see right now. You now know what it's like to have killed, and you don't want to do it again."

"Of course I don't. How can anyone want this?"

"Most vampires have no objections, but we're special. We value human life. It's why I do, what I do. It's why your mother has such control. It's why you feel this way right now," he smiled kindly. "I'm sure this will sound absurd to you right now, but I am proud of you."

"How can you be proud of me? I took a life!" I screamed.

"You feel regret, and I saw you Briar. The moment you realized that was a human, you pushed him away. Yes, it was much too late, but the fact is you stopped before he was completely drained. These types of mistakes can happen, we expected it."

"You expected me to kill someone?"

"No one has perfect control," mom said from the doorway.

"What do you mean? You do," I said as she sat down next to Carlisle.

"Two months after our change, Carlisle and I were hunting when we caught the scent of a human. He had to remind me that was someone's child; that's the only reason I stopped myself. We all have reasons to resist. You hadn't had one yet really. Carlisle's has always been because he wants to save lives, mine is because of you. I know the pain of almost losing a child; I don't want anyone to have to experience actually losing one because of me. Briar, yours is knowing what it's like to have taken a life," she said. "I think we'll find your reason will be to never feel like this again."

"I've come close before. What if I do it again?"

"No more solo hunts. We've kept you very isolated so you haven't had much of a chance to resist humans – that needs to change. Once your eyes return to normal, we're going to start taking you closer to town," Carlisle said.

"I kill someone and now you want me to be around others?"

"You have no real tolerance. Sweetheart, I believe this has taught you something – whether or not you realize it – you have a good heart and you feel for humans. Most vampires don't. So it thrills me to know you have no plans on doing it again – it thrills me to know you regret doing it. It shows me how special you are. I always knew you were a special human, and now I know you are a very special vampire. There are only a handful of us who chose this diet."

"I don't ever want to do that again," I sobbed.

"I know darling," he murmured pulling me into his arms. "We have to put this behind us. I am here for you if you ever need to talk about what happened. I don't expect you to forget how you feel; I don't want you to, but you have put it behind you and learn from it. Believe it or not, this will make you into a better person."

Carlisle was right. Killing that man made me into a better person, oddly enough. As the years passed, I never once killed again. Mom never did, and of course Carlisle wasn't going to start now. Ten years after our change we moved to Rochester, New York where Carlisle took up the position as Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery. He's never been happier than when he's working on hearts. It who he is and I thank god for that every day.

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**A/N:** Thank you so much to everyone has read and reviewed this story.


	37. 1st Outtake

Outtake

Timeline: Between chapters 20 and 21

Summary: With Esme out of town it's just Carlisle and Briar. During her latest appointment Briar expresses her fears about having a heart transplant. Carlisle tries to soothe them, but inadvertently stirs up more than he realizes.

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**Briar's POV**

Mom was called out of town on business. Her company was having some problems – the office in San Diego had to be shut down. It wasn't anything the company did. The economy was just bad right now, and the office wasn't making enough money to stay open. Mom was disappointed, but she knew it was a possibility. She left early this morning to go and liquidate the assets and terminate the lease on the office. It was something she felt she had to do personally, which I understood. She felt horrible for putting her employees out of work and that's why she went. She said she was going to try and find as many of them as she could jobs in her other offices, and divide up the assets to give the others severance packages. She planned to be gone for four days.

"Briar, are you ready to go?" Carlisle asked.

With mom gone it was just he and I. With my health he didn't feel comfortable leaving me home alone so I had to go with him to the hospital. Today I had an appointment anyway, so at least an hour of the day I would be doing something. I was bringing my laptop and iPod to keep me occupied for the other seven or so hours.

After strapping my LVAD battery and controller to my waist I went out to the kitchen to find him. He had a bag open on the counter so I handed him my laptop.

"You might want to bring a pillow and blanket as well. You can always take a nap. I need your backup batteries as well," he told me.

"Do I really have to stay there all day?"

"Yes sweetheart, I'm not leaving you here alone. You haven't even completely healed from your surgery."

"Fine," I pouted walking back towards my room. He followed behind with the bag.

After he put away the backup battery pack, I handed him my pillow and pink blanket. I somewhat felt like a four year old getting ready to go to daycare. I rolled my eyes as he plucked another pillow from my bed, my baby pillow as mom calls it.

"Alright, do you want to bring anything else?" he asked.

"Nope"

"Great, let's go."

My appointment wasn't until eleven which meant I had two hours of sitting in Carlisle's office. The appointments had been made weeks in advance so it wasn't like he could change it. This was going to suck for the next two days. Maybe I can convince him to take Friday off. That would be nice.

After he spread a white hospital sheet out over the leather couch across from his desk, he put my pillows on it and spread my pink blanket out. He was really betting on me napping apparently. At least he went to the trouble of plugging in my laptop for me and setting the battery pack out so I didn't have to.

"Ok I'm leaving you some money for the vending machine. The water is coldest from there. I also packed some snacks for you in case you get hungry. After your appointment we'll get lunch. How does that sound? Anywhere you chose," he grinned. Suck up.

"Anywhere?"

He smirked, "please don't test me by asking for fried chicken because that is not happening."

"Pizza?"

"Cheese and we're patting the grease off."

"Awesome." I couldn't help, but be a little happy about that. At least if I had to sit in his office all day he was going to reward me. I haven't had pizza in months. Sure I'd rather pepperoni and sausage, but I'm cool with cheese.

"I will check on you between appointments. No one will bother you."

"I got it."

"I'm doing an echo, EKG, and I'm going to look over your ICD results today. I also want to do a chest x-ray to see how your sternum is healing if that's alright."

"Sounds good to me, I'm good here Carlisle. You can go."

"Of course, of course," he murmured slipping on his white lab coat and tossing the black stethoscope around his neck. "I love you." He kissed my cheek.

"Love you too," I said as he left the office and shut the door.

I looked around the neat office. It was pretty big actually. I guess that's what you get for being the head of a department. On one wall was a window with the blinds drawn, opposite that was the door. Behind the big oak desk was an oak bookcase that held more books than I wanted to count. On the shelves directly above his desk chair there were pictures. They were a fairly recent addition. Of course there were a few wedding pictures, Carlisle and mom kissing after saying their vows, them cutting the cake, and one of them leaving for the hotel. There were also a few of me and mom, me and Carlisle, two of just me, and one family one from the wedding. Surprisingly enough there was also a baby picture of me. Mom must have given him that. It was all very sweet if you ask me. They just showed how much Carlisle loved us.

After an hour of watching TV on my laptop I was bored again. There really wasn't much to do, so I went to Carlisle's bookcase. I found one on heart transplants; not surprising considering its one of the things Carlisle does.

After sitting back down on the couch I opened the book. It started with the history of the procedure. I have to say everything I was reading scared the hell out of me. Almost no one survived a transplant very long in the late 60's and early 70's. I understood times change and so does medicine, but I didn't get why it was such an achievement if people kept dying.

I decide to flip to modern day heart transplants after being a little discouraged by what I had read. With the use of immunosuppressant's transplants became much more survivable, but still it doesn't always work. I began reading about rejection next. Hyper-acute rejection was devastating to read about. It normally happens within minutes of the transplant and there was no treatment for it. If I went into hyper-acute rejection there would literally be nothing Carlisle could do. I'd die within minutes, or at most hours. What if after he puts the new heart in I reject it like that?

"Briar, are you ready?" Carlisle asked, opening the door and peeking his head through. He noticed the book in my hands and his eyebrows cocked.

"I'm sorry was I not supposed to?"

"Oh no sweetheart, that's fine. You can read anything you'd like," he said smiling as he came in and shut the door. I closed the book as he sat down next to me. "I'm sorry I haven't been in to check on you. It seems I had a busier morning than I realized. I had one patient after another."

"It's ok, you didn't miss anything."

"So are enjoying the book? Do you have any questions about it?"

"I uh, just opened it. Like minutes before you came in. Haven't had much of a chance to learn anything," I lied.

"Do you want to borrow it? You can take it home if you'd like."

"I might. So are you ready for me?"

"Yes, EKG and Echo first." He held his hand out for me to take.

He helped me up and we walked out of his office to the exam room where the nurse was waiting with the EKG and Echo machines. He handed me a gown and I walked behind the curtain as he left the room briefly. After taking my shirt and bra off I put the gown on and tied it around front like usual before stepping back out from the curtain to where the nurse was waiting.

"Hop up on the table so we can get this done honey," she said.

This was so freaking routine for me she didn't have to tell me when to hold my breath or not to move. We were done in minutes and Carlisle came back in for the Echo. First, though the nurse handed him the EKG printout.

"Looks good," he said.

"Are you just saying that?" I asked.

"No darling, it does as good as we can expect right now," he smiled. "Alright time for a little Echo goop," he chuckled.

"You know it's cute when I say that, but it's just weird when you do," I smirked.

"Fine then, it's time for the conductive jelly." He and nurse laughed as he laid a blue towel over my chest and had the nurse open the gown. He raised it up without looking and squirted the goop on. He was very considerate of the fact that when I'm awake I'd rather not see him look at my chest. When I'm knocked out I could care less, but when I'm awake I think I deserve a little modesty.

"How does it look?" I asked as we both looked at the monitor.

He turned his head and gave me a kind smile, kind but not happy. Here comes bad news. "The right side of your heart is really taking a hit with the LVAD. It's not doing to good Briar."

"What does that mean?"

"It just means you need a heart, like you always have. If worse comes to worst we have surgical options to keep you alive."

"I don't want more surgery."

"You may need a VAD on your right side. We don't have to talk about this now; you're still ways away from needing that. Hopefully you'll get a heart before we have to worry about it."

"Carlisle I'm scared."

He pulled his hand away from the controls on the machine and took my hand. "It's going to be ok. Don't be scared. You'll get a heart and you let me worry about everything else."

After we were done with the Echo Carlisle took me back another exam room and looked at my incision then did a normal exam and ran a wand over my ICD to look over the results. I got a chest x-ray and then we were done. In all it was a very routine visit. Still I couldn't help but be worried. A heart transplant scared me, any more surgery scared me, and I really just wanted my mom to tell me it was ok.

"Briar, are you alright?" he asked as he led me back into his office.

"No," I whispered.

"Sweetheart what's wrong?"

"I did read some of that book and it scared me." I was starting to cry. He had me sit down on the couch and then sat next to me and took my hand.

"What scared you?"

"Hyper-acute rejection"

"Oh," he sighed. "That's not going to happen."

"It might and with my luck it will."

"It's not going to. Hyper-acute rejection is very rare. It's only happened to me a few times in the past ten years. Yes it is fatal, I'm not going to lie and say there's a way to fix it and make the heart work. If that does happen to you I'll remove the heart right away and hook you up to an artificial heart that will do the work. We'll get you another heart as soon as we can."

"I've already been a status 1A for a few months and I haven't gotten a heart. What makes you think I'll get another?"

"Like your mom says, we have to have faith."

"I don't want to keep having surgery. It terrifies me."

"Surgery is frightening, heart surgery even more so. Do you think you might feel better if you know what goes into it?"

"I know what happens. I'm put to sleep and you cut open my chest."

"Basically yes, but so much more goes into it. You were unconscious when we took you to surgery for the LVAD. When you go in for the transplant you'll be awake. You'll get to see the OR, meet the staff if you'd like, and I'll be there with you."

"You don't get it!"

"What don't I get?" he asked calmly. He wasn't upset that I just yelled at him, not at all.

"The operating room scares me. Everything scares me, and I don't like to be scared. I'm supposed to be brave and I don't feel brave."

"You don't always have to be brave. This is very scary, I get that. I'll be brave for you."

"I want to be brave. I don't want to have to put up a false front."

"I have an idea to hopefully help you get over your fear of the OR. Will you indulge me?"

"What are you going to do?"

"I can show you an OR. Let you see what it's like and what we do in there."

"I don't want to see someone having surgery."

He laughed softly, "I wasn't going to show you an operation, just an OR."

"How will that help?"

"Maybe if you know what to expect you'll be a little more at ease."

"I've been in an OR."

"But you were unconscious."

"I've been in a cath lab. Aren't they a lot alike?"

"No, an actual operating room is much different. Please, let me show you?"

"Can you, I mean are you even allowed to take me into one?"

"Yes, we do OR tours all the time for patients who need a little reassurance. Besides, I am the Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery, I'm allowed to do a lot of things," he smirked.

"Ok, but if I get to scared we can leave right?"

"Yes"

"Alright," I said as he stood up and took my hand.

We went to his office area first. He told his receptionist that he was taking his lunch and he'd be back in an hour. After that we went to the elevator and went down a few floors. We were out of the doctor office's area, on a floor that said operating rooms 5-10. Apparently this hospital had a lot of operating rooms. It was after all a huge hospital so I wasn't surprised. He led me over to a desk area where a few nurses and other doctors were. They were all dressed in scrubs with masks hanging off their necks and caps over their heads.

"Hello Delores," he greeted a woman at a computer.

"Hi Dr. Cullen, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm great. Hey are any of the OR's open?"

"Yep, why do you need to book one?"

"No I need to do a quick tour. This is Briar, she's having a heart transplant and I want to help her through her fear of surgery by showing her an OR."

"7 is open. There's a surgery scheduled there in an hour though so try to be quick. We have to prep."

"Great, thank you," he told her. "Come with me Briar."

He led me down the hallway and stopped outside of OR 7. He pulled booties from a box on a shelf and handed me a pair.

"We have to keep the OR as sterile as we can. It's going to be cleaned, but we need to wear booties and wash our hands," he told me. I slipped mine over my shoes as he did the same then took me over to a sink. "Just wash your hands."

I did as he did and cleaned my hands really good with the sponge he gave me. After we were done he opened the door and ushered me in. It was really bright and colder than I imagined.

"Why is it so cold?" I asked.

"We keep it cold for a few reasons; sterility, so the machines don't over heat, and we all have to wear a lot of stuff," he laughed. "Along with scrubs we wear heavy gowns, lead vests if necessary, and of course gloves. Working under the hot lights gets a little warm for people. We don't want our surgeons sweating into the patient."

"Do doctors really ask nurses to sponge their foreheads?"

"The lights are very warm. It does happen."

"Won't my body temperature go down with it so cold?"

"It will, we'll give you blankets before you come in here to keep you warm. Don't worry sweetheart, we do this every day. We actually cool you down during heart surgery so your heartbeat will slow down. It makes it easier to get you on bypass and preserve organ function."

"I take it it's so bright so you guys can see better right?"

"Exactly"

I looked around a little. In the center of the room was an operating table. The top of it was a black cushion and it looked like parts of it could be moved. There were a lot of machines – big machines, and monitors that I'm guessing will display my vitals. Honestly the room itself wasn't scary; it was what happens in here that scared me.

"So I'm going to be on the table, where will you be?" I asked walking closer to the table. I held my hand out, wanting to touch it, but I looked to him first.

"Go ahead," he said. I pushed in the cushion. It didn't give much, very firm. "I'm going to be on your right side. It's really surgeons' preference when it comes to the heart, but since I have long arms it's just easier to be on your right."

"Can I… sit on it?"

"Go ahead." I climbed on the table. I was right it was very firm, not at all comfortable. I turned my body and lay down to get a better feel. He came over and stood above me as I looked up at the lights that weren't on. I imagine they'd be even brighter.

"So when you open my chest, you'll saw through the bone right?"

"Yes"

"I take it that's why I'm still sore."

"It's very painful."

"You have to saw through it again for the transplant right?"

"I'll cut the wires that hold it together now then saw through again. I'll use the previous incision as a guide."

I suddenly became very frightened. I didn't want to be on this table. I sat up quickly – making me dizzy – and tried to get down as fast as I could. I stumbled, but he caught me before I could fall.

"Slow down darling, its ok."

"No… I don't want to be in here!" I panted. I wanted out of here right now. I tried to get out of his grip, but he wasn't letting go.

"Calm down Briar. Talk to me?"

"No… get me out of here. Now, get me out!" I screamed as my breathing became more and more erratic. He held me against his chest and helped me walk out as quickly as he could. The second we were out of the door his grip loosened and I tried to bolt. I became even dizzier and started to fall. He pulled me back into his arms as I cried.

"Shhh, it's alright," he tried to soothe me.

I couldn't breathe! How was this alright! Oh god… I'm dying. I… I can't breathe. Something's wrong, my heart is going to stop. I could already feel the impulses that were slowing my heartbeat down.

"Briar, you're having a panic attack," he said as he lifted me into his arms. I clawed at his lab coat – just trying to breathe. He carried me into a small room and set me on a gurney. I kept my grip on his lab coat to keep him from pulling away. "Look at me sweetheart."

"I can't… breathe!"

"Yes you can. You're having a panic attack. I know it's frightening, but you are ok."

"I'm dying!" I panted. "Don't… take… me back… in there!" I gasped. "I don't… want surgery… no… transplant."

"You're just scared. I don't think you being on that table and talking about surgery helped." No shit Sherlock! "Breathe with me. In," he took a breath as I tried, but failed to do as good. "Out." Nope! It wasn't working! "In… and out." He kept repeating himself over and over.

"Not… working!" He pulled me against his chest so I could feel his breathing.

"Match yours with mine." He took a breath, slowly, I took a ragged breath. He breathed out, so did I. After what seemed like forever it started to work. My breathing matched his. "Good."

"Carlisle," I cried burying my face in his chest.

He rubbed my back, "shhh, sweetheart. It's alright now."

"I don't want surgery." I shook my head.

"You have to have a transplant, and that requires surgery."

"Please don't make me ever go back in there," I cried.

"I wish you didn't have to. I wish so badly there was something simple I could do to make you better, but there's not. A transplant is the only way you will live. I'm so sorry taking you in there scared you like it did. I honestly thought it would help."

"It didn't"

"I know and I'm sorry. Do you still want pizza or would you rather me get something and bring it back to my office for you?"

"Can you get me pizza and let me eat in your office? I don't wanna go anywhere."

"Of course darling."

As we walked back to his office he held me firm against his side. I was thankful for that for a few reasons. One, I just wanted someone to hold me. Two I think if he hadn't been holding me up, I would have fallen. My hands, feet, even my lips still tingled from the panic attack. I don't think I've ever really had one before. I mean I've been upset, but I don't think it's ever gotten that bad – to the point where I couldn't breathe.

Once we were in his office he had me sit, then took my small wrist in between his fingers. His eyes went to his watch for a little while before he let go.

"Your heart rate is fine. You received a few impulses. Did you feel them?" he asked.

"Yeah"

"Are you ok?"

"My lips are tingling, so are my hands. They don't want to move right."

He nodded his head. "It's called transient paresthesia. It's not dangerous after a panic attack. It feels like you fell asleep on your hand right?" he asked as I nodded.

It really did feel just like that, but it also felt like I fell asleep on my lips which was just weird. The pins and needle sensation was annoying, but as long as it wasn't dangerous I was ok.

"It almost always accompanies hyperventilation that was as bad as yours. It'll go away on its own shortly, but I don't want to leave you until it does. I'll order pizza," he said.

"I'm not really hungry anymore actually."

"You need to eat."

"I'll snack, but I just don't think my tummy can handle food."

"I understand. I would offer to take you home, but I can't leave. I have appointments."

"I know. I'm kinda tired actually. Can I just curl up and take a nap?"

"Of course, here let me move." He stood from his spot so I could get comfortable and lay down. He pulled my pink blanket up over my shoulders then kneeled in front of me again.

"Thank," I said.

"You're welcome. I'm really sorry I upset you like that. I know surgery is scary, but you don't have a choice."

"Maybe if you explain outside of an operating room, I might feel better."

"Well the main thing you need to know is I won't let anything happen to you. I'm going to fix you Briar. I'll do anything I have to."

"It's just daunting."

"I'm sure it is. I'm also sure that was one of the worst ideas I've ever had." He smiled.

"I know what it looks like now. Maybe under different circumstances I might not be so scared."

"Different circumstances meaning you'll be going in there with the knowledge that you'll be coming out with a heart?"

"Maybe, at least I hope so."

He smiled. "When the time comes I think a lot of these fears aren't going to be on your mind. Right now they are because of the uncertainty. Once we get that call, it'll be good."

"You know part of me is actually afraid of getting that call – and it's not just because of surgery."

"You'll be getting another person's heart. You'll have to be very careful with it."

"I'm afraid I'll mess it up."

"You're not going to. I really believe you will have no problems following the rules."

"I might need some help."

"Your mother and I will be right there with you the entire time. We'll help you in whatever way you need."

I knew he was telling the truth. No matter what I needed he and mom would be there – even if it was just him trying to ease my fears. I wasn't really upset that he had inadvertently scared me more. He was just trying to help. In a way he kinda did. I've never expressed these fears in-depth and had someone try to reason with them. Mom tries to, but she doesn't know any more than I do. Once I'm ready to listen I know Carlisle will explain whatever I ask. We're just not doing it in an OR.


	38. 2nd Outtake

Outtake

Timeline: During Chapter 13, after New Year but before Carlisle and Esme set a wedding date.

Summary: Up late one night, Carlisle and Esme begin talking about their pasts. Carlisle has a few questions about Esme's choices.

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**Carlisle's POV**

I used to despise the night. I would sit in my lonely condo with my pager beside me praying for it to go off. I wished it would be for a heart transplant, but some nights I just didn't care as long as it got me out of solitude. Now though, I love the night because I get to spend it with my Esme.

It was just after eleven. Briar was sound asleep in her bed and Esme was perfectly content wrapped in my arms. I was perfectly content just having her here. I had a wool blanket pulled over her to keep her warm as she rested her head against my chest. The moon was peeking through the glass door of the balcony and illuminating her just perfectly. She was such an angel – my gorgeous angel.

"You look ravishing in the moonlight," I said as I ran my thumb over her cheek. She blushed crimson at my comment.

"Thank you." She smiled as I kissed her crown. "Can you believe we've been engaged for a month today?"

I had realized this earlier today. It had been exactly a month since I asked her to marry me. A month since she made me the happiest man on earth. I didn't realize she'd remember such a small detail what with everything that's been going on. We've had a busy month with Briar's birthday, Christmas, and her parents and Charles visiting.

"The best month of my life."

"Indeed, we've had a good month if you think about it. Yes, Briar's grandparents visiting wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped, but we had an amazing Christmas and New Year's."

"Another best of my life."

"I think that was one of my favorite Christmas's."

"Can I ask you a question? It's about something you said on Christmas."

"Of course."

"Why didn't you tell me Platt was your maiden name?"

She shrugged. "It never came up. I never really saw a reason to I guess."

"Why didn't you take Charles's name? Or give Briar his name?"

"Like I said, it never felt right. I loved Charles, but I don't think I was ever _in _love with him."

"Then why did you get married?"

"Pressure. Charles wanted to get married, our parents wanted us to get married, even society thought we should be married. I just thought it would be best for Briar if we were. I wanted her to have a mother and father who were married."

"Even though you weren't in love? I guess I just don't understand. I mean back many years ago I would have understood marrying when having a child. It was almost unheard for a mother to be unwed. People would have though her a… well I'd rather not say the word.

"I wasn't ashamed if that what you think."

"Of course not. You're just so independent. I can't see you wanting to be dependent on someone."

"To be honest I wanted that suburban life. A husband to come home to, a father for my child, I wanted to be normal. I wanted what my parents have. I thought marrying Charles would make me love him like that. It was stupid of me to think that."

"You are not stupid."

"I know that." She looked up to me. "I guess more than anything I wanted that life for Briar. I wanted her to have parents that were madly in love and happy as can be. I assumed with time we'd be like that. I was young Carlisle, ignorant. I thought I'd grow to love him the way I should. I thought I could make myself love him like I should. I felt horrible for not loving him like that."

"You can't force yourself to love someone in a way that you don't."

"I know that now."

"You were being selfless. You wanted Briar to have what seemed normal. You gave up your happiness for her."

"And I still ended up raising her alone. She still didn't have a father." I could smell the salt in the air – she was starting to cry.

"It's alright love. We can stop talking about this."

She shook her head. "No, I just really wish Charles hadn't died. I really didn't want to be with him, but that doesn't mean I wanted him to die. Maybe if I had left him we could have been civil. Maybe he would have gotten the help that he needed and been able to be a father to Briar. You know she is a lot like him."

"She's so much like you."

"When Charles was sober he was a good man. He could make me laugh even when I didn't want to. Just like Briar can. He was brave and strong. He provided for us. Underneath everything he was a good man."

"He hurt you."

"When he was drunk. He never laid a hand on me when he was sober and he would have never intentionally hurt Briar."

"He could have killed her. Shaking an infant can kill them. A two year olds skull isn't fused properly. If he had shaken her a little longer or harder, she could have died. Honestly Esme, doing that, even if he was drunk will always make me believe he wasn't a good man, and on top of that he hurt you," I said. "Please tell me you agree with me?"

It was selfish of me to ask this, but I wanted her to agree with me. I hate Charles to my very core and I am not a man that hates easily. I hate murderers, and rapists, and abusers – child abusers even more. I don't care if that man was drunk; he laid a hand on my love and daughter. In my book that makes him a horrible man.

"I just wish he were a better man. He's my daughter father Carlisle. I have to believe he was a good man at some point otherwise I had a child with a bad person," she sighed. "It was the alcohol."

"Briar is so much like you Esme. There isn't a bad bone in her body. Maybe she did get his good traits and I'm thankful for that because God knows I love how Briar can make me laugh even while I'm threading a catheter into her heart. She can lighten a heavy situation and if that's what she got from Charles than maybe… he once was a good man."

"I'm afraid if I admit he was really that bad I'll have to tell Briar."

"And you don't want her to know about that. You want her to think her father was good and I agree with that. There's no reason for her to know what he was like if he can never be like that again. I just want to make sure you still know he did wrong."

"I know better than anyone he did wrong. I was there, I felt and witnessed what he did. I just want to protect my daughter from that."

"So you convince yourself he was good so you can convey that to her."

"I do and I don't think that's wrong of me."

"It's not. I'm sorry for asking you do to otherwise."

"Oh Carlisle," she giggled. "I forgive you." She lifted her head to capture my lips.

"Can I ask a few questions about Briar's childhood? No more about Charles, I swear."

"Ask away. I do love to gush about my daughter." She smiled.

"You told me she was active, what kinds of things did she do?"

"Oh just about any sport she could get in to!" she laughed. "She played soccer, did tee-ball, she even danced. That is one thing I do miss. She was so good at so many things and now she can't do them anymore."

"With a heart she'll be able to go all kinds of things. No, she won't be a professional dancer or run around a soccer field for days on end, but she'll be more active."

"On weekends we used to jog together. She started going with me when she was little. I'd just walk then for her, but it was the perfect time to catch up with her. I remember when she really thought boys had cooties!"

"How old was she?"

"I believe she was in kindergarten still. She came home one day just terrified she had gotten cooties. She insisted we go to the doctor because she heard of a cooties shot." She was laughing so hard at the memory I just couldn't help myself but laugh with her.

"What did you do?"

"I explained that cooties weren't real. She didn't really believe me until I explained that if boys had cooties then there would be no babies because you have to kiss a boy to have a baby. Big mistake let's just say. She then wanted to know how the baby got from the kiss to the mommy's stomach. My five year old wanted the 'where do babies come from' talk."

"Did you tell her?"

"God no! I said that was a discussion we'd have when she was older. She then wanted to know when 'older' was. I told her it was four-hundred and twenty days from then. She wanted a calendar."

"I can really see Briar asking for a calendar." I laughed just picturing little Briar doing such a thing.

"I said we didn't have one. I lied to my five year old. I knew she would actually count four-hundred and twenty days if she had the resources."

"I wouldn't have known what to do. I think lying was perfectly acceptable in that instance."

"I wish you would have been there. She was the cutest little girl in the world."

"I wish I had been there to. I know she had to be the cutest little girl in the world. She's part you."

"Awe," she smiled. "You've seen the pictures. I might be biased, but I know she was the cutest little girl in the world."

As I laughed knowing she was right I heard a tiny whimper from Briar's room. I mentally checked her heart rate – slightly elevated but not dangerous, and her breathing. Medically speaking she seemed alright. If I had to guess I'd say she had moved wrong. She just had a heart cath two days ago so her groin was still tender. Still I had this defining urge to check on her.

"Briar whimpered do you mind if I go check on her? It's nothing serious, her heart rate is fine, but I'd feel better if I checked on her," I said.

"She's ok?"

"I think so, but do you mind?"

"Of course not, let me know if you need me."

I stood from the bed and pulled a cotton t-shirt off the chair as I headed out of our room towards Briar's. Her door was slightly cracked per usual so I peeked in. She was tangled up in her blankets. This was a common problem. Briar doesn't stay still when she sleeps so after a procedure she can be in pain from moving unconsciously. I just needed to correct her position and take the pressure off of her right leg. I'm sure she didn't move again in her sleep due to the pain so I would have to move her.

Of course she was as light as a feather to me. Since she was on her stomach I slid my hand under her and lifted her just enough to pull the mess of blankets out to detangle her. She didn't make a sound as I pulled the blankets down and gently rolled her over. She did however start to stir as I pulled the blankets back up.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered.

"Love you," she mumbled as she turned her ahead into the pillow.

I couldn't help but smile. I knew Briar loved me, but there was something different when she said it like that. She seemed so young – which really she was – and childlike in that instant.

"I love you too. Goodnight darling, sweet dreams." I kissed her forehead ever so softly as I heard Esme's breathing and heartbeat. She was close, but I hadn't heard her come. I looked up to find her in the doorway with a smile on her face.

I finished tucking Briar in then walked closer, matching her smile. She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around me.

"Charles doesn't matter Carlisle. How he was, it doesn't matter because we have you now. Briar may not have had a father when she was younger, but she still has a lot of growing up to do. There's still plenty of time where she can use a father, and I know that is you," she said as she let go and I pulled her into my side. I shut Briar's door a little before we started walking back to our bedroom.

"It is me. I am her father and you're right. Charles doesn't matter, so no more questions about him. It us now, you, me, and Briar. Soon enough you'll both be Cullen's."

"That will be one of the happiest days of my life."


End file.
